


Gemstone

by ImJinyoung, ParkJaebum



Category: GOT7, JJ Project, SHINee, VIXX, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: BTS Family, Divorced Jinyoung, Got7 Family, JJP Amino, JJP Amino Fic, Jerk Ex-Husband Wonpil, M/M, Mark is the best big brother, Past Child Abuse, Past General Abuse, Past psychological abuse, SHINee Cameos, Self-Conscious Jinyoung, Single Parent Jinyoung, Stripper Jaebum, Vixx Family, season one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-12
Updated: 2018-01-03
Packaged: 2018-10-01 02:59:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 30
Words: 131,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10179176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImJinyoung/pseuds/ImJinyoung, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ParkJaebum/pseuds/ParkJaebum
Summary: A tale of Jinyoung raising five children in the aftermath of a painful divorce. Along comes Im Jaebum, with his heart melting grin and well oiled hips. Things ensue in which Jaebum builds up Jinyoung’s confidence, bonds with the babies, and tries to show Jinyoung and his family what love and happiness can truly be.





	1. Pink Saphire

**Author's Note:**

> Im Jinyoung: please note there are now trigger warnings attached to this fic. these warnings are in place for: abusive relationship, psychological abuse, sexual abuse and mildly dubious consent. these themes are relatively light within the story but i would just like you to be aware now that they are there a little bit and could potentially upset someone who has experienced them before. please, i cannot stress this enough, if for any reason these themes upset you once you've read them, or even if you don't read it but you've experienced any of this and need someone to talk to, do not hesitate to contact one of us. we're here, we'll listen, we'll try to help and we might know more about it than you'd think. Wonpil, while a beautiful human being in real life, is a terrible spouse and father in this fic and his actions may upset some readers. please read with caution.
> 
> stay safe and love JJP everyone!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This is actually ImJinyoung, the beta of this fic! I'd like to welcome you to this amazing story, I think you're going to love it [I know I do]! I'll keep this short, please read the a/n at the bottom and comment to let us know what you think! - ImJinyoung

Was it even a possibility? Jinyoung had just shut the door to Mark and Jackson’s room for the night when the conversation with Hakyeon and Seokjin from earlier that day came floating back to him. They had met for their weekly lunch at a small cafe as they had every week for the last three years and it was like the two of them had been waiting for his arrival so they could pounce with their latest decision. 

“So, Jinyoung,” Hakyeon had looked at him, abandoning his food to turn fully towards Jinyoung. Seokjin managed to keep eating but his gaze was also on Jinyoung. “We think it’s time you went on a date.” 

His mouth had fallen open as he’d looked at them. Sure, there had been hints before from the two of them, as well as their friend Key, but not quite the direct approach. Though really, that should have been the surprising part as Hakyeon wasn’t very subtle in anything. He’d really started dropping the hints a year ago but Jinyoung supposed Hakyeon had realized he was not ready for dating then and had abandoned the subject. 

The stronger hints had started nearly four months ago when they had gone to dinner when Taekwoon had insisted Jinyoung and Seokjin take Hakyeon out for dinner for his birthday. Seokjin would whisper about how cute the waiter was, Hakyeon would ask said waiter if he were available and Jinyoung would blush uncontrollably because the two with him were quite married. Quite happily married, he might add. 

It had increased last month when they had taken their boys to the park. Yugyeom sat by Jinyoung’s feet playing with a car, Jungkook tried desperately to run away with his newfound ability to run without falling over and Hakyeon had somehow conned his oldest into keeping track of Bambam. There was probably a large amount of bribing involved. Or maybe it was because Jaehwan didn’t want to play soccer with the other boys; Jinyoung didn’t know. It was a welcomed relief not to have to chase his son around. A relief that didn’t last when Hakyeon started looking around. It was determined why when a short time later Hakyeon muttered: ”Surely, some of them must be single.” 

It was that exact line that made Jinyoung a bad parent as he hoped one of his boys, any of his boys, would need him for some reason. Perhaps Jaehwan was having an issue with Bambam. Was Jackson getting on Mark’s nerves again? Did Youngjae fall down? Surely, his baby fell down and needed his Daddy? Because once again, Hakyeon and Seokjin were quite married and single dads at the park were not meant for either of them. 

So when today’s lunch dropped all the quiet, subtle hints and Hakyeon threw it at him with blunt force, Jinyoung felt that grip of fear. He wasn’t ready to date, he would never be ready to date. In fact, he was pretty positive that he wasn’t even over his ex yet, so why would he pursue something with someone else? 

That was just his initial take on the situation. There was also the small concept of who would want to date someone damaged like he was? Jinyoung had very little to offer to anyone. He was less than average in appearance, didn’t really have that many interests and that was before the baggage that included his wonderful children. 

“We do?” He’d questioned when his thoughts had allowed him to return to the cafe. It wasn’t like he was actually looking for some sort of confirmation from them, his mind had just blanked on anything else to say besides the thirty excuses that he knew would be a waste of breath to throw Hakyeon’s way. 

“Yugyeom will be four next month.” Hakyeon pointed out. 

“Which means you haven’t gotten any in almost five` years. Do you know what something like that does to a person? I can’t even imagine it.” Seokjin might have been somewhat dramatic, but really, Jinyoung knew too well what it was he meant. 

“We’re not telling you this just for you to look for a hookup,” Hakyeon interrupted, a glare sent in Seokjin’s direction. 

“But it wouldn’t be a bad thing, and you can’t argue it Hakyeon,” Seokjin answered, a finger in the air to keep Hakyeon from interrupting. “It would be a much greater step than he’s taken this far.” 

There was a sigh. “No, I can’t,” Hakyeon agreed, rolling his eyes. “The point is,” he continued, turning his attention away from Seokjin’s fling to Jinyoung’s actual problem. “Your children are growing like weeds. You need to start looking before you’re all wrinkled up and alone.” 

“Yugyeom is three,” Jinyoung stated. He wasn’t going to be alone for another fifteen years at best. Couldn’t he just worry about that then? 

“Three, which means he’s still cute enough for someone to fall for. Bambam’s cute too, so long as he doesn't move, doesn’t talk, doesn’t Bambam.” 

“My son is not a verb,” Jinyoung argued, knowing he was on the losing end of the argument. For that reason, he could at least win with Bambam. Though if he were being honest, they were right about his son. There was no better way to explain his unique, wonderful, little boy than with his own nickname. 

“So, Taekwoon is going to watch the kids Friday and we’re going to go out,” Hakyeon informed Jinyoung. “Or, we’re going to have Key set you up on a blind date. It’s already decided, you can’t say no and if you want to refuse, then it’s Taekwoon you have to say no to.”

Jinyoung had stared at Hakyeon, that determination there that he knew he would see mirrored in Seokjin’s eyes if he looked over at his other friend. He was really stuck in a hard place because telling Taekwoon he couldn’t keep Jinyoung’s children was like taking a cub from a bear. While he didn’t think it would lead to violence, he wouldn’t put it past Hakyeon to have Taekwoon kidnap the children if it came to it. 

“So where is Key today?” There was no way to smoothly move the conversation away from the topic and Jinyoung knew it. 

“Not the answer we were looking for but when he called to tell me he wasn’t going to be here today, he was also yelling at a plumber using that oh so beautiful language of his,” Seokjin answered. 

“Jinyoung…” 

“I’ve already given into going out Friday, Hakyeon,” Jinyoung informed him. Because honestly, if he was going to be forced to go out, there was no way in hell his first time out was going to be on a date set up by Kim Kibum. 

~~~  
“It isn’t a date, but I’ll take it,” Hakyeon commented as the three of them walked into the bar. “I’m so glad you didn’t force Taekwoon to stare you down in the hallway to get you to leave. He was instructed to, you know?” Hakyeon had Jinyoung’s arm tightly wrapped with his as they headed inside. “I don’t expect you to find Prince Charming here, but if it gets you used to the night life again, it’s a good place to start.” 

“Do you really think Taekwoon is okay with all the kids?” Jinyoung asked, a frown on his face. Sure, Hakyeon had kept them before but that was with Taekwoon as well. They had kept all the boys; this was just Taekwoon on his own. 

“Are you forgetting my husband is there as well?” Seokjin asked from his other side. 

“Now I’m more worried than I was before,” Jinyoung answered. 

Seokjin sighed beside him. “You guys know I trust him with my own children right?” 

“Yeah, yeah, we know,” Hakyeon answered, “It’s just that sometimes he’s a little…”

“I know,” Seokjin cut them off. “Let’s just have some fun tonight and forget childish husbands and children.” 

Walking in, Jinyoung looked around, spotting Key at a table in the back corner with some fireflies surrounding him. He waved them away as Jinyoung, Hakyeon, and Seokjin approached. 

“On the out with Jonghyun again?” Hakyeon asked. Jinyoung noticed the stern look that crossed Hakyeon’s face. It was far too similar to the same face that had been turned his way just a few days ago. It was no secret Hakyeon didn’t approve of the relationship between Key and Jonghyun; if it could be called such a thing. 

“We had a fight.” Key explained, arm going in the air to get the attention of the waiter. “This one is my fault but I’m going to wait for him to apologize.” 

“One of these days, Key, he’s not going to,” Seokjin warned, flipping over the little drink menu in his hand. 

“So you keep saying,” Key answered. “But it’s been seven years and so far, he’s apologized within hours of when I expect him to. He can’t get enough of me,” Key finished with a grin. 

“You’ve spent more time apart than together, I don’t think you get to consider that seven years,” Hakyeon added. “Last year, you were only together at the beginning of March.

Key seemed about to defend his relationship when the waiter arrived and his attention was diverted, purposefully if anyone had to guess. “Minho! Meet my friends.” 

“I’m not interested in your fireflies, Key.” 

“I said _friends_ ,” Key emphasized, a look on his face. “Not fireflies.” 

“My apologies,” Minho answered, his gaze turning from Key to actually look at them. “I’m not used to Key having friends.” 

“Neither are we,” Jinyoung commented, gaining himself a glare from the fourth member of their group. It was when he heard the new arrival laugh that Jinyoung actually looked up at the waiter. If he didn’t know any better, he would have easily mistaken the waiter for one of Key’s fireflies. 

“Minho, this is Seokjin, Hakyeon, and Jinyoung,” Key pointed around the circle. “I’ve told you about them before.”

Minho nodded at them in greeting. “I really thought you made them up.” 

“Where’s Jinki?” Key asked, dismissing Minho’s words. “He’ll appreciate meeting my friends.” 

“Baby’s running a little bit of a fever, so Jinki stayed home. I’ll make sure to tell him that they’re real, though.” 

Minho walked away after taking their order and Jinyoung was able to fall silent as Key started in on how exactly it was that he and Jonghyun had started fighting this time. It was, not at all surprising, that Key had been a bit too flirty with a stranger, Jonghyun had gotten jealous and managed to cause a scene, they’d exchanged bitter and hurtful words and Jonghyun had left. 

“So, when do you expect him to apologize this time?” Seokjin asked, so much disapproval in the question that it was only the arrival of their drinks that kept him from continuing on with how unhealthy the entire relationship was. 

“Tomorrow at the latest. Probably with flowers, dinner, a fun night in the sack before we waddle off to church together.” 

Jinyoung literally spit his drink out, some of it hitting Hakyeon and some of it covering Key. “Church?” he asked, disbelief on his face. 

“Yes, church,” Key answered, wiping at the front of his shirt roughly with a napkin. “Why? Does that surprise you? One must confess their sins every week when they sin daily.”

“I...don’t think that’s how it's supposed to work,” Hakyeon informed his friend while wiping the liquid Jinyoung had spit on him. It was one of those barely noticed things that came with parenting and was really just a formality so the liquid didn’t spread elsewhere. Someone was always spitting or spilling something on you. Three of the four of them would feel out of place if it hadn’t happened at least once. 

Key, on the other hand, kept rubbing at his shirt with the napkin, concerned with removing the color so it didn’t stain. Doing so, he managed to shrug at Hakyeon’s words. “It works for us.” 

Which was probably the strangest sentence Key would mutter all night.  
~~  
“Did you at least have fun?” Hakyeon asked. His arm was tightly strung through Jinyoung’s again and Jinyoung was pretty sure it was so Hakyeon’s balance would remain intact. 

“It was alright,” Jinyoung answered. He wasn’t sure how else to explain it. He hadn’t been out with his friends for more than lunch in so long that he hadn’t had a clue on how to act. The addition of alcohol had helped him to relax but now he just felt old and out of place. He felt compelled to talk about his kids and while that worked with Hakyeon and Seokjin, Key was less receptive to it and anyone he had been pushed to talk to outside the circle hadn’t gone very far. So many of them ended in “So, you have kids…” that eventually, Jinyoung gave up and refused to leave his seat. 

“We should go in there.” 

Jinyoung looked up, the building in front of him showing men that were only in underwear on the outside of the building. Remington’s, Men of Steel. Really though, those tiny black speedos could not be called underwear and he realized far too late that Hakyeon had taken them to the entrance before he could fully wrap his mind around it. It wouldn’t have mattered, he realized as he fished into his pocket for his id. With Hakyeon on one side and Key on the other, there was little more he and Seokjin could have done but follow along and protest if that was what they decided to do. It was a disturbing feeling, and one he would blame fully on the alcohol, but Jinyoung really wanted to go in and watch those men dance around for his enjoyment. 

Or at least, he thought he had until the moment they actually walked in the door and he realized his alcohol infused confidence had the ability to retreat. “Maybe we should…” 

“Park Jinyoung!” 

Jinyoung’s eyes widened as Seokjin stepped in front of him. “We are full-time parents. We deserve this fun once in awhile and I’m not going to let you keep this from happening. I want to see someone besides my husband dance in a thong before I’m too old to even enjoy the view. You are the only one among us who won’t get in trouble when you get home…”

“I won’t be in…”

“Yes you will Key!” Seokjin barely looked away when Key had interrupted him, his attention returned to Jinyoung. He huffed but seemed to calm down as he spoke again. ”I’m sorry, Jinyoung,” he apologized. “I just…” 

“It’s fine,” Jinyoung waved away the apology, his arm going around Seokjin’s shoulders and he moved them forward into the room. “I think that front table is free. Key, get us some shots, we’re going to snag the table.” The words, no matter how confident they may have sounded, couldn’t have quieted the nervousness he felt as he and Seokjin walked forward towards the table. 

What was he doing here? He was a dad! He should be tucking Bambam in, fighting with Jackson, carrying Youngjae to his own room, thanking Mark for being such a good older brother and waking to the sound of Yugyeom crying at exactly five thirty-two in the morning. He should not be sitting at a table with his friends, getting ready to drink his weight in alcohol while other adult men pranced around in front of him. There was a nagging reality in the back of his head that brought up a point as Key and Hakyeon sat down with the drinks. You also shouldn’t be doing all that alone.

“I managed to get us some smaller bills, too.” Key sat the bills on the table. “How much more do you need to drink before you let loose, ladies?” 

“If you could just,” Jinyoung started, tipping back the first shot. “Go get about twelve more of these, that should do it.” Jinyoung beat a fist against the burn in his chest. 

“Seriously?” Key asked, his gaze on Jinyoung.

“We haven’t done something like this since my eighteenth birthday.” Jinyoung reminded them. They had apparently entered at some sort of intermission as the stage in front of them was currently empty. “Go, Kibum. Fetch the liquid courage I’m going to need to shove these bills down a grown man’s pants.” 

“You mean a grown man’s speedo,” Hakyeon corrected as Key left them again. “He’s going to come back with a full tray, you know that right, Jinyoung?” 

Jinyoung nodded, taking the shot Key had probably planned to take himself. “I was not kidding.” Jinyoung stated. “I have to chase the parent out of me for the next hour.”

Key had barely made it back to the table, with the tray Hakyeon had predicted in his hands, when the lights shut off, a single spot light popped on and then a man with a microphone appeared on the stage. The room around him erupted in a chorus of cheers and cackling that would have been inappropriate anywhere else. Jinyoung had nearly forgotten words like those thrown about by the patrons were even a thing, having to keep worlds like ‘poop’ to a minimum around his babies. 

The man on the stage was talking, but Jinyoung had turned to grab another shot, glancing at Seokjin to find he had one in each hand as well. They shared a smile, tipped the glasses back and drained them before they started to pay attention to what the man was actually saying. 

“Good evening and welcome to Remington’s!” More cheering. “I am your host and you can call me The Captain.” The man was dressed in little more than a what appeared to be the hat of ship captain over hair cut so short it wasn’t possible to see the color of it. His tank top was white, very form fitting and had an anchor across the front of it. Below that, he was in a white pair of shorts that were just as tight as the shirt and were barely hiding the things shorts were meant to hide. 

“For those of you who missed the first part of the show or are new to Remington’s, let me explain the rules. One, if you do not desire to be danced upon, touched, or forced to touch some sexy male you’ve never met, please make your way towards that shiney little exit sign in the corner. This is not a place for children.” 

There was more cheering and Jinyoung could feel a nervousness even worse than before creep into him. “Touched?” He questioned, turning a gaze to Seokjin who just shrugged but had a full smile on his face. Key and Hakyeon cheered loudly with the rest of the room from behind them. Neither of those things gave him much confidence. 

“On to rule number two.” The man on the stage raised two fingers above his head. “When you become the toucher instead of the touchee, please be gentle. Rule number three,” three fingers were raised in the air. “Have fun and tip well!” 

“Now that we have that nonsense out of the way, how about we begin?” From his pocket, he produced a note card, looking all too much like he was at an awards show and about to read the winner from a list of contestants. “First up on our second half of the show, we have a new dancer! This is his first dance in front of a crowd, at least when taking his clothes off. Let’s give a big round of applause to barely-legal Moon Bin!” 

The lights dimmed and Jinyoung could see the man with the microphone head off the stage. He was replaced by a shadow that was facing away from them. The lights went up and the music hit. Internally, Jinyoung groaned as the song was one he listed as bad American music. Here however, “The Bad Touch” by The Bloodhound Gang was somehow fitting. Jeers were coming from the crowd and Moonbin was making his way around the stage, his hands moving over his body and his hips keeping remarkably on beat with the song. By the time he was fully undressed down to his black speedo, his hands had spent more time down his pants than anywhere else. It hardly mattered though, as he danced around in front of Jinyoung’s table and Seokjin stuffed a fair amount of bills in the man’s pants. Seeing Seokjin’s enjoyment caused Jinyoung to laugh, but he refrained from joining in; he wouldn’t want to take away Seokjin’s fun. 

Moon Bin made his way all the way around the stage about the same time the song ended. With a final little dance, he spun around and bowed deeply, facing away from the audience while the stage went black. Without a hitch, The Captain was back, cards in his hand. 

“What do we think of Moon Bin’s first performance?” The room erupted in applause. “Yes, we’re quite the fan of him as well. Maybe next week he’ll come up with a better choice in music, huh?” 

The Captain waited until the roar had calmed down a bit before he continued speaking. “Moving on! Now usually, this is the part in the show were I bring out an angel who goes by the name Michael.” Cheers came from the back, signalling the people who had been there at least one time before. “However,” he continued, the hand holding the cards pointed upwards. “Today, as most of you don’t know, is one of our own’s birthday. His name is Youngho!” The Captain paused, expecting the cheering. Putting his hand up, he made a motion to calm the crowd down. “I told you that, so I could tell you this. An old friend of ours has stopped by to wish Youngho a happy birthday...and he’s informed me he’d like to dance, for old time’s sake. He hasn’t performed in nearly five years with us here at Remington’s and he says his dancing has suffered a bit, but I find that hard to believe. Let’s give it up for our good old friend, JAEBUM!” 

There was a different sort of cheering this time. The area where those familiar with Michael went insane, like Elvis was walking back onto the stage to say ‘hey, I’m not dead after all’. The rest of the crowd cheered in excitement, unsure of what to expect and getting excited because of that group. 

The stage went completely dark and even from his position next to the stage, Jinyoung didn’t see when there was movement on the stage until the purple and red spotlights lit up the figure on the stage. Unlike with Moon Bin, Jaebum was facing forward, his hands on his hips and his gaze out into the crowd. He was dressed in just a white t-shirt and a black pair of tight pants. It didn’t appear that he was prepared to be on that stage at all. 

The music wasn’t music so much at it was a series of sounds, various piano notes that mingled but didn’t seem to go together with a drum beat that mirrored the moments in which Jaebum’s hips would thrust, and always this soft, whispery sound that reminded Jinyoung of the wind blowing. It was foreign to him and trying to explain it later would be just as impossible then as when he was hearing it. 

The movements themselves were almost in slow motion, his body rolling in a way Jinyoung didn’t realize was possible for a human being. Slow, fluid movements that started at the top of his body and moved all the way down, followed by the beat of a drum and a thrust in his hips that had Jinyoung heating up in a way that had nothing to do with the alcohol he’d consumed too much of. 

He’d always known there was a risk to sitting in the front row and when the man on the stage turned and looked straight ahead, Jinyoung felt like Jaebum was staring straight at him. The feeling only grew when the lights changed from purple and red to the bright white spotlight as the music faded and the slowness seemed to fade away. With a cocky smile, it seemed to Jinyong that the watchful gaze stayed on him while Jaebum reached over, pulling the t-shirt over his head and tossing it to the side. It would seem a normal move elsewhere but combined with the slow, deliberate lick over Jaebum’s lips, the maneuver took on a very sexual tone. 

There was music again, but Jinyoung honestly wasn’t hearing it. Between the cat calls of the audience, the warm hum of alcohol in his veins and the gaze that had only left his when the t-shirt had been removed, there could have been an explosion in the room and JInyoung was positive he wouldn’t even notice it. 

It was a strange awareness that Jaebum was coming towards him. Not just forward on the stage, but forward towards him. Even if his mind wanted to argue that fact, he couldn’t have for long because before he knew it, Jaebum had dropped off the stage completely and was standing directly in front of him. 

He wondered briefly if somehow, Key had arranged for this as Jaebum reached for Jinyoung’s hand and lifted it up, placing it on his bare chest and running it slowly down his stomach. Jinyoung jerked when his hand touched the fabric of the top of the pants, but Jaebum’s hand only tightened around Jinyoung’s, the expression on his face never changing. 

Jinyoung knew his face was heating up further and still, he couldn’t take his eyes away from the ones that were burning into his. There was heat from them and somewhere, his brain was registering that the heat in them was just as burning as the heat coming from Jaebum’s chest and into his hand. When Jaebum let go of Jinyoung’s hand, Jinyoung moved to pull away, but Jaebum likely expected that as he quickly recovered Jinyoung’s hand and shook his head, the smile on his lip’s unnerving Jinyoung further. 

Jaebum took a step back, pulling on Jinyoung’s hand to get him to stand. He did so automatically, nearly forgetting the people behind him as Jaebum spoke. “Care to give me a hand? There’s really no sexy way to get out of pants this tight.” 

Jinyoung nodded. _Yes, sex god, I will do your bidding._ The thought caused a short laugh. “How can I help?” He asked, hearing the slur in the words himself. 

“First, I’ll need this, here.” He took the hand of Jinyoung and moved it towards his hip. “And the other one, here.” Jinyoung’s hands were now on either side of Jaebum and it was then that Jinyoung became aware just how much bigger Jaebum was than his mind had initially assumed. “Now, we’re gonna sway.” Jaebum answered, his hands going to Jinyoung’s shoulders and moving them with the music. “Now, lock your thumbs, make sure to only get the jeans, and slowly bend at the knees.” 

When they were half way down, Jaebum stopped him, backing up to the stage and lifting himself up on it into a sitting position and allowing Jinyoung to pull the pants the rest of the way off. Jinyoung had no idea what to do with himself after that and a bit of reality started to set in that he’d just taken pants off of a man in public. Jaebum, clothed in the trademark black speedo of the place, nodded at him and was now standing himself up on stage. Jinyoung took the steps back to his seat. 

Jaebum, it seemed, was far from done with his performance though as he began to dance in the black speedo. He seemed far too at home on that stage, his movements causing Jinyoung to feel uncomfortable in a way he hadn’t in years. The red lights came back and Jaebum slowed his movements, his body seemingly in slow motion; Jaebum’s hand’s tracing lines down his body that Jinyoung was powerless not to watch as they went all the way down to his thighs. When the music changed again there was more hip movement than any one man should be making outside the bedroom.

When it ended a few seconds later, the lights went out again and Jinyoung found himself still thinking about a bedroom and a certain male dancer. When they came back on a few seconds later, Jinyoung was surprised to see Jaebum heading towards him again. “Would it be okay if I have those back?” 

Jinyoung looked down, still in his hands were the jeans he’d removed from Jaebum. He couldn’t even manage a smile as he handed them over, his head going into his now empty lap as Jaebum turned, climbed back on the stage and disappeared into the darkness. His hands covered his face as Seokjin shook him from beside him, far more excited about the situation than Jinyoung was. 

Needless to say, Jinyoung was not staying for the rest of the show. Getting up, he headed for the door, determined to leave even if none of his friends followed him. Luckily, they got the message and stood up to trace after him, catching up to him before he made it that far down the block. “Jinyoung, don’t be so embarrassed.”

“I’m not.” Jinyoung denied, tossing Hakyeon off of his shoulder. A mistake, as the older male managed to find his way off the sidewalk. Key, prone to handling alcohol better than the rest of them, pulled him back into their little group and let Hakyeon lean on him as they continued down the street. 

Really, Jinyoung wasn’t embarrassed, not nearly as much as he would be when the alcohol wore off and he was just his normal self again. He was more confused than anything because there had been a response in a very dormant part of his body and that left him more than a little unnerved. 

“We should eat.” Key pointed out, “It’s been awhile and there’s a diner just down the block that’s open all night.” 

“I’d much prefer to go home,” Jinyoung stated. He was going to go home, shower away thoughts of sexy dancers and crawl into bed next to one of his kids. Because that’s what dads did. 

“Jinyoung, if you’d like a hangover that your kids will make worse, go on home.” Seokjin injected. “If not, let’s go eat and then we can all go home. Tomorrow, we’ll start teasing you, but tonight, it really is all good.”

So they ate, with Hakyeon being the loudest thing in the diner retelling “the event” through his own eyes. Which was fine to a point, because Jinyoung would much rather birth an adult elephant then tell it through his own, even to his closest friends.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
_Pink Sapphire acts as a magnet to draw into your life all that you need in order to evolve. It helps to overcome shyness, dissolve emotional blockages, open a life to love and helps overcome past wounds._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n  
> Welcome! I am ParkJaebum, author of Gemstone. THANK YOU to anyone who wanders in to read this adventure! It means the world to me that you're reading this and I'll do my best to make it an enjoyable one! Please feel free to leave feedback, both good and bad, as both will help improve the story. This chapter actually took quite a bit to write, a deadline for one, and that is because capturing stripper bum was a bit of a pain. The writing does not capture the visualization, unfortunately. Enjoy!
> 
> Second, Gemstone in general won't be updated on Ao3, or any other site, until it is completed. However, Chapters 1 - 5 are already up on the Amino if you'd like to read them! 
> 
> http://aminoapps.com/c/jjproject
> 
> -
> 
> Hello again~ ImJinyoung here! I am the beta [NOT THE ACTUAL AUTHOR] for the fic but also the best friend and roommate of the actual author, ParkJaebum. I am also the co-leader with ParkJaebum on the JJP Amino. We actually started this fic in an endeavor to grow our little Amino into a community of JJP fans. On our Amino we have a 'Fanfiction Channel' in which every week our current authors update whatever chaptered fic they're working on on the Amino! We have four chaptered fics going so far for Season One, please come check them out!


	2. Rhodochrosite

“So, which one do you want to go out with? Or should I just pick one at random because you’re going to tell me none of them anyways.” Seokjin was staring at him, having handed over his phone so Jinyoung could flip through a couple of pictures.They were pictures of potential dates for Jinyoung. 

“Third option, we arrange all four dates and you just show up when we tell you to, dressed all adorable like and ready to meet your new man.” Hakyeon had been leaning over his shoulder the entire time, looking through the photos as if he hadn’t seen them already. 

“Did you guys let Key just pick at random?” He asked, sudden judgment on his face as he looked through the photos again. He wanted to say no, that their last outing had taken him a day and half of recovery time and dating one on one was not something he had much experience with at any point in his life. 

“No,” Hakyeon answered from his shoulder. “One of them, I chose, two of them are Seokjin’s pick and only one of them comes from Key. Key’s choice, Seokjin has already thoroughly had investigated before we even presented you with these pictures. We trust him.” 

“I really like that idea about setting updates with all of them,” Seokjin added, a little outside the current topic. “Even if you only want to go on the one date with each, that’s four meals you don’t have to prepare.”

“And four nights I have to feed nine children,” Hakyeon sighed. “They all like pizza right?” 

“I could take them for two. If we alternate, it won’t be so rough on us,” Seokjin offered. 

“I could make it easy on both of you and just keep my children, in my home, where no dates are happening until Mark decides to do so. How about that?” Jinyoung watched as Hakyeon and Seokjin exchanged a look before simultaneously shooting down his idea. He sighed, putting the phone down on the table. 

He had agreed to go on a date two days before, merely to get them to stop talking about it. He was just surprised that they had already decided on a group of men already. He thought he had at least another week to prepare to tell them he had changed his mind. He really should have known better. “Why are you two so caught up on this?” 

“Honestly,” Hakyeon said, sitting up in his seat. “You could go on one date with each of these guys and then meet fifty more guys that you go on one date with, we just want you to live your life a little bit.” 

“I am living a perfectly fulfilling life…”

“Living without your kids,” Seokjin interrupted. Looking at him, Jinyoung noticed that Seokjin had gone quite serious. “Jinyoung, I have five kids, too. I know how crazy that number can drive someone and I have help. You don’t. I can’t imagine that. And you’re doing wonderfully, but what are you going to do when they all grow up?”

“That’s a really long time from now,” Jinyoung pointed out. 

“No, it isn’t,” Seokjin answered. “Does giving birth to Yugyeom feel that long ago? I feel like there’s no way Jungkook is already four. You went through a lot with Wonpil, you’re going through a lot raising your kids, you need something for yourself. Even if it is just a date once in awhile.” 

Jinyoung stared at Seokjin. He hated that there was something in his words that Jinyoung had violently been denying since they’d dragged him out almost two weeks ago. That was not a thing he wanted to do again, but it had given him thoughts of what was he going to do later? Kids grew up quickly and then they got their own lives and after that, he had no idea what he would fill his time with. Dating, that still didn’t seem like the right idea, but he supposed there were worse options. 

“Set up all four,” Jinyoung gave in. Really, none of them were unattractive, though they were far from the stranger who had danced almost naked in front of him a few weeks ago. His fingers tingled at the memory and Jinyoung calmed that by picking up his water glass and returned his attention to his future dates. He was already nervous, already worried and already sure that they would turn out disastrous. At least when they did, maybe he could get these two to back off a little bit. 

“Seriously?” Hakyeon questioned, surprise evident in his features. At Jinyoung’s nod, he clapped his hands together silently. “I’ll text Taeho and then tell Key!” 

He was going to regret this, just like he regretted so many other things in his life. 

~~  
The First Date~Taeho

“So, you have kids.” 

Jinyoung realized his mistake when that statement came out. Key had warned him not to bring the kids up on the first date...any of his first dates, and he’d sort of remembered that from when he’d gone out before, but really, why shouldn’t he? His kids were a very big part of his life and anyone he dated should be aware of that. Jinyoung however, realized how awkward the rest of the hour was afterward and realized exactly why Key had said not to mention them. 

They stumbled through a meal making awkward small talk that oftentimes resulted in a question, an answer and barely any continuation beyond that. It was almost a relief when Taeho made an excuse about having an early morning and needing to get home to bed. 

As he walked home that night, he knew there was no way he was going to get a call back for a second date and that fact sat with him a little sadly, even though a second date with Taeho was far from what he wanted. It just made the things that Wonpil had said to him more real like everything was going to come true. He wasn’t desirable anymore and there was no one in the world who would find that statement untrue.  
~~  
The Second Date~Sunghyun

“I’m not really a second date kind of guy, but if you’d like to get out of here, we could do that.” 

Jinyoung looked up at his date, one hundred percent sure this was Key’s friend. He took a drink of his water, wondering what it was he should say. Sleeping with someone he just met wasn’t going to happen, but he still didn’t want to be rude. 

Putting the drink down, he smiled. “I’m sorry. Sleeping with someone I just met isn’t really my thing. I guess we just don’t have things in common.” 

Unexpectedly, that caused a laugh to fall from the lips of his companion. “I can’t say I’ve gotten an answer quite like that before.” 

“Oh, really?” Jinyoung asked, all of a sudden feeling weird and awkward for what he’d said. “What responses do you usually get?” He regretted that question as soon as he said it. 

“A lot of times, I get the ‘let’s get out of here’ look,” Sunghyun answered.

“There’s a look?” Jinyoung asked, intrigued for a reason he couldn’t explain. 

“There is,” Sunghyun answered. “Watch them over there,” he said, indicating a table not far away. “Don’t stare,” Sunghyun said with a laugh. 

Jinyoung flushed, pulling his gaze back to Sunghyun. He glanced over, looking at something near them but not directly. 

“I’m willing to bet the look will cross her face before she even finishes her food,” Sunghyun added. 

There was a strange silence that fell between them, Jinyoung watching the other couple without staring at them and Sunghyun eating quietly. Jinyoung noticed when the woman put her spoon down, her hand found her purse and she stood up. His gaze went to her face, taking in “the look” before she took the hand of the man with her and they left the restaurant. 

“Did you see?” 

Jinyoung nodded. It reminded him of the look that Youngjae had on his face when there was cake on the counter and Jinyoung had told him he couldn’t have it until later. “So what about the other ones?” 

“Excuse me?” Sunghyun asked, clearly behind in the conversation. 

A small smile crossed his lips. “The other reactions,” he reminded him. 

“Oh, right. Well, I’ve had some guys just walk out of the restaurant. I’ve also had the ones that call me names and the especially fun ones that like to slap me across the face on their way.” 

“That seems unnecessary,” Jinyoung answered without thinking. Really, it was nice to be prepositioned, even if he had no intention of acting upon it. 

“I’m so glad you agree,” Sunghyun answered, leaning forward on his elbow. “But you’re not going to sleep with me, you’re not going to slap me, and you haven’t gotten up and left the restaurant, what is it you’re going to do, Jinyoung?” 

Jinyoung bit his lip, thinking it over. “I,” he said, looking up at him with a smile. “Am going to order dessert and make you pay for it.” 

~~  
The Third Date~Mingyu  
“My family’s business is real estate, so I just sort of followed along with that. It’s fortunate because I actually do enjoy doing it. There’s really nothing better than putting a family or a hopeful couple into their first home. Their eyes light up and they just talk about all the things they want to do with the house to make it their own.” 

“How many homes have you sold?” Jinyoung looked across the table at Mingyu. Jinyoung’s own plate was empty, but Mingyu hadn’t really stopped talking long enough to eat more than a few bites of his own. Occasionally, Jinyoung got a few words in, but he’d gotten the message pretty quickly that Mingyu liked to talk about Mingyu and there was little that was going to stop him. 

He realized his mind was wandering when he started thinking about what he was going to buy Yugyeom for his birthday. He already had the party planned to be at Taekwoon and Hakyeon’s since their place had the most space. And really, all their children’s birthdays were there now so it wasn’t even really a question. 

They were doing a yellow theme because Yugyeom was at the point in his toddlerhood that Jinyoung was finding a lot of random yellow things in his room. It wasn’t the strangest thing his boys had done. Last year, Jackson had…

“Jinyoung, are you listening?” 

Jinyoung looked up, wondering how many times Mingyu had said his name. “I’m sorry,” Jinyoung answered, offering a smile he didn’t feel. “I was just thinking about my son’s birthday that’s coming up.” 

Yes, that had been intentional. He watched the change that came from Mingyu. Most noticeable was the fact that Mingyu fell silent and began to focus on his food. He was at least nice enough to ask about Yugyeom. However, when the awkward appeared this time, Jinyoung welcomed it.  
~~  
The Fourth Date~Kihyun  
“So, what do you do?” 

“I...work at a company called Aris,” Jinyoung answered. “I’m basically a glorified secretary. It comes with a nice benefits package and the hours are nice.” 

“Any plans to advance?” 

Jinyoung looked at his date. He was a fairly attractive man named Kihyun. “I haven’t thought about it. My life has kinda taken unexpected turns up until now.” Advancing a career? When would Jinyoung have time for such a thing?

“I thought the same thing. I realized that there was never going to be a time in my life when trying to advance my career would be a wise idea. My best friend was diagnosed with cancer, so I ended up spending a lot of time helping him. When he died, he told me it was time to live for myself. That even though he appreciated my help, he was a crutch and a reason not to take a leap.” Kihyun smiled over at Jinyoung. “Sorry. That was a little heavy for a first date, wasn’t it?”

“No, no...well, maybe. I understand though. It sounds quite similar to what my friends said to get me to start dating again.” 

“Bad relationship or death?” Kihyun asked, picking up another bite and sticking it in his mouth. 

“Bad relationship,” Jinyoung answered. 

“Those happen almost as often as the good ones. They are, traditionally, the easier to get over. Were you together very long?”

Jinyoung stopped just before he was about to spill his life story. “Aren’t past relationships another one of those things you shouldn’t talk about on a first date?” he asked instead. 

Kihyun flushed. “Yeah, they are. Sorry.” He looked down, cutting his chicken apart before he looked up at Jinyoung. “Why is that, anyway? If we like each other, we find out eventually. Why do we dance around this make a good impression stuff?” 

Jinyoung laughed softly. “How else can we be lured into a relationship if we don’t pretend to be something we’re not.” 

“I guess being what we are just doesn’t work,” Kihyun concluded. 

“Not true,” Jinyoung answered. “I have a friend who has never been anything but what he was and he still managed to snag the man he wanted.” 

“Then I guess there is hope for us after all.”

~~~

“So...tell us about the dates!” There had been an agreement that Jinyoung would be allowed to go on all the dates and they wouldn’t hound him about them until after he’d done so. Now, ten minutes after getting home from his date with Kihyun, Hakyeon, Seokjin, and Key were sitting in his bedroom as if they were having a sleepover. They had arrived before he’d even gotten home and dismissed his babysitter. 

“They were fine,” Jinyoung answered. 

“Come on, Jinyoung. We were good for two entire weeks with the whole not asking you a single question thing and you’re going to just say they were fine?” Seokjin was giving him one of those looks parents had when their children were lying. “Out with it. Start with Taeho, he was first.” 

Jinyoung faced them on the bed and leaned against the dresser. “I may have mentioned that I have children.” 

“Jinyoung!” Key was glaring at him. “I told you…”

“I know!” Jinyoung interrupted. “So the rest of the date was awkward and he couldn’t leave fast enough. Moving on.”

“Tell us about Kihyun,” Seokjin suggested. 

“Kihyun was fine. We had a nice, easy conversation. He’s a fascinating person…”

“Where’s the but?” Key asked, knowing too well that the tone that was coming from Jinyoung held a rejection in it. 

“It was kind of like going on a date with Hakyeon,” Jinyoung admitted. 

“So no spark,” Seokjin asked, nodding even though Jinyoung hadn’t answered. 

“I save my spark for the bedroom,” Hakyeon answered, pushing playfully at Seokjin. 

“Apparently, so does Sunghyun,” Jinyoung quipped. 

“So that leaves Mingyu,” Seokjin finished. 

“He talked more than Jackson and Bambam combined.” Which was saying so much since neither of those two were actually quiet for more than ten minutes at a time. 

“Well,” Key said, the four of them falling silent in their thoughts. After a moment, he sat up on the bed. “I guess it’s back to the drawing board.” 

“Or not,” Jinyoung interrupted, standing up. “We should quit. I’m clearly not good at this kind of thing.”

“Sweety, if it required us to be good at it, do you really think either me or Hakyeon would be married?” Seokjin asked, flopping back on the bed. 

“That’s so true.” Hakyeon agreed. “I love my husband, but I never want to go through that awful first few dates again. I was one hundred percent sure I was getting on his nerves.”

“My husband was one hundred percent on my nerves during our first few dates. It’s just an awkward phase. You get past it.” Seokjin sighed. “I was really hoping for some good juicy details about how you went home with one of them and it was the best sex you’ve ever had.” 

“I’m so sorry to disappoint you,” Jinyoung answered dryly. “By the way, who belonged to whom?” Jinyoung asked, wondering which of his dates had come from which of his friends. Hakyeon had given himself away at lunch, but he wanted to confirm that Sunghyun had been Key’s choice. 

“I had Kihyun, other two were Seokjin’s,” Key said, getting up and heading towards the door. 

“Kihyun was yours?” Jinyoung asked in disbelief as he followed Key out of the room. 

“I go to church with him,” Key answered. “Stop being so surprised. You think I’m going to just let some firefly near my Jinyoungie and his puppies? Don’t be crazy.” They had reached the front door when Key turned around to face them. “You guys are coming Friday, right?” 

“Coming to what?” Hakyeon asked, pulling his shoes on. 

Key sighed. “I guess Seokjin didn’t tell you like I told him to.” 

“About what?” Seokjin asked, looking surprised that he should know either. 

“When I skipped lunch last week, I told you to tell them about the thing Jonghyun is having with his friends.” 

“Why would we go?” Hakyeon questioned. 

“Because I need the moral support,” Key answered, actually pouting. “You guys know I don’t like most of Jonghyun’s friends…”

“By which you mean they don’t like you,” Jinyoung added in. 

“Anyways,” Key said, his voice rising in pitch. “Jonghyun really wants me to go to this gathering for...I don’t remember and I said I didn’t want to until he said I could invite my friends. So you have to go!”

“He put emphasis on friends, didn’t he?” Hakyeon asked, his brow raised at Key. 

Key gave a little shrug. “He may have.” 

“I’ll go if you agree to help with Yugyeom’s birthday party on Sunday,” Jinyoung offered. He couldn’t even remember the last time Key had attended one of the kids’ birthdays for more than the drop off of a present. 

“Okay,” Key agreed. 

The quick agreement caused Hakyeon to pause in tieing his shoe and Seokjin actually dropped his. “Why did you agree so quickly?” Hakyeon asked. 

Key shrugged. “It’s kinda upscale, so dress nice, okay guys?” And then he was out the door. 

The three of them looked at each other. “I swear if this is another one of those things where everything gets covered in lube, I’m going to kill him this time.”

“I dunno,” Hakyeon answered as the two of them walked out the door. “He said upscale. Means they must have gotten the expensive lube.” 

~~~  
They’d been there an hour and Hakyeon had yet to figure out what it was they were having a gathering for. Really, it seemed to be a gathering of the richest people in the world, all standing around sipping overpriced wine. Strangely, Key wasn’t drinking and Hakyeon knew that wouldn’t be the case if this were for nothing. In fact, he seemed to be playing the role of loving boyfriend half the time so he wasn’t even near the three of them for the entire first part of the event. Whatever it was for, he felt quite underdressed for the occasion. Key said it was fine, but Seokjin had said the same about his own appearance. At least Jinyoung looked fine since he dressed pretty sharp for work. 

“Are you guys having a good time?” Hakyeon turned around, seeing Key, one of those forced, fake smiles on his face. 

“Not as good as you,” Hakyeon answered. “Why didn’t you say really upscale when you told us to dress nice?” 

“I was afraid you wouldn’t come,” Key answered, the smile not even faltering. “Do you guys need a refill on your wine?” 

“This stuff taste like balls,” Seokjin smiled, his own false smile on his face as he forced himself to take a sip. His face scrunched up at the taste. 

“I’m aware,” Key answered. “It’s apparently top of the line though.” 

“So it seems,” Jinyoung said. “Speaking of which, why is it that we’re here?” 

“I still have no idea,” Key answered. “It’s one of those things that I should have been listening when I wasn’t and to avoid having a fight this week, I’m just going to not bring it up.” 

“So we could all be here to be killed and you’re just going along with it?” Seokjin looked at Key, the smile slipping momentarily. 

“Guys, I have to go.” 

Hakyeon looked beside him at Jinyoung who was staring down at his phone. “Kid problems?” He questioned. 

“Yeah. Mark says Jackson has run away, which means I have to go get him from the park. If Jackson is acting up to that point, I doubt the rest of them are being good for him.” Jinyoung shoved his phone into his pocket. “If anyone finds out what this is about, send me a text.” 

“Will do,” Hakyeon answered, watching as Jinyoung made his way towards the exit.

“I have no idea how he does it,” Seokjin said, putting his wine down on a table. 

“He does it because he has too.” 

It was strange, hearing such a statement from Key who was the one person in their group who couldn’t possibly understand what it meant to raise one kid, let alone five and pretty much on his own. “So where is Jonghyun?” Hakyeon questioned, trying not to dwell on Jinyoung’s troubles. “I don’t think I’ve seen him in...four months?” 

“I left him inside. Do you want to go say hello?” Key asked, his feet already taking him forward. 

Hakyeon didn’t answer since they were already moving but he nearly spilled his wine when Key stopped suddenly in front of him. “Kibum!”

“Shh,” Key said, stepping back to stand next to Hakyeon. “Does he look familiar to you?” 

“Who?” Seokjin asked, lowering his head to be next to them. 

“The guy with Jonghyun,” Key said, pointing to where Jonghyun was standing just outside the doors. There were two men with him, but one of them was facing away from them. He moved away almost as soon as the words were out of Key’s mouth. 

“Is that…” Hakyeon remembered that face, even though he’d been quite drunk at the time. 

“It can’t be,” Key answered.

“Hold on, I took a picture!” Seokjin said, pulling out his phone. 

 

“When did you have time to take a picture?” Key questioned. 

“When Jinyoung was taking his pants off,” Seokjin answered, scrolling through his pictures. Holding his phone out, the three of them looked from the phone to the man next to Jonghyun. “It really looks like him,” Seokjin said after a few seconds of study. 

“I need to know,” Key answered, taking Seokjin’s phone and heading forward. With an exchange of worried glances, Hakyeon and Seokjin followed. 

~~~  
“Do you think anyone noticed I was late?” Jaebum asked, looking around the room at the people who had come. More accurately, he was noticing the ones that had not. 

“No, not at all. Just the entire reason their companies are making money, but Nah, I’m sure they didn’t even notice,” Jonghyun answered. 

“I’m sorry, Jonghyun. I meant to be here hours ago.” He really had, he’d just gotten caught up. 

“Yeah? About that…” Jonghyun’s question was cut off by the arrival of three men. 

“Is this you?” 

Jaebum looked at the screen, a smile crossing his face as he put his hand over the phone to get Key to put it down. “I was afraid that was you,” he answered, scratching the side of his face. Actually, he’d been downright positive it had been Key, but Key either hadn’t noticed or didn’t know, so Jaebum had decided to deal with it later. He never expected then next place he and Key would cross paths would be here. 

“What?” Jonghyun questioned, looking from Key to Jaebum. 

“I went to visit Youngho on his birthday. He was working so I went there,” Jaebum explained. “You know, Key, you really shouldn’t take pictures. That place is meant for in the moment enjoyment.” 

“I didn’t!” Key answered, the phone going back to Seokjin quickly. 

“Did you strip?” The question came from Jonghyun, the words quiet until something else seemed to click in his mind. “Wait, Key! You went to Remington’s?” 

Jaebum watched as one of the other two men stepped between Key and Jonghyun. “We took Jinyoung out; ending up there was my fault, not Key’s.” 

“I told you you’d get in trouble.” 

“Seokjin.” It was only a name, but Jaebum saw how Seokjin did go quiet. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Jonghyun was looking at Key, the expression there one Jaebum knew too well. 

“Guys, maybe we should go inside for this conversation,” Jaebum suggested.

It seemed Key was going to resist, but the same man who put Seokjin in his place was also pushing Key forward. Jonghyun led and Jaebum followed at the end until they were inside, locking themselves away from everyone else. 

“I can’t believe you did that,” Jonghyun’s gaze was on him, which took Jaebum by surprise. 

“Why are you mad at me?” Jaebum asked, a smile on his face. Granted, it was probably better if Jonghyun was mad at him than with Key. Jonghyun and Jaebum had argued before but it wasn’t like the explosions that occurred when he and Key argued. 

“Hold up,” Key said. “You two know each other?”

Jaebum laughed while Jonghyun audibly sighed. “Key, you know Jaebum. He owns the bar.” 

“I don’t,” Jaebum stated quickly. “I hold the deed, yes. Jonghyun owns the bar.” 

“But...you’re a stripper?” 

“Male entertainer,” Jaebum corrected, amusement on his face. “Used to be. With one exception in the last five years.” 

“And now you own the bar that Jonghyun...operates?” Key asked, unsure how to phrase the question. 

“I own a lot of things,” Jaebum informed Key. 

“And we’ve met before?” 

“Four times.” 

“Jesus, Key!” Hakyeon’s head fell into his palm. 

Jaebum looked up. “I’m sorry, you two I haven’t met. Im Jaebum,” he said, reaching out to shake the hand of the man who’d just spoken. 

“Cha Hakyeon.” 

“Kim Seokjin,” he said, a little wave of his hand towards Jaebum. 

“Key, my name is Im Jaebum,” Jaebum said, turning his hand out to Key. “Jonghyun has been my best friend for about ten years now.”

Dawning seemed to cross his face. “You’re the one who got him out of stripping! It all makes sense now.” 

“What?” Seokjin and Hakyeon were both looking at Jonghyun, who sighed once again. 

“Yes, I used to be a stripper…”

“Male entertainer,” Jaebum supplied. 

“Whatever,” Jonghyun said. He looked up at Jaebum. “I can’t believe you got naked in front of Key. What kind of _best_ friend does that?” The hint of a smile was on his lips as he questioned Jaebum. “What would you do if I stripped down to my underwear in front of…” Jonghyun stopped talking and Jaebum wasn’t sure if it was because he didn’t know what to call Key or if his mind had drifted off. When the small smile was gone, Jaebum frowned as well. “What night was that?” 

They must have noticed the change in his tone because Jaebum looked to see Hakyeon and Seokjin were quiet and casting their gazes away. At least they all seemed to be in the same mindset. “I think that might be a question for another time,” Jaebum concluded, his eyes meeting Jonghyun’s. Whatever his mind was concluding needed to be cut off for a few more hours anyway. 

“I’m going to use the restroom,” Jonghyun decided, leaving the room. 

Jaebum looked at Key’s face, thinking it was probably going to only be a short time before Key left altogether. 

It was a bit awkward standing there with them after that and Jaebum was typically pretty good with people. He wondered if Hakyeon and Seokjin felt the same apprehension he did, knowing the toxic relationship that was Jonghyun and Key. He guessed so, the way Hakyeon kept tossing glances at Key. 

“It was nice to meet the two of you. I should probably mingle since I managed to not be here on time.” He didn’t want them to feel like he was running away from them, but he honestly sort of was. Whatever the other two had to say to Key, it was clear they weren’t going to do so in front of him. 

“Yeah, you, too,” Hakyeon answered.

He had almost made his way all the way out of the building and back outside when he heard Seokjin call his name. “I’m just curious about one thing,” Seokjin said as he caught up with him. 

“What’s that?” Jaebum asked. 

“Why that night? What made you...you know, that night? You said you’ve only done it once in five years. I don’t imagine it was the only time you’ve been in there since if you’re still friends with one of them.”

Jaebum’s smile returned. “No, it wasn’t.” He paused a moment, wondering how it was he wanted to answer the question. “Counting Key, I guess it’s just three of you tonight, huh?” 

“Oh, Jinyoung was with us but he had to go because…” Seokjin’s eyes widened. “Jinyoung?” 

“One thing you should know about me, Seokjin, I always try to leave a very big, very memorable first impression. Tell me, did it work?” That part, he was actually curious about. Just as curious as he’d been since the moment he’d seen Jinyoung sit down with the very man in front of him from backstage. He was trying to remain somewhat professional, seeing as he still had quite a few hours dealing with snobby businessmen, but deep down, Jaebum was singing with the connection to _Jinyoung_ , all unexpectedly thanks to Key. 

~~~

_Rhodochrosite guides one in the quest for emotional happiness. It helps one move forward after a period of doubt, and assists in the expression of love towards others without the fear of rejection._


	3. Citrine

“Where do these go?” Key asked, holding the yellow balloons he’d picked up on his way over. ‘Help out’ turned more into run around and get all the things they had ordered, like the cake and balloons, and go after the things they forgot, like the candles. He had to admit, it was easy enough. Hakyeon seemed to have decorating down at this point. 

“Follow me,” Hakyeon said, putting down his armful of napkins, plates, and cutlery on the table. Key was lead across the room, Hakyeon tying balloons to chairs and various other pieces of furniture. 

“Doesn’t the house get a little crowded with five adults and fourteen children roaming about?” Key asked. Yes, he was a bad friend who never came to the birthday parties of his friend’s children, but really it was probably best. He didn’t come with the dad filter. 

“You forget that the grandparents also come. My parents tend to come to every one of the birthdays even when it’s not my child’s birthday, Taekwoon’s too. Wonpil’s mother still comes as well. Each of the boys usually all have at least one friend over and then the birthday boy has more than that, which also means other parents.” Hakyeon turned a smile to Key. “It’s more than a little crowded with the birthdays in the winter, but we have them outside when we can.” 

“So, me not showing up…” 

“Is rude and unacceptable,” Seokjin informed Key as he stepped up next to them. “At least you generally bring the boys a nice gift and they sort of know who Uncle Key is. Don’t even try to make excuses, we know you too well for that.” Seokjin smiled a little too sweetly at Key. “Oh, the reason I came over here; Key, is Jonghyun coming?” 

“I didn’t ask him,” Key answered. It was odd enough that _he_ was here. Seokjin was biting his lip in that way he did when he was thinking something over. “Why? Should I call him?” 

It was still a moment before Seokjin answered him. “I dunno. Hakyeon, have we decided if we’re cool with Jinyoung dating an ex-stripper or did we decide against that?” 

Key’s eyes narrowed. “You guys want to set Jinyoung up with Jonghyun?” He was surprised and relieved when both Seokjin and Hakyeon started laughing. 

“Would you allow that?” Hakyeon asked after a moment. “What I know of Jonghyun, he’s a pretty decent guy. Does he like children?” 

Key was glaring now, he knew that even as he tried not to rise to the bait Hakyeon was throwing his way. 

“We’re talking about Jaebum,” Seokjin informed with a roll of his eyes. “We asked if Jonghyun was coming because we know so little about him. And you can’t seem to remember meeting him. Four times.” 

“I was probably very intoxicated,” Key defended. He thought back, knowing that even if he didn’t remember Jaebum exactly, Jonghyun had often talked about ‘the boss’ who couldn’t be anyone but Jaebum, now that Key thought about it. There was only one person who could make decisions concerning the bar when Jonghyun’s hands were tied. Still, everything that Jonghyun had wanted to do that required the signature of the owner had happened. It seemed that Jaebum at least trusted Jonghyun’s decisions. Still, that didn’t really tell him anything about Jaebum himself.

“Did you guys even tell Jinyoung we ran into Jaebum after he left?” Key questioned, handing off the last balloon. 

“No. Aside from a few texts yesterday, I didn’t even talk to him,” Seokjin admitted. Saturdays were just so busy for the kids that it wasn’t really unusual. The texts themselves were more about planning who was taking which kids to what class or sport. Hakyeon had taken Mark to volleyball after dropping Hongbin and Yoongi off at their photography class. Jinyoung had kept Bambam, Yugyeom, and Jungkook until their tumbling class in the evening. He’d also dropped Namjoon at debate and Jackson to fencing. Seokjin had the enjoyment of taking Sanghyuk all the way across town to his baseball practice and then taken Hoseok to dance and Jaehwan, Youngjae, and Jimin to their singing classes, which were thankfully close to each other. It was a rough Saturday, mostly because Taekwoon and Taehyung had both had to work. 

“We’re still trying to decide if we want to even entertain the idea. We don’t want to embarrass Jinyoung if the guy is a complete jerk,” Hakyeon informed Key. 

“I’ll go give Jonghyun a call and see if he’s free today.” 

Even after the call was made and Jonghyun had agreed to be there, it would still be a good four hours before Key realized that he’d just invited Jonghyun to something more than just the usual party or night out. This birthday party for Yugyeom was personal and finally, after seven years, he’d let Jonghyun into that part of his world. 

~~~

“What are you staring at so intently?” Jinyoung asked, leaning against the wall next to Key. Key had been quiet, which he supposed was a good thing considering how many children roamed the room, but even this was a bit much for Key. Being next to him, he followed the projected gaze of Key, just as Key turned his head away to look at Jinyoung. 

“Just people watching,” Key answered, a forced smile coming over his face. “I must admit that it is quite the change from my normal people watching, but it isn’t all boring.” 

“I was surprised to see Jonghyun show up,” Jinyoung commented, watching Jonghyun with Yugyeom across the room. “I mean, you’re only here to pay me back for going with you. Seeing as I baled early from that, I won’t hold it against you if you do the same. I know this isn’t really your thing.”

“It’s fine.” Key’s answer was a little quick and caused Jinyoung to turn his gaze towards him. Key was no longer looking at Jinyoung, but his gaze had turned away. Jinyoung followed that gaze back to Jonghyun. 

“Key...is there something you need to talk about?” Jinyoung asked.

Key shook his head, but his gaze didn’t change. “No. Not yet,” he answered, letting silence fall between them. When he spoke again, it was with a somber tone. “Wonshik’s birthday is next, right? February?” 

Jinyoung nodded. “As far as the kids go, yeah. It’s the fifteenth. Why?” 

Key’s gaze turned back to Jinyoung and he smiled. “Just so I can keep my calendar clear.”

Jinyoung raised a brow at Key. “We usually combine his party with Hoseok, since his is the eighteenth.” 

Key nodded. “I’ll be there.” 

“And Jonghyun?” Jinyoung pushed. 

Key shrugged and Jinyong knew that was as much of an answer as Key was going to give him. 

~~~  
He was so late! Yugyeom was still asleep in his crib and it was a quarter to seven. This was not a good start to his Monday. Why would his son pick today of all days to start sleeping in? “Mark!” Jinyoung was screaming down the hall as he picked Yugyeom up out of his crib. “Can you get clothes on Bambam?” 

There was a muffled noise down the hall that Jinyoung prayed was a yes on his oldest son’s part. As it was, Jinyoung was making his way into the kitchen, dropping Yugyeom in the high chair and dumping Cheerios out for him. Then it was off to pour four bowls of cereal, Jinyoung cursing his day as he did so. He hated feeding his children cereal for breakfast, but he didn’t have the option today. Any minute, Seokjin was going to walk through the door and take his youngest son while the other four waddled off to school. And he was still in his pajamas. 

Not ten minutes later, that was indeed what had happened and Seokjin didn’t even say anything. He just sat Jungkook down, picked up a brush and started pushing it through Jackson’s hair while Jackson ate his breakfast. He moved to Youngjae next and made his way down the line while Jinyoung ran around the kitchen throwing peanut butter and jelly into lunch sacks. 

When it was seven thirty and his kids were all marching out of his house, he took a deep breath. He didn’t have time to clean up the kitchen either and that was almost worse than the pathetic breakfast his kids had eaten. 

Seokjin smiled, handing him Yugyeom. “Kiss your son so I can take him to daycare and go get ready for work. You’re late, too,” he reminded him. 

Jinyoung did so, taking a few extra seconds he didn’t have to kiss his baby’s face. “Thank you,” he said to Seokjin. 

“Anytime,” Seokjin answered, taking Yugyeom back. “Kookie!” he called. “Time to go.” It was only a moment before the four-year-old came running back into the kitchen, a toy in hand. It didn’t look like one that Jinyoung had bought, so it probably came from either Seokjin’s or Hakyeon’s houses, to begin with. It was always so hard to tell. 

The three of them left and then Jinyoung rushed back to his room, dressing in a hurry and choosing to brush his teeth over eating breakfast before he rushed out the door. 

~~  
It was Monday, which meant that Jinyoung was supposed to join his boss at a different company than Aris, the one he worked for. A fact that, in the rush of his late start, he completely forgot until he entered his boss’ office. A profanity fell from his mouth at the realization, causing him to react by looking around for small ears. “You’re not at home,” he muttered aloud, running back towards the elevator. 

On the way down, he checked his phone, looking for the address as to where he was going. _DVH_. Was that the company name or had he abbreviated it? It didn’t seem to matter as he had the address typed in. The time slot, 9 am, was only five minutes away and gathering from the address, he was ten minutes away on a good day. 

When he finally entered the building, he was panting and out of breath, his briefcase feeling like a twenty-pound weight. Running up to the receptionist, he took a deep breath. “Excuse me. I’m supposed to be joining a meeting with Song Joongki from Aris. Can you tell me which room that’s in?” 

The elevator was insanely slow as it climbed to the fifteenth floor and walking from it to the boardroom was excruciating. Now that Jinyoung was almost there, he started thinking about the fact that he had to go into the meeting, twenty-three minutes late, and with no excuse except that he had overslept. What if the deal fell through because he was showing up late? Would it be best to not show up at all? That answer, he knew, was no because he had most of the paperwork needed on him if the deal was successful. 

Approaching the door, he straightened out his jacket and took a deep breath before opening the door. He knew all eyes would fall on him when he opened the door, that’s just what happened when you were late. What he wasn’t expecting was to be met with the sound of his boss’s voice discussing the latest soccer game. He had planned to enter, apologize for being late and getting over that embarrassment so he could get caught up on where they were. As it was, it appeared the meeting hadn’t even started. 

Going in, he took a seat on the other side of his boss, who nodded in acknowledgment but kept the conversation going with the other two men. It wasn’t until his boss tried to include him that he was even spoken to. “Jinyoung, did you watch the game?” 

“I didn’t,” Jinyoung answered. “My son’s birthday was this weekend so I didn’t have the time.” 

“Oh, right! Yugyeom turned...three?” 

“Four,” Jinyoung corrected. 

“Four? Wow, he’s really growing up quick. Did you get the present I sent?” 

Jinyoung nodded. “I think he enjoyed the box it came in more. I’m going to have to sneak it out to the garbage when he’s asleep.” 

The door opened again, this time with a man bringing in a tray with water and glasses. “He should be back any minute,” he assured the four of them. 

His boss waved his hand in the air unconcerned, but he did remove his feet from the chair and straightened up. The men across the table from them seemed to straighten up as well in anticipation of the other man coming back. Jinyoung opened his briefcase, pulling out the relevant papers and sat them on the desk next to his boss before closing the briefcase and storing it on the floor beside him. 

The men did, however, return to their talk of sports until the door opened again. 

“Sorry about that. I’m sure you all know how Monday’s can be.”

Jinyoung looked up, following the form that was moving towards the chair at the head of the table. His heart rate, which had just calmed from the rush over here, was picking up speed again and he felt something similar to dread fill his stomach. Yet, until the other man sat down and faced them, Jinyoung watched him. Once he did, Jinyoung’s face fell and focused on the paperwork in front of him without seeing anything but blurred lines. 

“Jaebum, this is Jinyoung…” Joongki’s words stopped as he looked back to his assistant. “Are you alright, Jinyoung?” he questioned, pouring Jinyoung a glass of water before Jinyoung had even answered. 

“I’m fine,” Jinyoung answered, forcing a smile and taking the offered water. He knew his face was flushed a newly discovered shade of red and his hands shook as he took the glass and brought it to his lips for a sip. The water felt like lead in his mouth as he tried to swallow it and he was again accosted with memories of the last time he’d seen Jaebum. That Jaebum had looked so different than this Jaebum. This Jaebum was dressed in a suit that would probably pay for at least one of his children’s education. His hair was up, styled wonderfully to enhance the features of his face. The only thing that was the same, was the smile that Jinyoung remembered all too clearly. 

Joongki was talking to him, but Jinyoung realized he hadn’t heard him because he’d been far too busy comparing Jaebum from a month ago to the Jaebum that was in front of him now. His mind teased that maybe he had a twin and that this was not the same guy from before, but the logical part of his brain was denying the possibility. Again, he became aware that Joongki was talking to him, concern on his face. 

“My office is just down the hall. Hyunwoo, would you mind taking Jinyoung down there? Let him lie down for a bit to see if that helps?” Jaebum asked the man to his left. 

The man, Hyunwoo, got up and went over to Jinyoung, taking his arm and leading him out of the room. Once Jaebum was out of his sight, Jinyoung felt a little bit better. In the office down the hall, he thanked Hyunwoo before finding the couch and flopping face down on it. How had his life turned into this?   
~~  
He stayed that way until the door opened nearly an hour later. He sat up, looking towards the door expecting Joongki. He started panicking when it was Jaebum that entered. Alone. He was now alone in what five minutes ago had been a large office and was now the smallest room in existence. 

“Joongki said that if you feel better after lunch, you can return to work. Otherwise, go home and rest. I get the feeling though that once you’re away from me, you’ll feel better.” 

Jinyoung watched as Jaebum leaned against his desk, his arms on either side of him and his palms flat against it. Somewhere, his mind tickled with the idea that he wanted to push Jaebum back on that desk, which he was sure was made obvious with the color of his face. “So...uhm, I should go then,” he concluded, standing from the couch. 

“Or, you could stay,” Jaebum suggested, his gaze on Jinyoung’s face. 

“Why...why would I do that?” 

“Well, you’ve been given the okay not to return to work, so why rush off?” Jaebum didn’t even move, his face didn’t change, nothing but those words that Jinyoung was surprised he found tempting.

“I should go,” Jinyoung said again, absently running a hand down to straighten out the front of his shirt. “I don’t want to take up your time that is intended for something else.” 

“Actually, Jinyoung, since the first time I saw you, you’ve made me do things I didn’t intend to do. No need to change that now.”

“Like what?” Jinyoung questioned, confusion overcoming his features. He’d barely had any contact with this man, there was no way he had _made_ Jaebum do anything. If anyone was making anyone do anything, it was Jaebum with his seeping into Jinyoung’s thoughts and dreams. 

Jaebum wore a gentle smile on his face as he spoke. “Like take my clothes off in front of a bunch of people,” Jaebum answered. “I can’t deny that doing so was something I used to do to make a living, but I had left that part of my life behind. You showing up changed that.” 

“I…” Jinyoung gave up on that line of thinking, his gaze staring at Jaebum. “How?” he finally managed to question. 

“Because I saw you,” Jaebum answered easily. 

“That doesn’t make sense,” Jinyoung shot out, wishing he had something cold to press against his face to get the heat in it to calm down. 

“I know,” Jaebum answered and Jinyoung noticed the smile slip. “Jinyoung, you’re going to need to get used to being around me. Otherwise, you’re just going to blush the entire time on Friday when I take you to dinner?” 

Jinyoung’s eyes went wide? “We’re going to dinner?” Had he made plans with Joongki? Was it a business dinner? Had Jinyoung not managed to screw this up for his company with his inability to do his job? 

“If you’d like to, I would love to take you to dinner.” 

He hadn’t messed it up! Thank god! But if it was a business dinner, then it wasn’t if he wanted to go or not. Joongki would tell him he had to be there or he didn’t have to be there. Slowly, it dawned on him that in the entire three years he’d worked for Joongki, there had never once been a meeting over dinner. Joongki thought dinner was for family, even when they probably should have done dinner with a client to get a deal. 

His mind went back over what Jaebum had last said. “You mean...like a date?” 

“Yes,” Jaebum answered, his smile widening. 

“With me?” Jinyoung asked, pointing at himself. Jaebum nodded at him and Jinyoung once again found himself staring. 

“Does seven o’clock sound good?” Jaebum asked when the silence seemed to stretch. 

Jinyoung nodded, his feet taking him towards the door. 

“Jinyoung?” Jaebum said, placing his hand against the door so Jinyoung couldn’t open it. “Here.” 

Jinyoung took the card Jaebum was offering him and then Jaebum stepped back. “Text me an address and I’ll pick you up.” 

Again, Jinyoung nodded, not able to look up at Jaebum. His hand found the door and he escaped into the hallway, his feet taking him to the elevator and before he knew it, he was outside and taking in deep breaths of air. He had a _date_. A date that had _not_ been set up by his friends. A date that was with someone he was incredibly attracted to. A date with someone he’d already seen in a _speedo_. 

“Holy shit,” Jinyoung said, staring ahead. He took another deep breath of icy air before he started walking down the road. Not in the direction of his office, not in the direction of home. He was headed towards a small shop that sat on a corner. He needed Hakyeon to tell him he wasn’t dreaming. More importantly, he _wanted_ Hakyeon to keep him from backing out.

~~~

_Citrine is a stone that increases self-esteem, opens the mind to new thoughts and promotes clarity in those thoughts._


	4. Emerald

“How is it we were too late?” Seokjin’s voice came through the speaker of the phone on the desk in the office of Hakyeon’s store. Jinyoung sat with his head on his arms, his arms on the edge of the desk and his eyes staring down at the floor. His head came up and he looked at Hakyeon who just smiled. 

“Too late for what?” Jinyoung asked, his gaze never leaving Hakyeon. 

“We may have inquired into Jaebum over the weekend,” Key informed them, the sound of something crashing in the background. 

“Was that you or Key, Jin?” Hakyeon asked, the noise not audible enough to inform him and Jinyoung if it was Key breaking something at the bar or one of the kids at Seokjin’s daycare. 

“That was me,” Key answered for Seokjin. “It already had a crack in it. I just ended its life before Jonghyun tries to reuse it and he ends up with an accident claim.”

“What do you mean ‘inquired’?” Jinyoung asked, realizing they were getting away from the topic of Jaebum. 

“Apparently,” Seokjin started. “Our friend Key has this little boyfriend…”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Key interrupted abruptly. 

“Key has a Jonghyun who is apparently very close to a certain stripper Jaebum so we just asked some questions,” Seokjin finished. 

“Jonghyun knows Jaebum but Key didn’t recognize him?”

“I drink way too much!” Key’s voice was clear through the speaker. “And none of his friends like me so we don’t mingle much.” 

“Only four times.” Seokjin pointed out. 

“Oh my god, Jin! When are you going to let that go?” 

“When it stops being funny, Kibum.” There was humor through the speaker this time. 

“So...what did you find out?” Jinyoung asked, letting go of the fact that his three closest friends had gone behind his back and tried to find out information about the man he was going on a date with on Friday. Their reasons, he didn’t have to guess. He knew them well enough to know. 

“Not a lot,” Hakyeon admitted. “We made the mistake of having Key ask the questions for us and Jonghyun read into it wrong. He thought Key was asking because he was interested, not because we were.”

“We know what he does for a living, that he’s an only child, single, no longer a stripper lives in a rather cheap place considering the amount of money he makes. Did I mention he makes a lot of money? That’s college tuition,” Seokjin told Jinyoung. 

“He had a meeting with my boss. I can only imagine the amount of money he’s making,” Jinyoung answered. He let out a sigh, putting his head back down. “And now I’m a golddigger.” 

“Not true,” Key answered. “You were into him when you thought he was a stripper.” 

“That’s true,” Jinyoung agreed. He was met with silence from the other three, which caused him to raise his head again. “What?” he asked, Hakyeon doing that weird thing where he clamped his lips together. 

“Nothing,” Hakyeon answered, trying hard not to smile and failing. Jinyoung continued to stare at him until Hakyeon finally shrugged. “It’s just that...well, you like someone and it’s adorable.” 

Jinyoung let his head fall back down. “I need new friends.” 

~~~

It was late Wednesday before Jinyoung even got around to texting Jaebum. The reality was, he was putting it off and Seokjin had threatened that if he didn’t text Jaebum today, he was going to come over early and steal Jinyoung’s phone to do it for him. As he sat down after putting his youngest three to bed, he pulled the card with Jaebum’s number out and plugged it into the contacts of his phone. 

He stared at his phone for over fifteen minutes, trying to perfectly word the first sentence he was ever going to text to Jaebum. An agonizing five minutes later, he finally managed to send the first message. ‘Hi, it’s Jinyoung.’ He sighed heavily, falling backward on his bed, arms sprawled above his head with his phone in his left hand. 

That wasn’t the only thing he’d written. He had gone as far as to explain who he was at one point before he’d erased that. He’d tried to do a formal introduction, but over text, that had seemed a bit overkill so he’d gone with the simple greeting instead. As he thought about it now, he considered the fact that he hadn’t given his family name and that concerned him because what if Jaebum knew a different Jinyoung who he also happened to have given his number to this week? What if he confused Jaebum by just putting Jinyoung in the message? 

His torment was over a few minutes later when a text came back. ‘Hello, Jinyoung.’ 

Jinyoung smiled, staring at the simple message like an idiot. He didn’t know what to respond with but he was saved from that agonizing thought process by Jaebum’s second message. 

‘On a scale of 1-10, how impressed are you with me?’ 

‘Impressed?’ Jinyoung typed the message back, thinking about his two interactions with Jaebum while he waited for Jaebum to elaborate. He supposed he was quite impressed with Jaebum. He’d seen almost all of him physically and he knew some things about him from the business that he’d been covering with Joongki over the past few days. Jaebum was, as far as Jinyoung could tell, quite impressive. Which could only mean he was hiding a deep, dark flaw.

‘Yes. I’m trying to determine how much I need to impress you on our first date.’ Jinyoung pushed the last thought away, determined to enjoy the conversation with Jaebum. He knew he was going to spend half the night of their first date blushing. 

‘Well, you know what they say, Go big or go home,’ Jinyoung sent back. 

‘While true, that only works if the other person is impressed by what can be offered.’

‘How do you mean?’ 

‘For example, if I choose the best wine money can buy to go with dinner, it only impresses someone who knows wine. If you’re not into wine, it won’t matter at all.’

‘I’m not into wine.’ Jinyoung remembered holding a wine glass on too many occasions and he’d started to hate it somewhere around eight years ago. 

‘That tells me all I need to know. Except where to pick you up?’

Jinyoung stared at the phone. ‘I suppose you’ll have to use your investigative skills to figure out where Key lives. That’s where I’ll be.”   
~~~  
Jinyoung was a nervous wreck. He had changed his clothes eight times before he’d been forced out of his house by Taehyung who was there to help Mark put the littles to bed. It really hadn’t mattered how many times he had changed because when he arrived at Key’s apartment, Key had judged his appearance and forced him to change again. Jinyoung felt a little awkward, but it seemed Key had managed to both keep Jinyoung’s own style while also dressing it up a bit. Jinyoung really didn’t want to think about the cost difference between his own clothing and Key’s. 

“So, what are you _not_ going to talk about tonight?” Key asked, fixing Jinyoung’s hair in place. 

“My children,” Jinyoung repeated, having been told that he should just have fun, enjoy the view and let Jaebum see how great he was before taking on the kid thing. Hakyeon’s words, not Jinyoung’s. He wasn’t sure what Hakyeon expected Jaebum to actually see, but he was just going to roll with it for one night. 

When the doorbell rang, he must have looked terrified because Key laughed. “You have one minute. I’ll answer it.” 

Jinyoung nodded, going into the bathroom to splash cold water on his face. He’d been nervous when he’d gone on those dates before but it seemed so trivial to the flushed face, erratic heartbeat and need to vomit he was currently feeling. He took a deep breath, dried his face and headed out of the bathroom, the sound of Key and Jaebum reaching him the second he did. 

Somehow, he forced his feet forward and into the room, looking at Jaebum as he did so. He nearly forgot Key was even there until his friend was taking him by the arm and pushing them both out of his apartment.   
~~  
They arrived at the restaurant pretty quickly. It was a far cry from where the diner he and his friends had eaten at the first night he’d ‘met’ Jaebum but it was far less fancy than he expected. Why had he expected that? He could only blame that on the many lunches he’d had with clients with Joongki and because his company was working with Jaebum’s, he’d somehow placed him pretty high. 

“They have wine, but I won’t force you to drink it,” Jaebum said as they sat down. 

Jinyoung smiled, despite the fact that he knew his face was red and focused on the menu. He and Jaebum both stuck to water and after they had ordered, Jinyoung fiddled with his napkin, trying to keep himself from tearing it to little bits to hide his nervousness. 

“So, how long have you worked for Joongki?” Jaebum asked. 

Jinyoung looked up. Jaebum sat there, slowly spinning his water glass with his eyes on Jinyoung. “About three years,” Jinyoung answered. Usually, he finished the sentence with ‘after my divorce, I had to support my kids’, but this was not yet the time. 

“Have you known him long?” Jinyoung asked, thinking of how comfortable Joongki had looked when he’d come into the office for the meeting. Though really, that was just how his boss was.

“I’ve known him through a business relationship for about eight years. Back when Aris was getting started I obtained him some money to really get off the ground. We stay in contact, work together on occasion and he invites me to a lot of things that I don’t go to, but I wouldn’t say we’re more than that.” 

“He’s like that,” Jinyoung agreed, the napkin in his hands having lost the battle and was sitting in three pieces in his lap. 

“Any family?” Jaebum asked and Jinyoung felt the napkin tear. “Parent’s, siblings?” 

Jinyoung nodded. “I have sisters, but we’re not close anymore.” Not close because Jinyoung had turned his back on them to go off with Wonpil. Even after the divorce, his sister’s and he hadn’t been able to recover much of a relationship. His parents had been more understanding and refused to let the fact that they didn’t like their son’s husband stand in the way of a relationship with their grandchildren. They had adored Mark from the start and hadn’t let that be diminished by Wonpil’s presence. 

Their food came and that gave Jinyoung something to focus on instead of the fifty pieces of his napkin. Jaebum kept asking him questions and Jinyoung kept answering them, despite the fact that every time he looked up at Jaebum, he was reminded of their first meeting. 

~~~  
“I’m not really that interesting,” Jinyoung insisted as he and Jaebum took a walk after dinner. 

“That just can’t be true.” Jaebum countered. 

“What makes you say that?” 

“Well...you’re friends with Key.” 

“Key…” Jinyoung sighed. “Key is my oldest friend…”

“But not one of your closest?” Jaebum asked. 

“It isn’t like that. It’s just that...he and I sort of choose different paths in life. I’m more the date one person and he’s more the...Key” Jinyoung realized that was a bad way to be explaining Key, but Jaebum had met him. 

“Key, is he a good person?” Jaebum asked. 

“He is,” Jinyoung answered, his head nodding to confirm his answer. “He’s just has a lot of trouble letting people close.” Jinyoung himself was somewhat of the reason for that, but Jinyoung realized that was opening a huge can of worms that were not appropriate for a first date. “I guess you don’t approve of him then?” Jinyoung questioned, thinking maybe talking about Key at all was not the best idea. 

“I don’t know him,” Jaebum answered. “He and Jonghyun have been doing their thing for so long, and yet I don’t know him. Jonghyun is my oldest friend, so that should be concerning, yeah?” 

Jinyoung nodded. “He does care about Jonghyun, in his own way.”

“Why is that less reassuring than I think you meant it to be?” Jaebum asked though a smile did appear across his features. 

Jinyoung shrugged, thinking it over. “How about this then, for the most part, when handling Key, we know if we push he’s just going to resist and go the opposite way. Jonghyun has been the only person outside our circle who has pushed and hasn’t had Key completely dismiss him. Is that better?” 

Jaebum started nodding before the nod turned into a shake. “It’s slightly better but still not at all reassuring.”   
~~~  
Jaebum had known where Key lived, so picking Jinyoung up from there hadn’t been a problem. He did, however, feel like that wasn’t the location Jinyoung lived in. He didn’t give it much thought though, considering it was their first date and that they were still strangers. 

The bright red color of Jinyoung’s cheeks had dimmed down as the dinner went on, which was both relieving and disappointing for Jaebum. He wanted Jinyoung to be comfortable enough to be out with him, but the color added a beauty to Jinyoung’s face. He was startled when Jinyoung spoke after they had stopped to get hot drinks before continuing their walk. 

“So, about the first day we met…”

Jaebum laughed, looking away from Jinyoung. Sure, in the darkness, Jinyoung wouldn’t have been able to see that it was now Jaebum’s cheeks that had a hint of red to them, but Jaebum still looked away. 

“What is it you want to know?” Jaebum knew the series of questions would come sooner or later. There was no way to completely avoid them and he was glad the date had progressed to the point that Jinyoung was asking something he was curious about. Jaebum was beginning to feel like a drill sergeant. 

“Why were you a…”

“Male entertainer,” Jaebum filled in. “Honestly, it’s really good money. Captain got me into it when I hit a hitch and ended up on the street. Four months in, I realized it wasn’t exactly what I wanted to retire from when my body gave out at thirty…”

“Your body hasn’t given out…” 

Jaebum’s brow rose as he looked over at Jinyoung who was putting his drink to his lips and looking away. “Why thank you, Jinyoung.” He continued to watch him a moment before letting his gaze go back to the sidewalk in front of him. “Anyways. I worked, put myself through school and it was during that time that I fell in with the right people and am currently where I am now. It was a profitable means to an end.”

“What was the worst part?” 

“Hm.” Jaebum tried to think back to what the worst part of the job had been. “Probably the assumption that I was always willing to sleep with someone. Something about taking most of your clothing off makes people think there are no moral codes attached to a person. We had a man who worked there for two years, hadn’t even kissed anyone because he believed he needed to stay pure for the person he would spend his life with.” 

“Did he find that person?” Jinyoung was looking at him now and Jaebum really didn’t want to answer if it meant Jinyoung was actually meeting his gaze. “Last I heard from him, he was raising his sister’s daughter after an accident and had only been on a few dates, but that was almost two years ago.”

Jinyoung smiled and Jaebum realized he was going to have to figure out what had happened to him so he could tell Jinyoung. He only hoped that things hadn’t gone south from their last meeting. 

It was with disappointment that he realized they had circled all the way around and were back at Key’s apartment. He stopped and faced Jinyoung. “Thank you, Jinyoung,” Jaebum started. “I really enjoyed tonight.” 

He watched the color return to Jinyoung’s cheeks and caught sight of a smile before Jinyoung looked down at his shoes. “Me too,” came the answer. 

“Should I call you then?” Jaebum asked. “Maybe take you on a wine tasting tour next week?” 

Jinyoung looked up. “I’d prefer to clean up vomit the rest of my life.” 

Jaebum saw the expression on Jinyoung’s face change. “I meant about the wine...not the, you can call me, I’d like you too…” 

“Then I will.” Jaebum cut in, a gentle smile on his face. “Good night, Jinyoung.” Jaebum took a few steps back and Jinyoung managed to smile at him.

“Good night.” 

Once Jinyoung was inside, Jaebum turned around and continued the walk home. He laughed in the darkness, feeling like his entire world was going in the right direction.   
~~~  
How had it come to this? Jinyoung sat in the cafe, looking anywhere but across the table at Jaebum. Jinyoung was sitting straight up, despite the desire to slouch and maybe slide out of his chair and disappear into a black hole that must exist under the table. Daring to glance at Jaebum, he could tell he felt as awkward as Jinyoung did. He was doing that nervous thing where he spun his water glass slowly in a circle. He’d done that before, on their first date and occasionally over the following few. Jinyoung hadn’t known it then, but if he had, he imagined it might have helped his own nervousness during those first dates. 

Really, he couldn’t believe that. He’d known the night of their first kiss, had felt that it would happen and had still been a ball of nerves when Jaebum had walked him to the steps outside Key’s apartment and didn’t immediately tell him goodnight and make some cheesy line about their next date. 

They had gone to a movie, but Jinyoung hadn’t really paid much attention to it. The seats of the theater had put Jaebum much too close to him. So close, that he hadn’t had any problems smelling the cologne he now associated with Jaebum. So close, that when Jaebum had reached for his hand, he’d nearly jumped out of his seat in surprise. Jaebum had only smiled, raised a brow as if to ensure it was alright and Jinyoung had returned the smile, settled in his seat and willed his hand not to sweat or twitch. 

They had talked on the walk home, Jinyoung’s hand still entwined in Jaebum’s. They always talked. Every date about something different and still, Jinyoung had managed not to say anything about his children on any of those dates. It was like a part of himself wanted so desperately to be dating Jaebum that the part of him that was dad ran away and hid. 

It only got worse after that date. That first-time Jaebum tipped his chin up and leaned down to kiss him, Jinyoung had forgotten how to breathe. He was pretty positive that if Jaebum hadn’t had a finger on his chin to keep him in place, he would have managed to mess that up. Jaebum’s lips had been soft on his, neither asking for more nor giving the option for Jinyoung to take more. It was quite possibly, a perfect goodnight kiss. 

Perhaps that was where he had messed up the night before. Jaebum’s birthday had been Friday and Jonghyun had arranged a party at Jaebum’s place. Jinyoung hadn’t been there before, but he had been told Jaebum lived pretty simple. The place was decorated, Key style and Jinyoung had so many names and faces cross his path that he would never have been able to keep up with them even if he hadn’t been drinking. As it were, a conversation with Mark that day had had him questioning what he was even doing with Jaebum. 

He didn’t know why he thought Mark wouldn’t figure it out and when his oldest son had asked him if he were dating someone, just one someone, Jinyoung hadn’t denied it. 

“Have you told him about us?” Mark had looked at him and Jinyoung hadn’t been able to tell if his son was judging him or not. 

“Not yet. We haven’t been dating that long.” Which was true. A month and a half had passed, but with his busy life and Jaebum’s, there hadn’t really been a lot of dating. 

“If you like him, then maybe you should.” 

Why it had to be his fifteen year old to point out the obvious to him, Jinyoung still didn’t know. What he did know, was that he’d gone to that party, Jaebum’s birthday party, with the intention of telling Jaebum about his boys before he left for the night. It hadn’t exactly gone how he’d hoped.   
~~  
“Are you alright?” Key was asking the question because Jinyoung was drinking more than Key was used to seeing. 

“I’m fine,” Jinyoung insisted, looking across the room and seeing Jaebum laughing with a few people Jinyoung had just met. “I’m going to tell him about the boys.” 

Key raised a brow. “Well, happy birthday to him,” Key answered. “You could just sleep with him instead. That would be a much better birthday present.” Jinyoung had glared and Key had answered by putting another drink in Jinyoung’s hand. “You’ve been on eight dates. That’s plenty of time to get to the sex point.” 

“Three of those were lunch dates. With my boss!” 

“It was still time spent _with_ Jaebum.” 

Jinyoung sighed, rolled his eyes and looked at Key. “I really like him, Key.” Jinyoung bit his lip, his gaze going back to Jaebum. Almost as if he sensed it, Jaebum looked over at him, his smile intoxicating even from across the room. Jinyoung smiled back, even though his stomach was filled with dread. 

Key was putting his arm around Jinyoung’s shoulders. “Then I guess you have no choice but to tell him. I’m positive you _really_ like your boys as well.” 

Jinyoung laughed softly at Key. “Maybe just a little.” 

“C’mon,” Key said, looping his arm through Jinyoung’s. “Let’s go mingle a bit. I’ll chase half these jerks out of here so you can do what you need to do.”   
~~  
Key was true to his words and it wasn’t long before it was just the two of them with Jaebum and Jonghyun. They sat at a table, Jinyoung and Key on one side, Jaebum and Jonghyun on the other with shot glasses in the middle. Key was trying to help Jinyoung get the liquid courage he needed and intoxicate Jaebum a bit more so that maybe the news of Jinyoung having five children wouldn’t be quite so...damaging to the relationship.

Jonghyun, foolish of the evening’s future events, had been doing his best friend duty and ensuring that Jaebum woke up with his worst hangover of the year for most of the night. Unleashing Key on Jaebum should have been what he’d done from the get-go because Key had accomplished more in the last half hour than Jonghyun had been able to do in four hours. It seemed sort of abrupt when Key spoke. “Jongie, take me home.” 

“Will you get home okay?” Key asked, leaning on Jinyoung as Jonghyun said goodbye to Jaebum. 

“I know how to call a cab since someone thought shots were a good idea,” Jinyoung answered, wondering exactly how it was he was still holding Key up. He really wanted to sit back down on the barstool at Jaebum’s table and not move for a few hours. 

When Jonghyun took away Key, that was exactly what Jinyoung did, Jaebum returning and sitting next to him. “Did you have fun, Jinyoung?” Jaebum asked, mindlessly spinning the beer he was no longer drinking. 

“Aren’t I supposed to ask that question?” Jinyoung countered. “It _is_ your birthday party after all.” 

Jaebum smiled. “I did have fun, but between Jonghyun and Key, I think it’s fun I’m going to regret.” 

Jinyoung laughed. “That makes two of us.” Silence fell between them but it wasn’t awkward in any way. It gave Jinyoung the chance to think that if he was looking for a time to tell Jaebum, that time was probably now. His heart rate sped up, knowing that this secret he’d idiotically been carrying around could be the thing that caused Jaebum to leave him. He’d expected it so many times in their short dating span that one day, Jaebum would realize Jinyoung gave him nothing and he’d stop calling, stop texting, maybe just disappear altogether. It wouldn’t be the first time it had happened to Jinyoung. 

He stood up from his seat, stepping between Jaebum’s legs to press his lips against Jaebum’s. If he was going to ruin everything, he at least wanted one last kiss. His arms were around Jaebum’s neck and Jaebum’s arms encircled his waist, fitting so well that it seemed they were made to be there. 

Jinyoung hadn’t prepared for the kiss at all. He was just going to kiss him gently, but meeting Jaebum’s lips right now when he was intoxicated and pretty sure that the end was about to come had Jinyoung unwilling to end with just a simple kiss. Jaebum seemed to agree as he pulled Jinyoung closer, the kiss deepening. Their tongues danced, causing little currents of pleasure to shoot through Jinyoung’s body. 

It was Jaebum who broke the kiss, his forehead resting on Jinyoung’s shoulder. “Jinyoung, I’m well past the point of being able to play the gentleman.” The warning came with Jaebum pressing his lips to the jugular on the side of Jinyoung’s throat. 

Jinyoung managed to keep from gasping, despite the surprise of Jaebum’s mouth on his neck. The words that followed, surprised him but Jinyoung stood strongly behind them. “I’m not asking you for that.” Jinyoung stood there as Jaebum lifted his head back up. Jaebum hadn’t lied to him. He didn’t even hesitate to reclaim Jinyoung’s lips. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_To the goddess Venus, the Emerald is a sacred stone. The Emerald is thought to preserve love and is a symbol of hope._


	5. Blue Opal

Jaebum walked into the bar, sitting on a stool. There were only two other people in the bar but as it was just after two, he didn’t find that very surprising. Less surprising, was the fact that Jaebum recognized the two men as they were almost a permanent fixture in that booth of the bar. Key was behind the bar, drying a glass and probably bored as he passed the time of the early Sunday shift. 

“Where’s Jonghyun?” Jaebum asked as Key sat the glass down and moved towards him. 

“In back,” Key answered. “Do you want anything?” 

“Water,” Jaebum answered. He was still recovering from what Key had fed him last night. He didn’t really think adding more alcohol to that was a good idea. Even if it was quite tempting given the morning he had just had. 

“Did Jinyoung make it home okay last night?” Key asked, putting his water down in front of him. “I texted him earlier, but he hasn’t gotten back to me.”

“I was asleep when he left,” Jaebum answered, not missing the raised brow of Key. “He looked fine when we met for lunch earlier.” Any further explanation was interrupted by Jonghyun coming out of the back. He looked surprised to see him there. 

“I figured with all the shots last night, you wouldn’t move until dinner.” 

Jaebum managed a smile. “I had a misconception I needed to correct,” he answered. “One that I found too important to wait.” 

Jonghyun must have noticed Jaebum’s tone because his smile fell and he was looking straight at him. “What misconception was that?” Jonghyun had learned Jaebum’s moods a long time ago. He had probably already picked up on the irritation Jaebum felt and that was because Jaebum wasn’t trying to hide it. 

“That part doesn’t actually concern you,” Jaebum was glaring at Jonghyun and he knew he shouldn’t, but he couldn’t deny he was angry with his friend. Maybe angry wasn’t exactly the right emotion but it was as close as he could get without digging deeper into it. “The part that concerns the two of you, is why neither of you have mentioned that Jinyoung has children.” He saw the shared look between Key and Jonghyun but neither of them returned their gazes back to his. “Well?” 

~~  
“Jinyoung, I drank a lot last night…” 

“I know,” Jinyoung interrupted him. He had been there and he’d drank a lot himself. “A large portion of that was because of my friend.” He saw the corner of Jaebum’s mouth twitch towards a smile as he nodded in agreeance. “Are we going to be awkward because we slept together? Or was it so terrible that you no longer wish to see me?” 

That got a reaction of surprise from Jaebum and Jinyoung wondered if maybe he was way off course. Though really, he couldn’t think of another reason it was so important that Jaebum meet him immediately. Jinyoung was still dealing with a rather bad hangover that had started with a screaming toddler this morning. From the look of Jaebum, he was dealing with his own. 

“Don’t be ridiculous; of course I still want to see you.” Jaebum seemed to lose track of his words after that as if in his rush to eliminate the idea of not wanting to see Jinyoung, he’d managed to forget what it was he had wanted to say. Jinyoung waited with a patience he only had because of Jackson.

“Then why are we here?” Jinyoung asked, waving a hand at the cafe when more than a few minutes of silence had passed. He knew he was being short, maybe even somewhat of a jerk to Jaebum, but he was just preparing to deal with the hurt that was going to come. Even if the things that had happened last night hadn’t, he still had to tell Jaebum about the boys and if that didn’t chase him away, it would shock the hell out of him. 

“Because that’s not who I am,” Jaebum blurted out, his eyes on Jinyoung. “I’m not the guy who gets drunk and hooks up with people. Even someone I’m dating; I’ve never done that...”

“You’ve never slept with someone you’re dating?” Jinyoung found that one hard to believe and he had no doubt that skepticism was clear on his face. 

“Not that, I have, I just...” Jaebum sighed. “I’ve just never been intoxicated the first time it occurred. Or anytime, really, except on a few occasions...which my birthday is usually a part of because of my terrible friend Jonghyun.” 

The silence returned and Jinyoung found himself watching Jaebum’s hand spin the water glass. “What do you expect me to say?” Jinyoung asked. He had considered on his way home early this morning how he and Jaebum were going to talk afterward but his was more the revealing of his secret, assuming Jaebum hadn’t somehow figured it out last night. Granted, Jinyoung had kept his shirt on and pushed Jaebum’s hands away every time they got too close to his stomach where the obvious marks were. Maybe he’d slipped up and Jaebum knew and that was what today was actually about. 

It seemed they were both lost in their thoughts as Jaebum didn’t answer right away. His forehead was wrinkled as if he was trying to find the perfect words to use and they just didn’t exist in any of the languages of the world. When Jaebum finally did answer, all Jinyoung could do was stare at him. 

“That it doesn’t matter to you. That we would have arrived at that point eventually. That last night doesn’t change your decision to be with me. That I’m just overthinking things and making a big deal out of something unnecessarily. Any of those things would be nice. Being with you, now, last night, even the lunch meetings with Joongki involved, those moments all have meaning for me. Jinyoung, I like you and I really want to keep being with you. I want you to know that sleeping with you wasn’t my end game, that it was just something that happened sooner than intended.” 

Jinyoung didn’t speak, looking down instead. He knew he was giving Jaebum the wrong idea, but now it was his turn to not know how to say something. A slight smile touched his face, the smile a sad one. “Is that really how you feel?” he asked. “Do you really want to stay with me?” 

Jaebum nodded, his hand leaving his glass to reach for Jinyoung’s across the table. Jinyoung let him take it, meeting Jaebum’s gaze evenly for the first time since they had arrived in the cafe. 

“It is,” Jaebum confirmed, both his hands wrapped around Jinyoung’s. 

Jinyoung took a deep breath. “For how long?” That was not the question he meant to ask and it seemed to surprise Jaebum as much as it did him. 

“I don’t usually create exact time frames,” Jaebum began honestly. “And it’s still fairly early in our relationship, but I don’t go beyond a second date unless I’m interested in seeing if something will turn into the long term.” 

“And you think I’m someone you’d want to date long term?” Jinyoung knew how heavy a question that could be so early in a relationship, but the reasons he was asking were so much heavier. If Jaebum couldn’t commit to admitting to wanting something in the future while he still believed it was just the two of them, then there was no way he was going to want to with the knowledge of the boys. 

“I haven’t found any reason so far to say otherwise.” 

Jinyoung looked down, his eyes closing. “I have five…” Jinyoung’s voice faded out, the last word stuck in his throat. 

“Five reasons?” Jaebum asked, a confused look on his face. 

Jinyoung nodded. Well, yes, he supposed he could claim each kid as a reason. “Children,” he managed, forcing his gaze to look at Jaebum before he clarified. “I have five boys. I’m a dad.” 

~~

“Look, Jaebum…” Jonghyun began. 

“I made him promise not to say anything.” Key’s voice was loud as he interrupted them. 

Jaebum’s gaze went to Key. Key’s arm were crossed and over his chest. He was evenly meeting Jaebum’s gaze and if he had to guess, Jaebum would say Key looked angry. “That explains a lot.” 

“Jaebum…” Jonghyun started again. 

“Don’t,” Jaebum answered. “Key made you promise, you promised.” Jaebum shrugged his shoulders. “I understand.” Jaebum was _mildly_ sarcastic. He didn’t actually understand, he just knew that when it came to Key, Jonghyun made a lot of decisions that Jaebum didn’t agree with. It was the one spot in their friendship that the two had long ago agreed to not discuss. 

“Would you stop!” Jonghyun said, his own frustration coming into the words. Jaebum knew it was this point in past Key related conversations where the two of them would go in different directions because they were never going to agree. This time was different though because this time Jaebum was involved in something Key related. 

If he’d come into the bar just mildly aggravated with Jonghyun, it had turned into something else entirely by now. It became clear in those few words Key had muttered that what Jaebum thought to be his strongest relationship had been inhibited by the relationship Jonghyun had with Key. If he thought of the roles being reversed, he knew there was no way he would let Jonghyun get close to someone with such a big detail hiding in the background when he knew about it.

Jaebum was surprised when Key spoke again but somehow managed not to show it. Perhaps, it was because anger was so easy of expression to hold on his face that surprise could not find its way in. 

“I didn’t want Jonghyun to say anything because I wanted you to get to know Jinyoung and see what a great guy he is!” The two men in the corner had stopped talking and were paying attention to what was going on. “Which, I might add, no one else even takes the time to do because they see kids and just take off!”

“Well, congratulations Key, because that’s exactly what happened this time.” Jaebum wanted to toss his glass of water against the wall, wanted to break something because he was frustrated and that’s just what you did when life was mocking you. He did get to know Jinyoung, he did think Jinyoung was wonderful, but five kids? That wasn’t a small number by any means. 

Because the risk of throwing something was crossing his mind, Jaebum got up from the bar and headed to the door. He heard Jonghyun yell his name behind him, heard Key angrily tell Jonghyun to let Jaebum leave and saw the gazes of the men in the booth. As he left the bar, the door slammed and for some reason, Jaebum felt a small amount of satisfaction from it. 

~~~

“I guess it didn’t go well?”

Jinyoung looked up towards the door where Mark was leaning against the door frame. He smiled and patted the side of his bed. “Verdict is still out.” And it was because Jaebum had said he’d call him and so far, there was no call. To help with the disappointment, he’d turned on Lilo and Stitch for his littles and was curled up with them. To them, it was just a night with Daddy, but for Jinyoung, it was silent mourning that felt all too familiar.

Mark moved to sit on the bed, picking up Bambam and putting him in his lap so he had room next to Youngjae. Bambam didn’t argue or complain, which was pretty shocking. 

“What’s a verdict?” Youngjae asked, interest in the movie wavering now that his oldest brother was home. 

“It’s like a decision,” Jinyoung answered, his hand running over Youngjae’s head. “Perhaps, in this case, it’s more like a choice.” 

“Oh,” Youngjae answered, nodding as if he now understood the world. “What choice?” 

“If Dad’s boyfriend wants to stay his boyfriend now that he knows about us,” Mark answered, gaining himself a look of disapproval from Jinyoung.

“Dad has a boyfriend?” It was Jackson in the doorway, who was suddenly not too old to sit and watch a ‘dumb kid’s movie’ now that Mark was involved. 

“I don’t…”

“What’s his name?” 

Jackson was staring at him. Actually, _all_ his children were staring at him. Even Yugyeom who couldn’t possibly understand what was going on had his head turned and his eyes glued to Jinyoung. Jinyoung sighed. “His name is Jaebum.” 

“Is he tall?” Jackson continued, crawling onto the edge of the bed and sitting with his legs crossed. 

“Yes.”

“Does he have a rocket ship?” 

“That’s a dumb question,” Jackson said, looking at Youngjae. 

“It’s not a dumb question! You are dumb, Jackson!” 

“Boys!” Jinyoung said, his voice raised because Jackson was about to retort. “It wasn’t a dumb question and Youngjae, we’ve talked about calling your brothers dumb.” Both of them looked down. “Now, we’re in here to watch a movie, so no more questions.” 

Without being happy about it, they seemed to settle down with Jackson sprawling out sideways on the end of the bed. Jinyoung rested his head on Yugyeom’s, his arms wrapped around the little boy and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. His mind was not on the movie, but on what Jaebum had said before Jinyoung had crashed his world. Jaebum had seen something in them, something in _him_. It was probably better this way before Jaebum really did find the reasons that would have ended what they had.

He was still lost in thoughts when the movie ended. Yugyeom had fallen asleep in his lap as he’d expected since the movie ended after his normal bedtime. He felt Mark’s hand on his arm. Looking over at him, he saw Bambam passed out on Mark; Youngjae was leaning on his older brother with his mouth wide open, fast asleep. Jackson hadn’t moved from the end of the bed, despite the fact that the credits were rolling. Jinyoung smiled at Mark, picking up Yugyeom and taking him to his room. 

When he returned to his bedroom, Youngjae now had half the bed and Jackson had moved up to the other, which was probably a result of Mark trying to wake him up and send him to bed. Jinyoung assumed Bambam had been put to bed by Mark and the quiet that remained in the house told him he’d done so without waking Bambam up. Leaning against the wall, he watched his two boys sleep until Mark reappeared. He shut his bedroom door, the two of them going down the hall into the kitchen. 

“Did you eat?” Jinyoung asked, getting both him and Mark a glass of water as Mark sat down at the kitchen table. 

“Yeah, but I’m not going to tell you what because you won’t approve,” Mark answered, taking the glass from Jinyoung. 

Jinyoung frowned as he sat down. Ever since Mark started being away from home more on the weekends, his choices in food had gone from healthy to more pizza than any one person should be able to consume. Still, even if it was all he ate, Jinyoung wanted Mark to enjoy his weekends. He’s spent so much time in the last four years helping Jinyoung with his brothers that he hadn’t really gotten to be the kid he should. Jinyoung hated that about his situation the most. “So how was your study session?” 

Mark groaned. “Wanchul makes it look so easy. It was basically me and Bean staring at the whiteboard as he went through one problem eight times and explained it over and over. I don’t think either one of us are going to pass the exam.” Mark sighed. “Honestly, Dad, I don’t know that I’m even going to be able to pass this class.” 

Jinyoung saw real concern there and that bothered him. He’d never expected perfect grades from Mark. For some reason, Mark had decided that on his own and when they dropped to a C like his math class had done almost from the start of the semester, Mark himself had talked to the school about extra help and enrolled in the tutoring program they had. He’d unfortunately gotten a tutor he wasn’t a fan of and now spent his Sunday afternoon learning math that Jinyoung had forgotten even existed. The one highlight, Mark had Hakyeon’s son Hongbin who shared that pain.

“Just take your time with it. I know it’s difficult, but you’ll understand it if you put your mind to it. If you need more time to study, I’m sure I can arrange something with Taekwoon and Hakyeon about picking your brothers up from school or...” 

Mark was already shaking his head. “They’re fine, Dad. I can take care of them.” 

“I know you can,” Jinyoung agreed, smiling at Mark. He’d never doubted that. “But it is okay if you need a break from them to focus on your studies. Promise me you’ll tell me if you do?” 

“I promise I will tell you,” Mark answered as he picked up his glass to take it to the sink. He came back over, kissed Jinyoung on the cheek and then headed down to the hall to his bedroom. 

Jinyoung sighed, delivering his own glass to the sink. It was just another one of those times when his child was being too much of an adult, and lying to his dad to boot. If Mark continued to struggle with balancing his brothers with his homework, Jinyoung might never know it. He and Mark were close, but Mark sometimes took being the oldest a little further than necessary.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_Blue opal is said to enhance a person’s ability to communicate the feelings in one’s heart._


	6. Green Diopside

“I think we made a mistake and I want you to tell me how to fix it.” Key had let himself into Jonghyun’s house and had found him under his car...fixing something. It was Tuesday and he’d already checked with Jinyoung, and Jaebum still hadn’t called him. Or texted him. Or smoke signaled him. Nothing. It was just radio silence and Key knew all too well what that was doing to Jinyoung. It would be far easier on his friend if Jaebum just said he couldn’t hack it and let Jinyoung know as opposed to let Jinyoung carry some hope of something that might not be there. 

“What are we fixing?” Jonghyun asked, his entire body under the car save for his feet. Jonghyun didn’t move out to talk to him and that further annoyed Key. 

“Jinyoung and Jaebum!” That seemed to get his attention and Key was then met with Jonghyun; oil and grease across his shirt as he rolled out. “How do we fix it?” 

Jonghyun stood up, wiping his hands with a rag and stepping towards Key. “We don’t have anything to fix,” Jonghyun said, barely stopping himself from putting his hands on Key’s shoulders. He still remembered the last conversation they’d had when Jonghyun had ruined a shirt. Instead, he just kept rubbing at the grease on his hands with his rag. 

“How can you say that! You _saw_ Jaebum at the bar. He was pissed! And the only way to get unpissed as somebody is through conversation. Which can’t happen when one party is not speaking to the other one!”

“Do you know what Jaebum is doing?” Jonghyun asked, raising a brow at Key. “Jaebum is working. That’s all he’s doing. I haven’t gotten a single text from him either because when Jaebum needs to think about things, he doesn’t. He just works on some sort of work project or some other project until he’s exhausted and somehow during that process, he figures things out.” 

“But he was so angry…”

“ _That_ was not angry. That was frustrated. Perhaps mixed with a bit of shock, but that was in no way an angry Im Jaebum.” Jonghyun smiled at Key. “I know this is going to be really hard for you, but you need to just support Jinyoung until whatever outcome unfolds.” 

Key sighed, leaning into Jonghyun despite the fact that this grease monkey was going to ruin another shirt. “Hug me,” he commanded when Jonghyun kept his arms out. Leaning against Jonghyun always made the world seem less complicated, even though the reality was it hadn’t changed at all. His voice was quiet when he spoke again. “Jonghyun, what do you think Jaebum is going to do?” 

Key felt Jonghyun take a deep breath. “It’s hard to say,” Jonghyun answered. “Could you do it, if the person you were dating suddenly told you they had five smaller versions of themselves?” 

“No.” There was no hesitation because honestly, Key wasn’t even the type to take a relationship seriously, let alone dive into a family. “Would you?” He wasn’t sure why he asked the question, but he found he wanted to know either way. 

“If it were the right person, not even twelve kids would take me from them.” 

~~~  
“Daaaaaaaaddy! I have to poop!” 

Perhaps once, a child screaming that in the middle of the store would have embarrassed him, but it was too bad for Bambam that he had three older brothers and any embarrassment that could be caused by a child had severely been depleted with Jackson. In fact, Jinyoung barely registered child based embarrassment anymore. It would take something major happening for such a thing to occur. 

“You’ll have to wait until we get closer, Bambam,” he told him. 

“But Daddy! I have to go, now!” Bambam was standing in the cart, his hands on the seat part that held Yugyeom for balance as he jumped up and down. Jinyoung was thankful that he hadn’t put any bread in the cart with the way the things were rolling about around Bambam’s feet. 

“Me too!” Yugyeom was now joining in, his hand banging on the handle. Youngjae was singing to himself, and anyone in the store who would listen, while Jinyoung thanked the stars Jackson had gone home with Namjoon after school. Shopping on a Friday was a nightmare anyways but Jinyoung hadn’t managed to get it in earlier in the week. 

“Right now?” He looked first at Bambam and then to Yugyeom, both of which confirmed they needed to go now. So instead of going down another five aisles with Bambam screaming about having to poop and Yugyeom echoing, Jinyoung turned and headed towards the bathroom. Helping Bambam out before he leaped to his death, he then picked Yugyeom up and headed into the bathroom, all the while knowing once this was done, Bambam was going to find something else to scream about. 

~~~

“Jinyoung,” Jaebum watched as Jinyoung turned but his gaze was never met. “Can we talk a minute?” He wondered if his voice sounded as uncertain to the other two men in the room or if it was just to him.

It was Monday and Jaebum realized it had been over a week since he’d even spoke to Jinyoung. The fact that the first time he did was because of a meeting to finalize his work with Joongki made him feel even more like a jerk. Even though he had his reasons, they all seemed a little ridiculous to the fact that he hadn’t even called him. To make it worse, Jinyoung hadn’t even looked at him the entire meeting and that had bothered Jaebum far more than he would have expected. 

Jinyoung looked to Joongki who waved him away as he headed out the door. Jaebum had no idea how much Joongki knew about what had been going on with him and Jinyoung, but he guessed if he knew about this latest bit, Joongki would have rushed Jinyoung out the door and told Jaebum to stay the hell away from him. “Take an early lunch, maybe a long one? I’ve got nothing going on until two that I actually need you for.” 

With Joongki out of the room, Jinyoung returned to the seat he’d been in during the meeting and Jaebum sat in the one next to it. “Jinyoung, I don’t…” No, that wasn’t right. He didn’t want there to be any misunderstanding in his words when he said them and though he had thought about what he wanted to say, he hadn’t actually practiced so he was not doing as well as he wished. 

“It’s okay,” Jinyoung answered, his gaze meeting Jaebum’s for the first time that day. “I understand if you can’t do it. I should have told you sooner about the boys and I am sorry about that.”

“Jinyoung…”

“You don’t have anything you need to explain, Jaebum. You’re not the first to learn about my kids and take off. It’s…”

“I’m not taking off,” Jaebum’s voice had risen and he was glaring at Jinyoung. “Will you let me say what I want to say instead of assuming you know?” 

Jinyoung sat back in his seat, looking down and staying quiet and Jaebum relaxed his glare, hating the outburst as it had set him off course with what he needed to say quite a bit. Moving his chair closer to Jinyoung’s, he took Jinyoung’s hand. He expected Jinyoung to pull away but was relieved when he didn’t. “I don’t know how to do it,” he started. “I don’t want to lose you, though, so I’ve been trying to figure it out. I was an only child, I don’t have kids, and I haven’t even been in a relationship that has involved children. I don’t have the greatest of a past so I can’t even imagine how I would explain that to a child...I’ve never even changed a diaper…”

“Yugyeom is four.” 

“What?” Jaebum asked, confusion in his brow. 

“My youngest, Yugyeom,” Jinyoung said, his voice far softer than it had been but his gaze was still down. “He’s four, so he’s not in diapers.” 

Jaebum laughed. “Okay then, no diapers.” Jaebum’s gaze stayed on Jinyoung. “I’ve spent so much time the last week reading books on raising kids but there are just so many different ones. I even read one about a porn star telling her daughter what she did for a living and there’s so many more to read and there’s just no time…”

“You’ve what?” 

Jinyoung was looking at him now. “Reading,” Jaebum answered. “Aside from going out and getting a child, the only thing I could think of on how to learn about kids was to read about it. It’s how I learned everything in college… What? Is that wrong?” Jinyoung laughed and Jaebum felt a bit of tension melt away. 

“That’s seriously what you’ve been doing all week?” Jinyoung asked. 

“Well, that and trying to get everything done with the business between our two companies. On a professional level, any business we conduct can appear to be beneficial because of our relationship. I don’t want that for Joongki because he’s worked hard on his company and the decision to work with him came long before our relationship, but people in business are assholes and only see the recent developments…” 

“Our relationship?” Jinyoung was staring at him.

Jaebum took an even breath. “Yeah,” he answered as he let the breath out. “I’ve been trying to figure it out since Wednesday how to keep what we have, but even then, I hadn’t developed the confidence to actually even try. I told you, I don’t know anything about kids.”

“Is that when the books came into play?” Jinyoung asked and Jaebum smiled, nodding.

“Do you…” Jaebum’s eyes were on Jinyoung as Jinyoung licked his lips and took a deep breath. “Do you have the confidence now?” 

“No.” Jaebum ran his thumb over Jinyoung’s knuckles. “What I know is that I’m not going to gain that confidence merely from books, no matter how many I read. I’m only going to gain that confidence by meeting your children and interacting with them and knowing them. I stand by what I said before, Jinyoung, I want to be with you. You have five boys and while I’m pretty sure I’d be terrified if it were only one, that doesn’t change how I feel about you.” 

Jinyoung looked down again and Jaebum felt nervous. What if he’d waited too long to come to that conclusion? Had he missed his chance because he hadn’t had the confidence to just charge ahead? He had dozens of reasons why he hadn’t but had he played too cautiously? He hadn’t actually thought of what the outcome was going to be when he did speak to Jinyoung again and the feeling he had now that it was over before they’d really taken a chance had his heart racing. 

“Jaebum...I’m not sure I’m ready for you to meet them… We haven’t really been dating that long and this entire last week we haven’t spoken at all...” 

“Whenever you are,” Jaebum interrupted, “that’s when I will.” He removed his hand from Jinyoung’s and reached up to tilt Jinyoung’s chin up. “We don’t have to rush it, Jinyoung, we don’t have to rush anything, okay? 

Jinyoung nodded at him and Jaebum smiled “How about I take you to lunch as a start to making up to you for being a jerk this last week and you can tell me about your boys?” 

~~~

“So...what do you want to know?” Jinyoung asked him as they sat down at the restaurant. It wasn’t a big place and it was somewhat busy with the lunch rush, but it wasn’t like Jaebum was in any sort of hurry. 

“Why don’t you start with their names and something about them?” Jaebum suggested as their drinks were brought to them. 

“Okay.” Jinyoung nodded, though there still seemed to be a bit of confidence missing as he started. “Mark is my oldest. He’s fifteen and he plays volleyball. He’s been really helpful with his brothers since the divorce. He was five when we adopted him...I guess I should tell you that part, huh?”

“Only if you want to.” 

“Well, he knows so I don’t see why you shouldn’t…” Jinyoung hesitated again. 

“You don’t have to tell me anything about them you don’t want to.” Jaebum reminded him. He had hoped that once Jinyoung started talking about the boys, the conversation would become easier. 

“It isn’t that,” Jinyoung told him. “I just...I honestly didn’t expect to have this sort of conversation with anyone, especially not you...after how you found out.” 

Jaebum nodded, thinking it over before he gave Jinyoung a smile, his lips tight together. “Well, you are.”

Jinyoung smiled at him. “I guess I am.” 

They were silent a moment, almost as if Jinyoung didn’t know how to continue. “Mark’s the oldest, Yugyeom’s the youngest, what about the three in the middle?” 

“That would be Jackson, Youngjae and Bambam.” 

“Bambam?” Jaebum questioned, his brow raised.

“It’s a nickname, one he was given before I even had him...he’s also adopted but he doesn’t know that. He’s only five so that’s a bridge we haven’t crossed yet.” 

“Are they all adopted?” 

“No,” Jinyoung answered, his head shaking. “Youngjae and Yugyeom are mine by birth. Along with Mark and Bambam, I also adopted Jackson.”

“Does he know?” Jaebum asked. If he were ever to meet them, he should at least not be the one to let the cat out of the bag. 

“Yes. He was three and while he doesn’t remember much, he tends to have nightmares that don’t make sense to him and that feel a little too real. Usually, when he tells me about them, they seem similar to the trauma that occurred when he was younger. At least, what was revealed to me at the time I took him.” 

Jinyoung’s smile had faded and Jaebum knew their time today would be short. “What is it Jackson does?”

“Drives me insane,” Jinyoung answered and the smile returned. “He took an interest in fencing, from what I’ll never know. He idolizes Mark and will do any ‘baby’ thing only if Mark is doing it. He has more energy than any child ever born before him and when he gets excited, he will talk for hours on end.”

In a strange way, Jaebum was glad Jinyoung hadn’t told him about his boys from the get-go. If he had, he might not appreciate the way Jinyoung’s face lit up whenever he talked about them. Yes, he was actually glad for the way things worked out. 

~~~

Jaebum sat on his couch, reading glasses on and book in hand. He was about two-thirds of the way through the book that Jinyoung said he no longer needed to read because parenting was more a hands-on thing than what a book could teach you. Which is strangely something stated in the four books he’d already read about raising children. 

Still, with it being decided that they were going to wait before Jaebum met them, that gave him a little bit more time to read about the experience of actual parents. He’d even stopped at the bookstore on the way home, picking up four more, two of which were about raising teenagers. His tablet had several books downloaded that he’d take to work with him and read when, or if really, he had any downtime because he’d committed to Jinyoung today and that meant committing to a future with five children. 

He wasn’t going to pretend that when he met the boys, that meant he was going to be an expert in parenting because of a few books or that he knew the correct things to do in every situation; he’d read enough already to realize even the best parents couldn’t do that. The goal that Jaebum had with his plethora of books was that Jinyoung and the boys would be able to rely on him, that he would be competent enough to stay alone with the kids and that he not fail miserably at what would probably be the most important thing he ever did. 

When his book was finished, he looked at the time. Picking up his phone, he sent a simple text, ‘Good night, Jinyoung’. He picked up the next book, smiling to himself. From today forward, he was never going to miss a night in which he didn’t tell Jinyoung good night. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_Green diopside promotes emotional well being. It expands love and opens the mind to learn new concepts._


	7. Benitoite

They fell into a gentle routine the next few weeks, picking up where the one week of silence had kept them apart. Their lives were busy, but at least now Jinyoung could easily explain why he was unable to meet with Jaebum and that burden had been far heavier than he’d realized when he had been carrying it. It was still difficult, however when he would receive a message from Jaebum saying Jaebum was unable to carve time into his week, and he realized what those messages must have felt like before when Jinyoung had simply told him he was busy. 

Still, it didn’t matter what their days were like, every night the text message came in from Jaebum. Even if they spent the hour before on the phone, the message still came. It had been that little message that had allowed him to so easily dismiss his own feelings about the week they had spent apart. That, and the fact that despite what he had told Jaebum, he knew the other man was still spending more money than necessary on books about children.

He knew at some point, he was going to have to decide on when he was going to introduce the boys and Jaebum, but there was still so much of him wanting to hold off on it. His kids were wonderful, Jaebum was wonderful, but what if they grew attached and then Jaebum decided _Jinyoung_ was not wonderful. His kids would be hurt and Jinyoung knew it was his place to be the brick wall against the pain that would come with that. Four of his boys already knew it, was it wrong to want to protect Yugyeom from it? 

“Are you going out tonight?” Jinyoung looked up at Mark. He was standing in the doorway with his cell phone in his hand. “Me, Bean and Yoongi have a study date. We’re just trying to figure out where” he explained. 

“Jaebum hasn’t text me back yet,” Jinyoung answered. “Have it wherever you’d like.” He could always call Hakyeon or even tell Jaebum tonight wasn’t good. 

Mark put the phone back to his ear. “Yeah, we’re gonna need to do it here. Dad hasn’t been out in more than a week.” 

Jinyoung sighed. He’d been avoiding telling his own friends that, he didn’t need their children giving him away. The damage was done however and almost as if he had known Jinyoung was thinking about him, his phone went off. Jinyoung smiled as he answered the text, agreeing to the time and place. After that, he got up and headed to the shower. At least if Bean let it slip to Hakyeon, Jinyoung could say he was going out tonight. 

~~~

They hadn’t been here before and it looked _slightly_ more fancy than their previous dates. Jinyoung made a mental note to ask what the occasion was when Jaebum arrived as he was led to the table that Jaebum had reserved. The fact that it was reserved told him far more about the place than he needed. He passed on the wine, looking over the menu as he waited. He knew Jaebum would pick up on what the cheapest thing on the menu was so Jinyoung took his eyes away from the price tag and read over what sounded good instead. Still, the habit was hard to break as he noticed how much the piece of fish he was debating upon cost. 

~

The waiter came by, the fifth time now, as Jinyoung looked at his watch. Jaebum wasn’t just late, Jaebum was nearly an hour and a half late. He had never really been good about sitting at a table by himself at a restaurant and doing so now was more than uncomfortable. Worse, he was pretty sure his waiter had dropped word around that he’d been stood up because every one of them that passed gave him that sad smile. 

He checked his phone for the three hundredth time, hoping there was a message or explanation from Jaebum, but so far, there was nothing. The dad in him was starting to kick in though, so he sent Jaebum his own message, asking if he was okay. Thirty minutes. Jinyong was going to wait thirty more minutes, and then he was going to call him until he answered. 

Fortunately for Jinyoung, Jaebum arrived twenty-two minutes later. Jinyoung took in the rushed look on Jaebum’s face and once the relief that he was okay passed, he felt angry. Still, when Jaebum sat down and started apologizing, Jinyoung pushed it off, forced a smile and asked Jaebum to decide quickly because he was hungry. 

~~~~

“I was two hours late,” Jaebum said, finding himself at the bar on yet another Sunday morning with Key and Jonghyun plus the two men in the booth. 

“What?” Key asked.

“I’m sure you know,” Jaebum responded. He hadn’t exactly meant to let his thought slip, but out there it was. Key had been pretty much avoiding him since his arrival nearly an hour ago so he was sure Jinyoung had told him. 

“I really don’t,” Key answered. 

“Jinyoung and I went to dinner and I was two hours late,” Surely, Key would know what he was talking about now. 

“What!” It was Key and Jonghyun in unison and once again, they’d captured the attention of the men in the booth. 

“How could you be _two hours_ late?” Key asked, now clearly glaring at him. 

“Was he mad?” Jonghyun asked, just as soon as Key started sending daggers at him. 

“No,” Jaebum answered, chewing on a peanut. “Not at all. This isn’t my first screw up and he hasn’t gotten mad at me for any of them. I should be sending flowers in apology still. He didn’t even seek vengeance by ordering the most expensive thing on the menu. Just...nothing.” Jaebum raised his hands up and let them fall. 

“That idiot!” Jaebum looked up at Key who was visibly fuming. “That mother fucking piece of shit!” 

“Key, calm down.” Jonghyun was reaching for him, but Key pushed him away. 

“No,” Key said, going to stand directly across from Jaebum. “Here is what you’re going to do, Jaebum! You are going to go push him, do you understand? I don’t care how dirty you have to play, but you go to Jinyoung and you push until he’s angry and calling you every name in the book.” 

“Why would I want that?” Jaebum asked cautiously. He didn’t _want_ to fight with Jinyoung, he just found it strange that he wasn’t.

“Because you fucked up and you deserve to suffer for it, but Jinyoung isn’t going to do that. He’s going to pretend it's fine and that if you were late for your date or if you _don’t speak to him for a week_ , then it is his fault and he deserves to suffer because some piece of shit twisted his thinking! Jinyoung will never get mad at you, even when you deserve it and if that’s what you want, then I’m going to kill you before you can leave this bar!” 

Jaebum got up, putting his hands up and wondering what exactly it was that Jonghyun saw in this very crazy man. “Alright,” he agreed. “I’m going to go fight with my boyfriend now if that’s okay with you.” 

“Good,” Key answered. “Don’t back down until he’s pissed and don’t you dare let him apologize!!!”   
~~~

“I want to talk about Thursday night.” 

Jinyoung’s gaze met Jaebum’s. They had gone to a small cafe for coffee and were now sitting on Jaebum’s couch with a bowl of popcorn on the table. He thought they were there for a movie, but Jaebum hadn’t made a move to actually turn the television on since they’d gotten there. He’d actually just been thinking how they hadn’t even discussed what movie yet. 

“What about it?” Jinyoung asked.

“Don’t you think you should apologize for Thursday night?” 

Jaebum’s gaze was on him, almost boring into him and it caused Jinyoung to look down. What had he done Thursday? “You’re right. I’m sorry, Jaebum.” 

“Jesus Christ, Jinyoung!” 

Jinyoung’s gaze was fully down now. Jaebum’s expression was so fierce when he was angry and Jinyoung hadn’t been expecting it. He wanted to believe that he was safe with Jaebum, even if he were angry, but some part of him had him questioning if he truly was. He hadn’t actually seen Jaebum angry before. 

“What are you apologizing for?” Jaebum asked, his tone dark. “What exact thing did you do that you need to apologize?” 

“I...I don’t know,” Jinyoung answered. His mind went back to Thursday night, looking for something he might have said but he couldn’t think of anything that had struck him oddly. 

“You really don’t remember? Is your memory really so terrible you can’t remember a few days ago?” Jaebum’s voice was so cold, colder than Jinyoung had ever heard it. “Try starting at the beginning. What happened first?” 

First...first, he’d answered Jaebum’s text and then he’d gone to the restaurant to wait for him. Jaebum had been late… “You were late,” Jinyoung answered. 

“I was late.” Jaebum agreed. “And?” 

“Then you showed up…”

“Too far,” Jaebum interrupted. “Before I showed up.” 

“What?” What had Jinyoung done before that? He’d sat there waiting, he’d texted Jaebum once… “I texted you…” Jinyoung had no idea what was going on. Why...why was Jaebum mad at him? He’d waited for him, he hadn’t left even when he’d been really late. He’d even gotten worried and hadn’t even gotten mad at him when he had arrived. “I don’t know.” 

“Jinyoung…” Jaebum sighed. “I can’t do this.” 

His voice was so much softer now and Jinyoung dared to look up at him. “Can’t do what?” He asked, afraid of the answer to that question and wishing he could pull it back in. He must have said something to upset Jaebum at dinner, he just couldn’t remember what it was. “Jaebum...just tell me what I can do to fix this. Anything...please!” Jinyoung knew he was begging but the world felt so out of control and he had no idea what to do. 

Jaebum adjusted on the couch, turning on it sideways. “Come here,” he said. When Jinyong scooted over to him, Jaebum adjusted him, putting Jinyoung’s back to his chest while Jinyoung’s legs stretched out on the couch in front of him. Jaebum’s arms wrapped around his middle and hugged Jinyoung to him. Jinyoung had such whiplash at the change that all he could do was sit there. 

~

“Jinyoung,” Jaebum asked, his chin on Jinyoung’s shoulder. “Why would you apologize without knowing what you did wrong?” Key had expected him to push Jinyoung and Jaebum had failed miserably. He didn’t have the first idea how to get a rise out of someone who hadn’t gotten mad at him when he had screwed up and pretending to be mad at Jinyoung had made _him_ hurt. 

Worse, he’d seen all too well what Key had meant. When Jinyoung apologized, he had gotten angry, just angry with a stranger he knew little about. When Jinyoung had begged him, Jaebum had felt sick. 

“You said, you asked…” Jinyoung took a deep breath. “I don’t know.” 

“Did you do something wrong?” 

Jinyoung shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m sorry.” 

“Jinyoung.” Jaebum sighed again. He really had no idea what he was doing. “Who was late, Jinyoung?” 

“You were.” 

“Then who should apologize.” 

“You should, but you did at the restaurant.” 

“And who should be mad?” Jaebum pushed on. 

“I should…” Jinyoung shifted, his face turned towards Jaebum. “But I’m not,” he said quickly. “Please don’t think I am. I understand…”

Jaebum pressed his lips to Jinyoung’s and when he pulled away and Jinyoung tried to continue explaining how he wasn’t mad, Jaebum put his lips to Jinyoung’s again. He kept them there longer this time, hoping Jinyoung wouldn’t try to keep talking when he pulled away. When he was successful with the third kiss, Jaebum continued. 

“Jinyoung, I want you to tell me exactly how you felt waiting for me. I want to know how you felt every day that I didn’t call you after you told me about your boys. I want to know how you truly feel about us sleeping together. I need to know how you really feel, not how you think I want you to feel.” 

“But getting mad won’t fix anything,” Jinyoung’s gaze dropped again. “All it will do is draw out things unnecessarily.” 

The phrase sounded like a mantra to Jaebum and he wondered if it were. He knew that the only way to get through to Jinyoung would be to find a different route. The only route he could really think of was to try to use the boys as an example. “What would you do if Jackson got into a fight at school?” 

Jinyoung looked at him strangely, clearly thrown off by the change in topic. There was a slight pause before he answered. “I’d ask him his side, lecture him and probably ground him or give him extra chores.” 

“Why?” 

“To teach him that fighting is wrong and hope he thinks next time instead of striking out.” 

“Would you get angry?” 

“Probably not. By this point, Jackson has already done enough that nothing surprises me anymore. I would at least make him think I was though so that he knows not to mess up again.” 

Jaebum’s hand moved slowly up and down Jinyoung“s arm. “Jinyoung, I’ve basically gotten into a fight with another kid and you never grounded me. When you hide what bothers you, I don’t learn from it and I can’t avoid doing it again. I want you to be happy being with me but I can’t know what not to do if you just act like it’s fine if it’s really not.”

“But it’s unnecessary.” 

“No it isn’t and whoever taught you to deny your own feelings needs to be taken out back and beaten the shit out of. Do you want your kids to grow up being walked all over because they don’t get mad or speak up for themselves?” 

“No.”

“Then why are you allowing me to do it to you?”

“You’re not.” 

Jaebum raised a brow at Jinyoung. He knew Jinyoung could be so smart and yet sitting here and trying to get Jinyoung to look at himself was so difficult. Jaebum took a deep breath and let it out. “Okay, here’s what we’re going to do.” He adjusted again so he could lean back a little bit, causing Jinyoung to recline as well. “You’re going to close your eyes and tell me exactly what went through your mind when you were waiting on me. Everything you can remember.”

“I...I don’t know what to say,” Jinyoung answered him. 

Jaebum reached up with one of his hands, putting it over Jinyoung’s eyes. “Just imagine being back in the restaurant. What did you feel walking in?” 

“Excited,” Jinyoung answered. “I was excited to see you.” 

Jaebum smiled, liking that fact. “And then?” 

“I thought there must be something going on because the restaurant was fancier than other places we went. I tried to ignore the price on the menu, but it bugged me. Even now, that was way too much to pay for a piece of fish we could have gotten cheaper down the block. Anyways, then you weren’t there and the waiter came back. He asked if I was sure you were coming. I can’t remember what I said exactly, but it was to assure him you were. I tried playing on my phone, but I was just so aware that I was alone at that table that it couldn’t actually hold my attention. When the waiter came back again, I began to doubt you were coming too.” 

“At some point, I became a bit irritated. Why would you want to meet me at a certain time and not be there then? Why didn’t you just arrange for a later date? What could you possibly be doing instead of being with me? I began to wonder if you were out with someone else and that made me think that maybe you no longer wanted to see me at all. I,” Jinyoung paused and Jaebum felt him take a deep breath. “I stayed in that thought process for a while, actually.” 

“Then I started to worry because you hadn’t even sent me a text. What if the reason you weren’t there was because you were laying in a ditch somewhere? It wasn’t an irrational thought because you hadn’t mentioned you were busy or anything earlier. When I did see you, I was relieved but also mad. But getting mad would have ruined our time together and I didn’t think you deserved to get yelled at since you were clearly trying to hurry there, so I just let it go and pretended I was just really hungry.”

“We enjoyed the rest of the night, so when I went home, I was happy and didn’t think about how you were late. It kind of became insignificant after the fact.”

“But it wasn’t at the time, Jinyoung. I need to know when they happen, even if they make our time together unpleasant. Sitting there wasn’t pleasant for you so why should I only get pleasant?”

Jinyoung nodded. “I just didn’t want to make a big deal.” 

Speaking to Jinyoung over the last half hour, Jaebum was starting to understand his way of thinking a bit better, even if it wasn’t something he agreed with. “How about the week we didn’t speak?” 

“I didn’t really get mad during that week. I just kept going on about my normal routine with the kids. I didn’t get mad because I didn’t deserve too. I had kept something from you and if you didn’t want to speak to me after that, then that was how it was going to be. I had no say in your decision.”

“For the most part, I was just sad. I thought we were over and I really liked you and as the days passed, I just stopped being hopeful that anything would come of it. I even deleted your number from my phone. I considered telling Joongki that any business that existed between the two of you in the future, he would have to do alone but that was cowardly and unprofessional. It wasn’t really hard to do, my life is so busy with work and the kids that the only time I really had to think about it was when I would lay down for bed.”

“Did you cry, Jinyoung?” Jaebum felt him nod against his chest and Jaebum felt about a foot tall. He tightened his arms around Jinyoung. “I’m sorry.” He put his lips to Jinyoung’s temple. “I wasn’t in my right mind and I didn’t even think about what my silence was doing to you.” 

“It isn’t your fault. You were dealing with some pretty big news. I deserved…”

“No, you didn’t. Please stop thinking you deserve the worst out of every situation. I care about you and what you _deserve_ is to be happy. I’m going to work really hard to make sure you are from here on out.” 

“Okay.” Jinyoung gave in. 

“Good answer,” Jaebum said. “Is there anything else about that week?” 

“I don’t think so,” Jinyoung answered. “As I said, I was really busy, too.” 

“Alright. That leaves sleeping together.”

Jinyoung was quiet a moment and Jaebum wondered if he was even going to answer. Moving his head, he looked at the side of Jinyoung’s face, the blush there clear. Jaebum didn’t push him, though he was incredibly curious what Jinyoung would have to say about it. Jaebum had been drunk, so that could have resulted in a very unpleasant experience for Jinyoung, though what he recalled, Jinyoung had responded well. 

“It’s fine.” 

Jaebum was not going to be satisfied with a simple ‘fine’ and only some of that was that his ego was involved. He already knew Jinyoung buried how he felt and that word was notorious for meaning everything but what it was defined as. 

“You’re going to have to do a little better than that, Jinyoung. I don’t trust that word.” 

“I...there...it…” Jaebum felt him sigh. “I wasn’t mad or upset or bothered that it happened. You didn’t force me into anything and even gave me the option to walk away but I didn’t.” 

“Why not?” Jaebum asked, realizing Jinyoung might be just blurting words out to get this part of the conversation over with. 

“I didn’t want too, I wanted you…” 

Jinyoung shut down after that and Jaebum knew there were going to be no words that followed on the topic. Still, a part of him was happy that Jinyoung didn’t see it as a drunken mistake that he wished he hadn’t made. 

“Is there anything else that might have bothered you since we began dating?” Jaebum asked, knowing it was possible he’d messed up more times than he’d been aware. 

Jinyoung’s head shook against his chest. “Nothing that stands out.”

The words were a bit sharp, telling Jaebum that Jinyoung was still a bit flustered. 

“Jinyoung, I need you to make me a promise. Promise me, that if you’re mad or upset with me, you won’t hide it any longer and that when it happens again in the future, you won’t bury how you feel.” 

“I promise to try,” Jinyoung answered, his voice losing the prickliness. “It isn’t something I’m skilled with, but I will try.”

“I can’t ask for more than that.” Jaebum knew that Jinyoung wasn’t going to just automatically change the way he’d been burying things for...well, who knew how long. He just hoped that now that it had been discussed, maybe Jinyoung would start to be more open with him. 

“Do you still want to watch a movie?” Jaebum asked and Jinyoung shook his head. 

“Yugyeom wakes up too early and movies are too long.”

“Are you going to go then?” Jaebum wasn’t exactly ready for Jinyoung to leave. 

“No,” Jinyoung answered. “The last time Taekwoon messed up, Hakyeon went on and on about this amazing foot rub he got. I wonder, Jaebum, how is your foot rubbing skill?” 

Jaebum laughed as Jinyoung sat up. “My foot rubbing skills will put this Taekwoon character to shame.” And if it didn’t, Jaebum would be looking him up so he could learn from him. Secretly, of course.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 _Benitoite opens the door to truth._


	8. Fire Agate

He was laying on Jaebum’s couch, but Jaebum wasn’t home yet. It felt a little awkward without the other man there so Jinyoung went exploring. He opened the kitchen cabinets and had been surprised that there was actual food in them. The refrigerator produced similar results, which caused Jinyoung to smile. It appeared that Jaebum might not have a lot of furniture or decoration in his home, but the food was plentiful. 

He’d been in the bathroom before and done a bit of snooping there, so he skipped it, going towards the bedroom. He hesitated a moment by the door before he took a breath and stepped inside. The bed was made and the room was spotless. No loose socks that had slipped under the bed and no random items thrown about. Popping the closet open, everything in it was just the same. Jaebum’s suits hung perfectly on the bar, his shoes were set underneath them on the rack. He imagined if he opened the drawers, everything would be folded just so. 

A sadness settled over him then, realizing how organized Jaebum’s life was compared to his own. He was lucky to leave the house without his work suits getting covered in breakfast or sticky fingers. He couldn’t remember a time when his own bedroom looked even remotely in order. Sure, he put things away and helped the kids keep their things cleaned up, but there was a huge difference in what Jinyoung found to be a clean house and what Jaebum’s apartment looked like. As Jinyoung shut the closet, he not only began to doubt that Jaebum should meet his messy children with their sticky fingers, but he didn’t think he should ever step foot inside Jinyoung’s home.

“Is there a monster in my closet?” 

Jinyoung jumped, turning around to find Jaebum smiling at him. He was caught and he knew it so it wasn’t surprising to him when the warmth of a blush spread across his face. “I was just…” Jinyoung smiled. “You’re late and I was bored,” he said, changing the direction of the situation. 

“So no monsters then?” Jaebum asked, moving in to kiss Jinyoung.

When he pulled away, Jinyoung smiled. “Just you,” he joked. 

Jaebum laughed softly. “I guess that can’t be helped,” he took Jinyoung by the hand, pulling softly. “C’mon, let’s eat. Having you in my bedroom unnerves me.” 

“Being in your bedroom unnerves me, too.” Jinyoung agreed without any thought. Jaebum stopped trying to lead him out and Jinyoung realized that he probably shouldn’t have said that. Though if he were being honest with himself, _that_ wasn’t one of the areas he was exactly excited about taking slowly. “I’ve been here before, so I don’t really know why that is,” Jinyoung said, trying to put as much confidence in his voice as he could. “It’s just a bedroom after all.” 

Jinyoung pulled his hand away from Jaebum’s and walked over to the bed, sitting down on the edge of it. “Why do you think it has that feeling?” Jinyoung asked, lifting himself with his arms and moving backward until he sat in the middle of Jaebum’s bed, propped up by the pillows. His face was fully flushed and while he’d been able to look at Jaebum while asking the question, his ability to meet his gaze now was impossible. He didn’t know exactly what he was doing, only what he hoped to be doing and he wondered if that was somehow wrong. Jaebum had returned to being the gentleman and given Jinyoung his space, was this even right? Was Jinyoung even getting across his wanton desires to Jaebum with this pathetic attempt at coy? 

He could only see some of Jaebum’s movement with his downcast gaze and he noticed that Jaebum had tossed his suit jacket into the corner of the room towards the chair. He’d missed, which made Jinyoung question what exactly it was he was looking at. “That will get wrinkled if you leave it like that.” It wasn’t a statement relevant to anything and Jinyoung was positive if anyone knew what it was that caused wrinkles in clothing, Jaebum would know. 

Jaebum came around the bed and as his weight hit the mattress, Jinyoung finally looked up at him. Sometimes, he forgot to breathe when Jaebum was so close and this was just one of those times. He thought he was getting better about that, but it was clear he wasn’t. He still hadn’t remembered to air when Jaebum’s lips found his again. They weren’t soft now, they were demanding and Jinyoung knew he wasn’t going to deny Jaebum anything. His mouth opened and Jinyoung fought off a moan as the warmth of Jaebum’s mouth mixed with his. 

~

With his mouth on his, Jaebum adjusted Jinyoung on the bed, digging out the pillows and tossing them across the room so they wouldn’t be in the way and putting his own body over Jinyoung’s without letting his own weight crush him. With Jinyoung’s head flat on the bed, his hand came up, tilting Jinyoung’s head sideways so Jaebum’s mouth could seek out the sensitive skin there. Jaebum remembered last time the gasp that had come from Jinyoung when his tongue had licked there. Perhaps he was expecting it this time, because the gasp never came. 

Undeterred, Jaebum lead a series of kisses along Jinyoung’s neck, nibbling softly on the skin there. Jinyoung’s breathing beneath him was uneven, but aside from that, he didn’t move or make a sound. Jaebum’s hand moved to Jinyoung’ shirt, undoing the first few buttons to allow him further access to Jinyoung’s collarbone. Jinyoung did move then, putting his hand over Jaebum’s to keep him from unbuttoning any further. Once Jaebum stopped, however, Jinyoung’s hand returned to the mattress. 

Perhaps it was because of Jaebum’s own shirt? Pausing in his assault on Jinyoung’s skin, he pushed himself up to his knees, straddling Jinyoung. Undoing a few of his own buttons, he untucked his shirt and pulled it over his head, tossing it onto the pile of pillows on the floor. The tank top he wore underneath followed and then Jaebum leaned back down, pressing his mouth to Jinyoung’s again. 

He concentrated on kissing him then, knowing it was working himself up a bit too much but he was currently seeking a reaction from Jinyoung. A hitch in his breath, a moan, needy hands on his back, anything besides Jinyoung merely laying there. Had he been wrong, thinking Jinyoung had wanted this? He couldn’t even think of another reason someone would blatantly climb onto a bed when he’d openly admitted Jinyoung in his bedroom was a problem. 

Jaebum adjusted again, moving so his right hip was on the bed while his left leg continued to straddle across Jinyoung’s legs. This position gave him the ability to run his hand down Jinyoung’s chest, his stomach, covered of course, and further down over the obvious erection that hid beneath Jinyoung’s pants. Besides Jinyoung’s eyes closing tightly as Jaebum’s hand moved there, it was just as it had been. 

Jaebum kept his eyes on Jinyoung’s face as his hand moved up, pushing a bit at Jinyoung’s shirt. He was met with a quick hand over his and wide brown eyes looking at him. Jaebum didn’t pursue that avenue, even though his hands were aching to touch Jinyoung, _all_ of Jinyoung. Instead, he returned his mouth to Jinyoung’s, his left hand working on the button of Jinyoung’s pants. 

When his mouth moved from Jinyoung’s mouth to his neck again, Jinyoung finally made a noise. 

“Turn the light off?” 

Jaebum nibbled at his neck, the button releasing and the zipper opening up easily. “Why?” Jaebum asked, concentrating in a way that had him unsure what the question even was. 

“Please.” 

It was a breathy question and Jaebum paused, stifling a groan and settling for a sigh instead. Kissing Jinyoung again, he smiled. “The things I do for you,” he joked, getting off the bed. He paused at the bedside table, pulling out a few things and sitting them on top before going over to the light switch on the wall. He cursed the winter months then, unable to see anything despite it only being early evening. He gave his eyes a moment to adjust and unbuttoned his own pants before slipping out of them. 

His hands were out for the edge of the bed as he made his way blindly in the dark. Finding the bed, he used his hands to guide him back to Jinyoung and the clothing he’d been removing before. He didn’t play around with the pieces of clothing he was allowed to remove from Jinyoung this time, removing them even before he settled back beside Jinyoung. 

His fingers had been deprived of skin too long, so Jaebum’s hand ran down the side of Jinyoung one more time, moving to grip Jinyoung’s erection without hesitation. He wished he could see Jinyoung because moving to claim his lips again was difficult in the dark. Once accomplished, however, Jaebum moved his hand in a slow motion, his tongue dancing with Jinyoung’s. 

Regardless of the never changing expression in his lover’s body, Jaebum must have been doing something right because Jinyoung was hard, _very_ hard and Jaebum really wanted to wrap his lips around Jinyoung’s dick. He didn’t, however, want to suck Jinyoung off and end things and with no audible or physical cues, he had no idea where Jinyoung was as far as an orgasm was concerned. 

Pulling himself away and trying desperately to ditch the visualization of sucking Jinyoung’s dick, he reached for the bottle on the table. Holding it is his left hand, he nudged Jinyoung’s legs apart, lifting his left knee up. This happened easily, giving Jaebum the first hint that Jinyoung wanted this since climbing on his bed. Or at least, that’s how Jaebum took it. He didn’t stop him, so that had to be what he wanted, right?

Popping the lid open on the lube, Jaebum carefully added the liquid to his hand, pouring more than he expected in the absence of light. He felt it hit his own chest and that had him pause a moment, letting the liquid warm up a bit before he used his pinky against Jinyoung’s leg as a guide. 

Jaebum scooted down on the bed a little bit, giving him better reach as he propped himself up on his elbow. From here, he was able to put his mouth against Jinyoung’s pelvis bone. Putting a line of wet kisses across Jinyoung, his hand moved further down, slowly adding the lubrication to Jinyoung’s ass. From here, Jaebum could more clearly notice the irregularities in Jinyoung’s breathing. When he slipped one finger inside of Jinyoung, he was able to notice the way Jinyoung stopped breathing for a moment altogether. 

He was concerned, however, that maybe this was too much for Jinyoung. As far as he knew, Jinyoung wasn’t out having a lot of sex and they hadn’t exactly discussed Jinyoung’s masturbation routine. With five boys, Jaebum didn’t even know how often that was possible. _Don’t think about Jinyoung masturbating,_ his inner voice warned. Instead, he gave into the desire he’d had earlier, allowing his lips to go over Jinyoung’s dick, sinking onto is as far as he could and letting out a hum as he tightened his lips around it. There, there was that gasp Jaebum had been looking for. 

His hand moved then as he pulled off of Jinyoung, knowing that it was a dangerous game for himself to get too involved in a blowjob right now. He moved his hand slowly in and out, his mouth pressing against Jinyoung’s dick but not allowing himself to put his mouth back around it. To his delight, Jinyoung’s dick twitched against his mouth every time. 

Still, Jinyoung gave him nothing so it was a complete guessing game on his part on if Jinyoung was loosened up enough for another finger. Adding more lube and going slowly, Jaebum moved forward, his fingers in and coming out slowly as his tongue left a wet trail up Jinyoung’s dick. He allowed his lips to wrap around the head and he was rewarded with what could only be called a squeak from Jinyoung. 

He didn’t want to compare this time to the last time he’d been with Jinyoung, but it was hard not to. He knew he’d been drunk and that it had probably been less smooth than his brain liked to remember, but one thing he was sure of, was that Jinyoung’s mouth had made so much more noise than it was tonight. Jaebum was also positive there had been scratch marks on his back and Jinyoung’s legs had wrapped around him. He wasn’t aware if that last part was going to occur this time or not, but if he had to guess from the way Jinyoung wasn’t responding, he doubted it. 

It was for this reason that Jaebum pulled his fingers out, lubing up three of them and continuing to loosen up Jinyoung. He was pretty sure Jinyoung expected Jaebum’s mouth on him again because he tensed up around Jaebum’s fingers, but Jaebum didn’t lower his mouth this time. Instead, he focused on his fingers in Jinyoung, making sure they hit their mark each time they went in. He went slow, making sure to drag across that spot as much as possible. Despite the control Jinyoung was trying to exert over his responses, Jaebum could hear his breathing turn into a pant and Jinyoung’s hips begin to shift uncomfortably. 

Almost as if he sensed the loss of control, Jinyoung suddenly stopped moving and shoved his hips into the mattress. It seemed that was Jinyoung’s way to keep himself from responding. Jaebum made a mental note to fuck Jinyoung somewhere besides a bed and see if that was the case. For now, he was going to have to deal with it as he pulled his hands away, leaned back towards the table and obtained the condom waiting there. He put it on, careful of his lubed up hand not touching the inside and then added more lube to his fingers and put them in Jinyoung again, pressing his fingers against the wall of Jinyoung’s ass and pulling his fingers free. Another bit of lube on the outside of the condom and Jaebum shifted again, putting himself between Jinyoung’s legs. 

Jaebum grabbed ahold of his dick, guiding himself inside Jinyoung and leaning forward, his arms hooking under Jinyoung’s and holding onto his shoulders. He began to move slowly, slipping out once and having to reguide. He pressed into Jinyoung, a sound close to a groan escaping him. He took a shaky breath, letting it out as Jinyoung tensed around him, tightening around his dick in a way that was far too pleasing. 

He froze a moment so his lips could find Jinyoung’s in the dark before he slowly began to set a tempo. One thing drunk Bum hadn’t remember so clearly was how fucking wonderful it felt to be inside of Jinyoung. If he had, it would have been so much harder to stave off the memories of that night. The wet dreams and morning jerk offs would have been a hell of a lot more disappointing if he had remembered this. 

Still, sober Bum was taking notice that Jinyoung’s hands were still barely touching him, forced to be placed on Jaebum’s shoulders only because the way Jaebum had positioned them didn’t allow for them to press into the mattress. Those legs he wanted to be wrapped around him were bent at the knees, but not even close to being where Jaebum wanted them. 

“Jinyoung,” Jaebum whispered, his lips kissing the side of Jinyoung’s neck, his lips, everywhere they could touch. “I happen to remember you leaving scratch marks on my back the last time we did this.” 

“I’m sorry,” Jinyoung answered, his breathing heavy again. “I was drunk.” 

“I liked it,” Jaebum pointed out. He waited a moment, noticing Jinyoung’s hand move from his shoulders and down to his back. Jinyoung was still hesitating, but Jaebum’s skin was singing from the contact that had been made. 

To see if it made a difference, Jaebum dropped some of his weight onto Jinyoung. Jinyoung’s dick was now pressed against Jaebum’s stomach and every movement had sent an additional sensation through Jinyoung. Jaebum smiled when his fingers pressed harder into his back and the roaming over it started. It was clear to him he was pushing Jinyoung forward and Jinyoung was having trouble hiding that fact. 

Increasing the pace, he felt the sharp dig of a nail in his back and it sent a sharp wave of pleasure down his spine, interrupting his tempo. A moan left his mouth and Jaebum inhaled sharply, trying to regain his control of the situation. He knew he was doomed when he managed to get an actual moan out of Jinyoung when his erratic tempo had him pressed quickly and forcefully into Jinyoung. He slowed the tempo, focusing on a few of those slow movements, hoping to repeat the moan, but Jinyoung had managed to control them, too.

Jaebum was frustrated and he knew there was going to need to be another one of those difficult conversations later, but he was too close to coming for him to start telling Jinyoung all the things he liked about having sex with him. Plus, he didn’t want Jinyoung to just do them to please him. What Jaebum wanted, was for Jinyoung to relax with him enough that he didn’t cover those sounds, didn’t hide what he enjoyed that Jaebum did to him and wasn’t afraid to do things to Jaebum. Right now though, he really just wanted to make Jinyoung come. 

“Jaebum...stop.” 

Jaebum’s gaze came up to Jinyoung’s but he did listen to him and stopped moving despite every fiber of his being not wanting to do that. “Are you alright?” He could barely make out Jinyoung’s eyes in the darkness so his face was of no help.

“Yeah, I’m just...you should...I…” 

Jaebum knew there would be a different blush there and he might have enjoyed that if the situation were completely different. “Please just blurt it out Jinyoung. If I’m hurting you I need to know. 

“You’re not,” Jinyoung rushed. “I just…” Jinyoung sighed. “I don’t want to make a mess in your bed.” 

“So, you’re about to come?” Jaebum asked. 

“Mm.” 

Jaebum laughed softly as he began to move inside Jinyoung again. “Blankets wash, Jinyoung.” 

“Yes but…” Jaebum pushed his lips to Jinyoung’s, restarting the motion that had caused his lover to stop him. Jinyoung was about to come and that had upset Jaebum’s control completely. He had to let Jinyoung’s mouth go because the movement was causing both of them to breathe haphazardly. 

Jaebum was so focused on trying to get Jinyoung back to the point of coming, that he didn’t even realize how much control he’d lost to the point he was already doing so. He was moaning with every sink into Jinyoung now and his own semen was flowing out of him. It was with a panic that he wondered if Jinyoung was managing the same thing but the dig of nails in his back and a small sound from Jinyoung had him relax. He kept moving in and out of Jinyoung until he felt the warmth of Jinyoung’s cum hit his stomach, forcing himself to continue despite the extra sensitivity in his own dick until Jinyoung relaxed fully beneath him. 

He let his forehead rest against Jinyoung’s shoulder a moment as he tried to regain control of his breathing. Jinyoung had come, which meant even if Jaebum wasn’t the best lover Jinyoung had ever had, he could at least get him to that point. He was just going to have to relax himself a bit more. And Jinyoung could do without actually telling him about his orgasms approaching.

Jaebum reached for the blanket that had by some miracle not been pushed off the bed and draped it over Jinyoung before he reached over for the lamp. Clicking it on, he blinked against the light, removed the condom and dropped it into the trash can next to the bed. He rolled back over then, taking in Jinyoung’s flushed face. There was a smile there and Jaebum smiled back at him, looking at Jinyoung far too intently.

~

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Jinyoung asked. Jaebum was laying next to him, propped up by his elbow. They’d been sitting like this for a few minutes, Jaebum silently watching him. 

“Like what?” Jaebum questioned. 

“Like you have a question but are unsure how to ask.” 

Jaebum smiled. “Nothing gets by you, does it?” 

“Call it parental intuition. Now out with it.” 

“Jinyoung... was that good for you? All of it?”

Jinyoung would admit that was not a question he had expected, nor one he’d ever been asked before. “I think that was quite obvious,” he answered, a little unsure what exact answer Jaebum was looking for. “Was it good for you?” Jinyoung asked, more than a little awkwardly. 

“Mm.” Jaebum hummed, planting a short kiss on Jinyoung’s lips. “So what now?” 

Jinyoung took a deep breath. “Now, I would like a shower and something to eat.” 

“Am I allowed to join you in that shower?” 

“Absolutely not!” Jaebum laughed as Jinyoung continued to stare at him, eyes wide and clutching the blanket to him. “Why would you even want to?

“Yes, why would I want to see my boyfriend wet and naked? I can’t think of any possible reason for that.”

“Oh,” Jinyoung said, his grip loosening on the blanket. He knew his blush had returned and was probably all the way down to his toes. The fact that they had just had sex went straight over Jinyoung’s head as he tried to figure out why Jaebum would want to see him that way. He thought about flipping it around and tried to imagine Jaebum that way and he had to quickly push the thoughts away before he never left Jaebum’s bed. The difference though, was that Jaebum was flawless and Jinyoung naked was not. There was a reason he didn’t allow his shirt to come off. 

“Boyfriend?” Jinyoung asked, realizing that word had slipped out of Jaebum’s mouth. 

“Mm,” Jaebum hummed again. 

Jinyoung smiled, knowing he could ask about a thousand questions as to when that had happened and what it took to qualify as boyfriend status, but Jaebum chose that moment to get out of the bed and with the light on, Jinyoung took advantage of the view. Yes, he wanted to see _his_ boyfriend naked and covered in water. 

“I’m going to go cook something to eat while you shower. Try to leave me some hot water, okay? There are t-shirts in the third drawer in the closet.” Jaebum leaned over to kiss him one last time before he pulled on his pants and headed out of the room. 

Jinyoung sighed, climbing out of bed and finding the other half of his clothing, snagging his _boyfriend’s_ t-shirt and shuffling into the bathroom. He clicked the lock in place, turned on the water so it could adjust and pulled his cum soaked shirt over his head. Jaebum’s bathroom was too well lit and the big mirror over the sink only confirmed Jinyoung’s earlier thoughts. The marks that danced across his stomach were as ugly as ever and he never wanted Jaebum to see them. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_Fire Agate aids in improving sexual activity._


	9. Adamite

Climbing into the shower, he thought back to Jaebum’s question. Yes, he had enjoyed it. Had even enjoyed being able to press his hands into Jaebum when the feelings Jaebum was causing built up. He honestly would have been beyond happy if Jaebum would give him a blowjob, but he’d never feel courageous enough to ask for one. Really, he barely even knew what those felt like and that was why he’d almost lost it earlier when Jaebum’s mouth had been on him. 

These thoughts were still dancing around his head when he got out of the shower, dressed and went into the kitchen. He paused when he saw Jaebum, red marks across his back as he stood shirtless in front of the stove. 

“Am I supposed to enjoy it?” Jinyoung asked, blurting the question as he stood across the room. He enjoyed seeing those marks on Jaebum and he felt like the dirtiest person in the world for that feeling. 

Jaebum turned towards him, a piece of cooked chicken halfway to his mouth and a look on his face Jinyoung couldn’t decipher. “Excuse me?” he asked and Jinyoung wondered why he’d asked. It was clearly too late to go back on it now as Jaebum turned off the stove and turned fully towards him. 

“Sex,” Jinyoung specified, looking up at the cabinets and noticing their stain because looking at Jaebum was currently impossible. “You asked if I did and I did but in the past, I haven’t and that was normal and it's so different with you than...before and I got to thinking in the shower that maybe I shouldn’t be enjoying it. Maybe it’s wrong that I am, not that you seemed to think so...I don’t think...” 

His gaze had somehow fallen and he was now noticing too much about the tile of the floor. “I shouldn't have asked but you said I had to tell you if things bothered me and this bothers me but I’m not even sure why or really if it’s an ‘it bothers me because I don’t understand it’ or an ‘it bothers me because I did enjoy it and I’m not sure that should’. You came, but I know sometimes that can happen without it being overly enjoyable so you could have found it boring. That would make sense, seeing as I really don’t know what I’m doing. It was preferred I just be quiet in my last relationship, that it was too obscene when I wouldn’t be quiet but you...you aren’t quiet, so should I not be?”

Jaebum had made his way across the room and was now standing in front of him. “I just, I need to know what to do to make you happy so I can do the right thing.” Jaebum pulled him against him and Jinyoung stood there. 

“This,” Jaebum answered. “This makes me happy, Jinyoung. Just standing here with my arms around you makes me happy.”

“I mean...in there.” Jinyoung sighed into Jaebum, his arms going around Jaebum’s middle. This made him happy, too. He liked being in Jaebum’s arms. 

“I’m beginning to find that the way your brain works is a bit exhausting. Jinyoung, I could tell you every sexual adventure I like and then what? Would you try to do all of them, be everything I want?” 

Jinyoung nodded against Jaebum’s chest. He would, even if it was boring or uncomfortable for him because it would be something Jaebum enjoyed. 

“Then I’m only going to tell you that I like this,” Jaebum answered, squeezing Jinyoung against him. 

Jinyoung pulled back, looking at Jaebum. “Then how will I know?” 

“How is it important?” 

“I can’t be what you need…”

“What I need, Jinyoung is for you to just relax and enjoy yourself. For you to be as quiet or as loud as you want and for you to tell me if there is something, in particular, you would like me to do to you. Or, that you would like to do to me. What is it I’m doing to make you feel good so I can keep doing that and the things that are weird or uncomfortable so that I don’t do those. Sex is supposed to be enjoyable for both of us. If you don’t enjoy it, it doesn’t matter if you become the epitome of my sexual fantasies, it isn’t going to be good for me, either.” 

Jinyoung stared at him, trying to figure out how that was logical. “But, what if what I like isn’t something that you will like?” 

Jaebum laughed at that, confusing him even more. “If it has to do with you, there is a very high chance I’m going to enjoy it as well. It happens to turn me on when you’re aroused.” Jaebum was quiet a moment and that concerned Jinyoung. “Tell me what about tonight you liked.” 

He realized he had a right to be concerned because he didn’t want to answer that question. What if he got it wrong? What if Jaebum really didn’t like what Jinyoung had? “Everything was fine,” Jinyoung said, wishing he could bury his face deeper in Jaebum’s chest. He was surprised when Jaebum picked him up, sitting him on the counter. Jaebum filled the space between his legs and looked at him evenly.

“I told you that I didn’t trust that word already. Something specific, Jinyoung.” 

He wasn’t a parent, so how could Jaebum possibly have a dad's voice. And why did Jinyoung feel like one of his children that had gotten into trouble? With Jaebum so close, Jinyoung put his arms around Jaebum again and put his face back in his chest. “You know I’m bad at talking about this sort of thing.” 

Jaebum’s hand rubbed up and down his back. “I know,” he agreed and Jinyoung thought he detected humor in Jaebum’s voice. “But if you’re going to be _doing_ this sort of thing, you’re going to have to learn to talk about it. You have kids, Jinyoung, teenagers even. Do you think Mark isn’t…”

“My baby is not out having sex!” Jinyoung’s gaze came up to Jaebum’s fully and Jaebum smiled and patted the top of Jinyoung’s head. 

“At fifteen, I was. Granted, I grew up very different from Mark…”

“Yeah, you became a stripper,” Jinyoung spat. He regretted it instantly, seeing Jaebum’s brow rise. 

“Male entertainer,” Jaebum corrected. “Let’s get back on point, yeah?” 

Jinyoung nodded. Right, they were talking about the two of them, not his kids. Though really, he might need to actually talk to Mark about sex. That was going to be a nightmare. No worse than the nightmare he was currently going, though. 

“Specifics, Jinyoung.” Jaebum reminded him. 

“Right, specifics,” he said, leaning back into Jaebum. He closed his eyes, thinking back to how things were in the bedroom. “I liked…” his voice failed him and he ended up forcing his mouth against Jaebum‘s chest and mumbling the rest of the sentence. 

“If you’re not at least audible, I’m going to make you look at me while you say it.” 

Even though it was a threat, Jinyoung knew it was a soft one. Still, saying it was so much more difficult than he’d ever imagined. He wished he had even a little bit of the brass nature of his friends. He was pretty sure Taekwoon was even more capable of this conversation. “I like your mouth on me,” Jinyoung answered. 

“Specifics, Jinyoung,” Jaebum said again. 

“On…” Jinyoung stumbled again. Why couldn’t he still be rambling? Everything was coming out nicely then. Well, maybe not nicely, but everything was coming out anyways. He was terrified when Jaebum stepped away from him and surprised when he flipped the light off and came back to him. There was still a glow in the room from where Jinyoung had left the light on in the bedroom, but it shadowed him nicely.

“Here?” Jaebum asked, putting his lips to Jinyoung’s. Jinyoung hummed against him and Jaebum moved his head, kissing the side of Jinyoung’s neck. Again, he hummed and Jaebum bent down, kissing Jinyoung’s pants just above his dick. “Th...that one.” Jinyoung managed. “I like the other ones too…just...” 

He didn’t say anything else and Jaebum didn’t push him too. It was as if Jaebum really did understand how difficult this was for him. It shouldn’t be, Jaebum was right, he had kids but never in his life had he been expected to explain to someone what he liked. There was one thing he wanted though and he had no idea how to ask Jaebum for that. Maybe...maybe he didn’t need to ask. 

Jinyoung looked up, seeing Jaebum fairly clearly in the low light now that his eyes had adjusted. He lifted his hands and put them against Jaebum’s chest, running his hand down the front of Jaebum. He could make out the movement in the low light and once he reached his stomach, he ran his hand back up. Jaebum’s skin was soft, warm and when he reached his neck, Jinyoung didn’t stop. His hand curved around Jaebum’s jawline and his thumb brushed over Jaebum’s lips. His hand moved, hooked the back of Jaebum’s neck and pulled Jaebum to him.

He expected Jaebum to lead the kiss, but he didn’t. In fact, Jinyoung had to stop and look up at him. “I don’t know what to do.” It was somehow easier to admit that and Jinyoung couldn’t understand why. He’d just admitted he was incompetent in leading a kiss and yet the shame he’d felt earlier for so many things didn’t follow.

The only rational thing he could conclude was that perhaps it had something to do with the fact that Jaebum had stood there, letting Jinyoung pet him. He was there, with so much understanding and Jinyoung didn’t have any idea how. Jinyoung was a mess and Jaebum just stayed beside him, trying to help him figure it out. _Wanting_ him to figure it out. He didn’t judge him because he didn’t know something. He didn’t just tell him he was crazy when he’d come out of the bathroom and Jinyoung had felt more than a little crazy at that point. 

“You know how to kiss me, Jinyoung,” Jaebum’s voice was quiet. “Just feel, don’t think about it.” 

“Asking me not to think is like asking you not to breathe,” Jinyoung pointed out. 

“Who needs air?” Jaebum asked, letting himself be brought back down to Jinyoung. 

When their lips met again, Jinyoung was thinking. So he broke the kiss, took a deep breath and tossed all thoughts from his mind. Just feel. He pulled Jaebum back to him, focusing on the feel of Jaebum’s warm lips on his. His lips opened timidly, slowly and he tried to keep focus while Jaebum mimicked the movements, never going further than Jinyoung did. Feeling daring, Jinyoung pushed his tongue forward, breaking the barrier between his lips and Jaebum’s. When his tongue met with Jaebum’s, he was hit with warmth in his stomach that he’d felt just an hour before. This, kissing Jaebum this way, was no different than other times, but for some reason, Jinyoung was becoming insanely heated by it. 

He pulled away from Jaebum’s lips then, remembering how wonderful Jaebum’s mouth had felt against his neck. He pulled Jaebum a bit closer, his lips pressing against Jaebum’s neck. He felt Jaebum swallow uncomfortably and that brought a smile to his lips. He opened his mouth, letting the warmth of his mouth press into Jaebum and he was met with a soft moan from Jaebum. 

He paused, realizing he liked that sound from Jaebum. More importantly, he liked that _he_ had been the one to cause it. Something Jinyoung had just done had caused Jaebum to moan. He felt giddy at the concept and wanted to do it again.

He was about to use his tongue to trace a line on Jaebum’s neck as Jaebum had done to him when his pocket vibrated, a text tone going off that made him curse his oldest son.   
Jaebum took a step away from him, letting Jinyoung pull the phone out. Jinyoung frowned at the message, typed a short one back and then sat the phone down and frowned at Jaebum. “I have to go. Screaming children are testing the patience of my oldest.” 

Jaebum reached his hand out for Jinyoung to help him drop from the counter. “Do you want to take some of this home? I have a tendency to not eat leftovers.” He reached over, flipping the light back on and Jinyoung had to blink to adjust. 

“I live on leftovers and you don’t even eat them.” Jinyoung looked at Jaebum disapprovingly. “What is wrong with you?” 

“I have lunch meetings five days a week and only cook when I get home if I’m either not having a dinner meeting, not busy with work when I get home or don’t pass out. Most weeks, that just means Sunday.” 

“So that’s the reason your cabinets are full of food,” Jinyoung mused as Jaebum reached for a container for the food. Jinyoung picked up a piece of chicken, testing to see if Jaebum could actually cook decently. He wasn’t disappointed with the taste of it. 

“Mostly,” Jaebum smiled at Jinyoung, filled the bowl and put it into a bag. When he handed it to Jinyoung, Jinyoung took a step closer and wrapped his arms around Jaebum’s middle. 

“Thank you,” he whispered. 

“For what?” Jaebum asked, his arms folding around Jinyoung. 

“Everything,” Jinyoung answered. 

“There you go with the specifics again,” Jaebum teased as Jinyoung pulled away from him.

Looking up at him, Jinyoung hoped Jaebum could see the sincerity he felt in those words. He must have because he reached for Jinyoung’s hand. “You’re welcome, Jinyoung.” Jinyoung smiled as Jaebum walked him to the door. He was about to go home to screaming children, but he was going to smile the entire way there.

~~~~

There were fourteen kids in his house and it was going to be an absolute disaster tomorrow. However, Jinyoung couldn’t help that because Hakyeon had arranged it that way because they felt it was time to get to know Jaebum. So, here Jinyoung was, sitting at a bar with Hakyeon, Taekwoon, Seokjin, Taehyung and Key waiting for Jaebum to arrive. He’d already told Hakyeon earlier that he wasn’t available until eight and the only thing that had mattered to Jinyoung at that time was how exactly Hakyeon had procured Jaebum’s number at all. Hakyeon was not giving him that information and Jinyoung had just had to suck it up and accept it. 

Key was just as unhappy because Hakyeon had used Jaebum to get to Jonghyun as well and Key had somehow managed to keep that a monumental secret for the last several years. Jinyoung wasn’t sure if Jaebum had handed over the number or just called Jonghyun for Hakyeon, but either way, both of them were coming and there was little Jinyoung or Key could have done to avoid it. 

“Are you still sour about Hakyeon inviting Jonghyun?” Seokjin asked Key. He was sitting on a bar stool with his husband standing next to him but Jinyoung got the distinct feeling that they had argued over something that day and Seokjin was still upset by it.

“Shouldn’t I be?” Key asked, raising his brow at Seokjin from the seat next to him. 

“I dunno,” Seokjin asked with a shrug. “Think of it this way. This is sort of a couple thing and if Hakyeon hadn’t, then you’d be bitching about being a third wheel?” 

Key stared at him. It was clear that hadn’t occurred to him. “Seventh wheel, Seokjin,” he corrected. 

“Same thing,” Jinyoung commented on the other side of Key. He was nervous about this, more so than he wanted to admit. Key had been around Jaebum before and if Jaebum were still coming around knowing that he and Key were friends, then it was fine. But if Hakyeon and Seokjin really didn’t like Jaebum, he wasn’t sure how he was going to handle it. 

“Stop biting your lip, Jinyoung.” It was Taekwoon, standing beside Hakyeon’s seat. His arm was around Hakyeon who was turned sideways towards the group. 

Jinyoung smiled and nodded at Taekwoon. Who was he kidding? It was really Taekwoon whose opinion mattered tonight. It would take a lot more to get that man’s approval than either Seokjin or Hakyeon. He was sure Taekwoon was aware of the very first time Jaebum had made an appearance in his life. 

Thinking back to that, a smile sprouted to his lips and Jinyoung had to bite his lips. Why had he been nervous to put his hands on Jaebum, when that is exactly what Jaebum had forced him to do the very first time they met. He could feel a blush and he was glad everyone else was still harassing Key about Jonghyun so they didn’t notice. Turning his chair around, Jinyoung flagged down the bartender. He was going to need a little bit of alcohol to relax, just not so much he acted like an idiot. The flush from it would also help hide future embarrassment as well. 

They fell into easy conversation then as they waited for the two arrivals and another drink was ordered. Taehyung wasn’t drinking and Seokjin was consuming enough for the two of them. Usually, Jinyoung didn’t feel it his place to meddle, but Hakyeon either hadn’t noticed or wasn’t going to this time and the curiosity was getting to him. 

Picking up his drink, Jinyoung spun around, facing Seokjin and Taehyung. “So...what are you two fighting about?” 

“We’re not fighting,” Seokjin answered, far too quickly for anyone to believe him. Jinyoung only stared at him and he gathered from the way Seokjin glanced behind him, there were three other sets of eyes doing the same. 

“I want a baby,” Seoking finally answered. “Someone else doesn’t think that’s a good idea.” 

Taehyung’s eyes closed and Jinyoung noticed him take a deep breath and let it out slowly. “That isn’t what I said,” Taehyung corrected. “I asked a series of very logical questions…”

“Which all pointed to how it would be better off if we didn’t! That’s still a no, Taehyung.”

“I just don’t want us to take on something that we can’t afford or can’t handle,” Taehyung answered. He looked over at them. “Do you guys think a little planning is a bad idea?” 

“Not at all,” Jinyoung answered. It gained him a sharp look from Seokjin. “Don’t look at me like that Seokjin. I had to figure out how to take care of four boys in an instant, just to realized I was trying to take care of five. If you guys want another baby, don’t jump all in without thinking about it.”

“I don’t fully agree,” Hakyeon piped in. “Planning is great but it can also backfire if you put too much thought into. Sanghyuk is ten. He wasn’t ever planned to be the last, but now we have to consider the fact that we’ll be starting over with diapers and Jaehwan will be in college soon…”

“Wait,” Key interrupted, turning towards Hakyeon. “You guys are thinking about more kids?”

Hakyeon laughed. “Only every year since Sanghyuk was three.”

“Are you really going to?” Jinyoung asked, wondering what another child would be like after ten years of no babies.

“Probably,” Taekwoon answered. “I’m still waiting for that girl.” 

“Exactly!” Seokjin proclaimed. “There are too many boys in this family!” 

It was that moment that Jonghyun and Jaebum joined them. They both looked slightly out of place during the introductions, the two of them standing between Taekwoon and Taehyung to complete their little circle. Jonghyun ordered a beer, but Jaebum refused, choosing merely water instead with the excuse of having some work to do tomorrow. There was a collective groan at the concept of work on a Saturday. 

“So, what are we talking about?” Jonghyun asked, completely oblivious to the conversation that had existed before his arrival. 

“Having more children,” Hakyeon answered, his gaze on Jonghyun. 

“Oh,” Jonghyun answered, “I think I left something in the car.” 

As he turned to walk away, his arm was hooked by Jaebum. “You didn’t even drive.” Jaebum pointed out. He managed to get Jonghyun turned back around to the group but Jonghyun didn’t look exactly pleased by it. Jaebum, however, smiled at his friend's discomfort. 

“Don’t you want kids, Jonghyun?” Seokjin asked, appearing innocent as he spoke. “I happen to remember you doing really well with Yugyeom at the birthday party.” Key was shooting daggers at Seokjin, but there was a smile plastered to Key’s face as if it wasn’t bothering him in the least. 

“I don’t know,” Jonghyun answered. “I’ve never really been around kids much. They’re fun but I’ve seen them throw tantrums and I don’t know how to get through that.” 

“Oh, come on,” Seokjin piped in. “You handle Key’s tantrums just fine.” 

“Jin!” 

There was a collective laughter and Jonghyun looked even more uncomfortable. “How about you Jaebum? Are you ready to meet the boys?” Jinyoung was officially with Key on the desire to kill Seokjin. It was like his own relationship was unhappy so he had to take down the others with him. 

“Not quite,” Jaebum answered. “I still have about nineteen thousand books to read on the topic.” 

“But you _are_ sleeping with Jinyoung.” 

Jaebum smiled and nodded, looking down at the ground a moment. Scratch that, Jinyoung was going to kill Seokjin before Key got the chance. 

“That I am,” Jaebum said, his gaze leaving Seokjin to look at Jinyoung. He smiled at him and Jinyoung wished it had the power to calm him down. All he could really do at this point was take a drink and hope the blush on his face didn’t get any worse. 

“You know how babies are made, right?” Hakyeon was now on Jinyoung’s list. “Condoms don’t always work. Jinyoung could end up pregnant. What would you do then?” 

“Hakyeon!” 

“It’s alright, Jinyoung,” Jaebum assured him. “Should such a thing happen, then I guess I would be a father. I don’t really know how to be but I would figure it out. Jinyoung’s pretty experienced with that so I’d have a good partner to teach me until I figure it out. I’m hoping to keep that on the future goal list though and focus just on making Jinyoung happy for now.” 

Jinyoung was a new shade of red. He was sure of it as his gaze dropped. Jaebum just rolled with Hakyeon and Seokjin as if it was no big deal. As if an accidental pregnancy wasn’t a life-changing event that would alter his entire world! Maybe it was because Jaebum didn’t know? That could be it. He must just not realize how much a life could change when a tiny life was placed in your lap. 

“Jaebum, do you play pool?” It was Taekwoon’s soft voice and Jinyoung realized all too quickly that Taekwoon was about to pull his boyfriend away from the group. He panicked, his gaze going to Taekwoon to will him not too. Taekwoon however, was not looking at him. 

“Poorly,” Jaebum answered. “I’m more than willing to allow you to beat me though.” 

He knew. Jaebum _knew_ and the only thing Jinyoung could do was allow it to happen. He felt Key place a hand on his back, moving up and down in a comforting motion. Really, Jinyoung should have known. 

“What about you, Jonghyun?” 

The hand on his back stopped moving as Key’s eyes widened. 

“I’ve won tournaments.” It was almost like he was embarrassed to say it the way his head dropped. Or maybe he just knew, too, which would be even more uncomfortable because he’d been in this dance with Key a long time and he’d never officially been invited out with just the group he was in now. They’d ended up at the same events, but never just a night out with them. 

“Good,” Taekwoon answered. “You two can play against me and Taehyung. It should be about even.”

Jaebum put his arm around Jonghyun’s shoulders. “I apologize for your first loss, my friend.” 

Jinyoung watched them walk away. “I need a drink,” he said, spinning back around. “Can I have a shot?” 

“I’m having four,” Key answered and waved down the bartender. 

“That boy of yours, Jinyoung,” Hakyeon said, watching them from where he was as they started the game. “He didn’t even bat an eye.” 

Jinyoung looked over at them. Jonghyun was breaking and the other three stood off to the side of the table. He could see Jaebum talking and he realized he wished to be on a fly on the wall. And yet, at the same time, he wanted to sit there and drown in alcohol and never have any idea that Taekwoon had even spoken to Jaebum. 

“I thought this was a couple thing,” Key asked angrily, tossing back the shot. “Why did he take Jonghyun?” 

“You know how Taekwoon is about not knowing people very well. Jonghyun has been around our boys. Now it’s time to make sure he won’t hurt them,” Hakyeon answered, stealing one of Key’s shots. 

“Jonghyun wouldn’t,” Key defended, turning a sharp gaze Hakyeon’s way. 

Hakyeon shrugged. “You know Taekwoon.” 

~~~

“So what is it you do?” Taekwoon asked Jaebum. 

Letting Jonghyun break had probably been a mistake but it really wasn’t about the game and Jaebum knew that. “Boring business stuff,” Jaebum answered as Taehyung moved forward to take his turn. “Honestly, I spend most of my day planning how to sell things that are pretty much imaginary. Then I sell those imaginary things. Somehow I’ve gotten very good at it. How about you?” 

“Boring lawyer stuff,” Taekwoon answered. “The kind with low monetary rewards. The ones that pay well take me away from the kids too much.” 

Jaebum smiled, nodding. “Jinyoung did once say you were a father above everything else.” It was, unfortunately, his turn and he was in no way surprised when his stick sent the ball across the table and into nothing. He could feel Jonghyun cringe.

“Is that a bad thing?” Taekwoon asked as he walked to the other end of the table to line up his shot. 

“No,” Jaebum answered. “It’s probably the most honorable job there is.” That answer seemed to be the right one because Jaebum saw Taekwoon’s lips curve up. 

“Don’t you own a bar, Jonghyun?” Taekwoon asked, missing his shot as well. Perhaps Taekwoon wouldn’t actually be the one to beat him after all. However, the curve of the conversation away from Jaebum and towards him seemed to upset Jonghyun’s shot as he missed his as well. That was something Jaebum was not used to seeing. 

“Technically Jaebum owns it, I just run it,” Jonghyun answered. 

“He owns it,” Jaebum corrected. “It’s just more financially beneficial that it isn’t in his name.” 

Taekwoon nodded as if he understood that well enough. “So, a bar?” 

“Yeah,” Jonghyun answered. “It was an improvement from my previous line of work.” 

“Right,” Taehyung said, getting involved in the conversation after sinking two balls. “You were both strippers.” 

“Don’t even say it,” Jonghyun cut Jaebum off, sending him a glare. “Yes, we were strippers.” 

“So...you guys can dance then?” Taehyung asked. He seemed too interested as Jonghyun nodded. “So you could teach me then?” 

It took a bit of self-control to keep a straight face as Taehyung stared at Jonghyun as he waited for an answer. Taehyung was staring at him as a child might a parent waiting for permission to get ice cream. “Jaebum could.” Jonghyun finally answered. “He’s much, much better at it than I am.”

_Thanks buddy._ Still, Jaebum nodded. “I’m pretty busy during the week but if you want to pick an evening each week I can plan around it.” 

“Wednesday,” Taekwoon answered, startling Jaebum. Did...did Taekwoon want to learn, too?

“Taekwoon and I take Wednesday evening off from the family. Go have dinner, see a game if one’s in town we want to watch, see a movie, just something to separate us from our kids and husbands. Don’t think it’s not shared. They take Tuesday and we split Jinyoung’s kids between us. Sometimes the kids activities get in the way and we actually end up going weeks without taking a break but, that’s parenting.” Taehyung finished with a shrug. “Are you sure it’s okay to take Wednesday?” 

Taekwoon nodded. “I would sure enjoy watching you fall on your face.” He looked over at Jonghyun and Jaebum. “Does that day work for the two of you?” 

“Fine by me,” Jaebum answered, looking over at Jonghyun. He almost felt sorry for his friend, knowing how awkward this was for him when it was just supposed to be awkward for Jaebum. 

Jonghyun nodded. “I might miss this week, but I can work the schedule so I’m available after that.” Jonghyun took up his stick, sinking the 8 ball. “Are we playing again?” 

“Yeah,” Taekwoon answered. “One more. I think it’s going to take at least that for you to explain what exactly it is that you and Key are.” 

Jonghyun didn’t move to rack the balls and the four of them stood there. Jaebum really hoped he never got that look from Taekwoon because he could already see Jonghyun falling under the weight of it. 

“We’re not really anything,” Jonghyun answered. “We’re together for awhile, then we go our separate ways. Later on, our paths cross again.” 

Jaebum was watching Jonghyun and keeping his mouth shut. There was a very large part that Jonghyun was leaving out. Worse, Jaebum was pretty sure that it was becoming harder and harder on Jonghyun to keep that very large part out of it. 

“You’re in love with him, aren’t you?” Taehyung asked. He was leaning on his stick, a look on his face that told him he understood Jonghyun. It made Jaebum question what was in the past of Jinyoung’s friends. 

“That’s insane,” Jonghyun denied. “You know Key, I’d have to be crazy to fall in love with someone like him.”

“Then you’re crazy,” Taekwoon answered, moving to rack the balls for the next game, “but you’re in a safe circle here. We’re all crazy.” There was a smile on his lips and that was probably making Jonghyun even more uncomfortable.   
Jaebum didn’t say anything, but his gaze did drift back to Jinyoung. From here, he could see him smiling. They were looking at Hakyeon who was telling a story very animatedly with his hands but that was something Jaebum barely noticed. What his mind picked up on was the beautiful man who was his reason for being there. 

“Jaebum, we’re over here.” 

Jaebum turned his head, Taehyung standing closer to him than he’d expected. When had he gotten so close? He smiled at Taehyung, his mind returning to his own group. 

“Shouldn’t you guys be harassing Jaebum? I’ve been around for awhile, he’s the new one.” Jonghyun complained. 

“That was my plan,” Taekwoon admitted. “I was going to lure you two away with pool and then ask Jaebum his intentions. Unfortunately, Hakyeon uncovered that before I could even get this far. So that left confirming suspicions about you and Key and making both Key and Jinyoung a bit nervous. They’ll both be really happy to see you when we go back after this game.”

_That’s where you’re wrong, Taekwoon._ Jaebum looked over at Jonghyun and he felt bad for his friend because he knew it as well. What would happen tonight was that Key would pass through the night, pretending all was well. Jonghyun going out with them was going to be just like the birthday party. Jaebum was going to have to find a way to shorten his days and be there for Jonghyun over the next few weeks until Key felt there was enough distance between himself and Jonghyun. 

“Still,” Taekwoon continued, “don’t think I’m not still watching you Jaebum. Jinyoung is family.” 

~

The time they had been away seemed short to Jinyoung, but he had been caught up with Hakyeon telling a story about Wonshik for the majority of it. When they came back, his eyes turned towards Jaebum. “You survived,” he commented, reaching forward to touch Jaebum’s shoulders, moving down his arms as if he were checking for injury. 

“Was I at risk of not?” Jaebum asked. He took Jinyoung’s hand, pulling on it gently. “C’mon. You’re gonna dance with me.” 

Jinyoung looked around. Sure, there was room to dance and he sort of liked the song playing, but it wasn’t really a place designed for dancing. “Jaebum…” he said, even as Jaebum was leading him a short distance away from their group. “I don’t think this is a place to dance…” 

“Is it not?” Jaebum asked, stopping and turning towards Jinyoung. “What turns a place into one in which dancing can occur? Music, we have. Space, we have. The desire to dance is all that is left.” 

“You’re forgetting ability,” Jinyoung stated. “Which you have, but I do not. I have the exact opposite, actually.” 

“Nonsense,” Jaebum answered, his hands moving to Jinyoung’s hips. “Movement. That’s is all that dancing really is. If you can move, you can dance.” 

“Says the stripper,” Jinyoung said, his eyes narrowed playfully at Jaebum. 

“Yes,” Jaebum agreed. “Says the stripper. Now just move your hips as I guide you.” 

Jinyoung looked down, placing his hands on Jaebum’s shoulders, trying to do as directed but still far too aware that there were people who were probably looking at them. “Jaebum...there are people watching.” 

Jaebum looked up and then at Jinyoung. “You’re right, there are. Do you know why? Because they are so jealous that I get to be the one standing next to you.” 

Jinyoung flushed. “Full of it tonight, aren’t you?” Jinyoung asked despite the fact that he felt all warm and fuzzy inside.

“What can I say? I had a good day and then I got to see you so it just got even better. I also don’t think Taekwoon is going to kill me, so more good things.”

Jaebum was smiling at him so widely, Jinyoung could barely tell his eyes were even open. He couldn’t help but smile back, glad that he was getting to see Jaebum this way. So many times when they’d been on dates, Jinyoung had been able to see the tiredness that was lodged behind Jaebum’s smile. Perhaps he had recognized that so easily because Jinyoung was tired all the time as well. Now, though, Jaebum seemed energized and it was more than a little contagious. 

“Okay,” Jinyoung gave in. “Let’s dance.”

“Fantastic!” Jaebum let go of his hips, taking his hand and spinning Jinyoung around. When he was once again facing Jaebum, he tried to remember to just move but Jaebum’s ‘just moving’ was more than a little distracting. He’d forgotten how fluid Jaebum was and as much as he was trying not to let it get to him, it made him, even more, self-conscious. 

“Jaebum, you’re making him nervous!” 

Jinyoung looked up to find Taehyung coming towards them with Seokjin in tow. “Just watch how terrible I am until you feel confident, Jinyoung.” 

Looking beyond them, he could see the other four coming his way as well. Taehyung was right in that he would gain confidence from watching Taehyung. The dancing wasn’t so bad, but the expressions on his face were a little alarming. Jinyoung tried, but couldn’t help but laugh and that made it much easier to lean into Jaebum and dance on his own. 

Beside them, Hakyeon had given up trying to dance to the beat, wrapping his arms around Taekwoon’s neck instead and just swaying. Jinyoung knew it was just a reason to be close to Taekwoon in public, something Taekwoon had taken quite a while to become accustomed to, and nothing to do with Hakyeon’s actual ability to dance. 

Jinyoung didn’t even turn his attention to Key and Jonghyun. He’d seen them dance together before and there was something beautiful to it. It was fine for him to see that when he was sitting on the sideline watching them. It was quite different when he was on the dance floor as well. It was a little reassuring though since he knew if anyone wanted to watch their little group, his friends would be the ones to draw the attention. 

Jinyoung turned his attention back to and caught Jaebum watching him. “What? He asked as Jaebum spun him around again. 

“Nothing,” Jaebum answered. “You just look happy.”

Jinyoung nodded, “I am,” he said, his hand moving up to hook Jaebum’s neck and bring his face down to his. He kissed Jaebum briefly before letting go, the fact they were in a very public place crossing his mind afterward. 

“Good.” 

~

“Are you sure you can get home okay?” Jaebum was looking at Jinyoung through the window of his vehicle and Jinyoung nodded. 

“I’ll be fine,” Jinyoung promised. “I stopped drinking over two hours ago and I really didn’t have that much, to begin with. I knew I had to drive.” 

He was smiling at him and as much as Jaebum didn’t want to, he was going to just have to let it go. Jinyoung was responsible and had planned for the driving. Still, he would have felt much better dropping Jinyoung off if there was even a sip of wine consumed. 

Instead of voicing that, Jaebum leaned inside the window, his lips pressing into Jinyoung’s. It was an awkward angle, one his body didn’t like despite the fact that it was a short kiss. “Drive careful, okay?” Jinyoung nodded and Jaebum pressed his lips to Jinyoung’s again. “Let me know when you get home?” Again a nod and another kiss. Then Jaebum pulled away, Key climbed in on the other side and Jinyoung was pulling away. 

Jaebum joined Jonghyun on the curb after that. Taekwoon was putting Hakyeon into the car and Taehyung and Seokjin had already taken off.   
Going up to them, Jaebum smiled as Hakyeon mumbled incoherently. “There’s a reason he doesn’t drink much,” Taekwoon said shutting the door. “Are you taking him home?” Taekwoon asked. 

Jaebum looked back at Jonghyun. “Yeah, I got him,” he said. Sure, Jonghyun had been drinking but Jaebum had seen him consume far more. “I just wanted to ask one thing of you before you left,” Jaebum explained. 

“What’s that?” Taekwoon asked. 

“Earlier you said you would still be watching me. I just want to ask that you don’t ever stop, even if your gut tells you to. It may seem strange, but I am human and I really want to treat Jinyoung well. If someone is watching, maybe I’ll avoid some errors along the way.” 

He was holding Taekwoon’s gaze as he finished speaking and Taekwoon nodded as if he understood what he meant. “Deal.” 

Jaebum smiled, him and Jonghyun heading to his car. As they pulled away, Jaebum glanced over at Jonghyun. “Should I stay with you tonight?” he asked.

“To what point?” Jonghyun asked. “You have work early. I’m just going to go home and go to bed. This isn’t the first time, Jaebum. I really need to figure out how to make it the last.”

They were quiet the rest of the drive to Jonghyun’s despite the fact that Jaebum had already decided he wasn’t going home. Jonghyun wouldn’t say it, but he needed Jaebum to do so. They were walking in when Jonghyun spoke again. “Maybe I should give legitimate dating a shot. It seems to be working for you. Do you know anyone who is single? My line of work doesn’t scream much more than hookups.” 

Jaebum nodded, a heavy breath escaping him. “I know a few,” he admitted. “But are you sure? I don’t want to set up a date with someone I know for you to decide later that it’s not what you want.”

“What I want…” Jonghyun sighed, falling onto his couch heavily, “is just so normal. I want a house, with kids, maybe even a dog. All of that with someone who wants the same thing. I’m never going to have that with Key and I’m getting too old to hold onto the foolish hope that I will. So I’m going to let Key pull away and I’m going to do the same this time.” He looked up at Jaebum. “I’m going to need help with that.” 

Jaebum sat down beside him. “Alright, Jonghyun. I’ll help you if it’s what you really want.” When Jonghyun nodded, Jaebum inhaled deeply and let it out. It was going to be a rough few months for his friend.


	10. Covelite

“Jinyoung, what are you doing here?” 

Jinyoung looked up with confusion on his face as he looked at Joongki. It was Thursday, so he was suppose to be at work. “What do you mean?” Jinyoung asked. 

“You took a PTO day. Put it in like four months ago.” Joongki was staring at him. “Did you cancel it?” 

Jinyoung looked at his phone, looking to his calendar for the date. “Oh,” he said, looking at the mark on the calendar. “I lost track of the date,” he admitted. “I have to go.” Joongki probably said something to him after that, but Jinyoung honestly didn’t know what it was. 

_April 13th._ How had it managed to creep up on him like this? Last year, last year he’d been prepared for it. Had felt the heavy presence of that day early in the week. This year, he hadn’t even noticed until it was upon him. 

He wished Joongki hadn’t said anything. He really did, because until this moment, he hadn’t really thought about the day Wonpil left him. Doing so now hit him hard and Jinyoung found his feet carrying him forward. He had no direction in mind and that was fine because it wasn’t like he had anywhere he had to be. 

~~~

Mark looked at the time. It was already eleven and his dad wasn’t home yet. He’d thought it odd because even when his dad went out, he always told him. Mark had come home to no note, no text message and worse, his dad wasn’t answering his phone. Still, if he was with Jaebum, maybe they were at a movie or something where his dad couldn’t answer. That had to be it. He hoped that was it and that maybe, just maybe, his dad hadn’t realized what today was. 

He’d fed his brothers hot dogs and put them to bed, telling them dad just had to work late. It was a lie but not even Jackson caught on enough to realize that their dad had never worked late. Still, it had gotten them into bed and that had left Mark alone to sit at the kitchen table, waiting for the moment his dad came home and told him what was going on. He would just work on his paper that was due next week until then. He tried that, but Mark knew. He knew something was off because his dad was never this late. 

With that thought, Mark had given in and called his Uncle Hakyeon. If his dad had plans tonight that he’d forgotten to tell Mark about, then it would be Hakyeon who knew. His uncle hadn’t known though, so Mark had asked a different question, thankful when his uncle hadn’t argued. Now he sat there, the numbers to Jaebum’s cell phone typed into his phone. Hakyeon had agreed to call Seokjin and Key for him just to make sure they didn’t know either. Mark stared at the number, nervous to talk to a man he’d never even met, but the worry over his father had him hitting the call button. 

“Im Jaebum.” 

Mark froze. Who answered the phone like that? “Uhm...hello?” Mark said into the receiver. “Is this, I…” 

“I’m sorry. Who am I speaking to?”

What was he even suppose to say? _Just blow through it, Mark_. “This is Mark. Is my dad with you?” 

A change came over the voice on the line. “No, he isn’t. We didn’t have plans to meet today.”

“Oh.” Mark sat with the phone in his hand, no idea what to ask next. He’d been relying on a yes, his dad was with him, his phone was dead and that everything was fine. When that reality didn’t follow, he didn’t know what to do next. 

“When did you last talk to him?” 

Mark bit his lip. At least Jaebum seemed to have a plan B for this unplanned conversation. “This morning before school. He was going to work and that was odd cause today’s the thirteenth and… He won’t answer his phone...he _always_ answers his phone!” Mark was losing it now and he knew it, but he also knew there was little he was going to be able to do about it because somewhere in his mind, he wondered if his dad was leaving them, too. It wasn’t a rational thought, but it was there all the same. 

“Mark, have you called your uncles to see if he was there?” 

“He’s not with Uncle Hakyeon. He was going to call my other uncle…” Mark wiped at his face, biting his lip again to try to gain some sort of control. “Please...please find him,” Mark begged. 

“Shh, Mark, it’s okay. I’ll find him, I promise.” It didn’t make sense to Mark why the promise of someone he didn’t know managed to calm him, but for some reason, he believed Jaebum would find his dad. “Just take care of your brothers, okay?”

Mark nodded, realizing Jaebum would be unable to see him do so. “Okay.” 

“Stay by your phone, okay?” 

“Okay.” Mark said again. 

~~~

Jaebum had barely hung up the phone with Mark when it was ringing again. It was Hakyeon, repeating what little he’d just learned from Mark. 

“I’m going to go stay with the boys. Keep me updated.”

His keys were in his hand and he was walking out the door with no real idea of where to even start when his phone went off again. A text from Jonghyun. 

‘Did you and Jinyoung have a fight?’

Jaebum hit the call button as he pulled the door shut behind him. 

~~~

Jonghyun made his way to the front door of the bar. He was angry. One, Key had blown off closing and two, Key was with one of his damn fireflies. Jonghyun had expected this. He’d know the second that Taekwoon had pulled him away with Jaebum that it was going to result in Key pushing him away. Which was fine. Jonghyun wanted that, too. Key being with whoever he wanted was _fine_. What was not fine, was Key abandoning his responsibilities at the bar. He was taking advantage of their relationship, not for the first time. A real boss would fire him. 

He had someone to close, but Art had never closed the bar before. Art was a nickname given to the older man back when he was in college and writing graffiti all over walls. He’d kept the nickname even after dropping the graffiti part. He’d called Jonghyun an hour ago, telling him Key never showed up. Jonghyun had called Key and Key had answered. He was _busy_. Jonghyun hadn’t missed the noise in the background and he was far too familiar with it not to understand it. 

“Sorry it took so…” Jonghyun’s voice trailed off. “How long has he been here?” Jonghyun asked Art.

“Since two this afternoon. He didn’t drink much at first, just sort of sat there. Then about two hours ago he started drinking. I just cut him off but I think I missed the point where I should have. Been a little crazy keeping up without Key here.” 

Jonghyun nodded, a sigh escaping him. “I need to take care of him, then I’ll help. Can you handle it until then?” 

Art nodded, “been doing it already.” The older man smiled and Jonghyun took a deep breath, heading towards the end of the bar. 

“Jinyoung, why are you here?” 

“Key’s…” Jinyoung smiled at him. “Jonghyun! You don’t...you don’t work now. It’s Key’s day. Where’s Key? Key’s supposed to be with me today. He promised but he works so I came here instead!”

Yeah, Art missed his mark alright. “I’ll give him a call, okay?” 

Jinyoung nodded, one of those smiles on his face like the world was a perfect place. “Wait, Jonghyun, they won’t give me more. Why? I’m not drunk!” 

“I’ll get you something, okay?” Jinyoung nodded at him again and Jonghyun sighed. Did Jinyoung and Jaebum fight? Why was Jinyoung completely wasted in his bar? Why hadn’t Jinyoung just called Key himself? At least he appeared to be a happy drunk and that made him a whole lot easier to deal with. 

Jonghyun pulled out his phone, hitting the button for Key’s number while he got a glass and put ice in it. There was no way he was going to give Jinyoung more alcohol, but liquid would be in his best interest for tomorrow’s hangover. He dumped some juice over the ice and swirled a little bit of a flavor shot in it to change the color. When his phone went to Key’s voicemail, he sat his phone down, hanging it up and heading down to Jinyoung. 

“Thanks!” Jinyoung said, picking up the cup and taking a drink. “This...Jonghyun, this doesn’t taste like alcohol.” There was a narrowed, scrutinized gaze looking at him. 

Jonghyun smiled at Jinyoung. “That’s because I’m an excellent bartender.” 

“You are!” Jinyoung agreed, taking another drink. 

_Gullible. Thank God._ Trying again, Jonghyun was once again met with Key’s voicemail. He stepped into the back, waiting for the beep. “I need you to call me. Jinyoung is looking for you at the bar and he’s drunk as fuck.” 

He hung up, trying the text route and sending pretty much the same message in text form. He waited a moment, popping out of the back so he could keep an eye on Jinyoung as well. With no answer, he sent another text. And then another. Four text messages later, he sighed, resisting the urge to throw his phone. 

Going back to the end of the bar, he looked at Jinyoung. “Do you have your phone on you?” Jonghyun asked. 

Jinyoung reached down to run his hands over his pockets. “Phone…” Jinyoung continued looking around, nearly falling over as he did so. “I had it,” he muttered, pausing as if he was trying to remember where he’d left it. He shrugged, putting his hands up. “Guess not,” he muttered, undisturbed by that fact.

Well, that left out the possibility of calling someone else. Jonghyun pulled his own phone up again, giving Key one last chance to answer. When it went to voicemail this time, Jonghyun was frustrated. “I know you don’t want to talk to me and you’re probably real busy with your damned firefly, but this actually concerns your best friend and I didn’t think you were that fucking shallow.”

Yes, there were personal issues in that last message, but fuck it. Finding Jaebum’s name, he sent a single text. It rang almost immediately.

~~

“Jonghyun...I don’t feel well.” The fun had left and his stomach was revolting but Jinyoung was eighty percent sure that making it to the bathroom wasn’t going to happen on his own. Jonghyun came around the bar quickly, helping him up and escorting him not towards the bathroom, but out the front door. It felt cooler out here and Jinyoung was relieved that his stomach settled in the cooler air. 

They sat down on the curb, Jinyoung’s head on Jonghyun’s shoulder. “Jonghyun, why isn’t Key here?” Key was supposed to be here tonight, Jinyoung had been sure of that. 

“He took the night off.” Jonghyun answered. It was an angry answer and Jinyoung lifted his head, leaning away from Jonghyun who reached out and held onto him, keeping him from falling over in the opposite direction.

“He’s with a firefly?” Jinyoung asked and Jonghyun nodded. 

Jinyoung leaned forward, his arms wrapping around Jonghyun. “I’m sorry,” Jinyoung answered. “That’s my fault.”

“It’s not your fault,” Jonghyun answered, his arm around Jinyoung and rubbing his back to comfort him. “Key’s an adult and makes his own choices.”

“Uh-uh. Wonpil didn’t like Key and I had to choose and now Key runs away from how he feels because I hurt him, but shh, I’m not suppose to tell you that.”

Jonghyun looked at him, the happy drunk returning now that the cool air had chased away the feeling of throwing up. “What else aren’t you suppose to tell me?” Jonghyun asked. 

“The only fireflies he takes home are ones that remind him of you. If there isn’t some trait they have or even once one had your name, he just goes home alone. I don’t think he realizes that though. Let’s see…” 

Jinyoung’s voice trailed off as he tried to think of something else but a familiar car pulled up close to where they sat. “Jaebum!” He cried excitedly. His smile fell though, because Jaebum did not look happy. The set of his jaw made him think quite the opposite and Jinyoung felt like a child. 

“Don’t be upset, Jaebum.” Jinyoung looked over at Jonghyun. He was looking at Jaebum cautiously and Jinyoung realized he must have messed up big time. 

“Come on, Jinyoung. I’m going to take you to sleep this off.”

“Are you mad?” Jinyoung asked, squinting up at him. He wondered if he could squint his eyes to be as tiny as Jaebum’s. He needed a mirror though because he didn’t really know if he was even coming close. 

“No.” Jaebum answered, reaching a hand down to Jinyoung. “Quite the opposite, actually. I’ll call you tomorrow, Jonghyun.” 

~

Jinyoung sat in Jaebum’s car, the heat off and the windows cracked. “It’s hot.” He muttered, shrugging out of his jacket. It was still hot, so Jinyoung pulled his shirt over his head, and kicked his shoes off. 

“Jinyoung, please wait until we get to my apartment before you remove all your clothing.”

“We’re going to your apartment?” 

“Would you prefer to go home and let your kids see you like this?” 

“My kids…” Jinyoung’s voice trailed off. How...how could he have forgotten about them? “I need to call Mark.” 

“He’s fine,” Jaebum answered. “I told him I’d have you call him in the morning. He was already going to bed late. Hakyeon is going to make sure they get to school okay and I’ve sent a message to Joongki that you’ll need tomorrow off. You need to sleep this off.” 

Jinyoung was looking at Jaebum as if he were speaking another language. “You spoke to Mark?” It was strange that this was the first time he imagined his boys talking to Jaebum. It made him smile at the idea in a way he didn’t expect.

Jaebum nodded. “He got my number from Hakyeon and called because he was worried about you.” Jaebum didn’t look at him when he spoke and Jinyoung noticed Jaebum’s expression didn’t change. His features were so sharp in the low light of the car.

“You are mad at me,” Jinyoung concluded before going off in a different direction. “My baby...how could I…” 

Jinyoung was crying now as Jaebum pulled up at his apartment. Jinyoung couldn’t do anything as Jaebum wrapped his jacket around him and picked him up, carrying him towards his apartment instead of letting Jinyoung stumble around like the drunk he was. 

Crying, he decided as Jaebum sat him down inside, was not agreeing with a stomach that was already upset. Jinyoung took off towards the bathroom the second Jaebum sat him down. 

~

Jinyoung was laying with his head on the toilet seat when Jaebum came in and handed him a bottle of water. Jinyoung took it, squishing it to get water in his mouth without him needing to lift his head. “I’m a terrible father,” he said, his gaze on a dot on the wall and not on Jaebum who sat down on the floor across from him. 

“You are not,” Jaebum argued. 

“I am,” Jinyoung answered. He was drooling a mix of vomit, water and saliva out the side of his mouth and into the toilet below, his nose was running from both the crying and vomiting and there was nothing that could stop the tears now. The escape alcohol had given him was coming back to get him in full force. 

“I promised...I promised Mark this wouldn’t happen again. Last year was it...I would be strong for him. He’s so strong for me...and I can’t even do the same for him.” Jinyoung paused in his story, leaning over the bowl as his stomach turned. He coughed a few times, but nothing came and his head returned to the side of the toilet. 

“Do you know...he wanted to play basketball with his school when he was eleven but he couldn’t. I hired some flake babysitter who never showed to pick Jackson up from school. Mark...he didn’t even complain. He just grabbed Jackson’s hand and took him home. I didn’t even know then. I didn’t know my eleven year old son had to ignore his classmates waving him into the gym while he waited for someone who didn’t show. I didn’t know that he told them he changed his mind and didn’t want to play...it wasn’t because he needed to be home with Jackson, but because he didn’t _want_ too. I still don’t know all the things Mark chooses not to do because of his siblings and I hate myself for making him think that way.” 

“He didn’t even tell me about volleyball. Jackson was just being loud and I happened to clue in on it fast enough so he could play.” 

“Jinyoung, you can’t take all the blame for that…”

“Yes, I can! I’m his _dad_. I’m supposed to take care of _him_. I can’t even do this right. He would have been better off if I’d let someone else adopt him!” 

If Jaebum was going to say anything to him, it was interrupted by Jinyoung leaning over again. This time it wasn’t just a few coughs into the bowl, but more vomit. His stomach somehow felt even worse and Jinyoung was starting to realize that probably had nothing to do with the alcohol. When he leaned back over, Jaebum was closer and handing him the water again. 

“Jinyoung, April 13th. Tell me what it means. Tell me why you’re like this.” 

Jinyoung closed his eyes. He didn’t want to tell Jaebum why it was he was a drunken, sobbing mess on this day. If it was just a random day with no meaning, he could handle it. This, this he didn’t want to talk about. “Can’t I just be like this?” 

Jaebum nodded. “I suppose, but Mark said something about the thirteenth. You said you promised him it wouldn’t happen again. I’m going to guess it is recurring. I should probably know what to look out for next year.” 

“Next year?” Jinyoung laughed sardonically. “You’ll realize long before then you don’t want me, Jaebum; look at me. I’m a marked up, drunken, vomiting mess on your bathroom floor. Only some of that goes away in the morning. We should just break up now before we get too attached.” 

“Why is the date significant, Jinyoung?” 

“Why?” Jinyoung repeated, shutting his eyes. “Because I came home from getting groceries and there was a note on the counter. It told me I was not what he needed me to be, that I hadn’t been for a few years and that I would never see him again. And I haven’t.” Jinyoung’s voice broke on the last word and it set off a fresh new wave of tears. Why was he crying over Wonpil again? Hadn’t he done enough of that in the last five years? Still, it hurt. He’d tried so desperately to be what Wonpil had wanted him to be and failed at that to the point that Wonpil had left their family. If he’d just taken their boys, then all of them would have been better off. 

He felt Jaebum’s hand on his back, his hand moving to reassure him. “Please just go away,” Jinyoung begged. He wasn’t someone who deserved the sympathy of another person. Jaebum wasn’t listening though, and that made him feel so much worse. 

“Jinyoung, are you still in love with him?” 

Jinyoung’s eyes opened. Jaebum was looking at him, waiting for an answer. Jinyoung nodded. Was he still in love with Wonpil? Of course he was. It wasn’t possible to hurt this way if he wasn’t. “Yes,” he answered. 

Jaebum didn’t say anything for awhile and Jinyoung thought, this is it. This is the moment when Jaebum would realize Jinyoung wasn’t worth it. Hell, he probably decided that before he even went to pick Jinyoung up. Now, he had an excuse that Jinyoung would never be able to argue and one Jinyoung couldn’t just fix. 

He didn’t know what to say to Jaebum after that and the look on Jaebum’s face was one he was never going to be able to forget. There was something there, something he couldn’t read but behind that, what he could read was the hurt. That was a look Jinyoung knew well from his own expression. 

The feeling in his stomach was only getting worse and Jinyoung actually welcomed the need to put his face back in the toilet. Here, he couldn’t see Jaebum. Or, so he thought. When his eyes closed and the coughing calmed, there it was, the image that would haunt him. How could Jaebum have gotten hurt by him though? Jinyoung was nothing. 

~~~

“Jinyoung. Wake up, Jinyoung. Mark’s on the phone.” 

Jinyoung groaned but sat up immediately. His eyes were still closed as he reached out for the phone and he instantly regretted sitting up so fast. 

“Hi baby,” he muttered into the phone, not at all liking the way his voice sounded. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“Sorry for what, Mark? You have nothing to be sorry about, okay? I did this.” Jinyoung said into the receiver. Silence came back to him and Jinyoung bit the inside of his lip. 

“Are you really okay?” 

Jinyoung smiled. His son was really an angel. “I’m really okay. Are you on your way to school?” 

“Already there. Uncle Hakyeon dropped us off today.” 

“Good,” Jinyoung answered. He was going to buy his friend the largest cake in the world. “Do good today, okay?” 

“I will. And Dad… Will you tell Jaebum thanks again? And that I can’t wait to meet him.” 

Jinyoung glanced up at Jaebum. “Yeah, Mark. I’ll do that. Bye, Sweetheart.” 

Jinyoung handed the phone back to Jaebum. 

“You should take these and sleep some more,” Jaebum said, handing some pills to Jinyoung. Jinyoung didn’t say anything until after the water that he used to swallow the pills was handed back to Jaebum. 

“Jaebum…” 

“Later,” Jaebum answered, leaning down and kissing Jinyoung on the forehead. “I have a meeting this morning that I can’t miss. Rest a bit. We’ll talk when I get back.” 

Jinyoung nodded, biting his lip again. “Okay.” 

~~

When he awoke again, the pain in his head had reduced. Rolling onto his side, he saw a pile of clothes on the table with a note pinned to the top of it. Without getting up, he took the note and brought it to his face. ‘Clothes for a shower. A toothbrush is on the counter. Please drink some water.’ 

Jinyoung didn’t bother to bite his lip this time, instead letting the tears fall as he sat up. Behind the clothes sat a bottle of water with a bottle of pills next to it. It was so simple and yet it was the first time that Jinyoung had ever had someone take care of him. He got out of the bed and stopped instantly with the realization that he didn’t have a shirt on. Had Jaebum seen him like this? He hadn’t said anything about it. To be honest though, he hadn’t said anything except they would talk later. It was only as he was climbing in the shower that Jinyoung thought about the night before. As water rained down on him, he could hear clearly in his own voice _We should just break up now…_

~~~

“Yeah, I probably fucking blew it,” Jaebum said into the phone as he walked towards his apartment. ‘Why’ was the question that came back to him and quite honestly, Jaebum didn’t feel like sharing that information. “I told you someone else should have handled it. The one fucking time I ask for _someone else_ to handle a meeting, you would think that maybe I had a good reason and you should have listened.” 

He’d never spoken to his boss this way and he was likely to apologize later but in his current state of not getting a lot of sleep and concern for Jinyoung and that relationship he may or may not have, he didn’t actually care. “I’ll try to salvage it next week, I’m not dealing with it now.” 

He hung up and considered turning his phone off but didn’t. He still had no idea what Jinyoung had done with his phone and if Mark called again, he should at least get through despite Jaebum not wanting to speak to his boss. 

His bedroom door was still closed when Jaebum walked in. Hanging his jacket over the back of the chair, he sat down, pulling out his laptop. Yeah, he said he'd deal with it next week but if Jinyoung were still asleep, there wasn’t much he could do. He spread his papers out on the coffee table, studying the information and making notes of where his pitch had fell flat. It was twenty minutes later that Jinyoung came out, dressed in the clothes he’d left him. 

“I didn’t realize you were awake.” Jaebum said, shutting his laptop. 

“It’s alright.” Jinyoung answered, walking into the room and sitting on the couch. Jaebum noticed he was about as far away from him as possible. 

“Did you drink any water?” Jaebum asked. 

Jinyoung nodded, “I was rather dehydrated.” 

“Anything to eat?” 

“I had some crackers but I don’t think I’m ready to take on food yet. It was questionable if they would stay down. Maybe in a little bit I’ll try something.” Jinyoung looked down after that. 

“How much do you remember about last night?” Jaebum asked.

“Well, I remember coming here. Then I got sick. I recall a lot of crying and... I remember saying we should break up…” 

“Four times.” 

“What?” Jinyoung asked, eyes wide as he looked at Jaebum.

“You broke up with me four times last night.” 

Jinyoung looked down. “I only remember once. I don’t remember leaving the bathroom either. What...what other nonsense did I say?” 

“I don’t know if all of it is nonsense or not but you did tell me, when I asked, that you are still in love with your ex. You eventually muttered something about how wonderful your family would be with him back. You then proceeded to tell me why he was such a perfect man and how lucky you and your kids had been to have him. How the only flaw in your family was you and if you could have just been a better husband, he never would have left. You stayed on that until you threw up again and after that you were stuck on Key and how you are the reason he’s so broken. After that you were mumbling too much for me to keep up with so once I was sure you weren’t going to get sick again, I cleaned you up and put you to bed.”

Jinyoung was staring at him and Jaebum wasn’t sure which of the things he’d just rambled off was the cause of it. It could have been his tone, he supposed, because he was again thinking about the way Jinyoung had torn himself down. It didn’t matter if this man had been the world's best dad, if the boys would never have wanted for anything, gave money to thirty different charities, Jaebum had learned too much in the hour he’d stayed on the floor next to Jinyoung. He hadn’t been a husband to the man beside him, he’d been a controlling piece of shit and Jinyoung had lived a slave to that. Worse, he’d convinced Jinyoung that lifestyle was normal. It had really clarified why Jinyoung had such confidence issues and no understanding that he was allowed to just be himself.

“What...why would you ask that?” Jinyoung still wasn’t looking at him. 

“Because we all do stupid things,” Jaebum answered. His own gaze was down now. “I don’t really know,” he continued.”I guess I wanted to know what I’m up against. I need to know if I’m chasing you with a chance or not.” 

“So you ask me while I’m drunk!” 

Jaebum turned his gaze towards Jinyoung. His face was red and if Jaebum was judging correctly, angry. He was right when Jinyoung stood up and turned towards him. “Why! People don’t have rational conversations when they’re drunk!” 

“Rational, maybe not. There is, however, this line of truth that usually comes out.” Jaebum stayed in his seat, willing himself not to get emotional with Jinyoung. He’d spent most of the day in a state that wasn’t exactly level headed; thoughts dancing in his head about how difficult it would be if he were forced to let go of Jinyoung. He hadn’t realized how important Jinyoung had become to him in five short months. 

“So what? You think that if you ask me now I won’t tell you the truth?” 

“It isn’t that, Jinyoung…” 

“Then what is it, Jaebum?”

“I’m not fearless, Jinyoung!” Jaebum knew his voice had risen despite his will. “If you hadn’t been near me in that state, I wouldn’t have even thought about it. It wouldn’t even have crossed my mind to wonder about the man you were with before. He was out of the picture, that was all I needed to know. Instead, I saw you so fucking broken over another man your children managed to slip from your mind!” Jaebum regretted that statement the second it was out as Jinyoung visibly winced, but it was and there was little he could do about it now. So much for not getting emotional. 

“Do you know what the worst part was?” Jaebum asked. “The worst part was, I couldn’t just pull you into my arms and tell you everything was okay. I couldn’t make you realize that you’ll get past this or that your kids are better off _with_ you. I couldn’t, and still probably can’t, make you believe any of that, because you have no indication that it’s actually going to work out. There is nothing I could actually _do_ to help you but sit beside you. I’m not here because I’m obligated, Jinyoung, I’m right here next to you because I _want_ to be, even when things are tough. I never left, Jinyoung, despite the fact that you pushed me to do so.” 

Jinyoung backed down and honestly, Jaebum wished he wouldn’t. He wanted Jinyoung to yell at him this time. He didn’t want Jinyoung thinking it wasn’t okay to get mad at him. It was okay if he did. He’d tried to express that to Jinyoung before, but it was so much more important to Jaebum that Jinyoung understand that now. He silently willed Jinyoung to stay angry with him. 

“You still shouldn’t have asked that!” 

It sounded like grasping for a reason to stay angry and Jaebum knew he’d regret it later but his tone dropped as he looked at Jinyoung. “Why? So I could fall in love with you and you never feel the same? Clearly there is something already missing in our relationship if you’re still pining for someone else. Is this all just a fun game for you, Jinyoung? Is that the real reason you don’t want me to meet your kids? Or are you just afraid that they’re going to like me more than they do you?” 

“As if they could!” Jinyoung was glaring down at him and shouting. “You! You with your ungodly work schedule and inability to text back in a timely manner! You don’t even understand kids, how could you possibly be around them and they _like_ you! You don’t know how to play with them and you’re not that interesting! The only thing you have going for you is that you’re somewhat attractive and have money, neither of which matter to children! What could a stripper _possibl_ know about raising children?” 

“Are you seriously going back to that?” Jaebum asked, his eyes narrowing at Jinyoung as he stood from the couch. “Are you forgetting that _you_ were out _looking_ for that? Is that not just as bad as being the one performing it?” 

“I wasn’t looking for it!” Jinyoung shouted at him. “I have friends that lead me to terrible places.” 

“Must have been so terrible for you,” Jaebum scoffed. 

“Since that’s how I met you, it was! I was perfectly fine without you! I didn’t need or want anyone in my life and you’ve done nothing but make me second guess myself this entire time! So yes, it was terrible for me. Meeting you has been the worst thing to ever happen to me!” 

Jaebum didn’t respond and he tried desperately to control his facial features, but it was a difficult thing to do. Jinyoung was just shouting at him in the way people did when they were angry, he _knew_ that. It was what Jaebum had wanted. He wanted Jinyoung to express himself; he just hadn’t expected that phrase. 

The wave of hurt that washed over him was also unexpected as Jaebum was positive the ache he’d carried since last night couldn’t possibly be made worse. Jinyoung was angry, but what if, by some chance, he meant that last part? Was it really so terrible being with him? Clearly, his work schedule was bothersome to Jinyoung if that had slipped out now, but was it a minor annoyance or was it something that more deeply bothered Jinyoung? 

“Do you feel better?” Jaebum asked after a few moments of silence. His voice was off as he spoke, a slight hitch to it causing his words to sound broken.  
“No!” He shouted, letting out a heavy breath. “My head hurts, I feel clammy and I really want to sit down.” His voice had lowered and Jaebum really did become concerned. Jinyoung was still recovering from a hangover after all. This sort of emotion and excitement was not going to help with that and he did feel bad for that part.

“So sit down,” Jaebum directed. 

“Don’t tell me what to do!” Jinyoung’s voice raised again. He didn’t sit, but he turned around and headed back into the bedroom, slamming the door shut behind him. 

Jaebum sat back down on the couch and put his head in his hands. Was this really what he had wanted? No, fighting with Jinyoung hadn’t been wanted. Jinyoung standing up for himself though, that had been what Jaebum wanted and now he had to handle the consequences for getting what he wanted. A noise on the other side of the door caught his attention and concern for Jinyoung caused him to get up and go to the door. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_Charoite is a soul stone with deep emotional healing energies._


	11. Angelite (Anhydrite)

“Jinyoung, are you crying?”

Jinyoung sat with his back against the bedroom door and his knees drawn up. “No,” he lied. Yes, he was crying. He’d made poor choices that had made Jaebum angry. Worse than Jaebum being angry was that Jinyoung had hurt him. He’s seen it in Jaebum’s eyes, heard the break in his voice and he felt far more guilty for that than anything. He’d never wanted to hurt Jaebum. He wasn’t even sure how deeply that pain went because he didn’t know everything that he’d said last night. Not that it really mattered after what he’d said today.

“Jinyoung, please...don’t cry. Be angry but please don’t cry.”

Jinyoung heard a sound by the door and looked over. He could see Jaebum’s fingers underneath it. They wiggled, trying to get his attention and Jinyoung was half tempted to ignore them. The guilt he felt though had him reaching down, his fingers sliding in between Jaebum’s. There was a door between them now, but their fingers were tied together underneath it. It was a strange irony that this was how Jinyoung saw his entire relationship in that moment. Ever since they had begun dating, Jaebum had been reaching for him, but there was always a wall that Jinyoung hid behind.

“Jaebum…” Jinyoung leaned his head back against the door. He was exhausted despite having slept all day and he really had no idea how he was crying still. He’d drank way more than he should have last night, thrown up and cried half the night and was now doing that second part again. There was no way the small amount of water he’d had today would be able to make up for that.

He wasn’t sure how long he sat there, tears rolling down his face while he tried to make sense of things. The words he’d used with Jaebum repeated themselves in his head and the only thing he knew, was that he needed to explain to Jaebum so that he could understand it, understand everything about Jinyoung. It terrified him in a way, because of how vulnerable he’d always felt about that time of his life. Jaebum had been right, however, Jinyoung had appeared before him broken up about someone else. If nothing else, Jinyoung owed him an explanation.

“Do you know what I did, Jaebum? When he left? I called my mom for her to tell me I told you so. She helped me so much but there were always reminders that if I’d listened to her, then perhaps my life wouldn’t have turned out the way it did. Then I called Key, who after last night I’m sure you know I walked away from for my ex. He wasn’t even in the area and I had no idea because I’m an _excellent_ friend. So I went out and I found a job and put the two youngest in daycare. Then I found out I was pregnant and I had a breakdown in a park which is exactly how Taekwoon found me. I hadn’t even called or spoken to them in four years by then. I was sure they hated me, but they helped with the boys as if no time had passed at all.”

“After that, Hakyeon forced me to reconnect with Seokjin. Seokjin and I had been friends back in school, but Seokjin went away for college. I didn’t know he was back but Hakyeon knew. He told me that Seokjin had come back after Yoongi was born, that Hakyeon had helped him through that. I developed a normal routine and when Key came back four months later I apologized, I _begged_ for his forgiveness despite the fact that I have never deserved it.”

“If it isn’t clear, I started to disconnect with everyone I knew once I was married. Once we took in Mark, it only got worse and by the time Jackson came into my life, I was just so busy with the two of them that I didn’t even have to hunt for an excuse not to go out or do anything. I became isolated and because of that, I had no one to lean on and if I had noticed things were going south in my marriage, I just told myself it was a rough patch and we would get through it. That worked...until it didn’t anymore.”

“There was never an intention for there to be five of them. Jackson...he sort of exhausted me so the idea of adopting or having children after that wasn’t something we considered. Youngjae just sort of happened. Honestly, I was so happy when I found out, despite the fact that I already felt overwhelmed by two boys. I hadn’t had an actual baby yet and I was excited to get the experience. It was much more difficult than I thought it would be at the time.”

“Adopting Bambam was one of those things I thought he wanted so I started looking into it. Once I did that though, it became something I wanted and that was how I ended up with four boys. Bambam was six months old when we took him in. He was eleven months old when his family fell apart.”

“Yugyeom...when he came along, I was so stressed out. I already had no idea what I was doing or how I was going to provide for my boys but I never once considered not having him. I love being a dad. It has given me meaning since the day I brought Mark home and even though they may not realize it, they’re the reason I’ve been able to keep going when things feel like they’re falling apart. They make me crazy most days, but they got me through the worst time in my life.”

He’d stopped crying at some point, feeling a numbness to telling the story like it was someone else’s and not his own. “I am still afraid that something is going to happen that will make you realize you don’t want to be with me anymore. I can’t kick that feeling even though I’ve tried, but I don’t _want_ you to leave. I try so hard to hide the things about myself that aren’t attractive in both my appearance and personality because as long as you don’t see those things, you have no reason to ever go. I...I didn’t mean what I said about meeting you, Jaebum, I really didn’t.”

“Part of the reason I’m afraid for you to meet the kids is because I’m afraid they’ll get attached and we won’t work out and then they will just get hurt all over again. It would be all my fault they were hurt again. The other part is because what if you meet them and then you decide you don’t want to have anything to do with them because they really are a handful. That leads to either us ending or we continue on our current path and I just keep the two most important parts of my world separate. I don’t really like either of those options very much despite the fear that keeps me from just asking you to come over for dinner and meet them.”

“Of course, you’ve spoken to Mark now and he wants to meet you. You’ve even proven that you can be there for them when I can’t. It would be so nice to know they have you, but I’m still afraid. I know you said it could wait until I was comfortable with it but I feel like if I just keep putting it off, then the end will just come on its own and they’ll be salvaged from any pain.”

Jinyoung fell silent and Jaebum didn’t say anything either. It was only then that Jinyoung wondered if Jaebum could even actually hear him from the other side of the door. Jinyoung had heard him, but what if Jaebum hadn’t heard all that. Jaebum’s fingers tightened around his briefly and he was saved from having to worry about it when Jaebum spoke.

“What are you so afraid I’m not going to like about you, Jinyoung?”

“There are things I know and things I don’t,” he answered. “The things I know scare me less than the things I don’t. I was left once, Jaebum. There wasn’t a lot of explanation to go with it; I just wasn’t enough. I don’t even fully know what the expectation was that I didn’t reach.”

“Let’s start with what you know,” Jaebum suggested.

Jinyoung hesitated. He couldn’t do that. He couldn’t _tell_ Jaebum why he didn’t measure up. That was like asking for Jaebum to break up with him. They sat that way, silence surrounding them on opposite sides of the door. Part of Jinyoung really did want to tell him, to just get it over with and let Jaebum decide what it was he was going to do. It would end the waiting at the very least.

“Jinyoung,” Jaebum finally broke the silence. “I can’t take away the power they hold over you if I don’t know what they are. I’ve stayed with you to this point and I have no intention of being chased away by these phantoms that haunt you.”

“I’m not…” Jinyoung cleared his throat, only feeling slightly more confident with Jaebum’s reassurance. “I’m not very smart. I don’t really know a lot about the world, or anything really. Even helping Mark and Jackson with their homework, I get so confused sometimes. I don’t pay any attention to politics or any news about the world really. I don’t even follow sports. My job...I can only do my job because Joongki makes sure to give me a complete list of what I need to do. He teaches me anything that comes along that I don’t know.”

“Do you pick it up well?”

“What?” Jinyoung wasn’t expecting the interruption so he was a little confused as to what Jaebum was asking.

“When you have to learn something new, have you ever had trouble with it or is it something you get easily?” Jaebum explained.

“Sometimes I have to ask questions and it was really bad at the beginning,” Jinyoung answered. “I was sure he was going to fire me that first month because every time I turned around, I was running in to ask him how to do something. I didn’t even realize I was getting the hang of it until Joongki made a comment about it.” Jinyoung took a deep breath, remembering how warm he’d felt at the compliment. It was the first time since Wonpil left that he’d actually felt like he was doing something right.

“Do you cook for the boys?”

“Yes,” Jinyoung answered, just as confused by the direction the conversation had turned as he had been when Jaebum had interrupted him. “I couldn’t really cook well until Mark was adopted. We ate out so much that it didn’t really matter as far as dinner was concerned. Once we had Mark, I decided that he was going to have only balanced meals. I didn’t know how he had eaten before, but I vowed he would eat well after that. I wanted to give him his best chance at a long, healthy life. I remember thinking that it was the only thing I could really give him.”

“I would read all sorts of things about what was best for him at what age range. It sort of bled into the other boys by default. They don’t always like what I make, so I’ve had to find ways to be creative to get them to eat. Youngjae is the worst about it, always has been. Bambam hasn’t refused anything to this point but I’m sure it will happen one day.”

“So you learn fairly quickly with new material, you have an extensive knowledge about children, you can cook well and you have a vast knowledge of nutrition that spans across different ages. I imagine you have a fairly large understanding of what can and cannot get specific stains out as well?”

Jinyoung smiled. “If my boys haven’t spilled it, it doesn’t exist,” Jinyoung agreed.

“Jinyoung, how can you think that you’re not smart? Your knowledge just runs its own course. Your intelligence is based more on the experience of your own life. So you can’t talk politics or sports, who cares?”

“It isn’t just politics and sports…”

“Whatever it is, Jinyoung, it isn’t important. You have things in your life that are important to you and those things have taken your interest and become your focus. Ignorance about a subject doesn’t mean you’re not smart, it just means you haven’t given any time to it. I think you are an incredibly smart person and I have spent more than a few dates doing nothing but talking to you. At no point have I ever thought that you weren’t intelligent. Okay?”

“Would it be alright if I said I didn’t fully believe you?” Jinyoung asked.

“It is,” Jaebum agreed, “as long as you think it’s okay that I’m going to keep showing you that I’m right.”

“Alright,” Jinyoung agreed.

“Let’s move on to something else.”

Jinyoung pulled his hand away from Jaebum, climbing from the floor. Turning around, he took a deep breath and pulled the door open. His eyes were down as Jaebum stood as well. He didn’t even know what to say because really, Jaebum had already seen. It would have been impossible not to the night before so he just lifted his shirt, the marks that wouldn’t go away and the ones that couldn’t in clear sight. “These…” Jinyoung said as if that explained everything. Sure, they had faded. Some were now barely white marks across his already pale flesh that would never be noticed, but some had left indentations in his stomach that would keep them visible for the rest of his life. Not to mention, the scar he wore that had given him Youngjae and Yugyeom.

“This is why I can’t take your shirt off?” Jaebum asked and Jinyoung nodded. He wanted to flinch when Jaebum’s hand reached out and touched his stomach but he somehow managed to just stand there. He couldn’t remember the last time anyone had touched his stomach like this.

“What do you see when you look at them, Jinyoung?” Jaebum asked, getting down on his knees in front of Jinyoung.

“They’re just…” Jinyoung’s voice traveled off and he took a breath, wishing Jaebum wasn’t so close to them while they discussed them. Worse, he couldn’t figure out what exactly the look on Jaebum’s face was. “They’re just ugly,” he finished lamely. He put his hands on Jaebum’s shoulders with the intent to get him to move away when Jaebum continued.

“Do you know what I see?” Jaebum asked. He apparently didn’t expect an answer because he continued before Jinyoung could say anything. “What I see is a parent.” Jinyoung felt Jaebum’s lips press against the scar on the left side of his stomach. “I see a person who gave up their own body so that another living being could be brought into the world.” His lips were pressing against his stomach again and Jinyoung knew it was against the marks there. “I see a map of that journey.” Jinyoung was crying now, Jaebum’s mouth moving to another location. The tears that rolled down his face came in a rush as his hand moved from Jaebum’s shoulder to his hair, resting there as Jaebum’s mouth moved off of him to kiss yet another mark on his stomach. “I see the struggle of a body to hold all that love in.”

Jinyoung realized now that Jaebum’s mouth was working in a circle around his stomach and when it reached the other side of his scar, Jaebum pressed his mouth to it. When Jaebum pulled away, he looked up at Jinyoung. “I see my beautiful boyfriend and am in complete awe of what he was able to do.”

Words were not something Jinyoung was going to be able to do. In fact, all he was going to be able to do was cry even more. His knees were shaking, so he gave up standing, meeting Jaebum on the floor and leaning into him. Jaebum, his wonderful Jaebum, didn’t even say anything. He just wrapped his arms around him, holding Jinyoung to his chest while he cried. Jinyoung clung to him, his arms tight around him as though he were a raft and Jinyoung was finally being rescued.

Through the sobs, Jinyoung had one thought that he really wanted Jaebum to know, but the inability to calm down kept those words at bay. When he was finally able to calm the sobs and breathe, he managed to get out a single sentence. “I don’t want to break up with you.” It was a short-lived break, Jinyoung clenching his jaw to try to control the sobs that still wanted to come. He felt Jaebum’s arms tighten around him.

“Then let’s just stay together.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_Angelite encourages you to speak your truth and promotes compassion and understanding_


	12. Hypersthene

Jinyoung hadn’t been able to see Jaebum since the incident, as he was calling it. It had been six days and he had just gotten the message that Jaebum was going to be working late. They’d talked a lot over the last few days, but Jinyoung couldn’t help but feel like there was a distance between them. Hakyeon insisted he was imagining it, but things hadn’t really smoothed over quite as nicely as he’d have liked. Or, maybe he’d just have liked to be next to Jaebum without sobbing like a two-year-old and he’d had to get up and go be an adult so soon after breaking down that final time in front of him.

Perhaps that was why he was sending a text to his oldest son as he walked out the door of his own office building about how he’d ordered them pizza and he’d be just a little late. Instead of turning towards home, he turned towards the building that was keeping Jaebum from him. Stopping at the place on the corner, Jinyoung purchased a small cake and then continued on his way.

Arriving there was always a little strange. The neon shark on the side of the building was one he didn’t understand but had never asked Jaebum about. By the time he got inside, he’d already forgotten about the shark. He was suddenly nervous about dropping in unexpectedly. What if Jaebum was really too busy to see him?

It was almost eerie with how few people were in the building after hours. There was still the receptionist but no one was rushing about like they had the last time he was here. There were only two people in the entryway at all and they were heading out. It didn’t seem that most of the employees felt the same way as Jaebum about working after hours.

The ride in the elevator felt the same as it had the last time he was here despite the fact that he wasn’t in a rush this time. The walk down the hall to where he knew Jaebum’s office to be was so quiet, only a few open office doors revealed any actual people and two of those were there to clean those offices.

Jaebum’s door was cracked open slightly and Jinyoung could hear the soft sound of music playing. He listened a moment but heard nothing besides the slow tune. He wondered if Jaebum were alone in there or if he was going to open the door to Jaebum romanticizing another person. The image of Jaebum standing in there dancing with someone flashed so quickly in his head and Jinyoung had no idea why. Knowing he’d drive himself crazy if he let himself sit inside his head, he pushed the door open.

Jaebum looked up at him from his desk, a smile curving over his lips as he realized who was standing there. “Jinyoung.”

There was nothing else said, just his name and Jinyoung found himself smiling as well as he walked into the office, shutting the door behind him. Jaebum stood and came around his desk as Jinyoung crossed the room and he found himself swept up in Jaebum’s arms, their lips meeting as if they hadn’t seen each other in years instead of just a few days.  
At some point, Jaebum broke the kiss and Jinyoung leaned his head against Jaebum’s chest. “I brought cake,” he muttered, taking in a deep breath and enjoying the scent that was Jaebum. He liked the way Jaebum smelled now. Less cologne and more Jaebum as the day had passed.

“Mm,” Jaebum hummed against him, his lips pressing to Jinyoung’s temple. “I was just dreaming about something sweet.” Jaebum pulled away from him to look down at Jinyoung. “Then you showed up.”

Jinyoung blushed, trying to find something witty to say but failing to even think correctly after that cheesy comment. “I won’t stay too long, I’m sure you have a lot of work to do.” Jaebum’s arms tightened around him and Jinyoung smiled as Jaebum leaned down again. This kiss this time was soft and lingering and it made Jinyoung feel warm in a way he hadn’t expected. He felt loved.

“I’ve missed you,” Jaebum said when he finally removed his lips from Jinyoung’s.

He shouldn’t like the sound of that, but he did. It was nice to hear, especially with how uncertain he’d been feeling about everything since the last time they had been together. Jaebum was thinking about him enough that he missed him. It wasn’t just on Jinyoung’s end. “I missed you, too,” he said, smiling up at him. “Now, let’s eat this cake so we can go back to missing each other like adults.”

Jinyoung sat the box down opening it up and handing Jaebum a fork. He didn’t have a knife and he didn’t really care to cut it anyways. Jinyoung cleared a spot, sitting on the desk next to the cake and dug his fork in while Jaebum leaned against the desk and did the same.

“So is the thing that’s keeping you so busy going to bleed into the weekend or am I going to get to see you Sunday?”

“You’ll get to see me,” Jaebum answered, putting a bite of cake into his mouth. “If you want to, that is.”

“Why wouldn’t I want to?” Jinyoung asked, pausing before taking a bite and looking at Jaebum.

Jaebum shrugged, smiling as though he’d gotten the exact response he wanted. “I’m only working this much this week because Friday there is this huge company thing.”

“Thing?”

“I honestly didn’t fully read the email. We’re all going to this place about an hour away and we’re going to bond with our fellow employees. It’s basically a field trip for adults in this place with arcade games, bowling and I think there is even an ice skating rink. Plus alcohol.”

“Of course,” Jinyoung agreed, “the alcohol is the part that makes it adult.” He was smiling at Jaebum. “Such a hard ‘work’ day for you.”

“It makes the rest of the week rough.”

“So what part are you looking forward, too?”

“Bowling,” Jaebum answered.

“Oh? Are you good?” Jinyoung asked.

“Terrible,” Jaebum corrected. “Hyunwoo and I compete for the lowest overall score. He won last year but I haven’t played since so I’m looking to win this year. Or lose, if you will.”

Jinyoung paused in his assault of the cake and bit his lip. “Have I met Hyunwoo?” Jinyoung asked, trying to think of the employees he had met.

“Briefly,” Jaebum explained. “The first time you were here he showed you to my office when you were about to pass out from seeing me.”

The smug smile there didn’t go unnoticed and Jinyoung glared at him. “My apologies. An office setting isn’t really where you expect to see a stripper.”

Jaebum reached over, wiping a bit of icing off the side of Jinyoung’s mouth with his thumb. “Male entertainer,” he corrected, licking his thumb.

~~

The cake was gone and Jinyoung was standing up to leave when Jaebum wrapped his arms around him again. “What do you want to do Sunday?” he asked.

“I’m not sure,” Jinyoung answered. “Honestly, the idea of bowling sounds fun. I haven’t taken the kids in over a year.”

“Then maybe we should.”

Jinyoung froze. We? Did he just say we?

“Or, _you_ if it freaks you out that badly. _We_ can just have dinner and see a movie if you want.”

There was humor in his voice but Jinyoung wondered how much of it was a cover. “I...um, no.” Jinyoung was shaking his head and he wasn’t even sure why. “We can,” he said, nodding as he made up his mind. “Not this weekend though. Maybe...dinner first? You could come over and meet them.” Jinyoung forced a smile. “Perhaps decide if you even want to be seen in public with them.”

“Are you sure?” Jaebum asked.

Jinyoung nodded again, much more confident this time. “Yes,” he answered. “Jaebum, would you like to come over for dinner on Sunday?” Jaebum kissed him again and this time it was with an excitement Jinyoung hadn’t expected. When Jaebum pulled away, he was smiling far brighter than Jinyoung could ever remember seeing before. Was Jaebum really that excited to meet them?

~~~

It was Friday night and Seokjin had come over with his two youngest in tow. They were making homemade pizza and Yugyeom and Jungkook were currently placing little pepperonis all over the dough when they weren’t sticking them in their mouths. When they were out of little meat circles, the two lost interest and jumped down off the chair they were using and took off for the bedroom.

“So,” Jinyoung started. “I’m making chicken on Sunday.”

Seokjin raised a brow at him. “The reason you’re telling me is?”

“I’m making chicken for Jaebum on Sunday.” There was a squeak of excitement from Seokjin and Jinyoung laughed, thinking his nervousness was unwarranted.

Seokjin must have noticed because he paused, looking at Jinyoung. “You’re not going to back out are you?”

“Maybe,” Jinyoung admitted. In fact, once he’d walked out of Jaebum’s office, his mind was putting together just how to do that. Jaebum had been excited though and Jinyoung really didn’t want to crush that, despite his own nervousness. He had left with Jaebum telling him to let him know if he changed his mind about Sunday. It was almost as if Jaebum could see inside his head and know that Jinyoung was questioning his decision.

The door opened then, Jackson and Mark coming in the door.

“Hey, Jackson,” Seokjin said, turning towards him. “Make sure you behave when Jaebum comes to dinner Sunday. You’re dad really likes him.”

“Jaebum’s coming for dinner!”

Jinyoung wanted to stare daggers as Seokjin but Jackson was staring at him for confirmation. “Yes, _if_ you can behave.”

“Yes!” Jackson was so excited and Jinyoung knew it was going to be a nightmare getting him to calm down tonight.

“Jackson put your bag in your room,” Jinyoung reminded him, causing him to turn around and pick up the bag he’d just dropped on the floor. Then he was off and Jinyoung could hear him sharing the news with his brothers.

“What time Sunday?”

Jinyoung looked over at Mark and it clicked then why he was asking. “After your session,” Jinyoung assured him and Mark smiled immediately. It reminded him too much of the same smile that Jaebum had worn. Jinyoung began to think it was only going to be him that was nervous about this.

Mark followed Jackson out of the room after that and Jinyoung turned towards Seokjin. “Why exactly did you need to do that?”

“So you don’t _chicken_ out,” Seokjin explained. “Five disappointed boys means you won’t cancel.”

~

Jaebum had met more potential clients than he could even remember. He’d been to more dinner parties, charity events and grand openings than he could fully list. He’d spent more time in his college years in a speedo than fully dressed. Even with that history, as he shut off his car and walked to the door that would lead him into Jinyoung’s house and to those boys, his heart was racing and he felt warm.

Taking a deep breath, Jaebum walked to the door and hit the button to ring the doorbell. He could hear a flurry of voices inside and when the door opened, there was Bambam. It didn’t open more than a crack for his face to fit into the space.

“Move, Bambam!” It was one of the boys yelling at him and fingers appeared on the door just above Bambam’s head.

“But it’s a stranger!” Bambam argued and Jaebum noticed he disappeared and the way the door leaned forward, Jaebum assumed that Bambam was trying to shut him out. He wasn’t sure why, but that caused him to relax significantly.

“It is not! It’s Daddy’s boyfriend!”

“How do you know!”

“Because!”

“Guys, stop.”

This time when the door opened, it was Mark looking at him. “Sorry about that. Come in.”

“See!” Youngjae was the voice he had heard but couldn’t see.

“It could have been a stranger!”

“But it isn’t!” Youngjae defended, grabbing ahold of Jaebum’s hand and pulling him into the kitchen. Jaebum followed, unsure what else he could really do. “Daddy’s making chicken!” He announced though the kitchen was quite empty. Bambam and Mark had followed them and Mark went past him, returning to the chore he’d apparently been doing of mashing potatoes.

“I wanna put the milk in!” Bambam had apparently lost his concern about the stranger and ran forward, pushing the chair that was in there against the counter and climbed on it next to Mark.  
“After the way you treated our guest, should I let you?” Mark wore a gentle smile but Bambam’s eyes widened.

“I’m sorry, Mark,” he said, leaning against his brother and wrapping his arms around him.

“I’m not the one you were rude to,” Mark reminded him and Bambam immediately dropped off the chair and ran over to Jaebum.

His arms went up so Jaebum could pick him up and Jaebum felt more than a little awkward as he bent down and picked him up. His head went against his shoulder and his little arms went around his neck.

“I’m sorry, Jaebum. You’re not a stranger.”

He supposed he could argue the logic that to Bambam, Jaebum was still a stranger, but he figured it was better to just let it go. “It’s alright, Bambam. You’d never seen me before so how would you know?”

“Daddy showed us pictures!” Youngjae piped up.

“Youngjae, will you go get Jackson and ask him to set the table,” Mark asked, losing the fight with the potatoes.

“Okay.” Youngjae sighed as if that was the worst thing to have to do in the world.

~

He knew Jaebum had arrived because Jackson had gone running down the hallways. Going into the kitchen where his boys had apparently gathered, Jinyoung walked in just in time to learn Jackson hadn’t found a way to remove all embarrassment from his life as Youngjae looked up at Jaebum.

“Daddy’s pooping.”

He felt himself flush, embarrassed despite the fact that he should have outgrown the ability to be embarrassed by bowel movements years ago. There was enough new to his day, he didn’t need this, too. “Daddy’s right here,” he said, catching the attention of his son. His gaze moved to Jaebum, Bambam in his arms, playing with a button on Jaebum’s shirt. He was dressed simply but still nice, which Jinyoung thanked the gods for. There was a smile on Jaebum’s face, gentle but almost teasing as he looked at him.

He placed a hand on Youngjae’s head as he moved around him and back to the kitchen. 

“The milk!” Bambam shouted, wiggling out of Jaebum’s arms and running back to Mark. Jinyoung held his breath as Mark handed the measuring cup to Bambam and his son carefully poured it into the bowl. Once that was done, he breathed a sigh of relief.

“I see you’ve met everyone in my absence,” Jinyoung said as he moved over to Jaebum.

“Not quite,” Jaebum answered. “I’m still missing the baby.”

“He’s probably in his room. I’ll take you there,” he said, taking Jaebum’s hand and leading him down the hall. Jaebum’s thumb moved over his knuckles on the walk down the hall and it did wonders to calm his nerves. It shouldn’t be so easy for one person to make a difference, but it was.

Entering Yugyeom’s room, Jinyoung found him moving back and forth with the music of his toy. He was singing along, but even Jinyoung didn’t know the words.

“Yugyeom, do you want to meet Jaebum?” Jinyoung asked as he crouched down. Yugyeom stared at Jaebum, his eyes wide as he moved over to Jinyoung, wrapping his arms around Jinyoung and burying his face in Jinyoung’s chest.

“I guess four out of five isn’t bad,” Jaebum said as Jinyoung stood up with Yugyeom in his arms.

“I expected as much,” Jinyoung said, “Yugyeom is still in a shy stage. I’m sure he’ll come around.”

~~

“Jaebum, do you wanna watch a movie! We can watch an action one!” Jackson looked at him excitedly and Jaebum felt like telling him no would be a cruel thing to do. Still, he didn’t know the schedule the boys were on, especially with it being a Sunday.

“We have to clean up first,” Mark reminded him.

“Aww!” Jackson whined. “It’ll take forever!”

“It’s just the dishes, Jackson. It doesn’t take forever,” Jinyoung answered.

“It will this time!”

“How about I help?” Jaebum asked Jackson. The change in his demeanor was instant. “Then it might not take that long.”

“Jaebum, you’re a guest…” Jinyoung started but Jaebum was already standing up and gathering dishes.

“You cooked, we’ll clean.” He smiled at Jinyoung, daring him to argue. “Jackson, you’ll have to show me what to do.”

“Don’t you do dishes?” Jackson asked, gathering up the silverware.

“No,” Jaebum answered.

“Then how do your dishes get clean?”

“A magic fairy comes in and does them while I’m at work,” Jaebum replied.

“There’s no such thing!” Jackson countered.

“Then how do my dishes get clean?”

Jackson seemed to ponder on this one a bit, trying to come up with an explanation as he turned the water on and started to pour the scraps down the garbage disposal. When the plates were clear, he plugged the drain and turned the water on, dumping far more soap than needed into the water.

“I don’t usually let him wash them,” Mark said, coming in behind them with the last of the dishes.

“I miss stuff,” Jackson explained, dumping the silverware into the water as it filled. “I always have to dry them and put them away.”

“How about you wash and I’ll watch really carefully for anything you miss and you can rewash it?” Jaebum suggested.

“Okay!” Jackson cried excitedly, moving towards the refrigerator. There was a small gap there and from it, he pulled a collapsible step stool. He placed it in front of the sink and then went to a small drawer, pulling out a towel and handing it to Jaebum before standing on his stool and starting on the dishes.

“You’re going to be here awhile,” Mark commented as he wet a rag and left the room.

Mark was true to his word as Jaebum handed the first three dishes back to Jackson. “Look here,” Jaebum said, taking the plate Jackson hadn’t cleaned well. He held it in his left hand and stood behind Jackson. Taking the sponge, he moved it around the dish, hitting the entire surface in circles. “This way, you cover the entire plate.” He dipped the plate back into the water and pulled it back out. “Then you look to see if you missed anything and wipe at that spot again.”

Jackson was nodding, reaching for the sponge. He mimicked the motion Jaebum had just shown him and dipped the plate. It came out of the water with spots still on it but instead of trying to hand it off to Jaebum this time, he pressed the sponge against it again. When he dipped it again and it came out clean, Jackson smiled excitedly and handed it to Jaebum.

“Why does it stick so much better when _you_ tell him that?” Jinyoung asked. He’d returned the rag and had been leaning against the counter, watching Jaebum and Jackson.

“I’m just a good teacher,” Jaebum answered, turning a smile to Jinyoung.

Jinyoung rolled his eyes. “I’m going to go make sure my two youngest don’t drown in the tub. Mark’s working on some homework. When you two get done with your fun in here, we’ll watch that movie. You’ll probably end up with Youngjae as soon as he’s out of the shower.”

“Alright,” Jaebum answered, putting a plate back in Jackson’s sink. The boy let out a frustrated groan as he picked it back up, looking for the spot Jaebum had seen that he’d missed. Jinyoung touched Jaebum’s shoulder and left the room. Fewer dishes were being returned to Jackson, but there were still some being passed back.

Jinyoung wasn’t wrong, they did end up with Youngjae. He decided he also wanted to help so Jaebum slid the chair over for Youngjae to stand on so he could rinse the dishes. Jaebum dried them, placing them back in Jackson’s water when they didn’t get to him clean. When they were done and everything was dried, they put them away. Youngjae directed from atop his chair and Jackson assisted with the actual putting away of dishes.

Once they were through, Youngjae was again grabbing his hand and dragging him into another room. This one had Jinyoung, a book in hand and a child in his lap and another one beside him.  
“All done?” he asked as Jackson plopped on the couch beside him. Youngjae lead Jaebum to it and once Jaebum sat down, Youngjae sat down beside him.

“Jaebum’s really good at dishes!” Jackson said, his head falling back on the couch. “It was a lot of work, Dad. I’m so exhausted.”

“Does that mean you don’t want to watch the movie?” Jinyoung asked, putting his hand on top of Jackson’s head.

“I think I have enough energy left to watch a movie,” Jackson answered, sitting back up.

“Why don’t you go see if Mark wants to join us then?”

Jackson was up and off before the question was fully out of his mouth. “And you’re sure he sleeps?” Jaebum asked and Jinyoung nodded.

“Eventually,” he said with a laugh.

Youngjae hopped down, heading down the hall and returned a minute later dragging a blanket. Jackson had returned while he was gone and taken his spot next to Jaebum. He crossed his arms, a trait Jaebum was sure that he’d picked up from his dad and glared at Jackson.

“That’s my spot!”

“You moved!”

“You knew I was going to sit there!”

“I’m not moving,” Jackson said, hands crossing over his chest.

“Come here, Youngjae,” Jaebum said, glancing over at Jinyoung. His mouth was open as if he was about to yell at the two of them. He leaned forward, turned Youngjae around and pulled him onto his lap. They settled the blanket over Youngjae and they sat back as Mark came in and sat between Jackson and Bambam. Jinyoung pressed the button on the remote and the movie started.

It was only halfway through the movie that they all settled down. Jackson asked Jaebum questions and Jaebum answered them. Youngjae joined in between Jackson’s questions and Bambam had left Jinyoung’s side to sit on Mark so he could play the question game, too. Eventually, when they settled down, the boys began to nod off. Youngjae was first, followed by Yugyeom. Mark had his head on his dad’s shoulder when Jaebum looked over and he wished Youngjae wasn’t on his lap because that was a picture he wanted to capture.

He did carefully manage to get his phone from his pocket and after opening it, he handed it to Jackson. He ended up with thirteen pictures of Jinyoung, Mark and Yugyeom and the one that turned out the best was after Jinyoung noticed and stuck his tongue out at them. Really, there couldn’t have been a better picture.

With Jaebum’s phone in hand, Jackson then went on a photo shoot. He had close ups of Youngjae’s face and a picture of Bambam’s toes. Somewhere along the line, Jackson’s bouncing around woke Mark up and he took the phone away from Jackson. Jaebum was fortunate enough to get decent pictures of everyone because of this.

By the time the movie ended, Mark was asleep again and the only one to actually see the end of the movie was Jackson and Jaebum. Instructing him to move quietly, Jackson got up and picked up the remote to turn the tv off. Picking up Youngjae, Jaebum was lead down the hall by Jackson and he put the young boy into bed. He only mumbled once, so Jaebum saw that as a good sign.

He passed Mark in the hallway with Bambam and Jinyoung followed with Yugyeom. Jaebum returned to the living room, Jackson having gone off to get ready for bed. When Jinyoung returned, Jaebum reached out his hand to him. He squeezed tightly to it when Jinyoung took it. He debated pulling Jinyoung close to him. He’d never experienced before being in the same room with someone and yet he felt like he hadn’t been close to him all night.

He was still having that debate when Jackson popped back up. “Dad, are you going to tuck me in?”

Jinyoung nodded, looking back at Jackson. “Let me walk Jaebum out and I’ll be right there.”

Jackson didn’t turn back towards his room, but instead went over to Jaebum and put his arms around his waist. Jaebum let go of Jinyoung’s hand and hugged him back. “You’re gonna come back, right?”

“Yes,” Jaebum answered him. His gaze was on Jinyoung despite the fact that he was answering Jackson’s question. “I’ll come back.” The smile that crossed Jinyoung’s face was beautiful.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_Hypersthene helps to put one at ease in social situations and alleviates shyness in accordance with that. It also helps to enhance self esteem._


	13. Snakeskin Agate

Jaebum walked towards the door, the small box in his hand wrapped nicely. He hadn’t wrapped it because if he had, it would have looked like takeout instead of a gift wrapped for the birthday of a child. Bambam sixth birthday party was today and Jaebum rather liked that he’d been able to meet him in enough time to get to attend. It made him a little bummed to think about how he’d missed Jackson’s earlier in the year. 

The door opened before he even reached it, Youngjae reaching for his hand the second he was close enough. Somewhere in the background, he heard Jinyoung telling Youngjae not to go out without any shoes on. 

“I’m not!” he shouted back, Jaebum pushing on the door to get it to close behind him. “I was waiting for Jaebum!” That caused Jinyoung to turn his gaze away from the child on the floor and look up. Jaebum smiled at him, but that was about all he got to before he was rushed away to another room by the little boy. He was barely able to drop the gift on the table as they passed where other gifts were piled. 

“Jaebum, we’re gonna play Go Fish!” Youngjae declared, picking up the cards he’d been playing with and handing them to Jaebum. Jaebum crossed his legs, sitting down across from him and shuffling the oversized cards.

“Just us?” Jaebum asked, noticing two boys who he didn’t know across the room. 

“They said it's a ‘baby game’ and that I could play alone.” 

“I don’t think it’s a baby game,” Jaebum answered and Youngjae smiled widely at him. 

“I didn’t say it was a baby game!” one of the boys shouted as he came over and sat down with him. “That was Sanghyuk!” 

“It was not! It was Jimin!” 

“It was not!” Jimin again and Jaebum bit back a laugh and looked at Youngjae. 

“Should we let them play, Youngjae?” 

“Uhmmmm, okay!” Youngjae decided and Jaebum passed out the cards. 

~~~

“Check your phone,” Hakyeon said, walking past Jinyoung to take some abandoned cups into the kitchen.

“Is it still in your room?” Jinyoung asked as he stood up with a freshly changed Yugyeom.

“As far as I know,” Hakyeon answered. 

Yugyeom was having none of his dad at the moment and kicked his feet until Jinyoung put him down and he could take off from the room. Jinyoung headed towards Hakyeon’s room. It was the one place that was off limits to the kids during the birthday parties and they knew it. For that reason, it housed many items that the grownups brought with them. Like his cell phone. Hakyeon and Taekwoon always took the best pictures, Jinyoung had found out years before, so he was allowed to just enjoy the moments as they happened.

Going in there, he shut the bedroom door and located his phone. He fell back on Hakyeon’s bed, more than a little drained from the day. The first message from Hakyeon was a text of Jaebum playing cards with Youngjae, Jimin and Sanghyuk. The next was a picture of Youngjae playing outside with Sanghyuk and Jimin. It was followed by a video of the same and Jinyoung stared at it until it ended and then replayed it. He was about to watch it a third time when the door opened. 

He put his phone against his chest and looked up. “Hakyeon said you were hiding in here,” Jaebum said as he shut the door. 

Jinyoung sat up as Jaebum sat down beside him. “Not hiding so much as Hakyeon sent me in here to look at pictures,” Jinyoung said, leaning his head against Jaebum’s shoulder. “I’ve never seen them really play with him like this,” he said, looking at the video and turning it so Jaebum could look as well. “He was born when they were already three and they’ve always been moving onto older things that Youngjae just got left behind a lot. His closest friend became Bambam by default and he’s with him at home all the time.” 

When the video ended, Jinyoung went back to looking at the messages from Hakyeon. More pictures of his boys, a few of Jinyoung that he hadn’t known were being taken and one of Jaebum and Yugyeom. Jaebum was holding Yugyeom’s hands and Yugyeom was standing on his feet. “What were you two doing?” Jinyoung asked, turning his gaze up towards Jaebum. 

“Just swaying,” Jaebum answered, his arm going around Jinyoung’s shoulder. “He gave me his hands and stepped on my feet and just started swaying back and forth. I thought he wanted to dance but when I tried to move I got the worst glare a child that small has ever given me. So I stood still and he went back to swaying.” 

“I wonder where he picked that up?” Jinyoung mused, moving from Hakyeon’s messages over to Taekwoon’s. 

“Taehyung said that Jungkook does it with him, too. He happened by to let me know that since I’ve started, I’ll probably have a four year old on my feet the rest of the day. Yugyeom became distracted though so it didn’t last very long at all.”

Jinyoung flipped through the pictures. Most of Taekwoon’s were of Mark and Jackson, but that wasn’t too surprising since they’d been outside every moment they could. It often happened that way when the weather wasn’t so terrible that it was keeping them inside. Hakyeon and Taekwoon were really good about making sure that Jinyoung didn’t miss out on moments in his children’s lives and could at least see them through pictures. 

“You have some pretty incredible kids,”Jaebum told him, kissing Jinyoung’s temple. 

“You can say that because you haven’t seen them throw a tantrum,”Jinyoung said, laughing softly as he closed his phone and sat it beside him on the bed. He leaned back into Jaebum. “I’m glad you could come. Maybe you’d like to share with me how you got the older boys to play with Youngjae?” 

“I could,” Jaebum mused, “but I don’t think I will.” 

Jinyoung pulled away, looking up at him sharply. “And just why not?” he asked.

“Because it wouldn’t matter if I told you. You still couldn’t have done it.” 

“You don’t know that!”

“Yes I do,” Jaebum said, leaning back and leaning on his elbow on the bed. He looked up at Jinyoung and there was a teasing smile on his face. 

Jinyoung would think about how adorable it really was later but for now he was busy trying to get information out of Jaebum. “Tell me. Do it for Youngjae?”

Jaebum sighed, patting the bed. “Lay down a minute and I’ll tell you,” Jaebum said, “since you want to play dirty.” 

“That wasn’t dirty,” Jinyoung insisted, laying back in the position he’d been in when Jaebum had come in. 

“It was,” Jaebum insisted. “You’re prying information I don’t want to give by using a known weakness. That’s playing dirty, Jinyoung.” 

“No it isn’t,” Jinyoung insisted. “I didn’t know Youngjae was a weakness.” Jaebum’s hand was on his stomach and Jaebum’s eyes were watching him. Jaebum didn’t say anything immediately, just adjusted himself and moved closer to Jinyoung. He pressed his lips to Jinyoung’s and for a second, Jinyoung forgot they were in Hakyeon’s room and there were a dozen or two children running about. 

When Jaebum pulled away, his hand moved up to cup Jinyoung’s face. “He is,” he informed Jinyoung. “All six of you are.” He seemed to want to say something else but instead, he returned his lips to Jinyoung’s. 

They both felt his phone vibrate beside them and Jaebum pulled away. Jinyoung picked up his phone, looking at the screen. It was another text from Hakyeon and reading this one had him blushing as he hurried to sit his phone down on the bed. 

“What is it?” Jaebum asked, as Jinyoung turned his face back to him. 

“Just my dumb friend,” Jinyoung answered. “Now, stop distracting me and tell me your secret.”

“My secret?” Jaebum said, laughing softly when Jinyoung’s face turned into a glare. “It’s really simple. I’m new to them. Not being a parent makes them curious about me. I’m just still cool unlike all you parents.” 

“Cool, huh?” Jinyoung asked, even though it strangely made sense. The kids would be curious about Jaebum since they’d heard about him but hadn’t met him until today. 

“I told you my secret, now tell me yours,” Jaebum said. 

“My secret?” Jinyoung asked, not sure what Jaebum meant. 

“The reason your face turned red when you got that text message,” Jaebum reminded him. 

“No,” Jinyoung insisted, shaking his head. He put his lips to Jaebum’s again. “I need to get back to the kids. It is my baby's birthday party.” He tired to sit up but was blocked by Jaebum’s arm and pushed back onto the bed. Jinyoung looked at him, surprised. 

“Five more minutes won’t hurt.” 

~~~

“I want to be on Jaebum’s team!” 

Jinyoung looked over at Jackson. Here it was. Here was the first tantrum of the day. If you didn’t count Bambam screaming about his shoes before he left. They ‘felt’ funny on his feet. They’d taken them off and put them back on a dozen times and finally, they felt okay. Bambam had leaped up as though they hadn’t just had fifteen minutes of debate. 

“But I’m not any good,” Jaebum warned. “I’ll only make your team lose.” 

“I can do good enough for both of us!” Jackson insisted. “Please, Jaebum?” 

Jinyoung sighed. “Jackson, you said you didn’t want bumpers so you need to be on Mark’s team. Jaebum needs them.” 

“Hey,” Jaebum said, looking over at Jinyoung. Jinyoung sent him a raised brow which thankfully Jaebum caught onto. “Your dad is right. I really, really need them. Otherwise all my balls end up in the gutter.”

“Fine!” Jackson said, sitting down to change his shoes. Jinyoung was going to play with Mark and Jackson while Jaebum played on the side with the youngest three. Jinyoung was not good at bowling. Not even slightly and while Jaebum said his balls might end up in the gutter, Jinyoung was quite likely to accomplish that enough for all seven of them.

“Daddy, my shoe feels funny.” Jinyoung suppressed a sigh as he paused in helping Youngjae and looked over at Bambam. He was holding up one shoe. The other shoe was on and the socked foot was held off the ground as though placing it down would get it dirty. _Dirtier_ , Jinyoung reminded himself. 

Jaebum beat him to it though, picking Bambam up and placing him on the low table that sat between the benches. “Let’s just look at that,” Jaebum held his hand out for the shoe and Bambam placed it in his hands. 

“It’s funny,” Bambam said again and Jaebum looked at the shoe, flipping it over and then putting his own hand into the small shoe. 

 

“Who are you calling funny?” Jaebum’s voice changed, taking on a character's voice and hid his own mouth behind the shoe. Bambam laughed as the shoe moved back and forth in front of Jaebum’s face, dipped down to touch Bambam’s stomach before moving away and the action repeated to Bambam’s sides. 

“You are!” Bambam insisted. Jinyoung could just watch as Youngjae got up to join Mark to input their names. Jaebum’s eyes had virtually disappeared as he smiled at Bambam. His son’s laughter was loud as Jaebum continued to play with them. It was something so wonderful and Jinyoung couldn’t look away because he wanted to remember it for the rest of his life. 

Jaebum must have realized he was being watched because he looked up at Jinyoung briefly before he turned his attention back to Bambam. “Let’s get this funny shoe on so that we can beat your Daddy’s team, hm?” 

“Okay!” Bambam said, nodding fiercely and lifting his foot up. Jaebum adjusted his sock and put the shoe on. By some miracle, it no longer felt ‘funny’. 

~  
Jinyoung was just as bad at bowling as he remembered and his two oldest would get aggravated every time he messed up and got a gutter ball. He couldn’t fully be to blame though. Not when right next to him, Jaebum was helping Yugyeom push his little ball down the lane or Jaebum was teaching Youngjae the right way to throw the ball. Or, when Jaebum was picking up an excited Bambam when he was able to knock all the pins down at once. Hell, he was even trying to help Jackson with his form from the other side. Something Jinyoung realized, he didn’t know either. 

“Jaebum, I think you and Dad need a bowling date night so you can teach him, too.” Mark said as he moved to take his turn. “I’m pretty sure Yugyeom would be more help to our team.” Jinyoung sent a glare to Mark but it turned too easily into a smile. His son wasn’t wrong. 

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Jaebum answered, Yugyeom moving forward with his ball again. 

“But I thought you said you were bad at this?” Jinyoung asked, watching Mark roll the ball and knock down all but two pins. 

“I am,” Jaebum insisted. “I know the rules, I know the form, I just have a bit of a problem with the execution.” 

Jinyoung was ninety percent sure he was lying as he looked up at Jaebum’s score. It was the lowest on the screen, but Jinyoung wondered if Jaebum was somehow throwing the game for his boys. It was completely unnecessary and Jinyoung would have to remember to tell him that later. 

~~~  
“Can we get ice cream on the way home?” Youngjae was looking up at Jaebum who instantly looked over at Jinyoung. 

“Only if you’ll go home and get ready for bed without a single complaint,” Jinyoung gave in. He only hoped the sugar this late wouldn’t keep them from settling down. Maybe if they took a walk, it would wear them out and they’d go straight to sleep? 

It was always a nightmare getting ice cream with his kids. It didn’t matter that he let them get whatever they wanted. When they got it, they always wanted what their brother had or it wasn’t what they had meant to get. Always something. This time was no different as Jackson looked at the ice cream he chose and didn’t want it any longer. “Dad, I want something different.” 

Jinyoung took the ice cream that was held up to him and offered his own, but as Jinyoung expected it wasn’t good enough. 

“Do you want mine?” Jaebum asked, offering Jackson a treat that was only different from Jackson’s because it was strawberry instead of chocolate. For whatever reason, that seemed to work and Jackson took the strawberry ice cream happily. Jinyoung held the chocolate ice cream out to Jaebum, once again thankful for yet another avoided incident. Jaebum seemed to be on a roll today. 

They didn’t take a walk after the ice cream because before they’d even left the ice cream place, Yugyeom wanted to be in Jinyoung’s lap and that meant he was feeling sleepy. His brothers looked like they were ready to crawl into bed as well. “Let’s get you boys home, huh?” Jaebum asked, Bambam leaning into Jaebum’s side. His face was covered in vanilla ice cream and he was fighting to keep his eyes open. 

~~~

“What night am I taking you to dinner this week?” Jaebum asked as they walked in the door to Jinyoung’s home. Jinyoung was carrying Yugyeom since he’d fallen asleep in the car and the rest of them took off ahead of them, heading in to get ready for bed. 

“What day works best?” Jinyoung asked.

“Whatever day you want to see me,” Jaebum answered as he followed Jinyoung inside. “You know that.” 

Yes, he did know that. Even with Jaebum’s busy schedule, he was making sure they had a night where they at least got to have dinner together, a night without the kids since they’d taken over the last few Sunday’s. Once, they’d ended up back at Jaebum’s apartment, but that depended on if Jinyoung could even keep his eyes open through dinner. 

“How about Tuesday?” Jinyoung asked. “Is Tuesday too busy?” 

“No, Tuesday is fine,” Jaebum answered, leaning on the door frame while Jinyoung changed Yugyeom for bed and put him down. Jinyoung wasn’t surprised when he turned around and found Jaebum’s eyes on him. It was happening a lot lately, but he couldn’t really complain. Not with the way Jinyoung had watched him with Bambam earlier. 

They left the room, going across the hall to Bambam and Youngjae’s room. Youngjae was already in bed but Bambam had not yet returned from brushing his teeth. He could hear him and Jackson down the hall and it made him wonder how well the brushing was actually going. 

Kissing Youngjae goodnight, he pulled the blankets up over his son and found the fluffy elephant that he slept with. “I love you, Youngjae.” Jinyoung said. 

“I love you, Daddy.” Youngjae hugged the elephant tight. “Jaebum, too!” Youngjae shouted, his hand reaching out for the other man. Jaebum met Jinyoung’s gaze a moment before he moved away from the wall and went to sit down on the small bed. Jinyoung was again staring as Jaebum leaned forward and kissed Youngjae on the forehead. 

“Goodnight, Youngjae,” Jaebum said, smiling as the child fully snuggled into his bed. 

“I love you, Jaebum.” 

Jaebum’s hand reached for the top of Youngjae’s head. “I love you, too, Youngjae.” 

~~

Jinyoung watched a similar scene with Bambam once he finally came back into his room, the evidence of his teeth brushing still on his face. It made him feel just as awkward as watching Jaebum with Youngjae. He couldn’t rationally decide why it as a problem, but he knew once his kids were in bed and Jaebum went home, his brain would realize it until he came up with an answer. 

Jackson had been an incredibly smooth process as well, which Jinyoung had not expected. Some of it might have been that Mark was going to bed at the same time, which wasn’t something that happened often. Mark did, however, ask to be woken up early to study.

Jinyoung walked Jaebum to the door. He was still feeling awkward and didn’t know what to say as Jaebum turned towards him once they were there. Jaebum stepped forward to kiss him and Jinyoung turned his face, Jaebum’s lips pressing against his cheek. 

“Maybe we should wait until Thursday for dinner,” Jinyoung suggested, realizing that Tuesday might be too soon. Plus, Monday’s were rough for the both of them. They would probably still be tired on Tuesday and really, why go at all at that point? 

“Jinyoung,” Jaebum said, his tone a bit stern. “Don’t let it be awkward that I tell your kids I love them.” 

“I’m not…” Jinyoung began to defend. He stopped when he got a raised brow from Jaebum. Maybe...maybe Jaebum was right? It had been at that point that he’d begun to feel strange. His boys saying those words to Jaebum, Jaebum saying it back, he wasn’t ready for that.

“I do love them. I know I’ve only known them a short time, but I do. I think that’s because I see so much of you in them.” Jaebum reached forward and pulled Jinyoung to him, kissing his forehead in the same way he had the boys. “Even if I’d just met them today, I would have said the same. Anytime a child tells you they love you, you’re supposed to say it back. No matter what.” 

Jaebum looked down at him and smiled. “Decide on Tuesday or Thursday and let me know, okay?” 

Jinyoung nodded but found himself unable to say anything else. Jaebum didn’t press him to say anything and turned and walked out the door. Jinyoung stood there a moment, trying to analyze what it was he was feeling. He’d worried so much about this, about his kids getting close to Jaebum and now it was here. He thought he had more time. “More time for what?” he asked the empty room. He realized there was only one answer; just more time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 _Snakeskin Agate links you to the joy of living. It also helps eliminate worry and depression from your life._


	14. Yellow Fluorite

“Youngjae told Jaebum he loved him,” Jinyoung was on his lunch break, leaned over the table in the back of Hakyeon’s shop. 

“Did he say it back?” It was Key, coming through the speaker of his phone as it sat on the desk.  
“Yes,” Jinyoung answered. “Then Bam did it.” 

“Oh, Jinyoung, I’m so sorry.” Seokjin said, the sounds of children in the background. “It does get easier though.”

“Why is this a bad thing?” Hakyeon asked, picking up one of the latest arrivals and checking it over for defects. 

“You wouldn’t understand,” Seokjin explained. “Your kids all belong to Taekwoon. It’s just awkward as hell the first time your kid says that to your new boyfriend. I kept Yoongi away from Taehyung for two weeks when it first happened.” 

“When did it happen with them?” Jinyoung asked, Hakyeon handing him the figurine. It looked about a thousand years old and yet somehow completely new. 

“Second day they met. I made the mistake of tucking Yoongi in with Taehyung still there.” Seokjin answered. “Taehyung, for all his missteps when we were first dating, didn’t miss a beat and made Yoongi feel like the most loved child in the world.” 

“Maybe it’s a bedtime curse. Jaebum was there when they went to bed.” Jinyoung really wished he’d known that about Taehyung and Yoongi before today. He would have sent Jaebum home sooner. His kids were used to telling him they loved him at bedtime. They’d done the same to his friends when they’d been there, he should have known it would happen with Jaebum. 

“I”m still trying to figure out why this is a problem,” Key said. 

“Because it means they can be hurt,” Jinyoung said with a sigh, putting his head down. “It means that when Jaebum leaves, he’s going to break their little hearts and it’s all my fault.” 

There was an awkward silence then as the three of his friends tried to decide which topic to tackle in that sentence first. 

“Do you ever think that maybe Jaebum is more of a Taehyung?” Seokjin asked, hesitation in his voice. 

“There are so many differences between Taehyung and Jaebum that I have no idea what you mean,” Jinyoung answered. 

“Well, I mean, I understand the fear of letting your babies close to someone but what if the someone you’re letting them close to is more like Taehyung; in it for the long haul, rather than Wonpil who just took off in the middle of it all.” 

“And what if he’s not?” 

The silence returned until Hakyeon broke it. “Well then, I’ll just have Taekwoon beat the crap out of him.” 

~

“I have a question and I need the answer,” Key looked over at Jonghyun. They were barely speaking still, something the other employees at the bar were noticing. Something even the regulars were noticing. 

“What?” Jonghyun asked. He had a clipboard in hand and was checking inventory so he could make the order for the week. It was his least favorite job at the bar and usually he asked Key to do it. 

“Is your best friend in love with my best friend? Or, is he planning to hurt him?”

“Not everyone is like you, Key,” Jonghyun said without looking up. “Jaebum especially.” 

Key watched as he wrote quickly on the pad. He wondered why it was he was unable to snap back at Jonghyun like he normally did. Maybe because this time when he’d knowingly been trying to put space between himself and Jonghyun, Jinyoung had needed him and he still felt guilty over that. Jinyoung had told him it was fine, that it all worked out better anyways, but that didn’t change how guilty Key felt. 

“Do Jinyoung a favor and stay out of it. They’re doing fine on their own.” 

“So you do know something,” Key challenged. 

Jonghyun looked up at him finally and Key almost shied away from the look on his face. “Yeah,” Jonghyun answered. “I know you shouldn’t meddle. So don’t.” Jonghyun turned away and headed into the back and Key sank against the bar. Jonghyun had been mad at him before, but this...this was different. For the first time, Key didn’t think Jonghyun was going to forgive him. It made him feel empty and Key knew he shouldn’t feel this way. There was nothing there, never had been, never would be. He would be fine. He _was_ fine! They just had to get past the awkward phase that any two people who were once more went through. Then everything would be okay.

~  
“Are you sure this is the right way?” Jinyoung turned the map over in his hands, trying to remember which way was supposed to be north. There was no compass on the map. In fact, it was just a photocopy of the map and he got the distinct feeling it wasn’t even the full map. 

“All the trails have an end,” Jaebum said. “We’ll reach one soon enough and figure out where we are then.” 

“I thought you said you knew these trails?” Jinyoung looked at him. Mark was walking ahead of them, Jackson next to him and the smaller three between the four of them. Youngjae kept trying to wander off the trail and Bambam kept jumping every time a piece of tall grass would graze his legs. Yugyeom was an opposite problem, collecting god only knew what weeds and falling behind. 

“I do,” Jaebum answered, taking the map and folding it. He stuck it in his pocket, taking Jinyoung’s hand in his. “That’s how I know they all end.”

“But _where_ do they end?” Jinyoung asked, stopping behind Yugyeom again. 

“That depends on which way the boys turn.” 

“Im Jaebum, if we get lost out here…” Jaebum chuckled beside him and Jinyoung relaxed. “You’re a jerk,” he finished. 

“Yeah,” Jaebum agreed, “but I’m your jerk.” 

“What if I don’t want you to be my jerk anymore?” Jinyoung was teasing, but he realized how hurt he might be if those words had been used towards him. He was about to backtrack on his words when Jaebum spoke. 

“I guess I would be a sad jerk, then. And I’d go back to being Jonghyun’s jerk.” Jaebum smiled at him and Jinyoung knew then that he’d taken it lightly. “I do feel sorry for you if you take that route though. Jonghyun will probably beg you to take me back. It might even come to the point that he tosses me on your doorstep and drives away. He doesn’t love me enough to keep me when I’m being a jerk.” 

Jinyoung shook his head, “I guess I have to keep you then. I don’t want you living on my doorstep and terrorizing my children.” 

“I wouldn’t terrorize them. Just you.” 

“How is that fair?” Jinyoung asked, pausing and turning his gaze back. Yugyeom had stopped to collect another ‘flower’ and was putting even more distance between himself and his oldest brothers. 

“Because I…” Jaebum’s words cut off sharply and a wide smile crossed his face. He shrugged as he looked at Jinyoung. “I just would. Consider it punishment for getting rid of me.” 

“But if you’re a jerk, why should I keep you?” Jinyoung asked, finally going behind Yugyeom and pushing him forward. He tried to stop almost immediately and Jinyoung picked him up from behind under the arms and then awkwardly ran forward a bit to get him going. 

“Because I am the best thing to happen to you since that little boy was born.” 

Jinyoung scoffed, taking in Jaebum’s appearance. He was so relaxed, so carefree and Jinyoung wondered if he’d really ever been able to see Jaebum this way. Usually when they met, it was after work and there was always this looming stress. Or, Jinyoung was exhausted from being a parent and his own job to the point that they didn’t really do much but eat and head home. Even on their past Sundays together, back when it was just the two of them, Jinyoung couldn’t recall seeing him this way.

“You’re in quite the good mood today,” Jinyoung stated as Yugyeom ran forward. For about five seconds, he and Jaebum were able to walk a normal pace before they caught up with him. 

Jaebum took a deep breath in and let it out, his smile wide and his eyes squinty as he took Jinyoung’s hand again. “Why shouldn’t I be? The sun is shining, it’s not too hot and I’m in one of my favorite places with my six favorite people. For all I care, the rest of the world doesn’t even exist.” 

Jinyoung smiled as warmth settled around his heart. “So, you _do_ know the trails, don’t you?” 

Jaebum tightened his hand briefly around Jinyoung’s. “Like the back of my hand.” 

~

“Jaebum, do you know where Yugyeom went?” 

Jaebum was in his kitchen, chopping up vegetables for dinner. He’d insisted Jinyoung bring the boys over. He was pretty sure Jinyoung had spent the last hour following his youngest three around and making sure that everything they touched was wiped down or cleaned up. Jaebum had told him it wasn’t necessary, but he kept doing it anyways. 

“He’s not in here,” Jaebum answered, looking around just to be sure. “Weren’t you just with him?” 

“I had to clean up Bam.” Jinyoung answered. 

Jaebum wiped his hands on a towel, making sure to push the knife as far back onto the counter as he could. “I’m sure he’s here,” Jaebum said, putting his hand on Jinyoung’s shoulders. “And stop cleaning before I kick you out.” Jaebum smiled, but he noticed too quickly that Jinyoung was concerned about Yugyeom and it was lost. 

 

They walked into the living room. Youngjae was sitting on the couch with Jaebum’s tablet and Bam was dancing around in front of the tv. He was in clothing different from what Jaebum had seen him in before he’d gone into the kitchen. There was a wet spot on the floor and an empty cup on his coffee table. 

“He didn’t follow you into the bathroom?” Jaebum asked. 

“No,” Jinyoung answered. “I looked there.” 

“How about just to the bedroom then?” Jaebum asked, his hand reaching for the door to open the bedroom back up.

“I looked already,” Jinyoung snipped at him. “He wasn’t in there. What if he got outside?” 

Jaebum turned around. “You look around in here. I’ll go outside, okay?” 

Jiyoung nodded and Jaebum went to the door, noticing the lock was still turned. “Jinyoung, he’s in here. It’s still locked.” 

There was a small amount of relief on his face but Jaebum was pretty positive he wasn’t going to fully relax until they found Yugyeom.

“Youngjae, Bambam, help me find Yugyeom.” Jinyoung said, his hand on the door to Jaebum’s bedroom. 

Bambam turned away from the tv and looked around the room. “Yugyeomie!” Bambam called. “Here Yugyeomie,” he patted his legs in the way one would call a dog. “Yugyeom?” 

Youngjae didn’t move and Jaebum stepped over to the couch, pulling the tablet from his hands. A whine came from the boy’s mouth and Jaebum shook his head. “You can have it back after we find Yugyeom.” 

Jaebum backtracked to the kitchen, opening cabinets and the pantry just in case he’d wandered in there. He could here the other three calling for Yugyeom but as expected, Jaebum did not find Yugyeom in the kitchen. 

He checked the closet in the hall before returning to the living room. Bambam was looking for Yugyeom under the couch while Youngjae had disappeared into Jaebum’s room. He checked the front closet, pushing aside jackets and to make sure Yugyeom hadn’t squeezed in there and was hiding in the back. 

He turned around as Jinyoung came out of his room, a hopeful look leaping to his face before meeting Jaebum’s gaze and falling away. 

“How do you lose a child in an apartment?” The frustration in his voice was evident and Jaebum honestly didn’t have the answer to that. 

“It’s okay, Daddy. You found me when I was lost in the store.” Bambam was looking up at him with such encouragement that Jinyoung bent down and picked him up, hugging him tightly. He didn’t try to tell Bambam how different this was compared to then, he just hugged him a moment and then sat him down and kept moving about Jaebum’s apartment. 

Jaebum moved into his room, hearing the cabinets shutting a bit harder than necessary as Jinyoung looked through them. His closet was open, which meant Jinyoung had probably been in there. He opened the door, followed through each possible location with little regard to the mess he was making in there 

He was trying to remain calm for Jinyoung’s sake but by the time he’d looked through his closet, under his bed and in his bathroom, he began to feel worried. He’d been through his entire apartment and there wasn’t a single sign of the boy. He’d even shook out the pillows of his bed to ensure he wasn’t in them. He was about to leave the room when a thought occurred. It didn’t seem plausible, but he was walking over to his window all the same.

Pulling open the curtain, he was met with the sight of Yugyeom, sound asleep in the cat rest. He felt instant relief and let go of the curtain and turned towards the door. “Jinyoung, he’s in here.” He wasn’t sure why he’d lowered his voice when Bambam screaming his name hadn’t woken him up. 

Jinyoung rushed into Jaebum’s room, looking around. “Where?” 

Jaebum took the short steps back to the window, pulling back the curtain. Jinyoung moved over to it, looking at his son and letting out a sigh of relief. “This kid,” he muttered, picking him up and squishing him to his chest. The movement must have jarred him, because he made a noise and a second later was pushing against Jinyoung to get away. Jinyoung gave in and Yugyeom climbed back onto the cat rest. 

Jaebum smiled, tucking the curtain off to one side. JInyoung stood there a moment watching Yugyeom and Jaebum moved forward, pressed his lips to Jinyoung’s temples and headed back into the living room. Youngjae was looking at him expectantly when he returned and Bambam had returned to the tv. After handing the tablet back to Youngjae, Jaebum returned to the kitchen to finish dinner. 

~

“I’m sorry I snapped at you.” Jinyoung had joined Jaebum in the kitchen nearly a half hour later as Jaebum was just about finished up. He turned around to face Jinyoung and Jinyoung stepped up against him, wrapping his arms around Jaebum’s waist. 

“You were worried,” Jaebum dismissed, not having even let it concern him. 

“Still, you were being helpful, I shouldn’t have snapped at you.” 

Jaebum wrapped his arms around Jinyoung. “It’s fine, Jinyoung,” he said, holding him tightly. “Are Mark and Jackson on their way, yet? Dinner is almost ready.” Jinyoung nodded against him but didn’t move away. “Is there something else?” Jaebum asked. Jinyoung nodded again but stayed there. “Are you going to tell me what it is?” 

Jinyoung pulled away and looked up at him, his eyes were wide and serious. “Youngjae is allergic to cats. I didn’t even know you had a cat...” 

Jaebum’s mouth twitched and a laugh fell from his lips. “I used to,” Jaebum explained. “As for pets, we’ll get lizards then.” 

Horror crossed his face. “No,” Jinyoung declared. “Those are gross and their cages have to be cleaned. We can get something else.” 

Jaebum had the distinct feeling that he was smiling like an idiot as Jinyoung continued to list the reasons why they were unable to get a lizard. When it finally seemed like Jinyoung was done with his rant, Jaebum leaned forward and pressed his lips to Jinyoung’s, praying the three boys in the other room were content enough for the moment so he could enjoy this. _We can get something else._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 _Yellow Fluorite stabilizes group energy and enhances creativity!_  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


	15. Charoite

“Jinyoung, listen to me. Just call Jaebum and see if he can stay with them for a couple of hours. He has my number so if anything comes up, he can call me and I’ll walk him through it.” 

“But Bambam isn’t feeling well,” Jinyoung argued. He was supposed to go to Youngjae’s school and meet with his teacher. Youngjae would be going with him and then he’d be off to stay with a classmate for the night to work on a science project. Mark had planned to stay the night at a friend’s house and Jinyoung didn’t want to interrupt that if he could avoid it. Jackson was with Namjoon tonight in hopes that he would manage to make it through his test on Monday. He would probably be with Namjoon all weekend from the desperate sound in Jackson’s pleas to go in the first place. 

Taekwoon was working and Hakyeon was taking Sanghyuk to his game this evening. After the game, the coach had told the boys they were going out for pizza because along with Sanghyuk, three of the other boys had birthdays between this week and the next. If he were staying home or Bambam were feeling alright, he’d just take the two youngest boys with him to the game.

Taehyung was out of town with work and sending his sick kid to Seokjin just didn’t sit well with Jinyoung. Jinyoung had even called his mother, but she and his dad were away on one of their ‘escapes’. She had gone on about it for another twenty minutes, but Jinyoung honestly hadn’t been listening to just where they were going this time. 

“Jinyoung, it’s two hours tops.”

“Jaebum doesn’t really know how to handle kids yet.” 

“Jinyoung, call him or I will.” 

“Fine,” Jinyoung agreed. Only because he knew Hakyeon would do exactly that and he didn’t really feel like explaining to Jaebum why _he_ hadn’t just called him. 

~

An hour later, Jaebum arrived and Jinyoung’s nervousness was a thousand times worse. Jaebum had clearly come straight from work and was still dressed far too nice to be in his house. “You should have changed.” Jinyoung insisted, trying to figure out if he owned a shirt that wouldn’t cut off the circulation in Jaebum’s shoulders. 

“Then I would have been late,” Jaebum answered, leaning in to kiss Jinyoung. “Tell me what I need to know before you end up late yourself.”

Jinyoung had already prepared for that, explaining the medicine Bambam would need while he was gone. He’d only be gone an hour or two so really it shouldn’t be that much of an issue. He’d just given Bambam medicine a bit before he’d called Jaebum. 

Once they went into the living room, Bambam became aware of Jaebum’s presence and got up off the couch, coming over to them. “Jaebum!” His hands were up, indicating he wanted to be picked up but they came down just as Jaebum reached down for him, going over his stomach and two seconds later, Bambam was throwing up all over Jaebum’s pants and shoes. 

“I can’t go,” Jinyoung said, moving to grab one of the small blankets to wipe Bambam off. 

Jaebum slipped out of his shoes and Jinyoung tried to wipe the vomit off of his pants once he had Bambam’s mouth wiped off and had stripped him of his clothing. Jaebum let him, despite the fact that Jinyoung was probably smearing it in more than he was actually getting it clean. 

Jaebum sighed and Jinyoung looked up. “Leave it.” Jaebum answered, returning to picking up Bambam. 

It was then that Jinyoung noticed he’d missed some of Bambam’s face and he watched in horror as his son’s face hit the front of Jaebum’s jacket. “Jaebum…”

“Go,” Jaebum responded, his voice somehow combining firm and gentle in the command. “Yugyeom, do you want to take a bath with Bambam?” 

“Bubbles?” Yugyeom asked hopefully, getting up from the floor. He hesitated a moment, deciding to pick up the action figure to take with him. 

Jaebum turned to look at Jinyoung who nodded. “Under the sink,” he explained, watching his youngest take off down the hallway. Clearly, today was not one of the days Yugyeom cared that he was leaving. 

“Go.” Jaebum repeated, this time more gentle and with a smile. “I can handle this, Jinyoung.” He didn’t wait for Jinyoung to argue, heading down the hallway in the direction Yugyeom had taken off in. 

~~~

He realized as he placed the two boys in the bubbly bath water that he’d just sold Jinyoung one of those imaginary things he sold at work. He was nervous as hell about tonight but there was no way he was going to shy away from it. He had Hakyeon’s number and really, Jinyoung wouldn’t be gone that long. All he had to do was keep the boys alive until then. 

Bambam being sick wasn’t really helping that nervousness because it added another factor of things he didn’t really know how to do. All he remembered from his own illness as a child was that his mother gave him baths, fed him soup and placed him on the couch to watch cartoons. He hadn’t intended to give Bambam a bath, but throwing up had changed that. Yugyeom was merely there so Jaebum could watch him more easily. 

It was easy to see that the young boy was really not feeling well. His face was flushed and he lacked the enthusiasm Jaebum was used to seeing on him. He played with his brother in the bathtub, but it was calmer and he seemed to be done being in the bath much sooner than Yugyeom. 

While they played, he removed his jacket, deciding the dress shirt underneath it should probably go too, just in case Bambam threw up again. His t-shirt was much easier to clean if that should happen. He put his foot on the counter, using a cloth to clean up his pants. They really weren’t that bad now that he got to look at them. He supposed his shoes had taken the worst of it. 

Once the boys were wrapped in towels, Jaebum picked them up, heading first to Bambam’s room to get him some clean pajamas and then into Yugyeom’s to do the same. He’d only been shown the rooms of the boys once and he was positive Jinyoung had spent way too much time cleaning them to try to make a good impression. Now, they looked exactly as he’d expected a child’s room to look. 

With both of them dressed, he returned to the living room, noticing that the floor where Bambam had thrown up was cleaned up. Apparently, Jinyoung hadn’t listened to him and cleaned it up before he had left. He really shouldn’t have been surprised. 

Putting Bambam back on the couch, he covered him up with the blanket. Yugyeom was less interested in sitting still and danced around the living room while Jaebum went to the kitchen to get them both some water. He sat the cups on the table by the couch and then sat down with Bambam. If things just went like this the rest of the night, he’d be golden. 

~

Jinyoung realized when he’d had to slam on his breaks that maybe he was rushing a little too much but he’d been a _little_ worried since the moment he walked out the door. He’d been distracted during the meeting with Youngjae’s teacher and though he’d been polite to the father of Youngjae’s friend, the small talk and chatter wasn’t something he’d really been interested in. Luckily, saying he had a son at home that wasn’t feeling well had ended the conversation pretty easily. 

Then his driving...his driving was not at it’s best and when he started again after the slamming of his breaks, he did so with more caution. The boys were with Jaebum; if he rushed home and was in an accident then they’d never see him again. What would happen to them then? 

Entering his home, he realized quite quickly his worry was not warranted. The tv was on when he went into the room, but no one was watching it. Jaebum was laying on his couch, turned on his side with Bambam beside him, Jaebum’s arm around him protectively to keep him from falling off the couch. Yugyeom had decided Jaebum was his bed and was asleep as well, his butt sitting below Jaebum’s ribs and his short legs up over Jaebum’s hips. His spiderman pillow was behind his head on Jaebum’s shoulder. 

Jinyoung smiled as he pulled his phone from his pocket and took a picture of the scene on the couch. He set it as his background and then sent it to Hakyeon, Seokjin and Key. Only when he looked back at them again did he realize Jaebum’s eyes were open and looking at him, a smile on his face as well. Moving forward, Jinyoung sat down on the floor, his hand going to Bambam’s forehead to check his temperature. 

“Do I pass?” Jaebum asked, his free hand moving carefully to take Jinyoung’s and not topple the sleeping child on him. He brought it to his lips and kissed it once. 

Jinyoung nodded, feeling happier in this moment than he had in a really long time. “I guess they didn’t give you any trouble after I left?” 

“No,” Jaebum answered. “Unless you count the stiff hip from a four year old laying on you for an hour.” 

Jinyoung laughed softly before he stood up and carefully picked Yugyeom up and headed down the hall. When Jinyoung put him down in his room, Yugyeom’s eyes opened. 

“Daddy?” 

“Yes, baby, it’s Daddy,” Jinyoung told his youngest. Yugyeom blinked a few times and a smile crossed his face before his eyes closed and sleep dragged him back in. 

When he returned to the living room, it was empty. Jinyoung began to pick up the couch, tossing the pillows in the corners and folding the blanket that always stayed there for when the boys would get cold. It was only a moment later when Jaebum came back into the room. He looked ruffled from laying on the couch and his face appeared tired. Still, a smile crossed his face as he moved forward to Jinyoung and pulled him into a hug. 

“How did the meeting go?” Jaebum asked. 

“It was fine,” Jinyoung answered. Jaebum smelled differently today. He still had his smell, but he could make out the smell of his son on him, too. More accurately, the smell of the shampoo he bought for his boys. 

“No troublesome grades or school fights?” 

Jinyoung laughed. “Youngjae? Never. He’s always been a good kid. She did say his handwriting could use some work though. I think Mark and Jackson both received the same feedback at that age.” 

“That’s good then,” Jaebum said. “I’m glad you had a good meeting.” He pulled back from him and Jinyoung looked up at him. “I should get going so you can get some rest. If Bam feels better tomorrow he’s going to have a lot of energy.”

Jinyoung smiled, knowing that to be true from past illnesses. Even if he didn’t feel better, it was still going to be an exhausting day. “Or, you could stay.” Jinyoung’s gaze stayed on Jaebum. The words had been more of a thought at first, but it wasn’t a new thought. It was one that came from having to leave Jaebum’s during the week to come home to his kids instead of just sleep curled up next to Jaebum. Plus, Bambam had gotten to do it, Jinyoung wanted that, too. 

He wondered if he’d pushed too far until Jaebum’s lips came down to his. It was a soft, long kiss and Jinyoung had no idea what to infer from it. When Jaebum pulled away, he smiled at Jinyoung. “Next time, okay?” 

Jinyoung nodded, hiding away his disappointment. Asking had been going out on a limb. Being refused was more disappointing than he realized it would be. “I’ll hold you to that,” he managed, smiling as Jaebum stepped back. 

“Deal.” 

~~~

“So which of us is gonna say it?” Hakyeon asked, his phone in his hand and the image of Jaebum sleeping with the boys pulled up. They were at lunch, all _four_ of them. The picture was so cute that Hakyeon had spent more time looking at it than pictures of his own kids in the last twenty-four hours. 

“I have so many things to say about that picture that I couldn’t possibly understand what exact thing you’re talking about,” Key answered. “Do you have any idea how much I wish I had paid more attention to Jonghyun’s friends back then?” He let out a frustrated groan as he sat his phone down. 

“No kidding.” Hakyeon agreed. “Even if he doesn’t recognize it yet, that man was made to be a father.”

“Just in one night he’s already spent more time with them than Wonpil ever did.” Seokjin added in. 

“To be fair, just meeting Yugyeom is more time than Wonpil spent with him.” Hakyeon continued. 

“Are you guys having fun?” Jinyoung asked, glaring at his friends. “You want to keep reminding me of my terrible choice? You guys do know I wouldn’t even have Youngjae and Yugyeom if I didn’t make that choice right?”

It seemed to shut them up, or so Jinyoung thought until Hakyeon put the phone down and smiled. “No, you wouldn’t have them. You wouldn’t miss them though because you wouldn’t know them. What you would have, is six or seven children with Jaebum and you would come home to things like that more often. You can’t deny that is a pretty amazing idea.” 

“The way it’s going, it could end up that way anyways,” Key said. 

“Why?” Jinyoung asked, narrowing his gaze at Key. “What is it you know?” 

Key shook his head. “Jonghyun has never told me much about what he and Jaebum discuss. He’s still barely talking to me now. I just know a couple weeks ago, Jonghyun got a text message from Jaebum and it made him laugh. When I asked about it, Jonghyun just told me that he thinks Jaebum is in deeper than he realizes. I don’t think it’s insane to think that one day, you’ll have a whole family unit again.”

Jinyoung was staring at him. A family? Wait...living with Jaebum? The idea of Jaebum always being there was wonderful, he liked that idea way more than he thought he would. However, reality had this harsh way of crashing down on him. If he and Jaebum lived together, it would be putting his messy kids with the pristine lifestyle Jaebum’s apartment had taught Jinyoung about. That wasn’t something that meshed easily. 

“I think you’ve scared him, Key,” Seokjin said, reading Jinyoung’s expression. 

“I’m not afraid,” Jinyoung defended. “I just think you guys are getting a little ahead of yourselves. I offered to let him stay over after that picture. He didn’t. It’s quite unlikely he’s as into this as you think.”

“Why not?” Hakyeon asked.

“I didn’t ask,” Jinyoung admitted, “I didn’t really want to know why not and I still don’t. He wasn’t interested, so he went home and I went to bed.” 

“Maybe you should go stay with him?” Key suggested. “That’s what I did when Jonghyun didn’t want to speak to me last time. I just went to his house when I knew he wouldn’t be home and went to sleep in his bed. It’s really hard to kick someone out when they’re asleep.” 

“Is that working this time?” Jinyoung asked. 

“No,” Key said, looking down. “He changed the code so I can’t get in.” All eyes turned to Key. “What?” he asked, looking up. “I messed up this time, okay?” Key’s shoulders straightened up. “Besides, Jonghyun and I were never a forever thing. Just a for now, that happened multiple times.” It was clear Key had shut down that conversation as he picked up his phone and looked at it. 

“I mean, I don’t agree with the sneaky antics that Key has used, but maybe staying over with Jaebum wouldn’t be a bad idea. We can take the kids,” Hakyeon offered. 

“Yes, that’s a good idea,” Jinyoung answered sarcastically. “I know you didn’t want to stay at my place, Jaebum, but how about I stay at yours?” 

~~~

Jinyoung walked towards the door of Jaebum’s apartment just as a woman stepped out of it. She was on the phone, yelling into it so she paid no attention to Jinyoung as she passed.

“If you don’t have any, then you have to tell me so I can get more!” 

Get more what? Was she talking to Jaebum now? Who was she? Why had she come out of Jaebum’s apartment? More importantly, why hadn’t Jaebum told him there would be a woman in his apartment when Jinyoung spoke to him earlier? Maybe Jinyoung wasn’t supposed to know about her? Did she know about him? 

He wouldn’t have any answers until Jaebum got home anyways so he just went inside. Hakyeon had the kids, so Jinyoung was off the hook for how soon he needed to be home. The plan was just to spend more time with Jaebum than he was usually allowed. Hakyeon told him not to come home at all. 

He turned the tv on for noise and went into the kitchen. Jaebum didn’t eat at home very often so Jinyoung set about making dinner for the two of them. It was difficult, he realized, to adjust to feeding two after he’d been feeding six for so long. He was one hundred percent sure he hadn’t cut back enough by the look of the food when he was done with it. Jaebum would have leftovers. Correction, Jinyoung would have leftovers because Jaebum would waste them. 

It was when the text came in that Jaebum was on his way that Jinyoung moved the food to the table. He was there when Jaebum came in, tossed his jacket on the back of the couch and joined him. 

“I think I could get used to this,” Jaebum said with a smile. 

“Well, don’t,” Jinyoung said with a slight smile as he picked up his spoon. “This treatment comes with five attachments and food that doesn’t ever turn out this good.” 

“Why not?” Jaebum asked as he took a bite. 

“Because those five attachments put a crutch on the bank account. Even if I could afford it every night, it’s so hard to cook with them some nights when they’re running around like monkeys.” Jaebum didn’t smile but was staring at him as he chewed. “What?” Jinyoung asked. “Is it not good?” 

“No, it’s wonderful,” Jaebum said. “I guess I just don’t think about things sometimes. Jinyoung, if you need money…”

“I don’t.” Jinyoung realized how sharply he’d interrupted Jaebum. Probably too sharply considering the fact that Jaebum was offering to help him. “I can take care of them just fine,” he said, softening his tone. 

“I know,” Jaebum said, smiling as he returned his attention to eating. “You can and you do. I’m in this with you now, so let me help if you need it, however you need it. Deal?”

“Deal,” Jinyoung agreed. Though asking Jaebum for anything was only starting to come easier. Asking him for money was not going to happen. Ever.

“Did you really find all this in my cabinets?” Jaebum asked, using his spoon to push a pea around. 

“Yes,” Jinyoung answered. “Do you really not know what’s up there?”

“Not a clue,” Jaebum answered. “I don’t do my own shopping.”

“Magic fairies again?” 

Jaebum smiled and nodded at Jinyoung. “If I’m missing something, there’s a pad on the fridge you can add it to. It’ll be here on Friday.”

~

Jaebum sat on the couch. Jinyoung was curled up in his shirt, his head in Jaebum’s lap, sound asleep. Dinner had lead to the bedroom. The bedroom had lead them to showers, _individual_ showers despite Jaebum’s protests and Jaebum had found Jinyoung on the couch when he’d come out of his room. The tv was on and Jinyoung had been awake then so Jaebum had joined him. It wasn’t ten minutes later that Jinyoung had fallen asleep. 

That, was nearly an hour ago and Jaebum still found himself watching Jinyoung sleep. How tired he must be all the time to fall asleep so quickly when he was here. Or, maybe it was the quietness of his apartment compared to being at home with the boys that lured him to sleep so easily. 

A glance at the clock and Jaebum knew he was going to have to wake Jinyoung up soon to go home. It was his least favorite part of their days together. Still, he knew he had to do it. 

“Jinyoung,” Jaebum said, his voice soft as he reached a hand up to stroke Jinyoung’s cheek. Jinyoung didn’t move but a soft snore escaped him. Jaebum smiled, content to never move again. “I love you, Jinyoung. Do you know that?” Jaebum asked. “No? That’s because I’m afraid to tell you. It’s terrifying, to be in love with someone. I never knew that before you.” 

“There are things I want to do for you. Things I want to say. Burdens you carry that I want to lift, but I can’t. Not yet, because I fell far faster than you have. And that’s okay, Jinyoung. I’m going to be right here beside you until you do.”

“Maybe one day soon I’ll be confident enough to tell you. Then some time later, I’ll buy a home for all of us, one where the boys can each have their own space. And don’t worry about paying for college, okay? We can fight about that later but I’m going to win that one. You’ve done so well with them until now, I’ll somehow convince you to let me help with that.” 

Jaebum took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I don’t even understand how the six of you became my world but I’m glad to have met you, Jinyoung.” He smiled, falling silent as he memorized every curve of Jinyoung face. 

~

“Jinyoung, it’s time to wake up,” Jaebum said, his hand moving over Jinyoung’s cheek nearly ten minutes later. Jinyoung stirred, his eyes opening and looking up at Jaebum. He smiled easily, his eyes closing again. “Jinyoung? You need to get home if you want to put the boys to bed.” 

“Hakyeon has them,” Jinyoung mumbled, he rolled onto his side, hiding his face against Jaebum’s stomach.

“All of them?” Jaebum asked. 

“Mark and Jackson are with Seokjin,” Jinyoung added. “I can stay a bit later.” 

Jinyoung was waking up now, waiting in anticipation for what Jaebum would say. He kept his eyes closed, as he waited. Yes, he’d listened to his dumb friend, allowed his kids to be taken away and was just seeing how the night went because despite his denial, staying in Jaebum’s bed without the drunkenness of last time was something he wanted. He should just be an adult and tell Jaebum that, but instead, here he was hoping Jaebum would offer so he wouldn’t have to ask. 

“Would you like to just go to bed then?” 

Jinyoung’s eyes opened. “What?” Was Jaebum in his head? 

“You’re already sleeping, why don’t we just go to bed? We can get up early and I’ll take you out for breakfast,” Jaebum suggested.

Jinyoung rolled back over and looked up at Jaebum. There was nothing on his face to indicate that this was awkward or that he felt obligated in some way to offer. “Do you really want me to stay?” Jinyoung asked, sure that his voice sounded hesitant. 

“Every time you’re here,” Jaebum answered and Jinyoung smiled, nodding. “Are you comfortable in that shirt or would you prefer actual pajamas?” 

Jinyoung looked down. “I probably shouldn’t sleep in this one.” Jinyoung had given into the impulse to pull Jaebum’s shirt on after his shower. It smelled like Jaebum and was only about four sizes too big for Jinyoung. 

“You already were,” Jaebum teased him as Jinyoung sat up. “If you want to stay in it, you can.” 

“How much did it cost?” Jinyoung asked, moving towards Jaebum’s bathroom to brush his teeth. 

“I don’t know,” Jaebum called from the bedroom. “I didn’t buy it.” 

_Of course you didn’t,_ Jinyoung thought as he put the brush in his mouth. There was probably an overpaid fairy with a credit card that went around picking out his clothes. Just like the one that did his dishes. The one who did his grocery shopping. Jinyoung spit the foam into the sink. “How many fairies do you even have?” Jinyoung called back, rinsing his toothbrush and wiping his mouth before he returned to the bedroom. Jaebum had pulled the blankets back and even had a glass of water on the nightstand for him. 

“Only one,” Jaebum answered before he disappeared into the bathroom. Jinyoung climbed into the bed and relaxed into the pillows as he waited for Jaebum. When he reappeared, shut the lights off and joined him a moment later, Jinyoung continued with his questioning. 

“Are you paying her well? She seems very overworked,” he commented. Jinyoung was laying on his back and Jaebum had removed the space between them. As his eyes adjusted, Jinyoung could see the outline of Jaebum propped up on his elbow, looking down into the space that Jinyoung occupied. His free hand had returned to Jinyoung, his stomach in particular. What had terrified Jinyong before, was a comfort from Jaebum now and Jaebum always seemed to settle his hand there, under his shirt so they were constantly touching. 

“I do not,” Jaebum said with a laugh. “She comes over and cleans on Thursday, collects the shopping list and drops everything off on Friday. The rest of the week is hers.” 

“What’s her name?” 

“Eunjoo.” 

Jinyoung thought that over a minute. Jaebum had probably been having someone clean for him for a long time. Had it always been Eunjoo? She barely looked like she was out of high school, let alone someone who would have been cleaning for him very long. “How long has she worked for you?” 

“Four years.” 

“Four years! Did she start when she was twelve! There’s no way that girl was older than eighteen?” 

“What girl?” Jaebum asked. 

“The one that left your apartment when I was just arriving. Jaebum, child labor is a horrible thing! I can’t believe you pay some kid to clean your house!” 

“Minji,” Jaebum concluded. 

“What?” Jinyoung asked. 

“The girl you saw today. That was Minji, not Eunjoo. Eunjoo is fifty something. She won’t tell me her exact age. She’s had an infection and instead of just taking the time off as I insisted, she has sent Minji to clean the apartment and do the shopping the last two weeks.”

“And how old is Minji?” Jinyoung asked. 

“Twenty three, I think. Her birthday is at the end of June, so maybe it’s twenty four now? I’m not sure.” 

“She didn’t look twenty three,” Jinyoung commented. 

“She’s always looked young. Eunjoo brought over pictures of her kids the second week she worked for me. She has Minji biologically and seventeen others that are hers in one form or another. She’s fostered a lot of kids. Good woman. I think you’ll like her.” 

“You say that like you expect me to meet her,” Jinyoung said. 

“You both come here, Jinyoung. Your paths might cross,” Jaebum answered.

Jinyoung nodded, seeing the possibility in that. Had he been any earlier, he would have ran into Minji inside Jaebum’s apartment. “I’d probably be awkward as hell if that happened.”

“I doubt it,” Jaebum answered, shifting and letting his head lean against Jinyoung’s. “She’s too warm of a person. You’d feel comfortable in five seconds.” 

Jinyoung thought that over and still doubted Jaebum’s words. He clearly did not remember how awkward Jinyoung had been on their first date. How awkward he still was. His mind tried to imagine anyone that would make him feel comfortable so quickly and his mind went to Key. Only Key had ever been able to cross that awkward border smoothly but that might have been because they were so young. 

“Hey, Jaebum? How is Jonghyun doing?” 

He felt Jaebum shift. “What do you mean?” Jaebum asked. 

Jinyoung was one hundred percent sure there was hesitation in Jaebum’s voice. “Key’s acting like everything is fine and I know they’re not exactly together since, well, since I drank too much and made a fool of myself, but is he doing okay?”

Jaebum’s lips found Jinyoung’s cheek and his arms tightened around him. “You always find a way to surprise me, Jinyoung.” 

“How?” Jinyoung asked, confused but smiling as Jaebum cuddled him. 

“Little things,” Jaebum answered, “like asking about Jonghyun despite the fact that Key is your best friend.” 

“Oh,” Jinyoung answered. “I didn’t even think if I should ask or not, I just did. I’m worried about him. Even if I don’t know him as well as I probably should after all this time, I know how Key is. If he’s anything close to that…” 

“He is,” Jaebum answered. “I didn’t tell you that, but he’s pretending everything is fine, too. I’ve seen him worse though, so don’t worry too much. I’m keeping an eye on him.” 

Jinyoung nodded, rolling over. Jaebum shifted as well and Jinyoung leaned his head head against Jaebum’s chest. “I wish those two weren’t so complicated,” he muttered.

“That makes two of us,” Jaebum said, his hand rubbing up and down Jinyoung’s back. 

Really, Jinyoung wished Key would just stop running away and confront the issue that Jinyoung knew he was responsible for so long ago. He should just be mad at Jinyoung and not take it out on Jonghyun. He took a deep breath in and let it out. 

“What’s in your head, Jinyoung?” Jaebum asked. 

Jinyoung lifted his head up and pressed his lips against Jaebum’s. “I don’t think I’m tired anymore.” 

“I’ve noticed,” Jaebum answered. “What do you want to do instead?” 

“I’m content with this,” Jinyoung answered, putting his head back down on Jaebum’s chest. 

“Next question then?” 

“Hm?” Jinyoung closed his eyes. “Why is there a shark on the building you work in? I’ve been meaning to ask that since the first day I had to go there.” 

“That would be because a long, long time ago, my boss was a child who had a businessman for a father. It influenced him very early on so where some children play house when they’re little or they have pretend adventures in space, he made a building out of cardboard and used action figures for his employees.” 

“Seriously?” Jinyoung asked, trying to imagine one of his boys with a ‘business’. 

“Seriously,” Jaebum answered. “He ended up putting a shark on the side of his building and when his father saw it and asked what it was, his only answer was that he liked the shark, that’s why he put it there. His father told him no business would succeed with a shark on the side of the building. So, when it came time to design his own actual building, he added a shark.” 

“So the entire reason is because he wanted to spite his father?” 

“Pretty much,” Jaebum answered. “I don’t know if that had anything to do with the amount of effort put into making sure he was successful or not, but it’s going well so far. The shark hasn’t seemed to hinder us any.” 

“Jaebum?” Jinyoung said, the silence having lasted about five minutes. 

“Yes, Jinyoung?” Jaebum answered. 

“Have you ever dated a woman?” He wasn't sure why he was curious about that but he was pretty sure it had something to do with the talk of a pretty, young girl earlier. 

“In college,” Jaebum answered. He sounded like he was sleepy to Jinyoung so Jinyoung stayed quiet. For an entire minute.

“How long?” 

“Mm,” Jaebum took in a breath. “About three months, I think.” 

“What happened?” 

“Things didn’t work out,” Jaebum answered. 

It was a simple answer and really did nothing to answer the question Jinyoung had asked. “What things?” 

“ _Things_ , Jinyoung,” Jaebum answered, his hand traveling down from Jinyoung’s shoulder to his butt. “Didn’t work.” 

“Oh!” Jinyoung answered, thinking about that. “So, you were close then?” 

“We got along well,” Jaebum answered. 

Jinyoung’s gaze narrowed in the dark. “What does that even mean?” 

“It means just that. We got along. We had some classes in common so we studied together. We went out and did the things we both enjoyed. It was sort of like dating Jonghyun without the constant sexual innuendos.”

“I feel I am on the wrong end of hearing about what dating Jonghyun is like to understand your meaning. The things I’ve heard…” 

Jaebum laughed, “I can imagine.” They were quiet a moment and then Jaebum spoke again. “Why the sudden interest in my past relationships?” he asked. 

Jinyoung sighed and shrugged. “I dunno,” he answered. “Might have something to do with seeing a woman leave my boyfriend’s apartment today.” 

“Jinyoung…”

“No, it’s fine now,” Jinyoung insisted, lifting his head to look at Jaebum. “I just had a lot of time to sit in my head today. Now that I know you can’t get it up for a woman, I can at least cross one group of people off my list. Now, it will only be men when I freak out about what you could be doing when I’m not there.” 

“Jinyoung, you don’t have to worry about anyone. I’m yours. Just yours.” Jaebum leaned forward, his lips on Jinyoung’s. He moved them then, returning to the position they’d started in with Jinyoung on his back and Jaebum leaning over him from the side. His lips were gentle, the kisses soft and long, almost as though they were trying to convey what words could not. They left Jinyoung’s lips and pressed a long kiss into his forehead. After that, Jaebum kissed the tip of his nose. “Yours, okay?” Jaebum asked and Jinyoung smiled.

“Okay,” Jinyoung answered. “Now roll back over, I was comfortable.” Jaebum sighed, but did as he asked and Jinyoung snuggled into his side. “What should I ask next?” 

“Something easy,” Jaebum answered. “One of us didn’t nap.” 

“True,” Jinyoung said, smiling into the darkness. “What did you want to be when you were a kid?” 

“An astronaut.” 

“What?” Jinyoung asked, surprised by that. 

“I liked stars. They were so bright and so far away. I even had a telescope,” Jaebum answered. 

“How old were you then?” 

“Hm, I guess eight or nine. I still had an illusion of what an astronaut was that in reality is quite different from what my imagination believed.” 

“A child’s imagination can be so creative,” Jinyoung said, a yawn escaping with the words. 

“Are we getting sleepy, Jinyoung?”

“Never,” Jinyoung denied. “I have far too many random questions to ask you.” 

“Of course,” Jaebum said, a yawn of his own following. 

Despite his claim, Jinyoung didn’t ask another question right away. He did have another question he really wanted answered. “Jaebum, do you think we’d be where we are now, if we’d met sooner?” It was one of the things that had been on his mind since he’d had lunch with his friends. Jonghyun and Jaebum were best friends. Jaebum had always been there, just behind the curtain. What if that curtain had been pulled back? 

“I don’t know,” Jaebum answered. “I was cocky then but I wouldn’t have had anything to offer you. I lived my life on a stage, and not a respectable one. I probably wouldn’t have even approached you for a date.” 

“Why is that?” Jinyoung asked. 

“For that reason alone, Jinyoung. I was nothing and you’re so amazing and I would have wanted to give you a world I didn’t have access to.”

“I’m not amazing,” Jinyoung corrected. 

“But you are, Jinyoung. Even if you don’t believe it, I know it. Even though I can look at it and think about how great it would have been to have all that time with you, I know I would have messed up and ruined something wonderful. I’ll take what we have now over what could have been. Right here, right now, with you in my arms, makes me the happiest I’ve ever been. I would never trade this for a magic wish from a genie that we’d met earlier. There’s too much risk that I wouldn’t get this.” 

“Not even if there was the possibility that it would turn out better?”

“Better how?” Jaebum asked him. 

“I don’t know,” Jinyoung answered, despite his mind going back to what Hakyeon had said. “Everything would be us. Our house, our kids, our iguanas. Just us.” 

“Is that what you want, Jinyoung?” Jaebum asked. 

Jinyoung hesitated, not realizing what he’d said until Jaebum had asked him that question. “I mean, if we’d met earlier, that’s how it would be.” 

“It might be,” Jaebum said. “Or, it might just be us and a dog.”

Jinyoung sat up, looking down at Jaebum. “No kids?” 

Jaebum shrugged, pulling Jinyoung back down against him. “I was a male entertainer, Jinyoung. That doesn’t exactly scream start a family. After that, I was trying to get a career off the ground. It’s hard to say what our lives would have ended up like. It’s for that reason, I won’t give up what we have now. Do you understand?” 

Jinyoung nodded, a little bit put off by the idea that Jaebum would likely not have wanted kids if they’d been together before. “You want kids now, right?” Jinyoung asked, knowing it was probably a little late to be confirming that. 

“Yes,” Jaebum answered with a short laugh. “I want five boys. Let’s name the first one Mark.” 

Jinyoung smiled, relaxing into Jaebum again. He could feel Jaebum’s breathing evening out when another question popped into his mind. “Jaebum, are you asleep?” he asked, his voice lowered.

“No,” Jaebum answered. His voice more than gave him away though. He may not be asleep, but another ten seconds and he would have been. 

“Why didn’t you stay the night when I offered?” 

“Because I’m not used to sleeping in clothing,” Jaebum answered. “I’m learning though, so don’t worry, I’ll stay with you next time.” 

Jinyoung rolled his eyes. What did he expect? He smiled despite himself. Maybe he shouldn’t doubt Key’s words so much. Jaebum hadn’t stayed and it was all a matter of clothing.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 _Teaching you to accept the present moment as perfect, Charoite assists in walking your destiny, links you to your karma and reveals the plan for your life that the soul is working on._


	16. Spessarite Garnet

The doorbell rang and Jinyoung knew it had to be Mark’s ride because that was the only person they were expecting. Yelling for Mark, he turned away from the chaos of trying to get Yugyeom dressed and Bambam calling for his shoes to answer the door. “Jaebum?” He looked up, surprised by the unexpected arrival. 

“You look like you have your hands full,” Jaebum said as Jinyoung stepped back and let him in. 

“Always,” Jinyoung answered as he shut the door. “What are you doing here?” Jinyoung asked, moving back towards his son who had one arm in his shirt and was making monster noises as he tried to chase Bambam around. 

“I’m taking Mark to his game,” Jaebum answered easily. “Did he not tell you?” 

“Jaebum, will you tie my shoes?” Jaebum bend down, lifting Bambam onto the couch and doing so while Jinyoung wrangled Yugyeom. 

“No,” Jinyoung answered, a quick anger igniting that surprised him. “You’re not taking him.” 

Jaebum turned a questioning look towards him. “I’m not?” He asked, turning a smile back to Bambam who hopped off the couch.

“No,” Jinyoung answered as Mark came into the room, bag slung over his shoulder. 

“Mark, I thought I told you to find a ride to the game.” 

The smile Mark had worn into the room dropped, telling Jinyoung Mark recognized the tone right away. 

“I did…” Mark started.

“You know I meant a teammate or someone already going. Not someone who is going to have to give up their time and drive for an hour to get you there.”

“Jinyoung, it’s not a big deal…” 

“It is,” Jinyoung interrupted Jaebum. “Go to your room. You’re not going.” 

“Dad!” 

“Go! I have to get your brothers to their things.”

“Dad, the team is already two short…”

“You should have thought about that before.” Jinyoung stared at him until Mark turned around. He could tell Mark was upset and wanted to argue, but Jinyoung didn’t currently have the time for it. 

He turned to Jaebum then and the glare didn’t soften. “If Mark asked you to take him, you should have talked to me. I don’t even know if I like Mark having your number at this point.” 

Jaebum smiled at him, but it was a tight smile and Jinyoung could also tell he was holding something back. “You’re right. I’m sorry,” he said, moving towards him. He kissed Jinyoung on the temple. “Call me later?” 

Jinyoung nodded and Jaebum turned to leave. Jinyoung somehow felt like he was the bad guy in all of this but it didn’t matter. Mark would get over it, Jaebum would talk to him next time and things would all work out. Right now though, he had two boys to get across town. 

~

Jinyoung was probably going to be really angry with him now. Not just the regular angry but Jaebum had spent the last twenty minutes on the phone with Mark and the boy was distraught over not going to his game. Two down was an understatement. Apparently their two _best_ players had suffered injuries and the rest of the team was trying to stay pulled together enough to survive until those injuries healed. Mark’s usual ride was one of those boys and while the two still went to the games, there was a doctor’s appointment that was going to keep him from this game. 

So here Jaebum was, once again outside Jinyoung’s house. Jinyoung had already left and Jaebum was picking Mark up, taking him to the game as originally planned. Really, it could be seen as kidnapping but Jaebum didn’t think Jinyoung would push it that far. Or at least, he hoped not. Nothing broke relationships faster than one party having the other arrested. 

“When are we going to tell, Dad?” Mark asked and Jaebum could tell this was probably the first time Mark hadn’t listened to Jinyoung. 

“I’ll take care of that, Mark.”

“I feel bad for not listening to him,” Mark admitted. “I’ve never done that before.” 

Jaebum’s hand reached out, giving Mark’s shoulder a squeeze. “That’s why I wanted you to be sure about this before I agreed to sneak you out to your game.”

“I am,” Mark answered. “Dad...he’ll be mad and he’ll probably ground me but I made a commitment to the team and I can’t let them down.” Mark was quiet a moment before he looked over at Jaebum. “I’m more worried about how mad he’s going to be at you. I don’t want him to break up with you. He’s been really happy lately.” 

Jaebum smiled as he made the final turn towards the location of the game. “As I said, Mark, I’ll take care of it. You’re dad makes me happy, too.” 

~

The game was about three fourths over when Jaebum sent the first message to Jinyoung. If he’d calculated correctly, he’d be just getting home with the boys. The message back confirmed it when Jinyoung said he just got home. After that message, Jaebum sent a picture, one of Mark in the game. A short explanation that he’d taken Mark to his game anyways followed. He expected a phone call, a retort of some sort, but the longer it took for a message to come back, the more concerned Jaebum became. 

Finally, a message came back and Jaebum stared at the words, ‘I’m mad at you.’ Jaebum stared at those words, wondering how they were even more damning than an angry phone call or a paragraph of ranting. Regardless, he knew he was going to have to answer for it. Sending back a simple ‘I know’, he turned his attention back to the game just in time to see Mark send the ball over the net and into the floor. 

~

Mark came over to him after the game, the smile on his face so rewarding despite what the two of them had ahead of them. “Did you see me score!”

“I did,” Jaebum answered, taking Mark’s bag from him and throwing it over his own shoulder. “That was a close game.” 

“I know! I was so sure we were going to lose this game, too. It’s so hard to win with Jongin out on his own but with Sehun down too, our team is really feeling it.” 

They were interrupted by a man approaching. “Jaebum, this is Coach Kim Hyunjoong. Coach, my dad’s boyfriend, Im Jaebum.”

“Nice to meet you,” the coach said to him. “I was hoping you were his father. I wanted to rave about Mark’s performance as of late.” 

“Well, I won’t stop you from doing so anyways,” Jaebum answered. “Have you never met Jinyoung?” 

“Coach just took over a few weeks ago and Dad hasn’t really been able to drop by.” Mark looked away. “I’m going to go talk to Sehun before we go.” 

Jaebum nodded, watching him run off and turning his attention to the coach. 

“I think having someone here to watch him affects his performance. I’m really glad you were able to be here to support him.” 

Jaebum raised a brow, wondering if the coach was always this direct of if it had to do with the fact that they didn’t know how quickly Mark would come back and he wanted Jaebum to know this. “How so?” 

“Most kids will deny it, but it hurts when their parents can’t make their games. I understand Mark has four siblings and one parent. That can make it hard. I’ve seen him dropped off by someone he calls uncle at a practice, but never have any of them stayed. At least, not in the last three weeks. I think he was really happy to have you here. I hope you’ll make to the next one.” 

“I will,” Jaebum answered.

“Or maybe keep his brother’s so his dad can come,” the coach suggested. 

“I’ll see what I can do,” Jaebum answered. They talked a few more minutes before the coach walked away to talk to another parent. Assuming Mark was allowed to play again and Jaebum was even allowed near Mark, he would be here. Somehow, he’d get Jinyoung here, too. He pushed those thoughts aside as Mark turned back towards him. He wondered if Jinyoung had ever seen Mark look as much like a kid as Jaebum was able to see now. 

~

Mad was probably an understatement as Jinyoung sat at his kitchen table, waiting for the moment Mark and Jaebum returned. He was downright irate that his son had defied him. The fact that Jaebum had helped did not sit well with him at all. The pictures Jaebum had sent him of Mark on the court did simmer his anger down, but it caused something else to rise; guilt. Because of that, Jinyoung was now even more angry with Jaebum. How dare he make him feel bad with pictures of Mark looking so happy when Mark was grounded! So, so, grounded. 

When the door opened, he stood up. They seemed prepared to take whatever he had for them because they both stood there waiting for it to happen without a word. “Did you win?” Jinyoung asked, surprising all three of them. 

“Yeah,” Mark answered. “Barely.” 

Jinyoung nodded. “Go take a shower and get ready for bed. We’ll talk after that.” 

Mark nodded, turning to leave the room. He paused and looked back at Jaebum and Jinyoung didn’t miss the smile and nod that came from Jaebum. It was like they were sharing some secret that he couldn’t be a part of and for the first time, he didn’t like the idea of Jaebum and Mark knowing each other. 

“You should go,” Jinyoung decided, not wanting to talk to Jaebum any longer. 

“I think we should talk first.” 

“I don’t want to talk,” Jinyoung insisted. “I want to keep being mad at you.”

“I don’t agree with that,” Jaebum answered. 

“It clearly doesn’t matter if one party agrees or not. You took Mark, after I told you not to, and now I’m telling you to leave. Are you going to ignore what I want twice in the same day?” 

“No,” Jaebum decided. “Can I ask you one thing?” 

“No,” Jinyoung answered, deciding that Jaebum asking him something might deter his entire thoughts about not wanting to talk to him. 

“Alright,” Jaebum answered. “Then do me a favor. Ask Mark more about the game. He really wants to share that with you. It’s something he’s passionate about and something that’s his that he doesn’t have to share with his brothers. A little bit of your time means the world to him.” 

Jinyoung stared at him, a wetness reaching his eyes. “Are you trying to make me feel guilty?”

“No, Jinyoung, that’s not what I’m trying to do at all. I’m trying to give both of you something that you can only get today. Don’t be angry with him. He’s a good kid and yes, he had fun, but he was really worried about disappointing his team. He risked disappointing you and knew he’d be grounded, to fulfill a commitment he made.” 

“It wasn’t your call, Jaebum.” Jinyoung said, his eye narrowed. “He’s never ignored what I want before and if he’s going to start doing it because of your influence then maybe…”

“Stop!” Jaebum said, his eyes dark as they met Jinyoung’s. “Just stop Jinyoung. I get it.” He tossed his phone on the table. “Password is your birthday. There’s more pictures from the game and a video if you want to see it.” He turned around and headed back towards the door. 

“And just for the record,” Jaebum said, turning back towards Jinyoung. “I told you before, I’m in this with you. Games, doctor appointments, being dropped off with Hakyeon, whatever it is, Jinyoung, just call me.”

“They’re not…”

“They are,” Jaebum cut Jinyoung off again, holding his gaze. They stood that way a moment, neither one of them backing down. “They _are_ , Jinyoung.” Jaebum reiterated before he turned around and left. Jinyoung looked back down at the table. He stayed that way awhile, not realizing how long until a text message came through. It wasn’t a number he recognized but the message was the same, ‘Goodnight, Jinyoung.’ 

~

He knocked on the door to Mark’s room, knowing it was far too late to have a conversation in there. “Let’s go to the kitchen,” Jinyoung told him and Mark sat his books aside and followed his dad out of the room. When they were sitting at the table, Jinyoung didn’t know where to begin. He didn’t want to do the ‘favor’ Jaebum had asked of him, but he also knew he was probably going to regret it if he didn’t. 

“So, it was a close game?” Jinyoung finally asked. 

Mark nodded, seeming to try to gauge his dad’s reaction. “Yeah, our best two players are out because of injuries so it’s just us sucky players trying to keep us from being kicked out of the tournament. I usually ride with Jongin but he didn’t go to today's game. I knew you were busy and I tried to get Jaehwan to take me, but he has something going on. I even called Gram. 

Jinyoung shook his head. “Let’s just talk about the game, not the rest of the mess, okay?” 

Mark nodded and started to tell Jinyoung the details. He was somber at first, retelling things, but then he became more animated, especially when he told Jinyoung about how he scored. Jinyoung smiled, all the while realizing he had no idea who any of the boys Mark mentioned were. He hadn’t known he’d gotten a new coach either. Still, he asked Mark as many questions as he could think. He was angry, because Jaebum had been right. Asking Mark about his game was giving him a gift; the part of his son he was always too busy to see. 

When Mark was done talking and Jinyoung couldn’t think of any other questions to ask, he had to tackle all the other stuff. Stuff, he really wished wasn’t there because it would be wonderful to just end the night on this high note. “I’m sorry I couldn’t make it to your game, that I can’t really ever make it to your games.”

“It’s okay, Dad, I understand.” Mark dropped his gaze and Jinyoung picked up on the sign easily enough.

“But?” He probed. 

Mark didn’t seem to want to answer still.

“Whatever it is, Mark, you can say it.” Jinyoung assured him. He was so far past the point of wanting to punish his son, even though he knew it was still necessary. Mark had been punished enough in his life. 

“It was nice, is all,” Mark said, lifting his gaze back up to Jinyoung. “Having someone there to cheer for me. Everyone cheers for the team but not...not just for me. It was nice,” he repeated. “If you want to ground me longer then you can, if you could maybe not be mad at Jaebum? He only did it because I asked.” 

Jinyoung had not expected that from Mark. Neither part of it from Mark. It was somewhat aggravating that the two people in trouble were both trying to take the blame for what happened. “The two of you went behind my back, Mark. Am I just supposed to just to pretend that doesn’t upset me?” Mark was already shaking his head before Jinyoung even finished the question. “So you understand why you’re grounded and why I’m mad at Jaebum?” 

“I understand,” Mark confirmed. He hesitated a moment before finally asking his dad the question that bothered him most. “You’re not going to break up with him, are you?” 

“No,” Jinyoung answered, despite knowing how close to doing so he had gotten earlier. Jaebum had probably picked up on that as well and had been the reason he’d interrupted him. Jinyoung stood up and kissed Mark on the head. “Go get some sleep, Mark. We’ll talk more tomorrow, okay?”

Mark stood up and wrapped his arms around Jinyoung. “I love you, Dad.” 

Jinyoung smiled even though he was still trying hard to pretend he was mad. “I love you, too, Mark.”   
~  
Jinyoung sat in his room an hour later, Jaebum’s phone in hand and the video playing. It was only a few minutes, but Jinyoung had watched it about twelve times. He’d never been to a game and had barely made any practices. He’d worked so hard to make sure that he got Mark to play because even though Jackson had given it away, Mark had tried to convince Jinyoung he hadn’t wanted to. When Jinyoung signed him up though, he’d been so happy. And Jinyoung had never been to a game. 

There were a bunch of pictures to go with the video. A few were the ones Jaebum had sent him earlier, but there were quite a few more. In most of them, Mark was smiling in a way Jinyoung barely saw. There was too much responsibility in this kid and Jinyoung was feeling the guilt for having caused that in an all new way. 

It was late when he finally sat his phone down to go to sleep, but he was plagued with thoughts that kept him from going to sleep. Thoughts about what else he was missing in the lives of his children. Thoughts of how he had instantly gotten angry when Jaebum had been trying to help. Thoughts of how he was going to make Mark’s next game, how he was going to be at every possible event for his children, even if it meant he was taking a very energetic five and six year old to them. 

He fell asleep at some point but it was a restless sleep that didn’t really mean he rested any. He awoke every hour and was not surprised to find his face wet after, though the dream that caused them was lost in his memory. At five o’clock, he gave up, picking up Jaebum’s phone again to watch the video of Mark. 

~

Mark was grounded Sunday and Jinyoung was still mad at Jaebum in that way that he didn’t want to admit that maybe Jaebum was more right than he was, so Jinyoung took the boys, sans Mark, to the movies and out to eat. When they got home, the kids played outside until the sun set. The hung out with dad for a little bit longer and then Jinyoung put his boys to bed. 

The text message came as it always did but Jinyoung didn’t even look at it. 

~~~

It was probably incredibly dumb of him to drop by Jaebum’s office on his lunch hour. He _had_ told Jinyoung how he was always doing meetings for lunch. Still, Jinyoung headed into the building and took the elevator up to Jaebum’s office. The door was slightly open and pushing on it revealed a room void of people. He went inside, dropping the cake on Jaebum’s desk and walked around to sit in Jaebum’s chair. He lifted his feet up on the desk , the chair tilted back and Jinyoung closed his eyes. 

It was thirty minutes later that his eyes opened, but it felt like an instant as he heard the door click shut. Jaebum was there, walking towards him. There was no smile there, perhaps because either Jaebum wasn’t happy to see him or because he didn’t know if he should. Jinyoung put his feet down and remained seated. 

“I brought cake,” Jinyoung said, forgetting everything that he’d been thinking about saying on the way over. 

“Maybe later,” Jaebum said, pulling open a drawer to reveal a series of files. “I’m not even sure what it was I just ate and it’s not settling well in my stomach.” 

Jinyoung nodded. “Should I go then?” he asked, wondering if coming here really were a mistake. He didn’t want to keep up this not talking to Jaebum but he didn’t want to force Jaebum to talk to him if he didn’t want to. 

 

Jaebum seemed to have found the file he was looking for and pulled it out, sitting it down on his desk and shut the drawer. “I have meetings all afternoon, Jinyoung.” Jaebum said. He pressed his lips to Jinyoung’s, his hands coming up on both sides of Jinyoung’s face. 

Jaebum’s lips were soft against his and when he pulled away, he smiled softly but left his hands on Jinyoung. Jinyoung leaned into them. 

“I’m sorry,” Jaebum said, and Jinyoung knew that smile was more than a little forced coming over his lips. 

“Are we alright?” Jinyoung asked. 

“Of course,” Jaebum answered. 

“Are you alright?” Jinyoung asked, knowing something was more than a little off with Jaebum. He doubted it had to do with the upset stomach and an afternoon of meetings. 

Jaebum nodded and smiled at Jinyoung again, this one a little more real. “I will be,” Jaebum answered. 

Answers like that were not ones that put Jinyoung at ease as Jaebum dropped his hands and turned to reach for the file. Jinyoung reached in his pocket and pulled out Jaebum’s cell phone, to give it back to him. He pulled it away the second Jaebum reached for it. “You can talk to me, Jaebum.” Jinyoung said, his eyes holding Jaebum’s. “Whatever is going on, even if I can’t help you, I can listen.” 

“I know,” Jaebum answered and Jinyoung was able to catch a glimpse of his Jaebum underneath. “It’s just work, Jinyoung. Nothing more than that.” 

Jinyoung nodded, handing over the cell phone and Jaebum pressed a kiss to his temple and hurried out of the room. Jinyoung sighed. “And this is the part where I start to worry and continue to worry about you for the rest of forever because that’s how long it’s going to feel until you tell me what’s wrong, even if it just work.” 

~  
Jinyoung had to wait until Wednesday to see Jaebum. They hadn’t spoken again on Monday, which was not at all unusual. Mondays were terrible days and both of them were just so busy. Tuesday didn’t go as Jinyoung planned either as he’d had to pick Youngjae up from school. He’d thrown up and was extra clingy the rest of the night. Jinyoung did call Jaebum after he’d finally gotten Youngjae to bed but it had been a short conversation as he was tired, Jaebum was tired, and silence fell between them more than a couple times during the call. 

Even though Jinyoung knew he was only going to be able to drop by for an hour, he still went over to see Jaebum. He was surprised when he entered the apartment and found Jaebum already there. He’d taken his jacket off, but hadn’t made much effort before he’d laid down on the couch. Jinyoung approached him, smiling as he looked down at the sleeping man. Perhaps it was a bad idea to come over? Jaebum was clearly exhausted. 

He considered leaving when a hand found his wrist and tugged gently. Jinyoung gave in, curling up on the couch with Jaebum. “How was your day?” Jinyoung asked. Jaebum grunted and tightened his arms around Jinyoung, burying his face into the side of Jinyoung’s neck. 

“I can’t fall asleep,” Jinyoung said, knowing that laying down next to Jaebum in this moment could result in that. “I have to get home today.” 

“Okay,” Jaebum answered, but made no move to let Jinyoung sit up. 

“I’m serious,” Jinyoung said. 

“I already agreed,” Jaebum answered.”You won’t fall asleep.” 

Jinyoung moved then, rolling so he was facing Jaebum. “You sound so sure for someone who was curled up asleep when I came in.” 

“I was dozing,” Jaebum defended, his hand coming up to touch Jinyoung’s face. He took a deep breath in and let it out slowly. “I’ve missed you.” 

“You saw me Monday,” Jinyoung said, pleased by the statement nonetheless. 

“I glimpsed you Monday,” Jaebum corrected, “and I was in a terrible mood and couldn’t even appreciate that you were there.” 

“About that,” Jinyoung started, “what was going on that had you so grumpy you didn’t want cake?”

“Just work,” Jaebum answered. “I think I’m losing my touch. Four deals in two days that are just not going to happen and I have no idea how to alter that. I usually have a feel about them before the first meeting and I didn’t get the usual feeling I do when I know it’s a waste of time to try. I thought they were good, difficult, but still good.” 

“None of that really matters though. I’ve had far bigger things on my mind as of late.” Jaebum said. 

“Like what?” 

“Like Saturday,” Jaebum answered. 

Jinyoung leaned forward, hiding his face against Jaebum’s chest. “I’m going to guess we can’t just pretend it never happened and I just magically learned my lesson?” Jinyoung hoped. 

“I don’t quite operate like that, but let’s say we do, what magic lesson did you learn?” Jaebum offered. 

“To stop shutting you out,” Jinyoung answered. He sighed, realizing there really was no way to avoid talking about it. It had been four days already and as nice as it was curled up on the couch with Jaebum, it was still there, awkwardly waiting in the corner and ruining their time together. 

“I’m just walking this line where I want you to know them, I want them to be comfortable with you and you with them, but I don’t want them to be a burden to you. I don’t want them too close because they could get burned. I rationalize that if you’re just at this distance, they’ll be okay, even if I get hurt. I know we’ve talked about that and I know how irrational it is to want to keep up this life where I keep you seperate; it’s not even what I want. I want Mark to be able to rely on you, I want the boys to have someone who can teach them the things I can’t, I want to be able to take a nap and not worry Yugyeom has drowned himself, I _want_ that life where you love them so much that leaving them, leaving us, would never occur to you. Their father didn’t even want them that much so I can’t even begin to expect that from you. It isn’t fair to even ask that...” 

“Jinyoung, can I tell you something?” Jaebum asked, interrupting and pulling back so he could look at him. Jinyoung nodded, letting Jaebum turn his face up so their eyes could meet. Jaebum was staring at him in a way that made Jinyoung think Jaebum was still in debate about what to say. 

“I’m afraid to be burned, too.” Jaebum said finally. “My life has changed so much since meeting you and not having you here would be miserable. I want you to rely on me, so Mark can be more of the kid he deserves to be. I want to teach them the things that will turn them into amazing adults. I want you to nap, and I promise Yugyeom won’t drown while you do so. I’m not going to leave you, or them. You don’t have to ask me not to, Jinyoung, but that’s exactly what you can expect.”

Jinyoung blinked rapidly, hoping that would somehow keep him from turning into a sobbing mess. It wasn’t working and when the first tear fell, Jaebum reached over and wiped it away, leaning to kiss his forehead. “Next time you want to yell at me, ask yourself if you’d be angry if it were Hakyeon or Seokjin. I want you to let me do anything you’d ask them to do, okay?” 

“You’re so busy…” Jinyoung protested. 

“Not too busy for my family, Jinyoung,” Jaebum interrupted. “Never too busy for that. There is nothing about my job that makes me unavailable if you or the boys need me. Got it?”

Jinyoung nodded, leaning back into Jaebum. “Okay,” he agreed, smiling despite the fact that he was not incapable of keeping the tears away. “I’m probably going to be really bad at that,” he said after a moment. 

“That’s okay,” Jaebum said, humor in his voice. “I’m apparently alright with kidnapping your children.” 

Jinyoung sighed against him. That was going to be a story to tell the grandkids. Once upon a time, your dad was kidnapped. “Thank you, Jaebum.” 

“For what?” 

“For kidnapping my son, being there to cheer him on and mostly, making sure I asked him about it. You weren’t wrong.” 

“Your welcome, Jinyoung. Can you do something for me though?” 

“Maybe,” Jinyoung answered. 

“Go to his next game. I think it’s next weekend.” 

“It’s so hard to go with the boys…” Jinyoung cut off before Jaebum even had to stop him. “I will,” he changed his answer. “I’ll see if Taekwoon is working this weekend. If not, he’ll be able to drop the littles off.” 

“Jinyoung.” It was that tone again, the gentle and firm one that had dismissed him when Bambam had been sick. 

“Jackson has a competition that day. If I’m going to Mark’s game, I want you to be there for Jackson. It will probably end about the time Mark’s game starts...but Namjoon will probably want to tag along. He hasn’t missed any of Jackson’s competitions.”

“Then he won’t miss this one either,” Jaebum said and Jinyoung smiled at him. 

“I guess, I should tell you that while I have five children all the time, I really have fourteen.” 

Jaebum smiled down at him. “I may have noticed,” he answered. “I’m still not running, Jinyoung. Though maybe you should give me some cliff notes about those other nine?” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 _Spessartite Garnet offers light on the path that leads to your dreams._


	17. Snowflake Obsidian

“How are things with Jonghyun?” Jinyoung asked. They were at lunch together and the name Jonghyun had only come out of Jaebum’s mouth as of late. 

“We work different shifts now,” Key answered. Perhaps it was the solemn way his voice sounded that kept Jinyoung from asking more questions. Hakyeon had this knowing look on his face and Seokjin just pretended to investigate the food in front of him. They didn’t need to ask anything after that. Even if they asked Key how he was doing, he’d fluff up his feathers and pretend he was fine. 

The mood was rather quiet after that. The reality was, it had been quiet before that. They were all pretty exhausted with their kids. Hakyeon had even told them that Taekwoon had yelled at his, literally _yelled_ at his children. Trying to picture that had been impossible and Jinyoung was positive Hakyeon was making it up. 

Seokjin had even given up on the argument with Taehyung about having another child, for now, because he didn’t even want the ones he had. “Do you think it would be fair to pawn the kids off on their dads and just go away for an entire weekend?”

“It would,” Hakyeon agreed. “We’d even be able to leave Jinyoung’s kids with Jaebum this time.” 

“Uhm, no we would not,” Jinyoung spoke up. There were about a thousand reasons to follow as to why he did not want to do that but Hakyeon was already looking at him with that ‘look’ that Jinyoung just knew too well. 

“You already told us how he wants to be more involved in the things they need, the things you need another adult to do and you’re going to reject the idea of giving him the boys, which include your very responsible oldest son, before even considering it?” Hakyeon had a brow raised and Jinyoung could feel two sets of eyes on him. “Give me one really good reason, a reason all of us consider good, and I won’t say another word about it.”

“Alright,” Jinyoung said, no hesitation as he continued into his reason. “You two go home to your husbands. You see them everyday. I see Jaebum twice a week, three times on a good week and four if I’m super lucky. As nice as a kid free weekend would be, I don’t desire to be Jaebum free as well. I don’t want to give that up.” 

They were still staring at him and Jinyoung wondered if that was a good enough reason until Key finally spoke. “Well isn’t that just the most adorable thing you’ve ever heard.” The smile there was genuine and Hakyeon sighed across from him.

“I guess that’s it then.”  
~~

“Taehyung, you have to…” Jaebum’s voice trailed off and he let out a sigh that turned into a laugh. “You’re too stiff, you need to wiggle more, loosen up.” Jaebum regretted those words immediately as Taehyung went into the straight opposite of what he’d been doing and he was reminded of Yugyeom doing a ‘dance’ which was really nothing more than him shaking his butt back and forth. 

“I think he may be your worst student yet,” Jonghyun answered. 

“I made it through you,” Jaebum reminded him. 

Jonghyun put his hand over his heart. “Your words wound me, Jaebum.” 

“Not nearly as much as teaching you to dance hurt me,” Jaebum grabbed his beer, taking a drink of it and then ‘reset’ Taehyung to learn the dance moves. 

“I’m guessing you weren’t very good at it?” Taekwoon asked Jonghyun. 

Jonghyun nodded, “I was a little bit of a nightmare. The only dancing I’d done to that point was at a wedding with my grandma when I was a child. It showed, a little.” 

Jaebum scoffed at Jonghyun’s words. A little was the understatement of the year. “I ended up teaching him one move to get him through the next six months while he sort of learned how to dance. It was a really good thing that him being in next to no clothing was the reason for people to be there.”

“I don’t see how you guys did that. I don’t think I could,” Taekwoon answered. 

“It was a job,” Jonghyun answered. “One that paid pretty good. Only the first week was awkward. After that you realize there isn’t much you have to do to get a rise out of the audience. They’re going to cheer even if you fall off the stage. Yes, that’s experience talking and no, it wasn’t in my early days. I think it was the second year? Yeah, about then.” 

Jaebum laughed. “I’d forgotten about that.” 

Jonghyun and Taekwoon continued to talk about their previous career, the ups, downs and downright ridiculous things both of them had done. Jaebum focused on Taehyung, teaching him some basic steps so that he could learn rhythm. When it was clear that Taehyung was at his limit, they stopped. 

“Why do you want to learn, anyways?” Jaebum asked as they went to the kitchen to grab more beer. 

“I don’t have many skills,” Taehyung answered, taking the offered drink. “Nor does having five children allow me much time to learn new ones. I need something that has instruction but that if I can’t make it, won’t put me behind like taking an actual class would.” 

“Why do you need more skills?” Jaebum asked as they walked back into the living room. 

“I have five children,” Taehyung repeated. “Sometimes I just need to escape them for an hour or so doing something that takes my brain away from reality. You’ll understand soon enough.” 

~

“It still doesn’t make sense,” Jackson stared down at the page in front of him, his hands on either side of his face and his elbows on the table holding it up. Jaebum had arrived nearly an hour ago to Jackson sitting at the table with his dad and his older brother. Jinyoung was clearly frustrated and it hadn’t taken Jaebum long to discover that Mark had already lost patience with his brother long before his arrival. 

Jaebum had looked down at the page in the book and told Jinyoung he’d take over. Jinyoung hadn’t even argued, telling Jaebum just how done he really was. Now, they were talking to Namjoon, who was saying the exact same thing to Jackson that Jaebum was, so it wasn’t like Jaebum was explaining it incorrectly. “Are you sure this is real math, Namjoon?” 

There was a frustrated groan through the receiver. “You always ask that! You know it is!” 

“Boys,” Jaebum said, interrupting it before it got out of hand. “Let’s just agree that it’s real math and move on.” 

“Okay, but I have to go,” Namjoon said. “I have history homework still. I’ll text you when I’m done and if you _still_ don’t get it, I’ll see if Dad will let me come over and help you.” 

“Okay. Thanks,” Jackson said, sighing. The phone call over, Jackson picked up his pencil again but he seemed even more defeated. “I’m never going to get this. Letters don’t belong in Math, Jaebum!” 

“I know,” Jaebum answered, “I said the same thing when I was your age.” Jaebum paused as he thought over how he could teach the problem to Jackson. “Why don’t we try something else?” Jaebum asked, pulling his phone out. A quick google search later and he had about forty videos covering the topic. “Let’s see if this gets us anywhere.” 

~~

They paused long enough to have dinner and then Jaebum and Jackson returned to the table. About the thirteenth video, Jackson began to catch on. Jaebum was pretty sure it was in the different way the man in the video had begun to explain it, a way he wouldn’t have even thought to. Still, it was working and the change in Jackson was immediate. He’d gone from a kid who had given up and was disappointed in himself to someone who understood and was proud of that understanding. 

“Thanks, Jaebum.” Jackson said when his assignment was finally complete. He got up from his chair and came around to Jaebum’s and wrapped his arms around him. “It’s no fun not knowing stuff when your best friend knows everything.”

“You’re welcome, Jackson,” Jaebum said, his hands folding around him. “How about next weekend I find something to teach you that Namjoon doesn’t know?” 

“Like what?” Jackson asked, pulling back. His eyes were wide as he looked at Jaebum. 

“I dunno,” Jaebum said. “I don’t know what he doesn’t know how to do. Why don’t you try to find out something he doesn’t know this week and if it’s something I know, I’ll teach you next weekend.” If it was something he didn’t know, he would google it as well and see if it was something he could learn. 

Jackson nodded, excitement in his smile. “I will!” Jackson ran off and Jaebum stood up, stretching after having been at the kitchen table for nearly four hours. 

“Jaebum!” 

He turned, seeing Yugyeom coming into the kitchen. He’d lost a sock somewhere and his hair was still wet from a bath, making Jaebum wonder if he’d even had another sock to begin with. “Movie time! C’mon!” Yugyeom grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the living room. Once they were in there, he let go, going to climb into the fort that was in the process of being built there. 

Mark held onto one end while Jinyoung tucked a corner in so it wouldn’t fall down. Bambam and Youngjae were nowhere to be seen so Jaebum assumed they were already inside. Jackson returned to the room shortly after, probably storing his homework in his room. He immediately went to the tv, putting a dvd in the player and letting it start. He paused it when Mark told him to do so and then climbed inside the fort with his younger brothers. 

Jaebum took a seat on the couch, joined by Jinyoung a moment later while Mark took the chair across from them. Jinyoung unpaused the movie and as it started, leaned into Jaebum’s shoulder. Jaebum’s hand wrapped around Jinyoung’s hand and Jaebum proceeded to pretend to watch the movie. 

Instead, he was splitting his time between listening to the chatter coming from the fort, watching Mark as he watched the movie and glancing at Jinyoung beside him. He wasn’t sure how his life had gone from an overworked bachelor to someone who just wanted this to be what he came home to every night. He hadn’t even known that this simplistic, normal thing was something he’d even wanted. 

The movie was barely half over when the fort became quiet and the breathing of the man next to him evened out. Mark moved a moment later, looking into the fort to confirm Jaebum’s suspicion.

“Are you watching the movie?” Mark asked as he stood back up. “No one else seems to be.”

“No,” Jaebum said, shaking his head softly. “I think I’m going to put your dad to bed. Do they need to go, too?” 

Mark shook his head. “Nah, they might wake up later and go to their bedrooms or the couch or chair but they’re fine in here. I’m going to go conquer a universe or two.” 

Jaebum nodded, Mark leaving the room shortly after that. Standing up, he pulled Jinyoung into his arms, the motion making his eyes open instantly. 

“What are you doing?” Jinyoung asked, his eyes closing as he realized Jaebum was carrying him. 

“Putting my sleeping boyfriend to bed,” Jaebum answered, moving carefully down the hallway so he didn’t hit Jinyoung’s legs on the walls, especially when he moved through the doorway into Jinyoung’s room.

“The boys…” 

“All asleep in their fort and Mark is conquering universes, though I don’t actually know what that means. A video game, I assume?” 

Jinyoung nodded as he was placed on the bed and Jaebum sat down beside him. “He’s really good at it.” 

Jaebum smiled, wondering if there was anything that Mark wasn’t good at as he leaned down and kissed Jinyoung on the forehead. “Go back to sleep,” he whispered, sitting back up. “Your kids are asleep, you should take advantage of that.” 

Jinyoung’s hand reached for his and once he found it, he looked up at Jaebum. “Are you staying?” 

He nodded, bringing Jinyoung’s hand to his lips and kissing it softly. “Nowhere I’d rather be,” he answered. “I’m just going to shut some lights off, okay?” 

Jinyoung nodded and when he smiled, Jaebum felt much less concerned about the lights that had been left on. Still, he got up, walking Jinyoung’s house for lights and locked doors as if he’d been doing it for years. By the time he returned to Jinyoung’s room, Jinyoung was under the blanket and back to sleep.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 _Snowflake Obsidian can assist in regaining your courage to persevere when you are feeling hopeless._


	18. Unakite

Jinyoung walked into the gym and looked around. He felt out of place despite the fact that this was where his kid was going to play and that he’d been in and out of gyms for years. He hadn’t been in the school much, he realized as he moved towards the bleachers and he wondered if maybe that was why he felt out of place. He looked up, realizing there was someone waving and it took him a second to realize it was Key. 

He crossed the gym and climbed up and sat next to him. “Why are you here?” Jinyoung asked, his gaze already turning away to find Mark. They were warming up and he found him easily enough. A smile came over his face at how happy Mark looked with his teammates. He ignored the rest of the feeling that came because they would ruin this moment.

“You mentioned something about Mark having a game at lunch this week and that you were going. So, here I am.” 

“I’m still at the why part,” Jinyoung retorted. 

“I quit drinking and I need something to fill my time with or I’ll just sit in my head and think about all the alcohol I can’t have, all the mistakes I’ve made in my life and all those other things.” 

Jinyoung turned away from watching Mark sharply. “You what?” 

“I’m not a good person when I drink, Jinyoung. So I’m not going to anymore. I’m even looking for a job that isn’t at the bar so I’m further away from temptation. I’m going to be thirty one this year. I don’t want to be clinging to a youth that isn’t there or stranded as an adult with zero stability. Which is exactly where I am.” 

Jinyoung looked at him skeptically but Key’s expression was far too serious for him to doubt what he was saying. “Does this have to do with Jonghyun?” Jinyoung asked and he watched as Key looked away from him. 

“No, it has to do with you.” 

“Key…”

“We’ve been through a lot during our friendship,” Key rushed. “I would like it if everything from here on out was all sunshine and rainbows.” 

Jinyoung was eyeing him, knowing there was more to it than that. “Keep talking, Kim Kibum.” he commanded. 

“There isn’t much more to say,” Key defended. “You’re with this really great guy, you’re happy, your kids are happy, I just want to be around all that happy.” Key paused but Jinyoung kept looking at him until Key sighed. “Maybe if I’m around you more, I can figure out what happy is supposed to feel like.” 

“Key, you know what happiness feels like. You just don’t let yourself enjoy it.” 

“I want to feel happy with myself, Jinyoung. I really don’t know what that is like,” Key stared down at his hands. “The closest I’ve felt to being truly happy with myself was at Sanghyuk’s birthday party when I was sitting on the floor with Jungkook drawing on my legs with his markers. I wasn’t doing anything really, but he was smiling and happy and I was causing that. I don’t think I’ve ever made anyone smile when there wasn’t something for me to gain from it.”

“You gained something from it, Key, Jungkook’s beautiful artwork,” Jinyoung teased. 

Key laughed and shook his head. “It took me two hours in the shower to get some of it off because his black marker was of the permanent variety.” The smile slipped after that. “I am sorry for the way I’ve been,” Key continued. “You’re my best friend. I should know more about your kids than I do.” 

“You should,” Jinyoung agreed but he turned a smile towards Key. “I guess you can start learning now.” 

“I’d like that,” Key agreed. He was silent a moment before he spoke again. “Has Jaebum said...is Jonghyun doing alright?” Key asked, sitting up as the beginning of the game was announced. 

“I ask that question at least once a week,” Jinyoung said, putting his hand over Key’s and squeezing it briefly. “He has Jaebum watching over him, so I think he’ll be okay.” 

“Yeah,” Key agreed. He sighed, watching the game

~

Jaebum sat down, noticing Jackson waving at him excitedly from where he stood. Jaebum waved back and Jackson returned his attention to his coach. Namjoon had abandoned Jaebum and was sitting down in the first row. Jaebum could see him from here, so he wasn’t too worried about it. 

“Why did I have to come to this?” Jonghyun asked. 

“Because you’re my best friend and this is the son of my boyfriend and you might as well get used to hanging out with the boys.” Jaebum answered. “And I’m technically your boss and you have to do what I say.” Jaebum smiled at him and Jonghyun scoffed. 

“All those times you insist you’re not my boss and now you’re playing that card? I don’t think I want to be your friend anymore.” 

“It’s too late to change your mind about things like that, Jonghyun.” Jaebum looked up as the first match began, kids he was sure Jackson had mentioned but with the speed of which he was listing names, Jaebum had lost track of them. “Nonsense aside, Jonghyun, how are you doing?” 

“I’m fine,” Jonghyun answered, watching the match as well. 

“Fine is such a vague word,” Jaebum said, his gaze staying on the game despite the desire to turn a glare to Jonghyun. He knew though, with Jonghyun, not looking at him would probably be more effective. 

Jonghyun sighed, “This is why I hate you,” he said. “I’m managing, okay? I hate waking up in the morning most days but I do it because life is hard but things pass and the other alternative is not waking up. I won’t do that to you. I just…” Jonghyun cut off. “It hurts, Jaebum. I’ve tried this before, but this time, it _really_ hurts.” Jonghyun looked down at his hands, “because this time, it really is the end.” 

“Do you want me to come stay with you?” Jaebum asked and he was surprised when Jonghyun nodded. It told him his best friend was hurting a lot more than he was letting on. 

“Not tonight though. You’re probably going to stay with Jinyoung tonight and I refuse to take you from that.” 

“Jonghyun, if you…”

“For once in your life, Jaebum, don’t argue with me,” Jonghyun said, looking over at him. “I’ll be okay. Jinki’s insisting I come play with the baby tonight because I didn’t last week.” 

Jaebum sighed but nodded anyways. “Alright,” he agreed, both of them turning their attention back to the match going on in front of them. “Can we buy matching kitty pajamas?” Jaebum asked, gaining him a small laugh from Jonghyun. 

“Correction, _this_ is why I hate you.” Both of them were quiet a moment before Jonghyun turned his gaze back to Jaebum. “I’ll agree if they’re superheros instead of kittens.” 

“I can work with that,” Jaebum agreed.  
~  
“Jackson, you did well. Why are so upset?” 

Jackson looked up at Jaebum. “You were there, so I wanted to win,” Jackson explained. “I never beat him either so it would have been even better if I had.” His gaze dropped back down towards the ground. On the other side of him, Namjoon was holding his hand, his face just as grim as Jackson’s.

“Jackson, you don’t have to win all the time. You have to lose sometimes, otherwise you’ll never learn how to get better,” Jaebum explained. 

“What do you mean?” Jackson asked, looking back up at him. 

“Remember how the match went? Do you know where you misstepped or faltered and gave him the opportunity to win?” 

Jackson nodded as he remember the match. “Yeah,” he said. “I know when I messed up.” 

“Then just don’t let that happen again,” Jaebum answered. “Know where your weaknesses are and focus on them in practice so you can eliminate them. Even if you don’t win the next match or the one after that, you’ll still be getting better. That’s the important thing.” 

Jackson smiled, the loss seeming to mean a little bit less now. “Thanks, Jaebum,” he said. “Can we get ice cream, even though I didn’t win?” 

Jaebum put his hand on Jackson’s head affectionately. “Sure. I think Jonghyun could use some ice cream, too.” 

“Did he lose a match, too?” Jackson asked, looking around Jaebum to Jonghyun. 

“I lost the entire tournament,” Jonghyun explained. “Can I get extra whip cream?” he asked, pouting his lip and looking at Jaebum. 

Jaebum rolled his eyes and sighed. “Sure,” he answered, wondering if he had two or three children with him today. Still, if Jackson’s mood could rub off on Jonghyun, then maybe Jaebum could worry a little less about him. 

~~~~~

“Jaebum, why is there a shark up there?”

Jinyoung had met Jaebum with the kids in tow and the seven of them were going to go to eat and then to a movie. He’d promised Mark and Jackson they didn’t have to watch the same movie as the other three, but somehow, Jackson was still sulking. Youngjae had taken one look at the shark and started asking questions about it. He’d been in Jaebum’s office all of two seconds before he was asking Jaebum questions, looking out the window to see if he could see it from Jaebum’s office and being disappointed when he couldn’t. 

Jaebum had finished putting away files and went over to where Youngjae was searching for the shark, retelling the story as Jinyoung had heard it before. 

“That’s really it?” Mark asked, much the same way Jinyoung had. 

“That’s really it,” Jaebum answered. “I’m sure there’s something you would do just because your dad told you not to.” 

Mark glanced over at Jinyoung and Jinyoung raised a brow at him. “Never,” Mark said, a smile on his face as he looked back over the wall of things in Jaebum’s office. 

“Jaebum, it won’t open.” 

Jinyoung looked over at Bambam and Yugyeom where the two of them were pulling on a drawer. “That’s because you don’t need to get into it,” Jinyoung said, going over and shooing his children away from the drawers before the toppled the entire cabinet down on top of them. 

“Your office is _boring_ ,” Youngjae said, giving up on finding the shark and heading over to the couch and throwing himself onto it dramatically. 

“I know,” Jaebum answered, returning to tucking things away.

“It’s really high up,” Jackson commented, looking out the window. “Is this the top floor?” 

“No,” Jaebum answered. “There are six above this one.” 

“Wow.” 

Jinyoung smiled as Jackson stared out the window, mesmerized by the view. It wouldn’t last long, Jinyoung knew that. He returned his gaze to Jaebum who shut the drawer by his desk and looked up at him. “Ready?” Jinyoung asked. Youngjae sat up quickly and Jaebum nodded.  
~  
It was halfway into the movie when Youngjae climbed into his lap. Jaebum didn’t think anything of it until a moment came when Youngjae hid his face against Jaebum’s chest. He would peek back, looking through his fingers at the screen and then hide again. 

“Are you okay?” Jaebum asked, searching the screen for what could possibly be scaring Youngjae. It was a cartoon movie designed for kids but if Jaebum was learning anything about children, it was that a lot of things that made sense in an adult mind didn’t in a child’s. 

“Pirates,” Youngjae said, his face still hidden. 

Jaebum glanced over at the other two boys, both engrossed in the movie. Catching Jinyoung’s eye, he leaned his head towards the exit and stood up with Youngjae in his arms. Once they were out of the theatre, he sat him down and crouched down in front of him. “Are you okay now?” 

Youngjae nodded and put his arms back around Jaebum. “I don’t like pirates,” Youngjae said. “They steal things.”

“They do,” Jaebum agreed, his arms going back around him. 

“I don’t want them stealing my things. Daddy gave me those things.” 

“I’m sure they won’t come for your things, Youngjae,” Jaebum said, standing up and taking Youngjae’s with him. It was quite clear they wouldn’t be going back into the movie and Jaebum had glimpsed an arcade on the way in. 

“They might,” Youngjae answered. “I have a firetruck and they took one in the movie. It’s a really cool firetruck, too.” 

“That is true. How about when we get home, I’ll pirate proof your room for you?” Jaebum offered. “I’ll even send out a really big email to all pirates warning them to never take my Youngjae’s things. Will that work?” 

Youngjae smiled and nodded at him. “As long as you’re there, Jaebum, the pirates will never bother us! They’ll be too afraid.”

As he realized where Jaebum was taking him, he seemed to forget about the pirates and got excited, so Jaebum let him down. Youngjae rad over to the car game and climbed on it immediately. Jaebum fed it some coins and helped him start the game. 

They were there when Mark and Jackson exited their movie and made their way there as well. Jackson talked excitedly about it but Jaebum got the feeling it wasn’t as entertaining to Mark. It wasn’t much longer before Jinyoung came out with the youngest two. 

“I wanna play, too!” Bambam said, moving towards the game. Jaebum deposited more coins.

~~~

The ride home was short, but quiet after a few minutes. Even Jackson was leaning his head against Mark and fighting falling asleep. When they arrived, Mark picked up Bambam and took him to his room and Jaebum followed with Youngjae. 

“You have to protect it from the pirates,” Youngjae reminded him as they went into his room. 

“I know,” Jaebum said, sitting Youngjae down on the bed. He pulled his shoes off, found some pajamas and helped him change and then tucked Youngjae into bed. He stood up, putting his hands against the wall near the door, making a soft humming sound. He stopped after a few seconds, moving towards another part of the wall and doing the same. Youngjae sat on his bed as he looked around, far too serious of an expression on his face. 

“That’s all four walls. What else needs done?” 

“The floor and the ceiling, Youngjae answered. “There’s a vent up there, they might get in that way.” 

“Hm, you’re right about that,” Jaebum agreed, going over to the vent. He started making the humming noise again and stayed there an additional few seconds to add extra protection. The floor followed and then he was turning back to Youngjae for direction. “Anywhere else?” 

Youngjae looked around the room. “Maybe the windows? Just in case?” 

Jaebum nodded, going over to the windows to pirate proof them. When he was done and Youngjae approved, Jaebum went back over to him. “Goodnight, Youngjae,” Jaebum said, leaning over to kiss him on the forehead. 

“Jaebum, will you do Daddy’s room, too? You know, for the nights you’re not here?” 

Jaebum nodded and smiled down at him. “Of course, Youngjae. I love you.” 

“I love you, too.” 

Jaebum watched him roll over and cuddle the bear on the bed before he walked over to where Bambam was still asleep. Mark had changed him, but he hadn’t appeared to have even noticed. He leaned down and kissed his forehead, passing Jinyoung on his way out. 

He went in to say goodnight to the other three, before walking around the house. He returned to Jinyoung’s room shortly after he did. It didn’t take him long to change and then he was climbing into bed next to Jinyoung and pulling him against him. “You will be glad to know that your middle child’s room is pirate proofed and your room will be so tomorrow.” 

“So I heard,” Jinyoung said with a laugh. “I didn’t think it would freak him out so much. Thank you for taking care of him.” 

“Your welcome,” Jaebum answered. “Remind me the next time we go to pack more coins.” 

“You’re going to spoil them,” Jinyoung warned. 

“Good,” Jaebum said. “Maybe you’ve got an idea on how I could spoil their father a little bit more?” 

“Hm? I don’t really know him well so I don’t know that I’ll be much help,” Jinyoung teased. 

“That’s too bad. Maybe he’d like the same things you would. What is it you like?” 

“Naps,” Jinyoung answered. “Food I don’t have to cook.” 

“Do you think you could leave them for a bit?” Jinyoung pulled back and Jaebum opened his eyes to look at him. “I have a trip I have to take next week. It’s four days, leaves Thursday night and returns Monday evening. It’s mostly work but the evenings will be free. I may already know you have a lot of vacation built up and I may have already whispered into someone’s ear that I want to take you.” 

“That’s really soon. I’ve never left them that long, Jaebum. And what if...” 

Jaebum put his lips to Jinyoung’s to quiet him. “If you don’t want to, just say no, Jinyoung.” He smiled at him. “I just found out about it two days ago.” 

“It’s not that I don’t want to go with you, I just don’t know about leaving them. I know they’ll be taken care of with Hakyeon but...can I think about it?” 

“I would prefer you did,” Jaebum answered. “If it wasn’t for work, I’d just take all of you.”

Jinyoung settled back against Jaebum. “And just where is it you would take us?” he asked. 

“Wherever you wanted to go? Anywhere in this world, Jinyoung.”

“Jaebum?” 

Jaebum rolled over, finding Youngjae in the doorway, firetruck tucked under his arm. “What is it, Youngjae?” Jaebum asked, sitting up and getting out of bed. 

“We forgot the closet.” 

Jaebum took his hand, going back to Youngjae’s room. He went to the bed and Jaebum went to the closet, humming on it the same way he had the walls before. “Is this good?” 

Youngjae nodded, laying back down. “Will you tell me a story?” Youngjae asked. 

“What kind of story?” Jaebum asked, getting comfy on the floor. He reached his arm onto the bed, catching Youngjae’s hand in his. 

“One about you,” Youngjae answered. 

“About me? Okay. When I was about your age, I had this really good friend and we used to go play in the woods every day after school.” 

“In the woods!” Youngjae stared at him. 

“Yes,” Jaebum answered. “There was this area that when it rained, it would flood over and we’d try to make our way across it with whatever logs, stumps and rocks that would still be sticking out. There was also this vine that when the water wasn’t too high, we could reach it and swing across. When the water was bad though, it spread out too far for us to reach the vine.” 

“There was also this old tree that had fallen across a ravine and we used to walk across it. It slanted up though, so it was really hard to do. The first time, we scooted across but after a bit, we were more daring and tried walking. I don’t think we fell a single time.” 

“Our ‘clubhouse’ was in another area and was nothing more than some trees that had fallen over. We each had a certain spot we would sit in the tree and we’d just talk about all the things we’d done in school or about what we were going to do when we grew up.” Jaebum continued to speak about his childhood for another five minutes before he paused, looking at Youngjae’s sleeping form. “I don’t think there was anything my imagination could have come up with at that time to make me think of something as perfect as this.” 

He stayed there a moment longer, making sure Youngjae was really asleep this time before he stood up and returned to Jinyoung. He found his boyfriend asleep in the bed but he stirred when Jaebum joined him. 

“This,” Jinyoung mumbled when Jaebum was settled next to him again. 

“This?” Jaebum asked. 

“This is how you spoil me,” Jinyoung answered. “By answering the daddy call at all hours of the night. This was nice.”

Jaebum smiled, hugging Jinyoung to him. “I think I can handle that.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
_Unakite, also called epidote, derives its name from the Greek epidosis, meaning "growing together". It is a combination of red jasper and green epidote solidly bound together. From this we get the meaning that what comes together belongs together._


	19. Moldavite

For a life that moved so fast, Jinyoung’s life had taken a slow down. Hell, it had taken a giant leap backwards to a life he’d been living before. Except Jinyoung’s boys were still the same age they were and he had Yugyeom, which alone told him he wasn’t living in the past. 

Wonpil had arrived when he’d been running late for work. Seokjin had already come by and taken the youngest and Mark had dragged his brothers out the door only fifteen minutes before. There had been a knock and Jinyoung thought maybe Seokjin forgot something, but had that been the case, Seokjin would have just opened the door and come in. That thought crossed his mind in the same instance that he was pulling open the door and looking into Wonpil’s eyes. 

He hadn’t been able to say a word and had dropped whatever it was that had been in his hands. Whenever Wonpil asked to come in, Jinyoung had stepped back, because what else was there to do but let him in?

“The house looks the same,” Wonpil had commented, looking around. He wasn’t wrong except Jinyoung’s level of housework had dropped dramatically since he’d gotten a job. “How are the boys? Mark must be what, fifteen by now?” 

The mention of his son had Jinyoung snapping out of it. “Why are you here?” 

He watched Wonpil take a deep breath. “There are some things I need to tell you about. Do you have the time?” 

No, no Jinyoung did not have the time. He was supposed to be at work in fifteen minutes, he had zero time to do anything except walk out that door and pretend this was some fluke in his life. “Yeah, I just need to make a call real quick. You can go sit down, I guess.” 

Jinyoung waited until Wonpil had left the kitchen to call Joongki. His plan was to tell him that he was going to be late, but somehow when Joongki started talking, it turned into Jinyoung was taking the day off. To do what? Jinyoung wondered. Sit in his living room and listen to his ex? 

Apparently, that was what Jinyoung was going to do as he walked in and sat down on the other end of the couch. It made him uncomfortable, the way Wonpil was just watching him. “What?” he asked. 

Wonpil shook his head and looked away. “I’ve been away awhile, Jinyoung. Can’t I look at you?” 

“You left me, so no,” Jinyoung answered, surprising himself. He felt the need to apologize, but managed not to as Wonpil laughed. Jinyoung hated the reaction in him that sound caused. Wonpil’s laugh had been one of the things that had first drawn Jinyoung to him. 

“I suppose that’s fair. Shall I start with that then? Why I left?” 

“I think you made that clear in your _note_ ,” Jinyoung answered. 

“I don’t even know what I wrote in that, Jinyoung.” He took a deep breath and began. “I was told I was going to have to transfer if I wanted to keep my job. I didn’t really like the sound of moving you and boys when we had a life here, so I started applying to other jobs but it wasn’t panning out quite the way I had hoped. Nothing seemed to be hiring for what I was qualified to do and what would hire me, never would have been enough to pay for the life we had. I thought I could take the transfer, which was only supposed to be for a year, and I could still support you from where I was. The divorce would ensure money came straight out of my check to pay you enough in child support to take care of you and the boys.”

“When I left so suddenly, it was because I had to take the transfer or not have the job. I still hadn’t told you about it because I was still trying to find something to keep me here. I’d run out of time and I didn’t want you to look for me, so I knew whatever I wrote had to be pretty awful. I wanted you to be able to stand on your own with the boys until I could come back. You needed a push to gain that strength to get all of you through it.” 

“I guess now is that time?” Jinyoung asked. 

“Yes,” Wonpil answered. “A transfer was made possible last month, but I have a lot of time built up so I wanted to come back here first and see if there is every anything waiting for me or if it has just taken too long. That’s why I waited until the boys left. I wanted to talk to you first. I guess you moved on pretty quick, though. That small one…”

“Yugyeom is yours,” Jinyoung interrupted and Wonpil’s eyes widened. “I was pregnant when you left.” 

“Jinyoung, I’m so sorry.” Jinyoung looked at Wonpil and he had to admit, Wonpil did look like he was authentically sorry. “I didn’t even realize I made it even more difficult on you.” 

“Why did you think leaving for even a year with a note would be okay?” 

Wonpil shook his head, clearly still floored by the announcement that he had another son. “I didn’t think it would ever be okay,” he answered. “I don’t even know what I was thinking back then, Jinyoung. I just wanted to make sure you were going to be okay while I was gone. I knew within a week I had messed that up.” 

“Then you should have called. You shouldn’t have let the divorce go through and you shouldn’t have hurt the boys that way!” Jinyoung stood from the couch and looked down at him. “The boys have always been here for you, Wonpil, but if you’re going to leave them again, _ever_ going to leave them again, then get out now and let them pretend you no longer exist.” 

Wonpil stood up and Jinyoung realized they were far too close together. “I want my boys, Jinyoung. I want you as well, but I can easily see that your forgiveness is something a long ways from my grasp. I have to go back next week to pack, sign some papers and then I’m coming back. I won’t be leaving after that.” He reached forward, taking Jinyoung’s hand. “I won’t ever leave again.” 

Jinyoung felt small in that moment, the way he always had when Wonpil stood next to him and took his hand. It wasn’t as if their sizes were really that different, it was just the way Wonpil’s personality was. Jinyoung felt like Wonpil was the world and he was just this small person fortunate enough to stand next to him.

“Are you going to let me stay here?” Wonpil asked and Jinyoung hesitated. Part of his mind went straight to wanting to tell Wonpil that this was his home, while the rest of him wanted to tell him to get the hell out. 

“You can sleep on the couch,” Jinyoung gave in, but he could feel himself giving in even further. “At least until we can get you a bed. I’ll move Yugyeom into my room then and you can have his room.” Jinyoung looked away from him and pulled his hand out of Wonpil’s. “And don’t touch me again.” 

Jinyoung left him standing there, going to his own room and shutting the door. He should have chosen another room though, because now he could smell the cologne Wonpil always wore and was in the room where their life had truly started together. He hated the memories that were starting to flood back of their own free will.   
~  
It had felt like a dream to Mark, walking in the door and seeing him standing there. His back had been turned but it took only a second for him to turn and the recognition was immediate. “Papa.” It was a name he was far too old to be using, but the kid in him who had been waiting for his father to return was shutting out the fact that he was fifteen years old. 

He wasn’t sure what had happened at that point, just that he’d walked forward and had been held tightly by the man that he hadn’t seen in the last five years. He’d cried, he’d always known if his father came back that he would cry. Wonpil had let him and said nothing until it passed. 

“I missed you, too, Mark.” 

Jackson had been less receptive, which surprised Mark because out of all his brothers, Jackson would have the most memories of their father, but he’d held back, hugging him briefly before returning to Jinyoung’s side.

Youngjae was as curious as ever, seeming to have some idea that this man had been important in his life somehow, but not understanding quite how. He’d started asking questions the second Mark had let go of Wonpil and didn’t stop even through the awkward hug Bambam gave him. Yugyeom had put himself in a cabinet and refused to come out despite Jinyoung’s bribing. 

They’d sat with him, talking to him with Youngjae’s constant questions and eventually his dad had gone to make dinner. Even through dinner, Yugyeom remained in the cabinet. After dinner, Mark knew he had to go to his room. He knew he needed to go do his homework, he needed to shower and he needed to sleep, but he was afraid enough that this was actually a dream and stepping away from it would make it disappear. 

He didn’t do his homework for the first time in years, but he did take his shower and go to bed at his normal time, with his dad pushing him to do so. His brothers had already gone to bed and as Mark got up, he looked over at his father. 

“Don’t worry, Mark. I’ll be right here when you wake up. Literally. Your dad is making me sleep on the couch.” 

Mark had showered and climbed into his bed. He expected Jackson to already be asleep, but Jackson was awake and seemed to be waiting for Mark. He didn’t ask a lot of questions though, so Mark assumed it was just because Jackson wanted to make sure Mark came to bed. It had happened before. 

Mark closed his eyes but he could still hear Jackson shuffling around. He was surprised when there was weight on his bed. He expected one of the littles, but was surprised when he realized it was Jackson. Jackson laid down next to him and put his head on Mark’s shoulder. “Hey Mark?” 

“Yeah?” Mark answered. 

“Do you think Jaebum will still come this weekend?” 

Mark’s eyes opened in the darkness. “I dunno, Jackson.” Mark answered. “Why do you ask?” Mark asked the question merely because he was curious what was in his brother’s head. 

“Well, if Papa is back, then we have someone to spend the weekends with now. But we spend the weekends with Jaebum, so will he come with us, Daddy and Papa or will he not come?” 

Mark didn’t have an answer for Jackson and it wasn’t something he’d really even thought about until Jackson had brought it up. He really hoped this wasn’t an either or situation because his dad was back, but he really liked having Jaebum around. “I’m sure he’ll come,” Mark answered finally. “He does like us after all.” 

It seemed enough of an answer for Jackson as he fell asleep curled up in Mark’s bed, but Mark continued to stare at the ceiling. Surely, Jaebum would still come. 

~  
Jaebum was running a bit late, but seeing that his flight had landed only two hours prior, he didn’t think he was doing too bad at trying to keep to their Tuesday dates. He’d managed to make it home and shower quickly before he’d been out the door and on his way to Jinyoung’s.

It took Jinyoung longer to come to the door than normal. It was stranger yet that it was actually Jinyoung that opened the door at all. Usually, one of the boys were there long before he could get there. Jinyoung stepped out the door instead of pulling it open for him and it amazed Jaebum how that small little action set off some internal alarm. 

“Is everything okay?” Jaebum asked, raising a brow at Jinyoung. 

“Yes, I just forgot you were coming and I meant to message you to tell you I couldn’t go.” 

Jaebum, looked at Jinyoung’s face. His gaze was shifted away from Jaebum, his lip was caught between his teeth and he looked more than a little frazzled. 

“Are the boys…”

“They’re just fine,” Jinyoung answered quickly, offering a short glance and a small smile towards Jaebum. “I just...could you go? I need to get back inside.” 

Jaebum nodded, stepping forward. He didn’t miss the way Jinyoung shied away from him as he turned his cheek to receive Jaebum’s kiss instead of letting their lips meet. “Call me tomorrow?” Jinyoung nodded again and then Jaebum was taking a step back. 

Jinyoung opened the door as he turned away and almost as if there were no other sound in the world, Jaebum heard the question clearly. “Who was it?” It wasn’t the boys who asked. He missed Jinyoung’s answer because the door closed and Jaebum was left alone. 

Jaebum would like to believe he wasn’t one of those people that jumped to conclusions, especially conclusions that were based fully on the fears that he kept hidden and had no rational bearing, but as he returned to his vehicle, those irrational fears began to build and the thought that crossed his mind was if this was the last time he’d be pulling away from Jinyoung’s house.   
~  
Jinyoung did call him the next day to set up a lunch date for the following day and while he sounded tired, Jaebum thought everything else about the call was pretty normal. He cancelled his lunch plans for Thursday and then drowned himself in work until that moment arrived. 

He met Jinyoung at a cafe, the same place Jaebum had set up for them to meet after his birthday. That alone left him feeling ill at ease as he sat down across from Jinyoung. The atmosphere around them was light, but that wasn’t the case at their table. It was awkward, that was the first thing Jaebum noticed. It hadn’t been awkward between them in awhile. 

“How was the trip?” Jinyoung asked finally, his eyes coming up from the menu. 

“Pretty eventless,” Jaebum answered. “There were a lot of meetings with a lot of good information that would have been taken a lot better if it weren’t so god awful boring. The location was very pretty though. The sunsets on the water were not something I could express with words,” Jaebum paused looking at his own menu and looked at Jinyoung. “I’d really like to take you next time.” 

What had been there Tuesday night was still there, whatever it was, because Jinyoung looked down at the menu again and Jaebum could tell from the lack of eye movement that Jinyoung was not reading it. It was well timed, he supposed, that the waitress came over with their drinks. Jaebum opted out of ordering anything to eat, sure that his stomach was not going to accept it anyways. Jinyoung did the same.

He was spinning his cup as the silence fell between them. Part of Jaebum’s mind wanted to ask what the other night had been about while the rest of him just wanted to sit here in this weird and awkward moment because he was afraid of what moving past it would be like. It was possible it was nothing major, but his worry that it _was_ something major had him stumbling for even simple questions. 

His drink was half gone before he opened his mouth. “Just tell me, Jinyoung,” Jaebum whispered, his eyes locked on Jinyoung. “Whatever it is, let’s just get this over with.” Because Jaebum had been missing him for nearly an entire week and this was keeping him from enjoying the limited time he had with Jinyoung. 

Jinyoung nodded and opened his mouth, but shut it as though finding the right words was going to be impossible. More silence stretched and Jaebum sighed. “Shall I guess then?” he asked and Jinyoung shook his head. 

“No, I can tell you,” Jinyoung said. Jaebum noticed him sit up and put his shoulders back, he took a deep breath and let it out, but despite the preparations to tell him, Jinyoung still didn’t speak. 

“Are you pregnant?” Jaebum asked.

“What?” Jinyoung was staring at him, eyes wide. 

“I’ll take that as a no,” Jaebum answered. “I was really hoping for that one because the only other thing I’ve been able to come up with is that your ex is back in the picture. Those are the only two things I’ve been able to come up with that would keep you from being able to even form sentences. So, am I right?” 

Jaebum waited and Jinyoung nodded. “He is,” he answered, his eyes down again. 

Jaebum watched JInyoung sit there, reaching to press the button on his phone, probably in hopes that something important had come up so he could escape this lunch date. “Why not start from the beginning?” Jaebum suggested. “How long was I gone before he showed up?” 

“It was just Tuesday,”Jinyoung answered. “It was early, before I even left for work. The boys were gone, but I was home. The boys saw him when they got home and…” Jinyoung’s voice trailed off and he shrugged his shoulders. “That’s how it is.” 

“That’s how it is?” Jaebum asked, not sure how that statement was supposed to make any sense to him. He knew his heart rate was up as he looked at Jinyoung. That was probably another one of those phrases that Jaebum had discovered over the course of dating Jinyoung. One of those phrases that told Jaebum that Jinyoung had accepted his life with his ex and had no desire to change the way things were, even when they were terrible.

“I guess there’s no need to ask why he was gone so long? Why he didn’t want to raise his boys?” Jaebum asked, unable to keep the venom out of his tone. 

“He explained that,” Jinyoung answered and Jaebum knew JInyoung was blatantly ignoring the tone he’d used. “It was because of work, not because he wanted to leave us.” 

Jaebum stared at Jinyoung, trying to figure out if he was angry or if he was just sickened by the way Jinyoung had just defended his ex. “Have you told him about us?” Jaebum asked, dreading this answer because it would tell him so much more about what had happened Tuesday than he really wanted to know. 

“Why would I?” Jinyoung asked, obvious confusion on his face. 

“Did it even occur to you to do so?” 

“No, I guess it didn’t.” 

Jaebum didn’t ask any other questions. He was _not_ going to ask Jinyoung where his ex was sleeping. He was _not_ going to ask Jinyoung if he’d slept with his ex. He was not going to fill his mind with those details, but it was going to eat at him not knowing just as much as it would having the answers. 

He’d never doubted that he’d fallen far faster than Jinyoung. That had always been something that he’d accepted since the first moment he almost told Jinyoung he loved him, since the moment he began to dream about houses with white fences and all the cliches that came with it. He’d just attributed it to being able to fall easier because he’d never been hurt in the way Jinyoung had. Now though, he began to wonder if Jinyoung had ever even started the descent. 

“So what is it you want to do then?” Jaebum asked. 

“I’m just...trying to figure everything out,” Jinyoung answered. “Mark was so happy to see him, I can’t just tell him to leave. They deserve some time to get to get to know each other again. Can you just give me some time to do that?” 

Jaebum kept his mouth shut, even while a part of his mind rationalized that Mark deserved the chance to get to know him, if that was what Mark wanted. You didn’t leave your family for _work_ for almost six years. That wasn’t something you did. Even the military had leaves from the service so people could visit their families.

“How much time?” Jaebum asked. 

“This isn’t really something I can fit into some timeline, Jaebum…”

“No, but there is a certain amount of time that I’m willing to go without seeing you and the boys, Jinyoung. Honestly, I’ve already missed an entire weekend and that’s too long.” Jaebum stopped talking. Trying to keep himself on an even level for this conversation was not going well. He sighed. “If time is what you want, then you have it. You know, even if I don’t like it, there’s nothing I would deny you. Just...give the boys my love, okay?” Jaebum stood up as Jinyoung nodded, tossed some bills on the table and turned away to leave the cafe. 

~

“What are we going to do?” Seokjin looked around the group. He’d talked to Jinyoung an hour before and discovered Wonpil was sitting in Jinyoung’s living room, Youngjae in his lap with the other boys around him. Seokjin had wanted answers, but Jinyoung didn’t have the time to talk. So he’d called Hakyeon and Key and now, there were five people in his living room. 

“Has anyone talked to Jaebum?” Taekwoon asked. There was a collective shake of heads and he stood up, leaving the room and they heard the back door shut behind him. 

“What do we know?” Hakyeon asked. 

Seokjin took a deep breath. “We know Wonpil returned two days ago, Tuesday. Jaebum was supposed to pick him up but Jinyoung sent him away. Told him he’d call him which he apparently did.” 

“We didn’t make it over there this week,” Taehyung interrupted. “We were just busy. If we’d known, we would have went.” 

“He’s been staying at Jonghyun’s a lot,” Key said. “Our shifts overlapped and I asked him what was wrong. He actually spoke to me and was the one who told me Wonpil was back, so I called Jinyoung. He didn’t want to talk to me about it but I’m obnoxious and asked a lot of questions. He didn’t answer many of them but he did say he’s asked Jaebum for some time to figure it out.”

“That’s expected,” Hakyeon said. “I think he just needs a bit to…” Hakyeon’s voice faded as he looked at Key. “That isn’t good, is it?” 

Key shook his head. “When Jinyoung asks for time, it’s really just his way of creating enough space that something just goes away. Asking Jaebum for time means he’s hoping Jaebum goes away so the complication can go away. He doesn’t see which option is better for him, better for the boys, he just sees that if one is gone, it’s easier.” 

Key looked down. “He also said Wonpil didn’t leave because he wanted to. It was a job thing and to avoid uprooting the kids, he just left.”

“And he’s just magically back?” Seokjin was glaring at Key because Jinyoung wasn’t there to glare at. “Does he really fucking believe that?” 

“He does,” Key answered. “When it comes to Wonpil, Jinyoung has never been able to see the truth. Seokjin, you weren’t here then so it’s probably harder for you to understand. Hakyeon and I, we tried really hard before to keep him from being fully entwined with Wonpil but in the end, Jinyoung choose to believe him and to be with him over what we had to say.” 

“That’s bullshit!” Seokjin said, hardly noticing Taehyung’s hand over his own. “Jinyoung’s with Jaebum now, there’s no way he’ll just give that up!” 

“He gave us up,” Hakyeon said, looking over at Seokjin. “It isn’t something he does consciously. I’m sure he’ll convince himself of the many reasons he shouldn’t be with Jaebum now. Worse yet, I know Wonpil will use those boys to get back in if he needs to. If Jinyoung goes into full Dad mode, especially if he sees his boys are happy, he’ll deny himself everything.” 

“But, they’re doing so good,” Seokjin argued. Even he knew they were right, even though his experience with Wonpil was significantly less than Hakyeon and Key. 

“I should have ran him over with my car ten years ago when I had the chance,” Hakyeon said. He imagined doing that for a moment before he clapped his hands together. “Okay, we need a plan!” he announced as he leaned forward. 

“One, we _cannot_ let Jinyoung start cancelling on us. If he does, we just show up at his house!” 

“I really don’t want to go to his house with Wonpil there,” Key said, a look of disgust on his face. 

“I could go,” Seokjin said. “Just be willing to take my babies if I need you to.” 

Key’s eyes widened. “You trust me with your babies?” 

“Of course,” Seokjin answered. 

“I’ll start looking into this work thing,” Taehyung said. “If one of you could find out what exactly the details were, I can figure out where he’s been and what he’s been doing the last six years. With that information, we might be able to break whatever illusion Wonpil is feeding him with a bit of reality.” 

Hakyeon paused. “What if it’s accurate though? What if what he’s feeding Jinyoung actually turns out to be the case?” 

“Then that would make all of us wrong about Wonpil.” Taekwoon said, coming back into the room. His hands settled on Hakyeon’s shoulders and he squeezed gently. “I somehow doubt we all ended up with the same negative opinion because we’re wrong.” 

There was agreement in the four other men before Taekwoon continued. “We need to keep an eye on the kids.” His gaze turned towards Seokjin and Taehyung. “You two end up with Jackson and Yugyeom the most, watch for any noticeable changes, we’ll watch out for the other three.” Taekwoon’s gaze turned towards Key. “We’re gonna need you to keep an eye on Jinyoung, even if he tries to shut us out. Are you going to be able to do that?” 

Key nodded, remembering how he’d managed to fail at that before. “I’ll figure out how this time.” 

~  
“Are you drinking?” 

“No,” Jaebum answered into the receiver. He hadn’t expected the phone call from Taekwoon and for some reason, he’d just spilled everything he and Jinyoung had discussed that day into the phone. He felt both better and worse for it. “Should I be?” 

“I don’t know,” Taekwoon answered. “I think I would be. Hakyeon and the boys are my entire world. The idea that someone would come along and separate them from me even for a short period is one of my greatest fears. I can’t imagine loving anything in the world the way I love them.” 

Jaebum nodded, “I know that feeling,” he answered. “I never imagined how I could love them so much, either. It’s just,” Jaebum sighed, “frustrating. I’m so used to seeing them and now I don’t. It’ll be fine though. Jinyoung just needs some time to figure it out. What kind of person would I be if I denied him that?” He was met with silence on the other end and that made him uneasy. 

“Jaebum...don’t give him too long okay? I know you don’t want to be an ass, but...be an ass. Don’t let too much time pass. Jinyoung is sort of blind when it comes to that man.” 

“I’ll keep that in mind.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_Moldavite helps with the shedding of unhealthy attachments._


	20. Tiger Eye

Jaebum text Jinyoung the following Tuesday, one week since Jinyoung’s ex had returned, but it went unanswered. He tried to call him the next day, but he was met with Jinyoung’s voicemail. He even sat down and wrote an email, but he assumed that would also be ignored as well.

As a last resort, he’d called Joongki, wondering if the business was just really busy and Jinyoung couldn’t get around to answering all those. He realized that was irrational even as he made the call but he found out from Joongki that business was slow and Jinyoung had actually started taking Fridays off as of that week, too.

So Jaebum had started drowning himself in work, hoping that if he could get through a few days, then maybe things would start to go better. He made a really good deal on Tuesday, one he thought wouldn’t have turned out well. It gave him a small boost of confidence, which was something he’d been losing slowly.

“How’s work?” Jonghyun asked Taehyung. It was Wednesday and the two of them, along with Taekwoon, had come over to Jaebum’s. Though really, his apartment was starting to become foreign to him with the amount of time Jaebum was spending at Jonghyun’s. He’d started going to support Jonghyun, but this last week had found it comforting to be away from home.

“Not good,” Taehyung answered. “That assignment I told you about? I’m getting nowhere. All those corporate bastards like to keep their mouths shut when it’s beneficial to them. If they think they’re going to get something out of it though, they loosen right up. I don’t even have any bullshit to feed them for this one.”

“What company is it?” Jaebum asked, wondering if Taehyung realized Jaebum was one of those corporate bastards he was complaining about.

“Spee Co.,” Taehyung answered. “They apparently have branches in twelve countries.”

“Nineteen,” Jaebum corrected. “I did some business there about four months ago. I don’t know if it will help you, but you can use my name. I worked with a man named Frances. John, James, maybe Joseph Frances?”

“There’s a Joseph,” Taehyung said nodding. “Thanks. I think that may help.”

Jaebum smiled, a barely there, not much feeling behind it sort of smile. At least he was able to help Taehyung. “I’ve had dealings with a lot of people around here. Dropping my name should come in handy for you if your hunting takes you into the business world. Just send me a text so I know about it, okay?”

Taehyung nodded. “What I could have done with a friend like you over the last ten years.”

Jaebum shook his head. “My reputation has really only built up in the last three. It only would have benefited you maybe the last two.”

“I wasn’t just talking about for work,” Taehyung answered.

Jaebum looked over at him. “Thanks,” he said, sure they were in some way trying to keep him level. He appreciated it, even when a large part of him just wanted to surround himself with blankets and hide away until enough time passed and he could go hold Jinyoung again.

“Have you heard from Jinyoung?” Taekwoon asked. It was strange the way the man seemed to be able to sneak into his mind and read his thoughts.

“Not since Thursday. I sent a text, he ignored it. I tried to call, he dismissed it. I sent an email, he probably won’t look at it. What do you guys think of sending a clown to his door to sing a song and deliver a card?”

“I think he has children and clowns scare me,” Jonghyun answered.

“True,” Jaebum answered.

“Have you thought of just going over there?” Taehyung asked and Jaebum nodded.

“I have but I can’t. If it were just Jinyoung, it would be fine. I don’t want to stress out the boys.” Jaebum truly hated that part of it. Fighting with Jinyoung was fine, well not _fine_ but he would do it. Fighting with watchful eyes was not okay on any level.

“I could kidnap the kids after school and tell Seokjin to bring Yugyeom home,” Taehyung offered.

“With friends like you, Jinyoung doesn’t stand a chance of having enemies,” Jaebum said, a soft laugh falling from his lips. That, too, already felt foreign.

~~  
It was Friday night and Jinyoung was staring at his phone, trying to find a way to type the message to Jaebum that he should have sent earlier in the week. Jackson sat at the table with him, his eyes looking at the door more than at the homework he professed he needed to do. It didn’t escape Jinyoung’s notice, but they remained quiet until after his message was sent and Yugyeom came into the room carrying his shoes.

“Are you going somewhere?” Jinyoung asked as Yugyeom handed his shoes to Jinyoung and climbed in the chair next to him.

“With Jaebum,” Yugyeom answered as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Sweetheart, Jaebum isn’t coming tonight,” Jinyoung answered, running a hand over his son’s cheek.

“Tomorrow?” Yugyeom asked, taking his shoes back from Jinyoung as he hopped down. Yugyeom didn’t seem interested in the answer though and Jinyoung watched him run out of the room. It was probably wrong of him to let his son think that Jaebum would be coming tomorrow.

He looked over at Jackson who had shut his book with the notebook tucked inside and left the table. “Is it okay if I go to bed early?” Jackson asked him.

“Are you feeling alright?” Jinyoung asked him. “You haven’t even had dinner yet?”

Jackson nodded, “Yeah,” he answered. “I just haven’t been sleeping well.”

He left the room after that and Jinyoung found that to be such an odd statement to come from Jackson. Jinyoung hadn’t been sleeping well, but that was because he was trying to figure out what the hell to do with this mess his life had become.

The first few days had been difficult. Wonpil spent so much time with the boys and it was easy to see that Mark didn’t want to leave his side for crazy things like sleeping and school. It wasn’t surprising, not when Jinyoung remembered how Mark had been when Wonpil had left. Mark had been a boy who’d suddenly lost his father. It stood to reason that he would be concerned Wonpil would disappear if he wasn’t looking again.

Wonpil had left on Monday to take care of the things he needed to, but he was back before Jinyoung even woke up on Tuesday morning. Yugyeom had been moved into his room and Wonpil had his own room which for now, still held a lot of boxes. Many of Yugyeom’s toys had ended up in Bambam and Youngjae room or in Jinyoung’s closet. 

Jackson had lost his hesitation with Wonpil on the second day, much to Jinyoung’s relief. Bambam and Yugyeom were a different story. Bambam had stayed in his room a lot the first few days and Yugyeom was still prone to climbing into small dark spaces to avoid him. He’d like to say that in the ten days since Wonpil had shown back up in their lives, his baby was adjusting but he wasn’t and Jinyoung began to wonder why.

It was strange to see Wonpil as he was now, so engaged with the boys in a way he’d never been before. It hit Jinyoung hard when he realized that maybe Wonpil had truly suffered being away from them in the way they had suffered without him. It did not in any way make Jinyoung ready to forgive him, nor did it make him stop worrying that the boys would be hurt again, but it did cause him to relax his worry when he wasn’t around them.

It was this relaxation that made him realize how many days had passed since he’d actually spoken to Jaebum. His life had become work, come home to Wonpil and the boys and feed them, then spend the evenings either helping them with their homework or just sitting around watching Wonpil talk to the boys. It seemed eerie that the life that he’d started to build so long ago with Mark’s adoption was actually sitting in front of him. It made it harder for him to figure out what it was he was going to do.

~

“I didn’t realize how much you worked,” Wonpil commented the next day. They had dropped all the boys off and were currently sitting and grabbing a bite to eat before they started the reverse direction of picking up the boys. “You don’t need to anymore, you know? I can take care of us.”

“It’s fine,” Jinyoung answered, dismissing Wonpil’s suggestion. “Work gives me something to do while the boys are in school. Plus, I have a really good boss. It’s never a struggle to get days off when they get sick or when I need them for other things.”

“But Yugyeom is in daycare? Doesn’t that seem unnecessary when you could be staying home?”

“I suppose,” Jinyoung answered. “But he’s best friends with Jungkook and they get to spend all day together. Seokjin’s never even charged me, even when he had both Bambam and Yugyeom.”

“Is that preferred to you spending time with him? He won’t be young forever,” Wonpil pointed out. “He is starting school soon.”

“I haven’t really had the luxury of deciding that and changing it now,” Jinyoung shrugged. “They’ve had enough changes for a little bit, don’t you think?”  
Wonpil smiled and nodded at him, his hand reaching across the table and settling over Jinyoung’s a moment. “I suppose you’re right,” he said, pulling his hand away a second later.

“Mark’s grown up so much but he hasn’t even started thinking about college. I asked him what he wanted to do and he seemed pretty directionless. Have you not asked him?”

“We have talked about it. I think he’s just afraid to leave and pursue what he wants. He’s been taking care of his brothers so much he doesn’t really know how to live for himself.”

A look crossed Wonpil’s face then and his eyes dropped. “I guess that one is my fault.”

Jinyoung didn’t argue it nor he did he add to it any because yes, it was Wonpil’s fault. Mark had grown in a different direction though and Jinyoung wasn’t at all worried about Mark’s future. Wonpil would see that soon, too.

~

Mark sat in his room, going over the material his tutor had covered with them that day. In the background, he could hear Youngjae practicing singing, Bambam and Yugyeom were in the hallway, taking on some imaginary monster if the little bits he’d heard were accurate and Jackson had a sword in hand, practicing his steps in their room. It was almost a normal Sunday and the noise was so common to him that he was able to concentrate on what he was doing, despite the cries of the battle in the hallway. 

When he finished reviewing, he got up and went to the kitchen. His dad was out with Key which was the first time he’d left them since his father had come home, so dinner would fall to Mark. His dad had left him a recipe to follow so Mark pulled the ingredients out on the counter and started mixing things together.

“Your brothers are quite noisy,” Wonpil said. 

Mark had sat the knife down he was using to chop vegetables before he’d even realized there was a new tension in his gut. “I’ll go send them outside to burn off some energy,” he said. “They’ll be fine out there.”

Wonpil nodded and headed down the hall without saying anything. Mark swallowed uncomfortably, following the same path to collect his siblings. It was only as he had them out in the yard that the feeling seemed to go away. He went back inside, constantly looking out the window to keep an eye on them.

~

Key had dragged him out of the house to go shopping. While shopping with Key was an unexplainable experience, Jinyoung knew that if he kept blowing off Key, then he’d be met with a very angry Kibum at his door. It was bad enough that he’d gotten so caught up with his life that he’d all but forgotten about lunch with them this week.

“So, how is life with Wonpil?”

Jinyoung raised a brow at Key. “Is there a reason you have to say it like that?”

“How am I supposed to say it?” Key asked. “You know I think he’s lower than any scum I’ve seen come into the bar.” Jinyoung glared until Key sighed, looking at a shirt that he’d never wear just so he didn’t have to look at Jinyoung. “Fine,” Key said finally. “How is life without Jaebum? Is that a better question?”

“I’m not living a life without Jaebum,” Jinyoung said.

“Really?” Key asked. “When was your last date? Before that trip he took, right?”

“Key, you can’t possibly understand.”

“No,” Key agreed quickly. “You’re quite right. I can’t understand when something wonderful is in front of my face because I’ve been blind to that for years.”

“That’s not what…”

“What I can understand though Jinyoung, is losing that something wonderful. So would you kick that asshole out and get back to your life?”

“I imagine Jaebum has said the same thing to Jonghyun several times over the years.” Jinyoung turned and walked away, the realization of what he said sinking in with each step. A large part of him wanted to turn around and apologize but the stubborn part of him kept his feet moving.

~

Key sat with the shot glass at the bar, moving it slowly back and forth as he debated drinking it. He’d pushed Jinyoung and Jinyoung had bit back. He was so proud of Jinyoung for that, but at the same time, it wasn’t _him_ he wanted Jinyoung to push against.

“I thought you quit?”

Key looked up to find Jaebum sit down on the stool next to him. “I did,” he said, moving the little glass again. He took a deep breath in and let it out. “Do you hate me, Jaebum?” Key turned his gaze towards Jaebum.

“I don’t like you,” Jaebum answered, reaching over and taking the shot glass from Key. He tossed the liquid back, sitting the small glass back down in front of him and smiling. “But I don’t know you well and the things I do know don’t paint you in a very good light.”

Key nodded as he thought that over. He could imagine that would be true. “Have you ever told Jonghyun that he should stop seeing me?” Key asked.

“Not exactly,” Jaebum answered. “I asked him why he was back together with you a couple of times. I’ve asked why he was with you at all. The worst I’ve really said to him about you, Key is he needs to be honest with you about how he feels and about what he wants and if those things don’t align for the two of you, that he shouldn’t settle. Whatever came of that was between the two of you, but I don’t think he ever took that advice.”

“I know how he feels and I know what he wants, but we never had a conversation about that. It’s just something I know and pretend not to.”

“Then the part you’re missing is knowing what you want,” Jaebum said. “Don’t worry, though, most of us don’t know until it’s in front of us. Or worse, after it’s gone.”

Key nodded. He was staring off into space. “Jinyoung and I weren’t friends for most of his marriage. I let Wonpil come between us and that’s my biggest regret. I don’t want to regret anything the way I regret that. It’s just easier if I don’t let anyone that close again. I put up a wall and even though I pretend it’s impenetrable, so many people have gotten through it. I don’t think I can handle putting Jinyoung back on the other side of the wall.” Key sighed. “Jaebum, how much longer are you really going to just wait?”

“Two more days,” Jaebum answered. “Two days puts us at exactly two weeks of him being back. So in two days, I will start sending text messages, making phone calls, sending flowers and singing clowns…”

“Ugh, not clowns. Don’t they have people who dress up as other things now?”

“Why is it no one likes my clown idea?”

Key looked at Jaebum and a small laugh fell from his lips. “If you need help with any of that, you just have to ask.”

~~~

On Monday, Jaebum called Joongki and arranged for a lunch date the next day with him and Jinyoung and then proceeded to ask Joonki if he could skip it. He supposed Jinyoung’s boss was quite out of the loop on Jinyoung’s personal life because he agreed easily. Jaebum had selected a rather nice restaurant and made sure he arrived five minutes after the meeting time. He knew Jinyoung would be on time since it was a business lunch.

Jinyoung’s eyes widened as he sat down across from him. “I’m meeting Joongki,” Jinyoung said.

“I know,” Jaebum answered. “I arranged for the meeting. Then I asked Joongki not to come. It would have been much easier if you had just answered my text message so I could take you to lunch.”

“I’ve been busy,” Jinyoung said.

“I know that, too,” Jaebum said. “Care to inform me what it is that’s going on in your life?”

Jinyoung sat there, his mouth closed as he looked anywhere but at Jaebum as he spoke. “I guess, we’re all just still adjusting. The boys have their routine and they’re learning their father’s routine. We’re getting used to each other…”

“How used to each other?” Jaebum interrupted. His gaze was on Jinyoung. His intent had been to let Jinyoung talk for as long as he would talk and not ask questions until that was through, if at all but clearly there was some part of him that didn’t want to listen to his intentions.

“He’s there for the boys, Jaebum.” Jinyoung was looking back at him evenly, almost challenging him. “That’s all. I’m with you.”

Jaebum somehow managed to relax after that but for some reason, couldn’t fully accept that as an answer. Some part of him truly doubted he was just there for the boys. If the boys were that important, he wouldn’t have left in the first place. Jaebum would be unable to see it as anything but a ploy until the moment he moved out of Jinyoung’s house.

”Where does he sleep?” he asked, that coming into his mind. He hadn’t wanted to ask before when he’d been unsure what was going on, but now that Jinyoung had confirmed they were still together, he felt better about knowing more details.

“I moved Yugyeom into my room so he has that room. Yugyeom is thrilled to be in my room but he turns sideways in his sleep and it’s pretty difficult to share a bed with him. Of course, Yugyeom won’t sleep in his bed now that it’s in my room.”

Jaebum smiled, imagining Yugyeom turned sideways in the bed. “He would probably sleep on your hip if you let him.”

Jinyoung smiled and Jaebum realized how much he’d missed that. “How are the boys?” Jaebum asked, reaching across the table and taking Jinyoung’s hand in both of his. Jinyoung smiled and looked at their hands and Jaebum began to think that maybe Jinyoung had missed him just a little bit.

“Mark’s doing great. He’s been waiting for this, even if no one thought it would happen. They had such a good relationship when he was younger. He doesn’t like to leave the house right now, but I imagine that will change soon enough. He is almost sixteen.”

“Jackson had a little trouble at first but I don’t know how much of the past he remembers. He’s always been so attached to Mark that I don’t even know if he realized he had two parents at all. Youngjae doesn’t remember him, but Youngjae never meets a stranger so it's going well. Bambam has been shy but not even close to Yugyeom. They’ll adjust though. They just need some time.”

Jaebum was glad the boys were doing well with the new change, despite that the change had caused him to not see them for over two weeks. He realized as he sat there looking at Jinyoung as he talked about the boys, how very much he missed them. He wanted to see them just as badly as he’d been wanting to see Jinyoung.

“Jinyoung, have you told him about us?”

Jinyoung finally broke his gaze and Jaebum felt his heart sink. Everything that had made him feel better about this entire conversation suddenly vanished. With it, he realized, was his ability to take Jinyoung out on their usual dates and more importantly, his ability to see the boys. Jinyoung was still keeping their relationship quiet. There had to be a why and that question, Jaebum was not going to ask.

He didn’t want to be upset while Jinyoung searched for an answer, but he was. He sat back, leaving Jinyoung’s hand on the table. “I guess the more important question is are you going to tell him?”

“I am,” Jinyoung answered. “I’m just trying to keep things civil because of the boys and I don’t think that’s going to go over well.”

“Because he isn’t back just for the boys,” Jaebum concluded and he saw a look cross over Jinyoung’s face. “Which I’m guessing you already know.” Jaebum bit the inside of his lip, willing the emotional part of him to disappear so that he could have a logical and adult conversation with Jinyoung, but it was difficult to do when Jinyoung’s silence had just confirmed that he was living with his ex and that ex wanted something more than the boys they shared. “Are you sure that you’re with me?”

~~~  
Jaebum walked Jinyoung back to his the building he worked in. He had grabbed ahold of Jinyoung’s hand despite their conversation and Jinyoung hadn’t pulled away. It made a part of Jaebum leap up with optimism while the logical part of his brain told him he shouldn’t feel it.

He turned Jinyoung towards him, letting go of his hand and leaned down, pressing his lips to Jinyoung’s softly. His hands cupped Jinyoung’s face and when he pulled away and looked at him, he felt too strongly the emotions he was feeling as they bunched up in his throat. He swallowed against them, knowing they would consume him later on.

“I love you, Jinyoung,” Jaebum said, his eyes looking straight into Jinyoung’s. “I love you and being away from you and the boys is killing me.” He pressed his lips to Jinyoung’s again briefly. “I can’t stay away anymore.”

Jinyoung didn’t say anything, not that Jaebum expected him to because Jaebum didn’t know what he meant by that last phrase any more than Jinyoung possibly could. “I’ll call you later,” Jaebum said, stepping away from Jinyoung and heading back to work. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_Tiger Eye makes you aware of your own needs related to the needs of others._


	21. Shattuckite

Taehyung spent the next three days pestering one Joseph Frances for answers and ended up being removed from the building. So he’d waited until the man left the office and followed him to his apartment. After about two hours of Taehyung ringing the bell and singing in the hallway, the police had showed up to escort him away. He’d had to call Taekwoon and as soon as he was released, he returned to the door of the man and sat down outside of it with his back against the door. 

“Please, help me.” He said, knocking his hand on the door. “I have this friend, he’s really dumb sometimes. He could be happy, but instead he’s believing this story that I’m pretty sure is complete bull. I’m just trying to find out about that so maybe he can see through it and be happy.” 

“I won’t go away. I have a friend who is a lawyer and another friend who has the money to pay my bail. You know, Jaebum? If you remember him, then you should know I’m bothering you like this because my friend is the person he’s in love with.” Taehyung leaned his head back against the door. “They’re so cute together. Jinyoung, that’s my friends name, he just glows when they’re together. It’s the first time I got to see him like that, when they got together. He’s never smiled as much....” Taehyung stopped talking suddenly as the door behind him opened and he fell backwards into the apartment. 

“Hello,” he said, looking up at a woman standing there. It was clear to see that she was easily six months pregnant “My name is Kim Taehyung…”

“I know. Get up.” 

Taehyung stood up and turned towards the woman. “What is it you need to know?” she asked him.

“I just need to know the situation concerning the transfer of an employee named Kim Wonpil that happened almost six years ago.” 

“Now I know why he said if you come back to send you away. You have an email address? I’ll get you the information you want.”

Taehyung looked at her. “Why?” he asked as he handed her his card with all his information. 

“Because everyone should hold onto their glow,” she said and Taehyung caught a bit of sadness behind her smile. He began to wonder what it was like living with Joseph Frances. 

~~~

“He’s not answering my calls,” Key said, looking up at Seokjin. “I think he’s still mad at me.” 

“Does that mean I need to go barge in?” Seokjin asked, sitting down the plate in front of Key. He’d ordered pizza because cooking was far too much of a struggle today. Taehyung would be pleased, if he ever made it home. 

“Wouldn’t be a bad idea,” Key answered, picking up the greasy mess and not letting his brain tell him how full of calories this slice was worth. “I’m beginning to think Jaebum’s crazy idea about clowns might not be such a bad plan.” 

“Clowns?” Seokjin asked, sitting down across from Key. “What clowns?” 

“The singing kinds with the cards and balloons,” Key answered. “He thought of sending them to Jinyoung’s door since Jinyoung doesn't want to talk to him.” Key looked up at Seokjin and realized that Seokjin was only half there. “What?” Key asked. 

“I have a plan,” Seokjin said, staning up. He grabbed Key’s arm, the pizza being long forgotten.  
~~~  
“Did you get my text?” Wonpil asked.

Jinyoung looked up from the page in front of him. It was an essay that Mark wanted him to read over for errors. Not that Jinyoung ever found that many in Mark’s essays. His son’s writing and grammar abilities far surpassed his own. 

“Sorry, I must have turned it on silent. Not being at work on Fridays now does not mean I’m not receiving emails and texts and phone calls.” Really, it was just the easiest way for Wonpil to not be aware of how many texts and phone calls were coming from Jaebum. If his phone was on silent, it was also easier to pretend it wasn’t happening. 

“I asked if you wanted to go to dinner, just the two of us?” Wonpil said, sitting down across from him. “It will give you a break before the weekend festivities begin. I’m sure there are a lot of places you’d like to try that were not in your budget before.” 

“I actually have been to a lot of them,” Jinyoung said. “My friends like to drag me out of the house and away from the boys from time to time.” 

“Well, this friend would like to take you away from the boys. What do you think?” 

Jinyoung didn’t know what to think, really. He and Wonpil were getting along, but it was still awkward when it was just the two of them. He was saved from having to answer right away when there was a knock on the door. Going over to it, he pulled the door open and was met with the strangest sight he’d ever seen. 

“Jinyoungie! Let’s go out!” Seokjin stood there, dressed as a clown. His face was painted white, big red circles on his cheeks and he’d clearly been in Key’s closet for the rest of the attire. Key was also standing next to him looking just as ridiculous. 

“What?” Jinyoung asked, trying to understand what it was his friends were doing. 

“There’s a circus near by and I wanted to go dressed as clowns! We’re getting Hakyeon next.” Seokjin explained. 

“You guys have fun with that. I’m busy,” Jinyoung said. There was no way in hell he was going to dress up as a clown and go to a circus. He was a grown man. “You should have called, I would have saved you the trip.”

“I did call,” Key said. “Five times. I sent fifteen text messages. You didn’t answer any of them.” 

“His phone was on silent,” Wonpil said, coming up behind Jinyoung. “I must say this look suits you, Key.” 

“I think it would look better on you,” Key answered, smiling far too sweetly at Wonpil. “C’mon, Jinyoung. What else could be fun than this!” 

“I’m taking Jinyoung out for dinner. A nice little break from the kids,” Wonpil answered. 

Jinyoung knew there was tension there after that. He hadn’t actually agreed to go to dinner with Wonpil, but of the two choices in front of him, he preferred that to the circus. 

“Oh?” Key asked. “Is Jaebum aware of that?” 

Jinyoung’s eyes widened as he looked at Key. He should have expected as much from Key, though really, he should have mentioned Jaebum to Wonpil before now. That didn’t keep a fresh wave of anger at Key from washing over him. He was making it really easy to stay mad at him. 

“Hey! Jaebum likes clowns! We should go see if him and Jonghyun want to go,” Seokjin suggested. 

“Jaebum might, but Jonghyun hates them.” 

“I guess it’s fitting that you’re dressed as a clown then,” Jinyoung said, returned a too sweet smile back at Key. 

“That’s enough,” Seokjin said, losing all traces of humor. “That was too far, Jinyoung.” Seokjin held his gaze. “Let’s go, Key. Enjoy your dinner, Jinyoung.” 

Jinyoung shut the door behind them, a strange feeling settling over him. 

“I thought you and Key were friends,” he said.

“We are,” Jinyoung answered. _He just doesn’t like you._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
(Just so no one gets confused, we’re taking a trip down memory lane for this next part!)

__

“Are you ready?” 

Jinyoung nodded, turning away from the mirror. His eyes were low, focusing on the tie of the other man. It was straight, perfectly so, and that made him question if he’d actually managed to get his own that way. Probably not. Jinyoung still wasn’t good at it, not in the way Wonpil was. As if to answer the unspoken question, Wonpil reached out, adjusting the tie around Jinyoung’s neck. It felt tighter now and that was how he knew it was the way it was supposed to be.

“Now you’re ready,” Wonpil said, his hand coming up to straighten a fly away hair on Jinyoung’s head. There was a look of brief annoyance but Wonpil didn’t rush him off to the bathroom to control it. Jinyoung supposed it was good enough then.

It wasn’t like they were going anywhere too fancy. Wonpil had just finally given in and said they could meet Key for dinner. Jinyoung knew Jonghyun was coming and that Wonpil hadn’t completely hated him the one other time they’d met. Or if he had, he hadn’t mentioned it to Jinyoung. In all honestly, Wonpil had spent more time talking about how little he liked Key instead of focusing too much on the date. 

This night out was no different than the last one that had occurred two months before. He and Key talked about the things going on in their lives, Wonpil attempted light chatter with Jonghyun and then they’d gone home. Still, it was nice to get out with a friend instead of the numerous business associates that Jinyoung usually attended with Wonpil. 

~  
“Jinyoung, I can’t stomach him any longer. I’ve tried because he’s your friend, but I just can’t do it. If you want to go hang out with him, then go ahead, but I’m not going. And while we’re on the topic of Key, I also don’t think he’s going to be a good influence on the child we’re adopting. You should consider cutting ties with him soon anyways.”

“Cut ties with Key?” Jinyoung stared blatantly at Wonpil, something he wasn’t prone to doing if Wonpil was looking back at him. It was more of the do it while he was asleep thing. “He’s my oldest friend.” 

Wonpil nodded. “I know,” he said on a sigh, patting the bed for Jinyoung to join him. Jinyoung found himself wrapped in Wonpil’s arms before Wonpil said anything more. “I’m just worried his sort of lifestyle will be seen as acceptable by our child. Is Key someone you want our boy to turn out like?”

Jinyoung didn’t answer right away because he hadn’t really thought about it before. Honesty, Key could be a handful. He was loud and opinionated, but surely Key knew he would have to show only his best self to Jinyoung’s children. There were just some things you didn’t tell children, that you didn’t show them. It didn’t matter that Key wasn’t a parent, he still knew those things. 

He couldn’t completely dismiss Wonpil’s concern though. If he were being honest with himself, he didn’t want his children turning out like Key. Key was social, he was always out and about with the type of people Jinyoung didn’t particularly like. Drinking and partying and running around with different people wasn’t what a parent wanted. At least, it wasn’t what he was going to want as a parent. Jinyoung also knew though, that a large part of that was probably coming to an end. 

Wonpil wasn’t saying anything and Jinyoung wondered why. Lifting his head, he looked up at him. “You really think he’ll be that bad of an influence?” 

Wonpil nodded, his hand running over Jinyoung’s hair as Jinyoung placed his head back against his chest. “I do,” he answered, “but he’s your friend, this will be your child, too; I want you to do what you think is best. I just thought it was important to discuss it.” 

~

“No Jonghyun today?” Jinyoung asked as he and Key walked down the path that would take them to their favorite cafe. It was the place they went every week and the last two, Jonghyun had joined them. Jinyoung had met him which told him Jonghyun might actually be someone Key was interested in keeping around. It was nice that Key had found someone that could handle him. 

“No, he’s off helping a friend of his move into his new place. Jaejoong, Jaebum, Jaejin, Jae something.” Key shrugged. “I was in the shower when he told me and I didn’t catch the name.” 

“Jonghyun going off with some guy doesn’t make you jealous?” Jinyoung asked, raising a brow as he pulled the door open. 

“It did,” Key admitted, following Jinyoung to a table, “but when I said something to him about it, he said it would be like sleeping with his brother. They’ve been friends a long time apparently.” 

“Apparently?” Jinyoung asked. “You haven’t met him?” 

Key shook his head. “The few friends of Jonghyun’s that I’ve met have been sort of...weird.” 

“Weird how?” Jinyoung asked. 

Key seemed to be considering how to answer when he shrugged. “Let’s just go with weird, okay?” 

Jinyoung nodded, the conversation continued for a bit and then the silence grew between them. Jinyoung was trying to figure out how it was he was going to say what he needed to say to Key but the words had never come to him last night and they weren’t doing very well now. 

“Spit it out, Jinyoung. I’m sure whatever you’re going over in your head has to do with Wonpil, which means I already don’t like it so you might as well just be blunt with it.” Key was staring at him, one brow raised. 

“We’re adopting a little boy,” Jinyoung answered. “We should actually be able to bring him home by the end of the month.”

“Congratulations!” Key was smiling at him and reaching across the table to squeeze his hand. “I know how long you’ve waited and you’re going to make the absolute best dad to that little boy!” 

“We are,” Jinyoung corrected, noticing how once again Key had separated him and Wonpil. It didn’t go unnoticed that Key’s smile slipped slightly. “There’s just something we have been talking about and that’s the positive influences in the lives of our child.” Jinyoung gaze had dropped. 

“And I’m not one of them.” The tone in Key’s voice was dark and Jinyoung merely stared down at the menu in front of him. He hadn’t expected Key to realize that quite so quickly. “ _Wonpil_ doesn’t think I’m a good influence.” No question in Key’s voice as the menu in his hands was sat down. “And just what is it you think?” 

Jinyoung’s eyes were closed. “I don’t think he’s completely wrong.” His eyes opened to look up at Key and he was getting a glare he knew too well. Key always wore it when they were discussing Wonpil and Jinyoung didn’t understand that. To his knowledge, Wonpil had always been pleasant to Key despite the opinion of Key he held.

It stayed that way a moment as though Key were trying to figure out how to respond. Eventually, he sighed. “I always knew it would come to this,” he said. “One day, there would be something that Wonpil would _finally_ hold over your head enough to fully cut me out of your life.” 

“I’m not cutting you out of my life,” Jinyoung corrected. 

“Then what are you doing, Jinyoung?” The angry glare was back and Jinyoung knew it was because Key was covering that Jinyoung was hurting him. It was easier for Key to get angry than to let anyone, including Jinyoung, see him upset. 

“I’m _not_ cutting you out,” Jinyoung insisted. 

“No? Are we still going to come to lunch, still going to speak every day when you have this child you don’t want me to influence? I’m not going to be able to just drop in anymore and there is no way in hell you’ll be able to bring a little into my house. There’s too many bad influences there.” 

“Key…” 

“What, Jinyoung? Do you think I would just babysit for you and run off to the bar with him on my hip? Or worse, sit him in the corner while I get it on with Jonghyun? Do you think I’m going to curse around him the way I do in the bar? That I don’t know the difference in how to act around children?”

“Will you just listen!” Jinyoung said, raising his voice. The people around him turned to look but Key did get quiet. “It’s just a concern we had that I wanted to discuss with you.”

“And so we’ve discussed it,” Key said. “What now?” 

“I don’t know,” Jinyoung answered. “I didn’t expect you to blow up at me.”

“You should have,” Key answered. “It’s what I do.” 

His arms were acrossed his chest and he was glaring, which caused Jinyoung to laugh. It seemed to break the tension and Key smiled, too. “You’re going to have to work on that explosive nature of yours around my son.” 

~~  
“Shit!” Jinyoung looked up quickly at his five year old who had just dumped the contents of a cup all across the table.

“Mark!” Wonpil said, going to pick the boy up. 

 

Jinyoung grabbed the glass in an attempt to keep the entire contents from leaving the cup and then ran to get a towel off the counter. Wiping up the mess, he could hear the conversation in the other room about the word Mark had used. 

“Where did you hear that word, Mark?” 

“Uncle Key.”

Jinyoung felt his heart sink as Wonpil continued to explain to Mark why that was not a word he should use. When the mess was cleaned up, Jinyoung walked into the living room, a dark look on Wonpil’s face as Mark seemed to have forgotten the event already and was watching cartoons. 

Later, when Mark was asleep and Jinyoung had changed for bed, Wonpil came in and the dark look returned. “Well, I wasn’t wrong, was I?” he asked, looking at Jinyoung. 

“About what?” Jinyoung asked, unsure where the conversation had come from. 

“Key,” he answered, shutting the light off on his side of the bed. It was the end of the conversation and Jinyoung knew it. It wasn’t like it mattered. Wonpil had made up his mind about Key long before Mark had even come into the house. Jinyoung would have to make the choice to either let it go and deal with Wonpil’s crankiness or keep Mark away from Key. it didn’t have to be explained to him. 

~~~

“Jinyoung, all kids say things they shouldn’t at least once in their childhood. If they didn’t, they’d never learn that there are words that are wrong to say.” Key said after Jinyoung explained the situation. “I don’t even remember saying it around Mark. I’ve only been around him twice in the month you’ve had him.”

“I just…” Jinyoung’s voice trailed off and he frowned. “I don’t know everything he’s been through and I just want him to have the best of everything. Is that wrong?” 

“No,” Key answered, picking out the grapes from the fruit bowl between them. “It’s irrational, maybe but there’s nothing wrong with wanting the best for your son.” 

“I really didn’t expect you to understand,” Jinyoung said, looking at Key. 

“Why? Because I don’t have kids? Jinyoung, why is it you think I’m so ignorant to these things?” 

“I don’t know,” Jinyoung answered. “We never really talk about kids and the few times we have, it’s mostly me talking and you listening and dropping in sarcastic comments about my husband.” 

“Well, I told you not to marry him so I don’t really know why you would think that would change because you did.” Key offered a smile but must have noticed how serious Jinyoung was being. “Jinyoung you’re married. You’re thinking about kids. Jonghyun and I have been dating two months. We’re at different stages in our lives and that’s why you talk about kids and I listen. You’ve been ready for awhile, I’ll get there.” 

Jinyoung nodded and let it go. Key was right

~  
“You took him to Key’s?” Wonpil was staring at Jinyoung and Jinyoung’s brain scrambled for some reason as to why Wonpil was upset. He held up a cup, one with a lid on it that belonged to Mark. 

“I had a doctor’s appointment. I only left him there for a half hour,” Jinyoung answered. He was surprised when Wonpil threw the cup to Jinyoung. Catching it, Jinyoung looked up confused. 

“Go ahead, take a drink of it.”

Jinyoung didn’t listen, but twisted the lid off and smelled the liquid inside. 

“I guess I should just be thankful it isn’t alcohol,” Wonpil said, his hands on his hips as he looked at Jinyoung. 

“It’s just Cola,” Jinyoung said. He was annoyed that Key had given his son soda, but it wasn’t reason to make this big of a deal out of it. Key probably didn’t have much to drink in his house. It wasn’t like Mark had stayed with him all that much in the four months since they’d had him. There was no way for Key to be prepared for Mark and Jinyoung had called him ten minutes before his appointment for the favor. 

“I told you before I don’t want to be around Key but that I didn’t care if you were. I don’t feel that way about Mark. I don’t want him around Key.” 

Jinyoung nodded, his eyes dropping to the carpet. He knew that, even if this was the first time Wonpil had come out and said it.  
~  
“So, just what is the reason you’ve avoided me for nearly a month?” Key asked. Jinyoung had made his way to lunch with him for the first time in awhile and that was only after convincing Wonpil’s mother to keep Mark. 

“I’ve just been busy with Mark,” Jinyoung answered. It was the easiest question to come up with. 

“You could have met me on a school day so you could keep me from Mark,” Key answered, picking at the food in front of him. “I’m pretty flexible with my schedule, you know.” 

“I know,” Jinyoung answered, “but I had…” Jinyoung’s eyes came up and they met Key’s as he realized he’d just confirmed that he was keeping Mark from Key. 

“I told you, didn’t I, Jinyoung? That Wonpil would find a way to end our friendship?” Key had a sad smile on his face. “I would love to get dramatic, drag this out here in the cafe about how you’ve chosen your husband over me and that we’re just old friends, not current friends, but I can’t do that, Jinyoung. Not when I expected it. Plus, I’d like to convince myself that it isn’t Wonpil you’re choosing over me, but Mark,” Key nodded as he put his spoon down. “It’s really okay if it’s Mark you’re choosing.”

Key picked up his phone and keys from the table. “Even though you won’t call me, you know I’ll never change my phone number. Even though it’s the last place you want to visit, I’ll always go the same bar every weekend. When you need me, Jinyoung, I want you to know I’ll try really hard to be somewhere you can find me.” 

Key stared at him a minute before he stood. As he did so, he looked at Jinyoung. “Please, wake up, Jinyoung. I know you don’t see it, but you’re not your own person anymore.” 

He turned and walked away then and Jinyoung wished he would have gotten mad about that last statement. He had before, had lashed back out at Key, but nothing close to anger filtered through him now. He was filled with a knowing that this was the last time he best friend was going to come to this cafe with him. It left him feeling hollow and more than a little sad. 

Jinyoung wanted to yell and for Key to come back. For Key to listen as Jinyoung told him he didn’t feel that way about Key. That he didn’t think he would be bad for Mark or that he’d really just been busy and that was why he hadn’t called him. Jinyoung wanted to reassure Key and tell him they were still friends, that they always would be, but Jinyoung couldn’t. Not because Key had already disappeared out the door, but because despite what Key wanted, Jinyoung had not chosen Mark over Key; he’d chosen Wonpil. That knowledge kept him silent, kept him sitting, because Key wanted to believe it was Mark. If Jinyoung said any of those things, he knew it would dissolve the illusion that neither of them actually believed. 

~~

“Jinyoung, did you let the boys in our room?” 

Jinyoung walked into the room, a tie in Wonpil’s hands that had clearly been attacked by Jackson or Mark. Probably Jackson. 

“I didn’t think I had but you know how Jackson is…” 

“Yes, I do.” Wonpil tossed the tie in the direction of the laundry basket, missing. “Because that’s how you let him be. If you couldn’t handle a second child, we never should have adopted him. I thought you said you were ready.” 

“It’s just a tie, Wonpil.” 

“Yes, it’s just a tie,” A heavy sigh and Wonpil was looking into the closest and pulling a different one out. “What will it be next time, Jinyoung? Just a glass? Just a suit? Just someone’s house on fire?” 

“I don’t think Jackson…”

“That’s the problem.” Wonpil’s gaze was cutting into him. “You don’t think. You didn’t fully understand what another child meant and now, I’m running out of ties. Keep them out of our room.” 

Wonpil left the room then and Jinyoung knew he would leave the house immediately after. He never lingered in the house once he was dressed for work because the kids could make him dirty. He didn’t even say goodbye to them most days and as much as that had bothered Jinyoung in the beginning, he understood it now. Wonpil had important people to meet and they might not be understanding to breakfast fingers. 

Jinyoung pushed that aside and moved towards the basket, picking the tie up off the floor. The tie was dirty, but it wasn’t something he couldn’t clean easily enough. In fact, it wasn’t that bad at all; not like the last one. Jinyoung had no idea why it was Jackson had an affinity for ruining Wonpil’s ties, but at least it was something he could fix by merely buying a few more. 

~

“You’re barely keeping up with two, is it really wise for you to have a baby?” Wonpil was looking at him, the two of them in their room. Jinyoung had just been to the doctor and discovered that he wouldn’t need to go through the adoption process to get the baby he wanted. This one had already come to him. 

He’d been excited to tell Wonpil about it. Finally, they were going to have a baby in the house. He loved his two boys more than his own life, but he was finally going to experience what it was like to hold a newborn in his hands, _his_ newborn. Wonpil hadn’t reacted as he’d expected but that was just because Wonpil was more logical than he was, thinking of the consequences as opposed to getting caught up in emotion. It was one of the best things about him.

“I...don’t think we have a choice,” Jinyoung answered, his brow raised as he looked at Wonpil. He was afraid Wonpil would go into this long explanation about how there was always a choice, but instead, Wonpil reached over, putting his hand on Jinyoung’s stomach and smiled.

“I guess we don’t,” he agreed. 

~

“Jinyoung, were you looking at the adoption site again?” 

Jinyoung’s eyes opened wide. The page had already been open when he turned on the monitor earlier and yes, he’d browsed around, but it had already been opened. He’d only glanced at it, he hadn’t started thinking about adopting another child or anything. He had three boys and that was enough for him. They had a nice family, he’d just clicked on it to see if things had changed. “I did,” Jinyoung answered, the idea to lie never crossing his mind. Wonpil had caught him anyways, so what would be the point? 

“Do you really want another child? The three of them are already a handful.”

Jinyoung shrugged. “I haven’t really put much thought into it. I guess I was just curious.” 

Wonpil nodded at him, seeming to consider his answer. “One more doesn’t sound like a bad idea, if you think you can handle four of them.”

“I’m sure I can,” Jinyoung answered. The discussion was dismissed after that for the day, but it festered in his mind until Jinyoung found himself once again on the website, looking over how things have changed in the adoption process since the last time he and Wonpil had adopted a child. 

It festered, until Jinyoung brought Bambam home. 

~  
“Jinyoung, stop crying. You have four boys, what are you going to _do_?”

Jinyoung was staring at the wall, the phone in his hand. The words from his mother was harsh, unforgiving and he was staring at a piece of paper on the counter. He’d read the words to her, not really taking in the meaning of their words until long after she had started speaking to him. It had been one of those gut reactions. Now that Wonpil was no longer the person he called first, he’d defaulted back to his mom. Really though, it wasn’t like there was anyone else there at this point.

“I don’t know, Mom. I don’t know.” 

“Then listen, Jinyoung. You’re going to bring those boys to me and your father tonight. You’re going to wallow all you want tonight, but that’s it. When you wake up tomorrow, you’re going to find a job. You’re going to find a daycare. Then you’ll find a babysitter, a consistent one, to cover those moments in between. You’re going to raise your babies, Jinyoung. Do you understand me? Wonpil made his choice which means you don’t get one. You’ll raise those boys right or I’ll take every one of them away from you and you’ll never see them again.”

“Mom, you can’t raise four boys…” 

“No, I can’t. I’m too damn old for it, but by God Jinyoung, if I have too, I will find a way to do it. If I can, then so can you.”

~

“You seem to lack job experience of any type. Why is that?” 

Jinyoung smiled. “I was married before I finished college and after that I started a family. I stayed at home to raise the kids. I didn’t expect to ever need job experience.” 

“You have kids?” 

Jinyoung noticed a change in the expression on the face of the man across from him. “Four boys.” Jinyoung answered. 

“Four? Wow, that must be a handful.” 

“They can be,” Jinyoung agreed.

“Do you have pictures of them?” 

Jinyoung nodded, taking his phone out of his pocket. This job interview felt like anything but as he unlocked it and opened his gallery. The man at the desk got up, coming to take the seat next to him as Jinyoung moved through the photos, explaining what the boys were doing in each one. 

There was a knock on the door just as Jinyoung finished explaining the last picture and both of them turned. The man said something about a meeting later in the day and then walked out. 

“So you’ll start Monday.” 

It wasn’t a question, it was a statement and honestly, Jinyoung only recalled one question being asked that had any work relation.

“Mr. Song, I don’t…”

“Joongki,” he corrected. “I had half made my decision before you even got here, Jinyoung. You have a degree but have zero work experience. The reasoning for that is one I personally find admirable. I’m going to guess you aren’t applying for work because you want to leave your boys. That was a conclusion I made while you were showing me the boys. You would much rather be there than here and that means you’re passionate. I would like you to become passionate about my company. I don’t know if it will happen, but we’re going to find out. No work experience also means I can train you how I like.” 

“Plus, the job you’re applying for is mostly about keeping me organized and if you can take care of four boys, I’m sure you’re more than capable of handling me. I can act like a five year old at times but you’ve clearly got experience in that.” 

Joongki smiled at him and Jinyoung felt like there was actually one thing going right in his life. “Also, I’m not about to let those four boys end up with a father who has to work nights in some terrible restaurant washing dishes or worse. Not when I can help it.” Joongki stood up. “Now, I’ll see you on Monday.”

~

He was pregnant. Jinyoung sat in a park not too far from his parents. He’d dropped his boys off with his mom again after getting the older two to school and then gone to the doctor appointment his mother had insisted upon. He was pale, she had told him. He was also barely eating, tired more than normal and had really bad headaches. All of which, he’d attributed to the sudden uproar in his life. Apparently, that was not the case. 

His mother had told him he couldn’t cry after that first night, but here he sat, tears running down his face while he creeped people out in the park. That only made the crying worse and it wasn’t long before he was outright sobbing, his body shaking as he completely fell apart. He became aware of someone only when an arm came around his shoulders. He jerked sharply and found himself looking into a face he hadn’t seen in nearly four years. 

“T...Taekwoon?” A small smile greeted him before Jinyoung’s arms wrapped around him, his face going to Taekwoon’s chest to continue his complete meltdown. Taekwoon just held him, his soft voice whispering reassurances while his hand moved up and down Jinyoung’s back. 

When he could finally breathe again, he pulled away. He hadn’t seen Taekwoon in years and the first thing he did was to cry all over him. “I’m sorry,” he said, pulling his knees up to wrap his arms around them. 

“Don’t be sorry, Jinyoung. You’re clearly holding too much in again.” 

Jinyoung managed a soft smile. Taekwoon had known him so well back then. “Wonpil left and I’m pregnant.” It didn’t sound nearly as bad now than it had earlier and Jinyoung blamed that on the presence of Taekwoon. “I also have four boys now.” 

Taekwoon nodded. “I know.” 

“You know?” Jinyoung asked, surprise registering on his face. “How?” 

“I know you have four boys,” Taekwoon corrected. “C’mon,” he said, standing and reaching a hand down to Jinyoung. 

“Where?” Jinyoung asked as he took the hand. 

“To Hakyeon.” 

Jinyoung’s lip trembled again. “I can’t…” 

“Well, you’re going to.” 

~

He thought he’d been done crying when he walked into that small shop but seeing Hakyeon standing there after just finishing helping a customer, the smile on his face that he’d missed so much, made the tears start again. When Hakyeon glance their direction, his smile remained as his eyes took in Taekwoon, but it vanished the second it fell on Jinyoung. 

Jinyoung expected Hakyeon to shout at him or ignore him completely and as he rounded the small counter and approached him, he prepared for all of those things. He didn’t, in any lifetime, expect Hakyeon’s arms to wrap around him and hold onto him as tightly as Jinyoung had been holding onto Taekwoon earlier that day. He wasn’t prepared for the sobs that came from Hakyeon or the mumbled apologies with which Hakyeon had no reason to mutter. 

Jinyoung’s arms had wrapped around Hakyeon and the two of them stood that way, Taekwoon moving to the window to turn the closed sign out. Once the two of them managed to stop crying, they moved to the back of the store, Hakyeon sitting next to Jinyoung while Jinyoung explained how his life had turned out, including his current predicament. 

“You know we’ll help you,” Hakyeon told him and Jinyoung had to bite his lip not to start crying again. It was almost as if Jinyoung had never stopped answering Hakyeon’s calls, as if he hadn’t told him he was too busy nearly a thousand times, as if he hadn’t told Hakyeon to stop calling him. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
_Shattuckite increases the ability to receive truth. It is also helpful in expressing truths._


	22. Dumortierite

Making a vow that he couldn’t stay away felt like empty words as Jaebum walked into his apartment after another day at work. It wasn’t like it had been before when he’d only called Jinyoung after work or on his lunch. He’d text him throughout the day, mostly things about his day that he would have caught Jinyoung up on during their dates. As there were currently no dates, Jaebum was just sending Jinyoung messages instead. It was getting bad though, because at some point, he’d started sending Jinyoung texts that were essentially about nothing. Like the one about the mismatched socks the woman he’d met yesterday had worn. 

He called Jinyoung at the top of every hour. Which should have annoyed Jinyoung thoroughly, but Jaebum didn’t really care about that part. All he had to do was answer the phone and then Jaebum would probably not call him the rest of the day. Still, it felt Jaebum wasn’t doing anything because he really was getting no further this week than he had last week. 

He’d just dropped on his couch when his phone went off. It was his calendar reminding him of something. Looking at it, he saw that it was one of Mark’s games that started in two hours. Jaebum stared at it, weighing the pros and cons of going to the game. On the one hand, he was trying to get Jinyoung to let him back in without causing any issues with the boys. On the other, he’d missed thirteen things that the boys had going on since Jinyoung’s ex had returned and that was thirteen too many.

Jaebum stood up, going to his room to change for the game. If Jinyoung and his ex were there, he’d deal with that when he got there. If he upset Mark, he’d know not to go to another game. If nothing happened and Mark didn’t even spot him, then that was okay, too. Jaebum just wanted to see his boy, it didn’t matter if Mark didn’t see him.   
~  
Jaebum’s gaze remained alert as he looked around the gym, waiting for the moment that Jinyoung came in with someone while almost at the same time hoping that Jinyoung didn’t show up. If Jinyoung didn’t come, then he couldn’t ask Jaebum to leave. As it was, Jaebum was staying out of sight. He’d been confident when he’d left, but now he was worried about what seeing him might do to Mark. 

His eyes hadn’t left Mark from the time they were both in the same place. Mark had come out with his teammates and he’d watched as Mark’s eyes had started to look over the crowd. Jaebum had intentionally stepped behind another man then. He didn’t miss the look on Mark’s face though. He could tell from just that expression that Jinyoung wasn’t here. The way Jaebum’s body relaxed after that realization made him aware just how tense he’d been. 

Just as the game started, he saw Mark search the crowd again but seemed to come up empty again. Jaebum waited for that moment when the look of disappointment crossed over Mark’s face again, but as if his heart had taken over his brain, his feet carried him out of his hiding spot. His eyes met Mark’s and he saw him smile. Jaebum took a seat, suddenly not caring at all if Jinyoung and his ex showed up and found him there. 

 

~  
He was outside before the game ended and Jaebum felt like he was a teenager again, sneaking out of his bedroom window to go meet up with his friends. He knew sticking around would lead to him talking to Mark and Jaebum knew that as much as he would love that moment, it would hurt so much worse when he had to walk away. This had been a mistake on his part. He should have continued to go through Jinyoung. 

He stopped when he felt his phone go off. Pulling it from his pocket, he saw Mark’s face pop up. He took a deep breath and let it out before answering the call. “Hey, Buddy.” 

“Did you already leave?” 

Jaebum stopped beside the building, leaning against it and closed his eyes. “Yeah, I couldn’t stay the whole game. I have a few other things to get done tonight. You played really well from what I saw.” 

“No, I didn’t,” Mark answered. “I let the other team score twice. I was distracted.” 

“Distracted by what?” Jaebum asked. 

“I thought Dad would come,” Mark answered. 

Jaebum frowned, but he had no idea how he was supposed to respond to that. He’d been trying to get Jinyoung to Mark’s games before, but now he didn’t really have any pull in what Jinyoung did. 

“I have a game next week but it’s an away game. Would you come anyway? I know Dad won’t make an away game for sure.” 

“Yeah,” Jaebum answered, his subconscious yelling at him, demanding to know what nonsense he was getting himself involved in. “You’ll just have to text me the details so I know where I’m going.” 

“I will,” Mark answered. 

He fell silent again and Jaebum knew he should make some sort of an excuse about having to get off the phone, but he didn’t really want to. He wanted to ask Mark how he was doing, he wanted to ask how the other boys were but he didn’t do that either. 

“Jaebum, do you see my dad at all now?” 

Jaebum sighed. Of course Mark would be aware enough to ask that. He was a smart kid. “Not in a while, Mark.” 

“Is...do…” Mark broke off and Jaebum heard him take a deep breath. “You don’t have to come to my game if you don’t want to see us anymore.” 

Jaebum physically hurt. “Don’t think like that, Mark. I wouldn’t have come to today’s game if I didn’t want to see you. I miss you guys. Things are just complicated right now.” 

“Tell me about it,” Mark said. “Okay, I guess I’ll see you next week then if things don’t get uncomplicated this week. Bye, Jaebum.” 

“Bye, Mark.”

Jaebum’s head leaned back against the brick building behind his head. He wasn’t going to cry just from hearing Mark’s voice. He wasn’t. He took a deep breath and let it out. He had to get through to Jinyoung. He _had_ to, so he could see his boys again. If Mark was already suspecting that Jaebum didn’t want to see them, what were the other ones thinking? 

~  
Taehyung sat in his chair. It was Wednesday, but Jaebum had not expected him. Mostly because they were in his office. Taehyung had showed up and there was a look on his face that Jaebum had just cancelled his next meeting before Taehyung could say anything. He sat down across from him, looking far more relaxed than he should in an office setting

“What is it?” Jaebum asked, relaxing back in the chair himself. 

“The story about Jinyoung’s ex just felt a little off to me,” Taehyung answered. “I guess when you spend a decade looking for the lies in people’s lives,you just develop a hunch. It was strange, so I decided to look into it. At the time, he worked for Spee. Co.” 

Jaebum’s brows rose. “So that’s why you were seeking information from them?” 

“Yeah,” Taehyung answered, not at all bothered by the fact that Jaebum had discovered that he’d been used. “There’s a lot of hoops to get through when you start looking at employee information. So much of it is protected by laws that releasing that information require you to play dirty.” 

“So what did you do?” Jaebum asked, his first thought going to how much money would Taehyung need to be cleared of whatever he had done. There was never a question in his mind to say no, despite the amount. 

“I accidentally ended up going through Frances’ wife. I was at his apartment, trying to annoy him but she was the only one home. I don’t know how, but she managed to convince him to send along the information I need with the requirement that it be destroyed when I’m done with it.” 

“What did you find out?” Jaebum asked. 

“I found out Jinyoung’s shitty ex _requested_ the transfer. It wasn’t some forced transfer like he said it was. I’m currently in the process of chasing down more information about his life after the transfer, but that’s going to require me to leave for a little bit. Seokjin’s supportive, but there’s nothing I hate more in life than leaving him and my boys. It’s especially bad when I don’t know if it’s going to be for a day or a week.” 

“Is that going to keep you from going?” Jaebum asked. 

Taehyung was already shaking his head. “No, I’m going. Seokjin would kill me if I didn’t. It was hard enough to keep him from running over to Jinyoung’s and telling Jinyoung about it. I was hoping we could have a bit more information or the weasel will get our Jinyoung to believe more bullshit.” 

“Make sure Seokjin has my number,” Jaebum told him. “If he needs anything while you’re gone, he can call me. And I mean anything, Taehyung. Rides to school, babysitter, whatever he needs.”

Taehyung smiled at him. “He already has it and I told him to annoy you if he needs something because even though I’m doing this for all of us, you get the greatest reward out of it.” 

Taehyung smiled and Jaebum found himself returning the smile. One day, when this was over, Jaebum would tell Jinyoung what amazing friends he had. “I can’t deny that,” Jaebum agreed. 

~~~  
Taehyung had left town a few hours after he’d left Jaebum’s office two days before and it had taken Seokjin all of twenty minutes to get ahold of him. He’d need Jaebum to keep his two youngest on Friday because Namjoon had a debate. Jaebum tried to ignore the fact that Jackson would probably be at that debate and had agreed without hesitation. Now, he sat with Jungkook and Jimin. Jimin had taken over his television and Jungkook was playing with toys on his coffee table. It was nice to have children in his apartment, even if they were not the children he wanted. They made noise and that was something he’d been missing. 

He watched as Jungkook picked up his car and stood up, the car running over all the surfaces in the room. Jungkook made car noises as he drove it around the back of Jaebum’s couch, down the arm and leaped back onto the coffee table. It still managed to hurt, knowing this boy was Yugyeom’s best friend. 

Jimin was bored, it was clear by the way he kept flipping through channels. Channels were not something Jaebum lacked either. When he got all the way back around, Jaebum walked over and took the remote. “Why don’t I take you two out to get something to eat?” They nodded and Jaebum pulled his phone out, looking for one of those places where you could feed your kids while also giving them a place to play and run. Choosing the nearest one, he took the two kids out of his boring apartment. 

~

Seokjin was supposed to pick the two boys up on his way back, but because Jaebum had taken them out, he ended up taking the boys home. Jungkook fell asleep on the way, so when he got there, he ended up carrying the boy inside. It was his first time in their home and it was somehow exactly as he expected it to be. Putting Jungkook in his bed, Jaebum stared at the little boy a second. It must have been a second too long because Seokjin gave him a knowing smile. 

Seokjin didn’t say anything though until the two of them were outside. “I’m guessing he still hasn’t even answered your calls?” 

Jaebum shook his head. “I haven’t called him yet this evening. I may have been watching your boys a bit too closely.” 

Seokjin nodded as they walked back to Jaebum’s car. “You’re going to have to go over there, Jaebum. If not for Jinyoung, then for those boys. You’re significant to them now, even if Jinyoung isn’t seeing that. I see them every day. They have the same look to them that you have right now.”

“Old and ready for bed?” Jaebum asked. He smiled softly when Seokjin turned a glare on him. “I know, Seokjin. I went to Mark’s game and I know. It’s just going to be really hard to see them and then have them taken away again. I need to get through to Jinyoung.” 

Seokjin nodded and offered Jaebum a small smile. “I know, but the longer you wait, the harder that’s going to be.”

He knew that, so he said his goodbyes to Seokjin and climbed into his car. He knew that waiting at all was a mistake. When he got home, he’d make all the phone calls he hadn’t made because he’d had those two boys. When he got home, he wouldn’t stop calling until Jinyoung answered. 

It was a sound plan, one full of confidence and determination. However, when Jaebum was home and had gotten changed, he only called Jinyoung once. 

_”This number is no longer in service. Please hang up and try again…”_

Jaebum stared at his phone, saw Jinyoung’s name staring back at him and heard the message repeat for a second time. He waited for it to end and then hung up. He sat in his room, the silence around him far louder than he’d ever heard it before. If he hadn’t had Jimin and Jungkook, he would have known hours ago. Had he known then, he would have ignored all his inhibitions and gotten in his car and driven over to Jinyoung's. He would have demanded a reason as to why Jinyoung had changed his number. Sitting his phone down though, he knew the reason. He was that reason. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 _Dumortierite assists in adapting to your present reality._


	23. Snow Quartz

“ _Please_ , Joongki.” Jaebum’s voice cracked as he held his phone to his ear. He didn’t want to upset Jinyoung at work, but even Jinyoung’s friends hadn’t gotten his new number. Half of them had been surprised to even know it had changed. Not even Seokjin had gotten it when Jaebum has asked Taehyung about it. So, Jaebum’s best chance was to get Joongki to agree and he’d been literally begging the other man for the last two days. 

Jaebum could play dirty if he wanted it. He could threaten Joongki, he could break his entire business by ruining his reputation, but Jaebum wouldn’t do that. He’d just wanted to tell Joongki what was going on and hope that he’d just let Jaebum see Jinyoung for a few minutes. 

“Jaebum, if he wants to see you, he will. Just wait until then, okay?”

“We’ve been doing this a month, Joongki. He hasn’t answered a single call until now. He didn’t even text me his new number. He won’t answer my emails. He won’t even explain anything to me. Do you have any idea how frustrating that is? I don’t even _know_ that we’re broken up, I’m just assuming it because of everything I just mentioned.”

“Jaebum, I don’t want to mix his personal and business life without his permission. If I’d known you two were having problems before, I never would have even arranged that lunch date for you.” 

“We are not just having problems, Joongki…”

“I know, you told me.” There was silence between the two men, but even then, Jaebum know how this conversation was going to end. He wouldn't blame Joongki for not agreeing any more than Joongki could blame Jaebum if he choose not to listen. “I just can't, Jaebum.” 

Jaebum could hear the frustration from Joongki. He knew what he was asking was a lot and he also knew it was too much to ask of someone that was basically a business relationship. “I know,” Jaebum said, defeat in his vice as he blinked away wetness. “I just don’t know what else to do.”

~

Jaebum stood looking out the window of his office. The sun was setting and it was well past time for him to go home but he didn’t really see a point in that. It was just another Tuesday night now. Instead, he was going to stand right where he was, staring at the sun until his eyes hurt in a room that was warm enough that he could feel a slight sheen of sweat. Was the air conditioning out? He turned his eyes away from the window a moment as he pondered over that. 

He hadn’t really read his email the last few days, finding not even work was keeping him distracted. They were not from Jinyoung so they were not important. He felt hollow and empty where before he’d been so full of love. He missed Jinyoung. Missed him so much he could feel it in his soul. Everything that he’d done in his life felt meaningless except for those months spent with Jinyoung. Irrational, he knew, because there were many fond memories before he’d met Jinyoung, but none of them were as intense or made him as happy. Jinyoung, in every awkward or unsure moment, had completed him in a way he never even realized. He’d had a home, a family and now, now he was staring out his office window with nothing. 

He’d never been one to cry. No matter how hard life got or who he lost, it just wasn’t in his nature. He’d cried so much since Jinyoung had changed his number that he was positive he was dehydrated all day long. His eyes were a constant shade of red that he didn’t bother hitting the drug store to buy drops to eliminate. He ate sometimes, but he never really tasted anything. He was losing track of days despite the fact that his calendar was always there to remind him of the date. Even if it weren’t, his assistant was damn good at his job. Jaebum hadn’t missed a single meeting. 

His phone went off on his desk and Jaebum didn’t move. It went off again and was ignored again. When it started to ring, he tilted his head. It wasn’t Jinyoung’s ringtone. It would never be Jinyoung’s ringtone. Jinyoung’s ringtone was a recording of Yugyeom singing a song about three bears. It wasn’t even Jonghyun’s terrible ringtone. It was just his default and that didn’t pull his attention away. At least, not until it ended and started again. 

Going over to it and seeing the name flashing on the screen, he answered it quickly. “Hello?” 

“I’m giving in.” 

“What?” Jaebum asked and he heard Joongki sigh. 

“Jinyoung gave his notice. He’s finishing out the week and then quitting. Be in my office first thing tomorrow morning.” 

“Why?” 

The sigh came through the line again. “He gave me some bullshit about how his kids needed him and he was no longer in need of a job. I would believe that if you hadn’t been pestering me. I would have just assumed things were progressing with the two of you and that was why he was quitting. God knows you make enough to support them.” 

Jaebum could imagine Joongki right now. He was probably still in his own office, his hand in his hair as he stared out the window. It faced the same direction towards the sunset as Jaebum’s. He’d probably gotten Jinyoung’s notice early in the day and had spent most of the day debating if he should call Jaebum or not. 

“I should have given into you before this point. I hadn’t realized JInyoung was…”

“Yeah,” Jaebum agreed, wondering just what that meant. He had an idea, but felt like so long since he’d even seen Jinyoung that he couldn’t be sure. 

“Jaebum, you’ll take care of him right? Even if he quits?”

“I will,” Jaebum answered. The words at least sounded sure, but Jaebum, he knew they were just empty. 

~

He wasn’t actually enjoying the fact that this was his last week at work. His decision to quit had come mostly because of the things Wonpil had been pointing out. He was missing time with his quickly growing babies, unnecessarily because Wonpil could pay the bills. He wasn’t being as attentive to Yugyeom who was barely a baby anymore as he was never there and when he was, he was exhausted. 

Still, the decision had come that he wouldn't work anymore after this week. The decision was easier than the reality as he walked into his building and looked around. The walls had become familiar to him over the years and lost the daunting look. He’d been given a chance here and Jinyoung had been so thankful. It was for that reason he was going to do his best to train his replacement for Joongki. 

Walking into Joongki’s office, his stomach filled with dread. It was strange how he could recognize someone so easily even when they were faced away from him. Or maybe it was just Jaebum he knew this well. When Jaebum turned towards him, he forgot how to breathe, something he thought he had gotten over. 

“We need to talk.” 

“No, we don’t.” The statement was weak and Jinyoung knew that. Taking a deep breath in, he raised his chin and looked at Jaebum. “If we had something to talk about, I would have called you.” This time, the words were a firm statement and the tone of his voice would have kept even Jackson from acting up, but this was not one his children. Jaebum was so much more and yet, at the end of the day, absolutely nothing. That was exactly how Jinyoung had decided to make it. 

“Jinyoung, I’m not leaving…”

“Then I will.” Jinyoung answered, turning back around. He was stopped in a way that was so familiar and felt so long ago. Jaebum’s hand pressed against the door, his weight against it to block Jinyoung’s exit. He looked up at him, trying not to notice how ragged he looked. “Jaebum…”

“You don’t get to just walk away because it’s uncomfortable to talk to me,” Jaebum started. His expression was hard as he looked down at Jinyoung and if Jinyoung hadn’t come to know him so well, he might have been afraid. There was more there though, more that Jinyoung wished he could pretend he didn’t see as much as he was sure Jaebum was trying not to let show through. There was hurt in those brown eyes, and Jinyoung had caused it. 

“What do you have to say?” Jinyoung asked. If nothing else, he deserved the tear down that Jaebum was sure to launch at him. He deserved every harsh word and evil thought that had passed through Jaebum’s head since Wonpil had returned. At the same time, he also knew he didn’t deserve them because they were still a piece of Jaebum and he deserved nothing of the other man. He never had, he’d just never realized it at the time. 

“I just…” There was hesitation and Jinyoung was sure it was because Jaebum had expected him to fight more. He was tired of fighting though and maybe if he just let Jaebum have his say, then maybe he’d go away. 

“Are we broken up?” Jaebum asked and Jinyoung felt the world shift. 

“Is that not obvious?” Jinyoung had been ignoring him, how had Jaebum not gotten the memo through that? Why did Jinyoung have to blatantly say it for Jaebum to get it. 

“No,” Jaebum answered. “Until I hear the words from you, it isn’t obvious.” 

Jinyoung waited, staring at the door because looking at Jaebum was not an option. “Jaebum, let’s break up.” Jinyoung still didn’t move his gaze and he knew Jaebum was searching for something to say, but what could he say? It wasn’t like this was a decision that was made together. When one person wanted to break up, couples broke up. 

“Tell me why.” Again, a hesitation as Jaebum’s arm dropped.

“Why what?” Jinyoung asked. Why was such a vague question and so much had happened in the last two months. 

It seemed a forced movement as Jaebum took a deep breath, “Why did you take him back?” It was a tumble as he expressed the breath, as if he almost didn’t want to ask. 

“I haven’t.” Jinyoung defended. “We’re just trying to get the kids used to him being around again. They deserve to have him in their lives.” He and Wonpil lived together but they were not back together. 

“Then why have you pushed me out?” Jaebum’s gaze was on his and Jinyoung hesitated to answer. 

“I thought it would make things less complicated for the boys. They deserve the chance to get to know their dad. You being there just confuses them. And he’s their father…”

“No he’s not,” Jaebum interrupted, a dark tone enveloping the words. “They’re not his.” 

 

Anger, red and hot, ran through his veins at such small words that had come from Jaebum. So many times over the years he’d had to deal with the adoption issue his boys faced and so many times he’d cut down other parents, even other children, but for it to come from Jaebum? How dare he! He wasn’t even sure what he was going to say as he took an angry breath and squarely looked at Jaebum. 

“They’re mine.” 

The breath cut out of him like the force of a balloon that had reached it’s limit. The anger also lost as he felt like the world was falling out from under him. “What?” It was little more than a squeak of a word and he wasn’t even sure anyone outside his head could have heard it. 

“They’re mine.” Jaebum repeated and whatever anger that had been on Jaebum’s face fell away, the words coming out broken. All that remained was the pain Jinyoung had glimpsed and it was coming through so clearly now. “Since the moment Bambam threw up all over my shoes; when it took six hours to get through Jackson’s homework assignment; getting up multiple times to protect Youngjae from the pirates; losing Yugyeom for an hour when he was asleep in the window; driving Mark to his game,” Jaebum paused, his hand reaching out to cup Jinyoung’s face. “Everything in between and after, since the second you let your guard down enough to let me meet them, they’ve been mine.”

Jaebum paused and Jinyoung heard the unsteady breath he took in. “I don’t care if his name is on Youngjae and Yugyeom’s birth certificate. I don't care if his name is on three separate sets of adoption papers. They’re mine. _You_ are mine. He left you. He left them. He let go of the six of you and gave me that chance to call you mine. Please, Jinyoung...” 

Jinyoung just stared, the wetness in his eyes a sure sign that he was going to be bawling at any minute. It didn’t matter the panic he’d felt at not being able to find Yugyeom, the frustration with Jackson, the anger he’d felt towards Mark and Jaebum, the pity for his little cave man or the emptiness of his bed when Youngjae had stolen Jaebum, all that he remembered most was that in each instance, Jaebum had been beside them. Clearly, he wanted to still be there. Did they want him there, too? 

“I have to go.” It was a lie, a blatant one that he was sure Jaebum would see through. What he needed to do, was get away from Jaebum before the tears fell. He was a few feet out the door when Jaebum said his name, the sound of it causing him to pause and turn around. Jaebum hadn’t moved. He was still there, looking at Jinyoung. 

“I love you. I love them and I miss my family.”

Jinyoung had no idea what to say so he did the one thing he was good at. He stayed quiet and looked down at the floor. It was uncomfortable, looking down at the floor like that with people moving around. Some stared, most just ducked by. Finally he heard Jaebum sigh and the door closed in front of him. 

~

He waited until nine thirty, pretending he wasn’t looking at his phone but Mark knew. He knew his dad was waiting for that message from Jaebum that couldn’t possibly come anymore. Mark knew a lot of things about his dad. He just wished his dad knew them about himself. His dad missed Jaebum. He probably missed Jaebum more than Mark did. What Mark didn’t know, what he couldn’t bring himself to even ask, was why Jaebum was so far away when all of them wanted him there.Yugyeom even still waited for him with his shoes in hand on Friday night.

Though really, Mark knew the answer to that as well. His father was sitting in the living room, his feet propped up in the recliner. He might even be snoring but the sound of the television would block that out. Mark and Jinyoung sat in the kitchen. Mark had a paper due and was failing miserably at it. He’d asked his dad for help because his dad had been crying today and Mark hoped that maybe he could distract him. He hadn’t cried at all that Mark had been aware of, even though Jaebum hadn’t been around since his father had come back.

Mark watched as Jinyoung touched the button to light up his phone again. Still nothing. After that, he turned his attention to Mark and began to help him with his project. Mark tried to pay attention too, but he found he was also waiting for that phone to light up. If it lit up, Jaebum was still thinking about them. If it didn’t, then Jaebum was really gone. Mark couldn’t understand it and wasn’t sure how to ask about it, so he’d just stayed quiet. 

It was eleven o’clock when the phone lit up, but it was just an alert about something. Mark watched as his dad picked it up, swiped away the alert and sat it back down. “You should get some sleep. Tomorrow comes early.” 

Mark nodded, gathering up his stuff and heading towards his room. As he sat down on the bed, he looked at his own phone. Was Jaebum really not thinking about them? 

~

Mark hadn’t been asleep long when he felt movement beside him. It was familiar, he just wasn’t sure which of his siblings it was until they were fully in bed and curled up beside him. “Are you okay, Bambam?” Mark asked, rolling onto his side and cuddling with his little brother. 

Mark felt him nod and he closed his eyes again. It was becoming common for Bambam to crawl into his bed and go to sleep. It was just another one of those things that was occurring because his father was back.

“Mark, am I adopted?” 

Mark’s eyes shot open in the darkness. They never teased each other like that, not like Jaehwan had done with Wonshik until Uncle Taekwoon had stopped them. There was too much truth to it. “Who told you that?” Mark asked, trying to keep his voice calm while also being sure that someone was going to get hurt when he found out who.

“Papa.”

Mark’s world shifted. He was no longer a fifteen year old considering threatening the life of someone for teasing his brother. He was a six year old, hearing about how he could be sent back if he didn’t behave. He was an eight year old being told to keep his loud brother in line or the two of them would be sent away. Who wants to adopt a child that’s been rejected twice? 

“What did he say?” Mark asked, hugging Bambam even closer. 

“He said I was adopted and that I had to be quiet or Daddy would get rid of me. He said no one would want me then.” 

His heart was racing and Mark was trying desperately to separate himself from the boy he’d been, the boy who had believed those things and the person he was now. The person he’d been for Jackson before and the person his scared little brother needed him to be. 

“Me, you and Jackson are all adopted, Bambam.” Mark confirmed, deciding lying to Bambam would be a waste. Maybe knowing he wasn’t alone would help erase the feelings that came with being an adopted child. “Daddy never got rid of us and he’ll never get rid of you either, Bam. He loves us too much. Believe that, no matter what, okay?”

Bambam’s arms moved around Mark’s chest and squeezed. “Okay, Mark! Since you’re adopted, too, I’ll believe you.” 

Mark held onto Bambam until his little brother’s grip relaxed. “Bambam? Don’t tell Daddy you know okay? He wanted to tell you later and I think he’ll be sad if he knows you found out.”

“Okay, Mark,” Bambam agreed. 

His brother fell asleep a few minutes later, but Mark laid there, staring up at the ceiling. He was thinking about the past, trying to remember the way his father had been without the rose colored glasses of a ten year old whose father had walked away. Bambam had awoken a series of memories that he’d buried.

He hadn’t been allowed in his parents room back then. They’d kept the door closed and if they did go in there, they always got in trouble. How many times had he been told he could be sent back that first year when it was just him? He remembered now, trying desperately to listen and do as he was instructed in every aspect of his new life.

There were times he went places with his father, just the two of them, but Mark couldn’t remember them too clearly now. A trip to the zoo with Daddy was much different than with Papa. He could run and look at the animals with freedom with his Daddy, but with his Papa, he had to stay next to him. He never got to eat anything and they only stayed a short time. Too many other things had gone that way as well. 

When Jackson had first came home, Mark had let him mess up. If they got rid of Jackson, then it would just be him again. He’d actually lead Jackson to trouble a couple of times, but then the threat had changed. If Jackson got in trouble, Daddy would get rid of both of them. If they were sent back, no one would adopt them again. No one wanted failed children. 

Youngjae’s birth had been a hard time for him. Youngjae was not adopted. Youngjae belonged to them and even as a child, Mark had understood that. The way Wonpil had doted on Youngjae hadn’t helped either. Youngjae was his son and Mark and Jackson were just the boys they had gotten to tide them over until Youngjae was born. That’s how it had been, but that didn’t last very long either. Wonpil grew tired of Youngjae and Youngjae was added to the list for Mark to keep in line. Or else, he and Jackson would be gotten rid of. 

He’d been so angry with Jinyoung when Wonpil had left. He had loved him, despite the ability to reflect on his childhood now. He’d been one of the two people he’d had to look up to and when he was gone, he’d hurt. He’d blamed Jinyoung, completely shutting down how hard he’d been working as a child to keep his home. It was stupid, he realized now, knowing Jinyoung never would have gotten rid of them no matter how much of a handful they could be. 

Thinking of it now, Mark had no idea if Jackson had received that threat or not. He’d done everything he could to keep Jackson from being alone with Wonpil, but it was a hard thing to do. Had he managed to shield his brother from it? He’d failed with Bambam and he wondered if he’d be able to protect Yugyeom at all? Mark would be eighteen soon and Yugyeom still had so much childhood left. He couldn’t live here another fourteen years until Yugyeom went off to college. If only his dad and Jaebum were still together, then there would always be someone to protect Yugyeom. 

“Jaebum…” Mark closed his eyes and took a breath. He just needed to get Jaebum to come back. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 _Snow Quartz helps you think before you speak._


	24. Tree Agate

“You remember how to get there?” Mark looked down at his little brother the next day. A part of him was hating himself for doing this, for risking his little brother like this, but it was all part of his plan. And really, Youngjae was only going to be alone until the first stop. His uncle had promised he would follow along behind Youngjae, that he would make sure Youngjae arrived alright, but this was his little brother and he was supposed to protect him. _You are protecting him_.

Youngjae nodded. “I get on the bus, get off at the third stop and then go to the building with the giant shark on it.” 

“And after that?” Mark prodded, seeing the bus turn onto the road. 

“I ask to see Jaebum!” Youngjae answered. “ _Jeeze_ Mark, it’s not that hard!” 

“Of course not.” Mark agreed, holding his brother’s hand until the bus pulled up. Putting Youngjae on the bus, Mark watched until Youngjae sat down near the window and waved to him. He waited there until it pulled away and then he moved back to where Jackson and Bambam waited on him. 

“Where’s Youngjae going?” Jackson asked, his eyes especially round as he looked at Mark. 

“He’s just doing his part.” Mark explained and Jackson nodded. Even if Jackson didn’t fully understand why they were doing as his older brother asked, he knew never to question Mark.

He received the text from his uncle that Youngjae was within his sights only a few minutes later and Mark felt himself relax. If Jaebum had to bring Youngjae home, then he and his dad had to at least talk. If they did that, then surely they’d work everything out...right?

~~~

He sat on the bus as it pulled away from Mark and paid attention so he could count the number of stops before he got off the bus. Mark had told him it was very, very important that he got off in the right place or else the shark wouldn’t be visible. After the first stop though, Youngjae began to feel very alone without any of his brothers with him. By the time he got off the bus, he felt more than alone, he was scared. 

Seeing the shark on the building helped a little bit and Youngjae took off towards it, running through the people so he could get to it. Inside, he saw the desk from before and ran towards it. “Excuse me!” he called, looking up at it. No one answered, so Youngjae cupped his hands over his mouth and tried again. “Excuse me!”

A face appeared and Youngjae smiled, “I need to see Im Jaebum.” The man behind the desk disappeared, reappearing a few minutes later from the side of the desk to crouch down in front of him. 

“And just where are your parents?” he asked, a gentle smile on his face. 

“I need to see Jaebum!” Youngjae repeated. 

“I’m sorry, but we really need to know where your parents are.” 

Youngjae began to panic. Mark hadn’t told him what to do if this happened; he just said that Youngjae _must_ see Jaebum. Mark said so, so Youngjae had to do it! “Jaebum!” he shouted, tears starting to roll down his cheeks. “Im Jaebum!” Youngjae took off towards the elevator. He didn’t know what floor Jaebum worked on, he just knew it was up and if he went up he would find Jaebum. 

A woman dressed similar to the man came up to Youngjae. “Sweetheart…”

“I need to see Jaebum!” Youngjae was screaming at her, his face flushed brightly and wet.“I need Jaebum!” 

The woman looked away from Youngjae to the man from before, the ability to calm the upset child lost on her. “Okay. Okay.” She said, reaching for Youngjae’s hand. “I’ll take you to Jaebum, okay? Will that be okay?” 

Youngjae nodded, wiping at his face with one hand while she took the other. She stood with him until the elevator came and when they got on, she pressed the button and they went up. When they got off the elevator, the went down a long hall, stopping at a desk at the end. 

“He’s in a meeting.” The tone was flat, unwavering. 

“But I need to see Jaebum.” Youngjae spoke up, looking up at the new face and not liking the man at all. Maybe Jaebum would fire him!

“We’ll wait,” the woman holding his hand said, tugging softly on Youngjae’s hand and pulling him away. 

 

“No!” Youngjae whined, pulling his hand out from hers and running towards the nearest door to the desk. “Jaebum!” he shouted, running at the door. He pulled on the handle, pushing against the door but unable to open it because of the weight of the door. “Jaebum!” he shouted, banging his hands on the door. “Im Jaebum!” Bang. “Let me in!” Bang. “Please let me in!” Bang. Bang. Bang. “I want to see you!” 

He was still banging on the door when it opened suddenly and his hands hit air. “Jaebum?” It wasn’t Jaebum. It was a man he didn’t know. That feeling of being along suddenly enveloped him like a black hole and he sank to his knees.

“Youngjae.” 

Youngjae turned his head quickly, finding Jaebum’s face. “Jaebum!” He was standing and running full force across the room, throwing himself into Jaebum’s waiting arms.   
~~~

He’d managed to calm Youngjae down enough to get him to sit quietly in the corner of his office with a few different colored pens and some paper. It was the best he could do for Youngjae, considering it was his office. He knew the interruption had likely damaged the deal significantly, but Jaebum honestly did not care. He would attempt to salvage it and if it didn’t work out; it wasn’t the only deal he’d lost. 

Once they were gone, Youngjae was climbing in his lap, his paper and pens forgotten in the corner. Jaebum didn’t complain, letting Youngjae get comfortable before he started the series of questions he needed to ask. “Does your dad know where you are?” Jaebum started. 

“No.” It was such a short and unconcerned answer. 

“Does anyone know?” 

“Mmhmm.” Youngjae nodded, his hands going up to touch Jaebum’s face. “Why don’t you love us anymore?” 

Jaebum felt like the heart he’d been attempting to drown in work was waking up to the realization that the world was a much shittier place than he already thought. “Youngjae, I do love you. All of you..”

“But you don’t come over anymore. Mark says it’s cause you and Daddy broke up but that doesn’t mean you can’t see us just cause you don’t love Daddy no more. You can come see us. We didn’t break up with you.”

Youngjae’s chin was quivering again and Jaebum pulled him against him. “You’re right,” he agreed, his own voice rough with the emotion he’d been trying to keep stored away. He blinked rapidly, not wanting to let Youngjae see him cry and held the boy. “I’m sorry I didn’t come see you.”  
~~~   
Youngjae was sound asleep in his arms, having fallen asleep there during Jaebum’s last meeting because the little boy hadn’t wanted to get out of his lap for him to work. Jaebum didn’t want him to move either. Now, his meeting over, he looked at his phone, knowing he was going to have to call Jinyoung, despite the fact that Youngjae had asked him not to. Really, he should have done it the second Youngjae told him Jinyoung didn’t know he was there, but Jaebum was being selfish. So very selfish. 

He sighed, looking at his phone. Seokjin had been the first one to get the number and he’d forwarded that information to him. He’d updated Jinyoung’s contact information, but he’d yet to use it. Jinyoung’s contact photo was of Jinyoung asleep on the couch, Yugyeom sitting on his back as he watched tv. Would Jinyoung even answer if he called? Could Jaebum actually handle hearing Jinyoung’s voice? The answer was no, but that didn’t keep him from pressing the call button.   
~~~

Jinyoung was cursing his life as he made his way towards the school. A phone call from the school saying Jackson was being too disruptive was normal. It was common. It was how he’d started his day, actually. Getting a call that Bambam had peed on another student was not acceptable, but mildly amusing. Mark, his passive, wonderful Mark, getting in a fight at school was so unheard of the Jinyoung had been sure the woman on the phone had called the wrong person. Alas, that was not the case. Seokjin had even called to tell him his baby was being destructive today in the form of knocking things over. At least Youngjae was being good today. 

He’d just pulled into the lot and turned the car off when his phone rang. His heart stopped, the ringtone telling him it was Jaebum right away. His information had transferred with the new phone even though he’d had the number changed. “Not today,” he muttered, leaving his phone in the car and heading into the school. He tried to pretend it wasn’t bothering him that Jaebum had called as he wondered where he had gotten the number but Jinyoung had to deal with a fifteen year old at the moment. 

He was shocked when he walked into the office and found Taehyung there. “Which one of yours?” Jinyoung asked, letting the woman behind the counter know he was Mark’s dad. 

“Well, since I’m here, that can only mean Yoongi.” Taehyung answered with a sigh. 

“Right,” Jinyoung answered and then it dawned on him. “What?” he asked looking at Taehyung in surprise. 

“It get’s better.” Taehyung said, turning a smile to Jinyoung. “He was fighting with Mark.” 

Jinyoung closed his eyes. Today, he didn’t like his children. He loved them, but he didn’t like them at all. “That doesn’t make sense.” 

“It kind of makes sense,” Taehyung said, the door of the office opening and their two boys coming out. “Have you heard from Jaebum today?” Jinyoung didn’t get to ask what Taehyung meant because it was then their turn to go into the principal's office and discuss their children. How would Taehyung know Jaebum had called him?   
~  
Jinyoung was sitting in the dentist’s office a short while later after taking Mark home. Mark hadn’t said much, even when Jinyoung had drilled him about what had happened. As it were, Hongbin would be bringing his younger boys home because Mark and Yoongi were both suspended for the rest of the week. Once they returned to school, they would serve detention for another week. On top of that, Jinyoung had grounded Mark for some undisclosed amount of time. 

He picked up his phone, looking at his missed call. There was also a message from Jaebum that Jinyoung couldn’t read more than ‘Call me, please’ because he didn’t want the message to show up as read. It confused him a little, because ever since the day he’d changed his number, he’d gotten nothing from Jaebum. 

Taking a deep breath and blowing it out, he pressed the call button. It was answered almost immediately. 

“Hello, Jinyoung.” 

Jinyoung closed his eyes, the wetness there instant. He didn’t want to feel any emotion when Jaebum simply said his name. “Hi.” He managed, not sure how his voice hadn’t come out sounding like a toad. “What do you need?” It was a short, chopped sentence and Jinyoung knew he was about to hang onto every word Jaebum said as if they alone were giving him life. 

“Don’t panic, because everything is fine…”

“Okay?” 

“Youngjae is at my office.” 

Youngjae...his one hope for a child without problems today. “How?”

“He said he rode the bus. I’m not really sure because he didn’t want to give me any more details than that.”

Silence stretched between them and Jinyoung didn’t know what he was supposed to do or say. His son had run away, and not in the way Jackson did, but literally ran away and gotten on a bus to go to Jaebum. Why? And why hadn’t the school called him? Weren’t they suppose to do that when a child didn’t show up for school? 

“Are you going to pick him up or would you like me to drop him off at home?” 

“I…” Jinyoung stopped. There was no way he was going to be able to face Jaebum. It was impossible for him to walk into that office and not remember everything that had happened in there from the very first moment he had been in there. Even now, he couldn’t stop the flood of memories coming over him. 

“He’s really okay?” Jinyoung asked, the dad in him concerned with the little boy even though that same part of him was completely exhausted today. It wasn’t like Youngjae was in any danger if he was with Jaebum. 

“Perfectly healthy.” 

Jinyoung thought he heard a smile in Jaebum’s voice, but he was pretty sure that was all wishful thinking. “Do you mind bringing him home?” 

“Yes and no,” Jaebum answered. “It’s no problem taking him home. The problem is that now that he’s here again, I don’t ever want to let go, Jinyoung.”

Jinyoung bit his lip as he sat there. Finally, he spoke to Jaebum again. “You have to.”   
~~~

They were in the yard when Jaebum pulled up, Youngjae jumping from the car almost before Jaebum had a chance to shut it off. He knew he shouldn’t get out and see them, knew it well enough because he was hurting enough from seeing Youngjae. He knew because of the way going to Mark’s game had left him aching before. Still, he climbed out of his car to go towards them. Just to make sure Youngjae got back to Mark, of course. 

Getting close to Mark showed the bruising on his face too clearly. “What happened?” Jaebum asked, reaching forward without thinking. Mark’s flinching had him pulling his hand back. “Sorry.” he apologized, bending down to look at Mark’s eye. 

“I just got into a fight at school.” Mark answered. 

Jaebum waited, but Mark offered nothing else. “Is it something you want to talk about?” Mark shook his head, his jaw clenched. “It wasn’t over a girl, was it?” Jaebum prodded. 

Mark rolled his eyes and let out a sound of annoyance. “Why would I waste effort over that?” 

Jaebum shrugged. “The effort was over something. Was it worth it?” 

Mark nodded and that’s when Jaebum saw it. Mark may not be related to Youngjae by blood, but they both had a quivering chin problem. “Mark, you have my phone number. If you need something, use it. No matter what happens with me and your Dad, I’m still here if you need me.” 

He expected a nod, maybe the same sound from before, even a shout or a yell about how Mark didn’t need him. What he was not expecting was that Mark would walk forward and melt into him the same way Youngjae had before. The three other boys fell completely quiet as Jaebum put his arms around Mark. He had hoped they weren’t feeling the way he was about being separated from them, but clearly they were. Did Jinyoung really not see it?

“I peed on a girl today. Can I have a hug, too?” Jaebum smiled and heard Mark laugh. As Mark pulled away, wiping his eyes, Mark ruffled his brother’s hair. “I said be obnoxious, not pee on someone.” His expression changed sharply as he looked up at Jaebum, almost as if he’d been caught in something. 

“I’m going to assume it’s you that knew where Youngjae was, seeing as how you didn’t ask how I ended up with him.” 

Fully caught, Mark flushed. Jaebum picked up Bambam, giving him the hug that urinating on another person seemed to earn him. He turned in the direction of the house, Jackson still unsure what to do. “C’mon.” Jaebum said, bending down and holding his arm out to give Jackson a hug. It was one of those rare times that Jackson didn’t even check with Mark to make sure it was okay. He just ran forward and squeezed Jaebum as tightly as his arms would allow him. 

~~~

Yugyeom was trying to get the door open but Jinyoung didn’t know why. He’d just gotten him home and changed him out of his second outfit for the day. All his brother’s were outside and that probably had a lot to do with it. What Jinyoung didn’t understand was why a boy who rarely had trouble getting the door open was having issues with it today. 

 

Moving to the door, he pulled it open and hit the latch on the screen. Yugyeom was darting towards the front yard and Jinyoung stepped out, hearing his son shout “Jaebum!” just as he came into view. He didn’t move, watching as Jaebum sat Bambam down so he could put his arms around Yugyeom. Despite being put down, Bambam didn’t move away and Jackson stayed close as well. 

Jinyoung watched them, seeing that same look on Jaebum’s face that he remembered as far back as Bambam’s birthday party. Jaebum couldn’t look at someone he loved and it not show. He was looking at Yugyeom that way now and it hurt in a way Jinyoung hadn’t expected. Worse, Yugyeom was smiling and planting a kiss on Jaebum. 

Jinyoung stepped back inside, hoping he hadn’t been seen. He didn’t want to ruin anything for them. That didn’t keep him from moving towards the window and pulling the curtain back slowly to watch them. Jaebum had sat down on the ground with them and Jinyoung cringed, knowing how much that suit probably cost. He didn’t even seem to notice though as Yugyeom sat down on his lap. 

He watched his boys smile, really smile in a way they hadn’t lately. That realization came about the same time as he watched Jaebum stand up and turn towards the house. He let go of the curtain, rushing into the kitchen to clean something to make it look like he’d been busy. By the time to door opened and the six of them came in, Jinyoung at least appeared like he’d been doing something besides watching them. 

“Daddy! Jaebum brought me home!” 

Jinyoung turned his dad look towards Youngjae who looked down at the floor. “And just why was it that Jaebum had to bring you home?” 

Youngjae looked back up and smiled at Jinyoung. “I dunno,” he answered, reaching for Jaebum’s hand. “He just had to, Daddy.” 

Jinyoung frowned. “Congratulations, Youngjae, just like Mark and Bambam, you’re grounded.”

“Aww,” Youngjae answered. 

“Go to your room,” Jinyoung told him. 

“But Jaebum…”

“Room,” Jinyoung answered. 

Youngjae sighed, but headed down the hall. Jinyoung watched as his boys followed, Mark conning Yugyeom into going.

“Thank you,” Jinyoung answered, watching his boys walk away. He didn’t turn his gaze towards Jaebum, knowing what he would see there. Or so he thought as his eyes defied him and glanced at Jaebum. Jaebum wasn’t even paying attention to him and was instead still looking down the hall. 

“You’re welcome, Jinyoung,” Jaebum answered. “I should probably just slip out now, before any of them try to come back in here.” 

Jinyoung nodded in agreeance, looking down the hall himself. “It’s probably the easiest way.” 

“Easiest?” Jaebum spat. “You can say that because you don’t have to leave them. There is no easy way to walk away from them.” 

“Jaebum…” 

“Don’t worry about it, Jinyoung.” Jaebum said, turning away and going to the door. He opened the door and Jinyoung watched as Jaebum disappeared through it. His five boys were in the other room, but suddenly his home felt empty. 

~~~

“What’s that you’re doodling?” 

Jaebum looked up from the napkin he’d been drawing on the last twenty minutes. “Compartments,” he answered, picking up his drink and downing the rest of it. Catching the bartender’s eye, he raised it, indicating another one was needed. Wanted. Jaebum was in no _need_ of another drink. He had needed the first one, perhaps the second, but every one of them after that was more about wanting to feel numb and that was a dangerous path he was quickly making his way down. 

However, numb was not what he was reaching. With each glass, it only seemed to amplify the hurt that seeing the boys today had torn open. Not that his wound had in any way been closed. It was more like patched together with scotch tape that he had to keep pressing down because the stick had worn off. 

“Compartments?” The stranger that had sat next to him asked. “For what?” 

“The heart,” Jaebum answered, moving his napkins over so the stranger could view them. He had nine of them in total. “When you go through life, people enter your heart and they set up compartments. The closer and more meaningful to you they are, the bigger their space gets.” He had no idea if he was making sense, or if the man next to him was even following along. His words were slurred and his thoughts disoriented enough that while it made sense in his head the brain to mouth function was slipping. “This area is for the family you’re born with: parents, brothers, sisters, aunts, you get the picture?”

“Everyone gets one, but the big ones show how deeply you love them. They set up like a house, decorating their rooms, adding furniture and they become permanent residents that even if you want to, you can’t kick them out.” 

“What are these dark spots here?” his companion asked. 

Jaebum looked at the corner of his napkin heart map. There were two dark spots. “That’s where people go when they leave.” His eyes stayed on the dark spot. “People die and they go in this one.” It was the less severe of the two, Jaebum having scribbled it in quickly with the pen. “They leave, and you have to put them in this dark spot or else it will consume you.” He pointed to the other dark space. This one was saturated with ink to the point it had probably leaked through and onto the bar. 

“You build that fence to keep them in,” Jaebum pointed to the small x shapes that ran along the side of the darker spot. “But you see, this dark spot is also what causes the pain. It throbs and pulses and makes it difficult to breathe. It’s not because of the people who die, they hurt, but they’re dead. It’s the living, still moving about in that dark space that causes the real pain.” 

“The worst pain is caused by the children. They’re so active and they roam about. Except they don’t always stay in the dark space when you put them there. They find a way to hop the fence and go back to their compartments. Kids are smart.” Jaebum’s eyes went down to the space he’d been drawing when his new friend arrived. It was Jackson’s and he’d been adding simple, but wrong, math problems into the box. “At some point, when it comes to children, you realize you left a hole in the fence, purposefully allowing them to return to their compartments. Even when in your actual reality, it doesn’t matter how much you love them or how much of your life you’re willing to commit to them, they’re gone and you can’t have them. But you can’t let them go. No matter how much everyone tells you that you have to.” 

Jaebum’s fingers touched the napkins softly, almost as if he could touch the boys through them. He was so much more broken over those boys than he’d realized. It had taken until he’d seen them again for him to truly realize it. Perhaps that was the wrong way to word it. He’d been so shattered by the sudden loss of six of his compartments, he’d only shut down to survive it and now his boys were climbing through the fence from the dark space he’d never wanted to put them in.

He hadn’t even been aware of the tears until one fell, splashing on Youngjae’s compartment and smearing the musical note in the corner. Wiping his eyes, he took a deep breath and let it out. His drink had been refilled and now that he’d spoken of what he was doing, he really wanted to find that numb feeling. 

“Well, then,” the stranger beside him spoke. “I really just came over here because you’re sexy and I’m in the market for mindless sex. You seem to have a lot going on though.” 

Jaebum looked over at the man beside him. He wasn’t unattractive, his features sharp and he somehow reminded him of all the assholes he worked with. Turning back to his compartments, he stacked them up and finished his drink in one swallow. “Sorry. I’m not to the mindless sex point yet.” 

“Another drink then?” 

Jaebum looked at him. At least he didn’t seem to give up. “Yeah,” he answered. “Might want to make it two. I’m going to piss.” 

Entering the bathroom, Jaebum leaned on the counter, taking in his appearance. He looked like shit. Even then, he knew he was in no state for mindless sex with anyone. What he should do is go home and sleep off this drunk and figure out how to make that deal that he’d damaged with the appearance of Youngjae at his job. 

Taking out his phone, he sent a quick message to Jonghyun. At Stan’s on 9th. Come get me before I start making dumb decisions. He pocketed his phone, finished his business and washed his hands. In two more drinks, he wasn’t going to be thinking about what he should do. Everything would be an impulse and he would act first and think...once he sobered up the next day. Even though he knew he and Jinyoung were not together, he would always carry that flicker in him that said they would be again, that there was no possible way the love they had could ever be over. It had been too great and Jinyoung would see that. Jaebum just had to wait a bit longer. 

Sitting back down, there was a drink there waiting for him. He shouldn’t have been all that surprised. “I guess I should at least introduce myself since you listened to my nonsense. Im Jaebum,” he said, holding out his hand to the stranger.

“Kim Wonpil.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 _Tree Agate gives you strength when dealing with unpleasant circumstances._


	25. Ilvaite

Jonghyun walked into the bar, quiet familiar with it from the days when he and Jaebum used to run around when they worked together. It felt like it had been decades since he’d last been in here. 

By the time Jaebum had even started at Remington’s, Jonghyun had given up on getting out of that lifestyle. Once Jaebum gave him the option, and Jaebum had pushed until he took it, Jonghyun had started on a new path as the owner of a bar. A bar, mostly because the idea of a cafe or restaurant was far too different that the part of his lifestyle he still enjoyed. Now though, he wondered if maybe he’d made the wrong choice in the end after all. 

Finding Jaebum proved to be difficult as the bar had been filling with people as the night hours took over. He tried to find him by looking for someone alone, but that didn’t work out at all. When he did find him at the bar and there was a group of women on one side and a man he was talking to on the other side, he cursed himself for thinking Jaebum would be some drunk at the end of the bar. He should have remembered the way Jaebum attracted people. That wouldn’t change no matter how much time it had been since they’d been there.

As he started towards Jaebum, his steps faltered and he nearly tripped over his own feet as he hurried forward. “Jaebum!” Jonghyun’s hand slapped across Jaebum’s shoulders, probably a lot more harshly than they should have. “Are you ready to go?”

Jonghyun did his best to keep his expression light, even while in the back of his head was a series of questions he wanted to ask. One, what the hell was Jaebum doing here? Two, what the hell was he doing here with Wonpil? Three, why did it look like he’d interrupted something? 

“Jonghyun! You came! Have a drink!”

Jonghyun didn’t get the option of refusing as Jaebum put a drink in his hand and waved down the bartender. 

Jonghyun looked at Jaebum’s face. His skin was flushed and he was far more drunk than Jonghyun had seen him in years. Actually, he was pretty sure he’d never seen Jaebum this drunk. “You okay?” He asked, his gaze flickering away from Jaebum to look at Wonpil. Wonpil didn’t seem ruffled at all to see Jonghyun. Was it possible Wonpil didn’t remember him? 

“Yes!” Jaebum answered, turning back to the bar when the bartender showed up with a new drink. “You weren’t at work were you?” Jaebum asked and Jonghyun shook his head. He took a drink of the alcohol in the glass. Jonghyun frowned. Straight whiskey was not going to be friendly to Jaebum in the morning. 

“Good, good!” Jaebum said. His eyes must have finally taken him in because he looked him up and down. “Jonghyun, why are you so dressed up?”

“I’m not,” Jonghyun answered. Yes, Jonghyun was wearing clothes that looked nice and were a vast change from his ‘can you tell I work in a bar look’ but it wasn’t anything to stare wide eyed at. “You’re so drunk, Jaebum,” Jonghyun said. 

“I know,” Jaebum whisper shouted at him. “That’s why you have to take care of me.” 

Jonghyun sighed but smiled anyways. Even if he was drunk, at least Jaebum seemed to be past the thing that had gotten him drinking in the first place. He appeared happy, however fake it may be. 

Jonghyun was on his third drink when Wonpil finally got up and walked away. He dragged Jaebum out of the bar as soon as that one was finished with far more protest than he’d ever had to deal with, even from Key.   
~~~  
It was the sound of the shower that woke Jonghyun up from the sleep that had claimed him only four hours before. He’d had to support Jaebum out of the bar and the entire way to Jonghyun’s house. While it was only four blocks, Jaebum had managed to throw up twice on the way. Each time, he’d been mid-sentence, talking about the old days when they’d worked together. Jonghyun assumed they were talking about those days because back then nothing got through the two of them. There had an armor that love and emotion couldn’t penetrate. Neither one of them had that anymore and it was amazing that Jaebum wasn’t pulling Jonghyun out of the bar more often now. 

He made coffee and scrambled some eggs for the two of them while he waited for Jaebum to shower; his thoughts of the night before coming back to him. He’d known Jinyoung for years; in that distant sort of way that you knew someone the someone you were sort of dating was friends with. When he and Key were doing well in the beginning, they sometimes mingled with Jinyoung and Wonpil, but really knowing Jinyoung hadn’t occurred until Jaebum had started dating him. What he knew before that was that Jinyoung was quiet and soft spoken and Jonghyun had been convinced he didn’t know how to smile. He’d written it off as shy until Key had exploded at him one night, revealing details to him he was positive Jinyoung wanted locked up. Details Jonghyun was pretty sure had not come from Jinyoung himself. 

Jonghyun and Key had just started seeing each other in the early years of Jinyoung’s marriage. It wasn’t toxic in the beginning but that was what it had become. Jonghyun knew now it was because Key and Jinyoung had a falling out and being able to look at it and knowing Key, he understood better why Key had become the way he was. It was in no way a ‘normal’ dating, but that was the closest way Jonghyun could define it. 

Jonghyun had learned more about Jinyoung in the last six months because it was Jaebum dating him than he had in nearly eight years. He’d been surprised at first, when he’d met Jinyoung again, the same Jinyoung that he’d known and yet it was a completely new person. Jinyoung was witty, very easy and fun to talk to and that first day, smiled more in an hours time than Jonghyun had seen in the entire time he’d known him before. 

So it had come as quite a shock when he’d been told Wonpil was back in the picture. It had explained why Jaebum had been working so much and it explained too easily the reason why Jaebum had text him from a bar. The only part that wasn’t making sense to him was why Jaebum was in the bar with Wonpil of all people. 

Sitting the plates on the bar as Jaebum came out of the bathroom, Jonghyun looked up. “You look like shit,” he told his friend.

“I’m exhausted, dehydrated and I feel like I’ve been run over by a truck. I’m allowed to look like shit.” Jaebum had on a pair of shorts and a towel still around his neck, catching water droplets from his hair that he hadn’t dried well enough. 

“Do you feel like eating?” Jonghyun asked, though really, he couldn’t remember a time when a night of drinking had kept them from breakfast. His answer was Jaebum taking ahold of a plate and starting in. Jonghyun followed, his thoughts still a tumble while he watched Jaebum. 

“If you have something to say, you should just say it.” Jaebum said around a mouthful of egg. He took a drink of the coffee to rinse it down so he could shovel more into his mouth. 

“The guy at the bar…” Jonghyun started, realizing he didn’t know which way he wanted to go with the rest of the sentence. 

“There was a guy? Oh, right, the guy who listened to me ramble before you got there” Jaebum said, lifting his plate to get the last of the eggs. 

“Yeah,” Jonghyun started. “You do know who he is right?” 

“Some guy who happened to be at the bar at the same time I was.” Jaebum answered, wiping his face with a towel where water had dripped. “ I assume you know him?” 

“Yeah.” Jonghyun answered, “I know who he is…” He hesitated, unsure how Jaebum would take it. “Were you going to...do anything with him?” 

Jaebum smiled. “No,” he answered, putting the plate down and picking up the coffee. “I am still completely in love with another person and he’s the only person I want to share a bed with. Besides you, of course.” 

“So...there was no plan to do anything with him? No indication of…” 

“I’ve never heard you phrase sex so delicately, Jonghyun.” Jaebum was watching him and Jonghyun knew that Jaebum had caught onto the fact that there was a reason he was asking. Jonghyun hadn’t risen to the bait Jaebum had thrown at him and Jonghyun realized that a little too late. 

“He made an obvious indication that he was interested. I’ll admit, I briefly considered a random fling, I’m not in a good place but then I sent you a text. I was drinking heavily and I didn’t want to let a brief consideration become something else when I was no longer in my right mind. Well, further out of my mind, because I never would have even paused over it if I wasn’t already quite fucked up.” Jaebum paused, watching him in silence. “Why? Is there something I should know about him? 

Jonghyun sighed. “I know who he is...because Wonpil is Jinyoung’s ex.” It was out. Better here, Jonghyun supposed than last night in the bar with a drunk Jaebum. Now, Jonghyun just waited, wondering what it was that Jaebum was going to say. If possible, Jaebum seemed to look even worse. 

“He’s Jinyoung’s ex?” Jaebum’s voice came out whisper soft and Jonghyun nodded in confirmation. “I’m going to throw up.” 

With that, Jonghyun was left alone in the kitchen again. “Yeah, me too.” Jonghyun told the walls. He wasn’t surprised at the sounds that came from his bathroom anymore than he was surprised when Jaebum didn’t come back out of his spare room. Checking on him a half hour later, Jonghyun found him curled back up in bed, a pillow hugged tightly to his chest.

~~

‘Do you know how much I wanted to hate you?’

Jaebum’s eyes were barely open and the sun was streaming through the windows. His mind had grasped that it was Mark’s tone but the question still surprised him when he looked at the screen. He was met with another series of messages after that. 

‘I was ten. I watched my dad breakdown and all I did was blame him for it because I didn’t even understand what was going on.’

‘When I found out he was dating, I wanted to hate you because that meant he could be hurt again.’

‘I couldn’t hate you because he smiled so much.’

‘But I can hate you now because he doesn’t anymore.’

‘Neither do we.’

Jaebum rolled on his side, tears rolling out the side of his eyes, reading over the messages with no idea how to respond to them. His boys were hurting. He was so involved in his thoughts that he almost jumped when Jonghyun spoke. He hadn’t even been aware he was there. 

“Who keeps texting you?” 

Jaebum looked over at the doorway. “Mark.” It was all he said and the two of them fell back into this sort of quiet. Jonghyun eventually left the doorway and sat down on the bed. 

“I’m just going to say what I think this one time,” he said. 

Jaebum nodded, bracing himself for whatever it was that Jonghyun was going to say. Jaebum had done this to Jonghyun once, a long, long time ago. Jaebum knew it would come back to him one day and while today was one of the last days in his life he actually wanted to hear it, he knew there was no way he could tell Jonghyun no. 

“I’ve always looked up to you, Jaebum.” Jonghyun started and Jaebum was surprised to hear that. 

“What?” Jaebum asked, floored by the sentence. “Why?” How was probably a more accurate question. 

“You’ve always seem to have your shit together,” Jonghyun answered. “You never listened when people would tell you that you were missing some screws up top. Whatever you wanted, you found a way to get it. You even managed to do it without screwing someone else over in the process.”

“I have not always had my shit together,” Jaebum corrected. 

“No, you haven’t,” Jonghyun agreed. “I know that now. I know how to recognize when you don’t but that’s because I know you well. When I didn’t, you just always had this confidence that it was going to work out, that you were going to get your degree, you were going to make a lot of money and you were going to get out of a business you no longer wanted to be a part of. There was nothing that could have stopped you then. So many people tried along the way and I know how hard it was for you, but you never slowed down.” 

“You didn’t just do it for yourself either. You came back and you helped me get out as well. I never expected to see you again but not only did you visit and made sure we stayed friends, you gave me an opportunity. Which is just something else everyone thought you were crazy on. How could someone like me possibly run a bar? Hell, I couldn’t even have run a lemonade stand back then. Despite that, you pushed until I got on board and you didn’t leave me alone until I had it down.”

“Which is why it kills me to see you like this. You’re hurt, which I understand. You’ve tried and been rejected which I also understand. The problem is, it seems like you’ve given up and that I can’t understand. I don’t know how someone who always pushes to get what he wants, despite the odds, is giving up.” 

Jaebum sighed when Jonghyun remained quiet for several moments. “Because this is bigger that just me, Jonghyun. I can’t push for what I want because this is a person.” 

“I’m a person,” Jonghyun said, keeping Jaebum from going further with his words. “You pushed me,” he reminded Jaebum. 

“That’s because running a bar was better for you than being a stripper.” 

Jonghyun nodded as he thought about it. “Jinyoung. He’s better with you than he ever was with Wonpil. He’s better with you than he was alone. And Jaebum, you’re a million times better with him than you’ve ever been.”

The two of them continued to stay that was and Jaebum knew Jonghyun was going to sit on the end of his bed until Jaebum did what he wanted. He knew that, because that was exactly what he had done. “So this is what giving up looks like from this view, huh?” It wasn’t a question he needed an answer for, but he had to admit, it was a hell of a lot easier to push someone who had given up than it was to get up from this spot. 

“Thanks, Jonghyun,” Jaebum said, forcing himself to sit up. He regretted that instantly but he fought against the desire to lay back down. He needed a plan and he was not going to be able to do this alone, that had already been made obvious. He would need Jonghyun, he would need Key and the rest of Jinyoung’s friends. They’d failed until now, but they’d all been trying to accomplish things on their own. This would never work with such disorganization. Jinyoung’s stubbornness was something none of them were qualified to tackle on their own. 

“Tell me what you need me to do,” Jonghyun said as if reading his mind.

~~

It was Friday now and Jaebum was sitting at his desk when there was a knock on the door. He expected it to be his boss. His reputation was slipping and he had a very important meeting on Monday. It wasn’t. It was Key and he looked liked someone had killed his puppy. He didn’t come in like one would expect Key to come into a room. He wasn’t loud, he wasn’t demanding, he wasn’t Key. 

He sat down across from Jaebum and pressed his hands into the seat, sliding them under his legs and then pulling them out again. “Have you heard from Jinyoung?” 

Jaebum’s brow rose. “No. Is everything okay?” He was concerned but when Key shook his head to dismiss his worry Jaebum relaxed. 

“Taekwoon says he’s okay, but I wouldn’t personally know. He stopped coming to lunch and I won’t go there with Wonpil there. He probably doesn’t leave the house anymore for anything but work, groceries and the stuff for the kids. Do you know what comes next?” 

Key looked up at Jaebum and Jaebum shook his head. “Next, he stops answering my calls and texts all together. Next he forgets who Hakyeon and Taekwoon are. Even Seokjin is talking to him less. Hakyeon’s more adamant, but eventually he’ll give up, too. Before long, it’ll be just like it was before.” 

Jaebum watched as Key looked down at his hands. He stayed that way a moment and Jaebum waited, having no idea what it was he was supposed to say to Key. It didn’t take him long to realize Key was trying to keep himself together and that he was failing to do so. 

“Please…” It was a simple word and Jaebum had no idea what request would follow it. Key, he was pretty sure, was a stranger to this word. “Don’t let this happen. I can’t...we can’t stop it. Jinyoung, he has this weird… _thing_ with Wonpil.” 

“What thing?” Jaebum asked, unsure if he wanted to hear it or not. He’d heard enough about Jinyoung’s life with Wonpil.

“He makes him think he’s still making choices, but he’s not. He’s doing what Wonpil wants in the end. And Jinyoung, he just falls into it. It’s like a whole opens in the ground and he willingly jumps into it.”

“What makes you think I can do anything about it?” Jaebum asked, his gut feeling like it had been stabbed into. If Jinyoung really did fall that far back into his ex’s grasp in just over a month, how was he supposed to just pull him away? He’d given Jinyoung the time he had requested. He’d given Jinyoung time to miss him. He’d stayed away since the last time Jinyoung has asked him to do so with the exception of taking Youngjae home. 

“Because he loves you,” Key said, looking up at Jaebum. There was a mess of tears there and Jaebum realized then how much Key had clearly been crying. He felt bad for Key, which was a first in the entire time he’d known him. Key must have caught the skeptical look on Jaebum face because he continued. “He does, even if he’s too dumb to realize it.” 

Jaebum stared at Key. You didn’t push away someone who loved you, yet Key was so sure that Jinyoung loved him.

“Please,” Key started again. “I’ll do _anything_. I’ll leave and never see any of you again. I’ll marry Jonghyun and pop out six kids to catch up, just...please, Jaebum. You’re the only one with a chance. We’ve all lost him before…” 

They were interrupted by a buzz on his desk then and Jaebum answered it. “I have a meeting to go to,” he said. He waited as he thought it over. “I don’t know what to do, Key.” It was an honest answer because Jaebum didn’t know. All he knew was that it was more than just him who was suffering from this. Jinyoung, his boys, his friends, probably their kids as well. He didn’t really think it was fair for them to place hope on his shoulders when he was already failing, but he supposed if he was one of them instead, he might understand why they were. 

“You said anything, though, right Key?” Jaebum asked and Key nodded, his eyes wide as he realized Jaebum was agreeing. 

“If I succeed, you’ll owe me,” Jaebum said, standing up and heading out of the room. Key didn’t follow and Jaebum knew it was because he was attempting to get his composure back before he faced anyone he might pass in the hall. 

~~  
He was stretched out on his couch when the door opened and Jaebum looked up, seeing Jonghyun come in. Taehyung was behind him and he could also see Taekwoon. He sat up as they came in. “What are you guys doing here?” he asked, Jonghyun taking a case of beer to the fridge. 

“We’re pretending it’s Wednesday.” Taehyung explained as Jonghyun returned and handed each of them a beer. 

“You want to learn to dance this week?” Jaebum asked sarcastically.

“We’re actually a lot more interested in what we’re going to do to get Jinyoung back.” Taekwoon answered. 

“Key,” Jaebum concluded. He should have known they would all find out about it. 

“Yep.” Jonghyun answered. “He’s a little nervous about what he’s going to owe you when you succeed but he’s cheering for you all the way.” 

“You two are talking?” Jaebum asked. 

“Ish,” Jonghyun answered. 

“So, what are you going to do?” Taehyung questioned. 

“I’m not sure,” Jaebum answered. “I have a lot of ideas and a very organized plan, but I don’t know how many of those plans we’re actually going to be able to pull off.”

“We?” Taekwoon asked. 

“Yes,” Jaebum answered. “We’ve all gone at this seperately, now we’re going to bind together for the greater good. Once I figure out everything that we’re going to do. ” 

“We could hog tie him and take him back to Remington’s?” Jonghyun suggested and Jaebum turned a dark glare to him. Though really, it might not be a bad plan to put on the back burner.

“I don’t even know his routine anymore,” Jaebum answered. So much had changed in a short month. 

“I can help with that,” Taehyung answered. “Following people around is what I do. I imagine though, it’s a lot of staying at home and maybe a trip to the store.” 

“You don’t feel at all guilty about doing that to a friend?” Jaebum asked. 

Taehyung smiled and shook his head. “I’m sitting here plotting with three other people about what to do to get Jinyoung back to you. I’ve been investigating Wonpil since he came back. I even followed Youngjae to your office. Do you really think following Jinyoung around would bother me if the end result is a happy Jinyoung?”

“You followed...nevermind. Of course you did.” As if Mark would really have allowed Youngjae to just wander to his office. 

“How is that going, by the way?” Jaebum asked, moving to the other topic. Taehyung had only been gone the one weekend, but so far, they hadn’t really discussed what he’d uncovered. 

“I obtained a lot of names,” Taehyung answered, “now I’m just waiting for those names to get back to me with a rather detailed questionnaire I sent to them. Mostly, I’m waiting on one name, the rest are just additional ammunition.” 

“Sounds like you’re getting somewhere,” Jaebum said and Taehyung sort of shrugged. 

“I have four meetings next week that hopefully turn up something. If they don’t at least provide a lead, then I’m pretty much where I was when I dropped by your office.”

“Something is better than nothing,” Jaebum said.

“Why don’t you tell us the parts of the plan you’ve come up with,” Taekwoon suggested. “We can build on that.”

“Well,” Jaebum said with a sigh. “It’s sort of a five step program.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 _Ilvaite assists in developing patience._


	26. Moonstone

“Jonghyun?” Jinyoung had answered the door, expecting pretty much anyone besides Jonghyun to be standing on the other side of it. 

“Hey, Jinyoung. Can I come in?” 

“Oh! Right, yeah, sorry. I just didn’t expect to see you.”

“Why would you?” Jonghyun asked as Jinyoung waved him to a seat in the living room. Jonghyun’s arrival caught Yugyeom’s attention and the boy moved from his place on the floor watching cartoons to Jonghyun’s lap and watching cartoons. “I’ve never visited your home before without Key or Jaebum.” 

Jinyoung nodded but his smile slipped at the mention of Jaebum. “What brings you here?” he asked as he sat down. 

“I am on unofficial Kim Kibum business,” Jonghyun answered. 

“Oh, are you two…” 

“No, we’re not back together,” Jonghyun interrupted. “We’re talking now. Everyone is talking again so I guess that’s one step in the positive direction.” 

“Everyone?” 

“Right, you probably don’t know,” Jonghyun said. “Hakyeon and Taekwoon, they had a bit of an argument. Actually it was a pretty bad one. Taekwoon stayed in my spare room. Which was as awkward as you might expect.” 

“Hakyeon and Taekwoon?” Jinyoung was staring at Jonghyun, his eyes wide. “They don’t fight,” he said, shaking his head. 

“Everyone fights, Jinyoung. Some people just do it more often than others. It’s the ability to get past the fight, more importantly, past the hurtful words said in anger that is actually the strength of a relationship. Everyone is just a little on edge.” 

“Why?” Jinyoung asked. 

“Well…” Jonghyun started. “There are a lot of reasons.” Jonghyun smiled at Jinyoung. “But I didn’t come over here to talk about that.” 

“Right,” Jinyoung nodded. “Your unofficial business.” 

Jonghyun nodded. “Key wants to make sure you’re doing okay since you haven’t spoken to him in awhile.”

“I’m fine,” Jinyoung answered. “Why wouldn’t I be?” 

Jonghyun smiled as he shrugged at Jinyoung. “I dunno. When one stops answering phone calls from their best friend, it does hint that all is not fine.”

Jinyoung opened his mouth to argue but stopped himself. “I see your point,” he gave in. If the situation were reversed and Key was ignoring him, Jinyoung knew he already would have barged in on him to demand answers. The only reason Key wasn’t, Jinyoung knew, was because of Wonpil. 

“I’ll call him,” Jinyoung promised. 

“Not good enough,” Jonghyun said. “Here,” he said, handing Jinyoung a piece of paper with an address on it. “Tomorrow at ten, be here.” 

“Where is here?” 

“I don’t actually know. I was told to be there and to have you in tow,” Jonghyun shrugged. “It’s Key, you know how it is.” 

Jinyoung nodded and smiled. “Yeah, I know. I guess we’ll find out tomorrow.”   
~  
Jinyoung got out of his car in front of the address Key had sent him. It was a two story house that sat away from the road to reveal a decent yard. He glimpsed a fence towards the back of the house but couldn’t see much more than that. Getting out, he could see Key waving at him from the front porch, Jonghyun standing next to him and a woman Jinyoung didn’t recognize with them. 

He’d really considered not coming, especially since the last time he and Key had spoken, it hadn’t been pleasant. Jinyoung still felt guilty about it, but it seemed Key had either forgotten about it or wanted to just get past it and was pretending it hadn’t happened. 

“You’re late!” Key shouted as Jinyoung approached. 

“What are we even doing?” Jinyoung asked. 

“House shopping,” Jonghyun answered, putting an arm around Jinyoung’s shoulders. “We really have no idea what we’re looking for.” 

“We?” Jinyoung questioned. 

“Mm,” Jonghyun answered. 

Jinyoung had about a thousand questions to ask but before he got the opportunity, the woman was walking them inside and showing them around. Key and Jonghyun asked questions about the place and Jinyoung half listened for awhile. 

“And what school district is this in?” 

Jinyoung spun away from his gaze out the second floor window and looked at Key. “What?” It was nearly a shout and realizing it Jinyoung lowered his voice. “You don’t have children.”

“Really? I didn’t know,” Key answered with a playful smile. He turned his gaze back to the woman and once her answer came, his gaze went back to Jinyoung. “Isn’t that where your kids go, Jinyoung?” 

Jinyoung nodded, still not taking his eyes off of Key as they moved into another room. 

~

They stood outside on the back porch, the woman having excused herself to take a call and to let the three of them talk. “It’s really pretty great, don’t you think?” Jonghyun asked. 

“Six bedrooms is a lot for you two,” Jinyoung commented. “Even with all of Key’s junk.” 

“You’re completely right,” Key answered. “Maybe we should look for something a bit smaller?” 

“I dunno,” Jonghyun answered. “I’ve always dreamed of a big house, one or two of Jaebum’s magic fairies keeping it clean, kids running and screaming up the stairs and in the back yard. Plus, with all the kids of your friends, I highly doubt it will ever just be us. We should plan for sleepovers and such.” 

“That’s true,” Key agreed. “She has four more lined up for today still, maybe one of them will be better.” Key said. “Jinyoung, you’ll come right?” 

Jinyoung looked at his phone. “How long will it take?” 

“Maybe two hours tops depending on how far apart they are.” 

“Okay,” Jinyoung agreed. Seokjin had Yugyeom so it wasn’t like he was really pressed for time anyways.   
~  
Walking through houses with his friends was an experience Jinyoung had never felt before. It was strange that this was the same Key and Jonghyun that had barely been speaking a month ago. Stranger yet that every house they looked at seemed to have enough space to house a plethora of children. He wanted to ask more about that, but it seemed as if Key and Jonghyun were avoiding answering that particular line of questions. Really, they seemed to be avoiding answering a lot of questions.

He tried to remember what it had been like searching for a house when he and Wonpil had been looking but Wonpil had had a very specific set of qualifications for a house then. Jinyoung had been so new to the entire process that he’d mostly just gone along with it, nodding where he thought it was appropriate. Even then, he wouldn’t have chosen the house they had ended up going with. 

Walking through these empty rooms, Jinyoung began to imagine what could be done with each room. He began to question how dirty it would get with children inside these walls. He began to think about what the house would look like if it were actually lived in. 

The fourth house was by far his favorite. It was another one with six bedrooms, another two story house, but the kitchen was what he fell in love with. There was so much counter space! He couldn't imagine ever running out of space with the way it wrapped around onto two sides. The room itself wasn’t extremely large, but somehow Jinyoung preferred that. It felt like a personal space that was also a kitchen.

The rest of the house proved nice as well, except for the living room where the flooring was yet to be finished. Still, the bedrooms were decently sized, there was a bathroom upstairs, one attached to the master bedroom and one beside the living room. The back door opened up onto a deck and there was a pool put in there. It was empty, but the woman assured them it was complete. 

Jinyoung tried to image a summer night here with his boys, his friends and their children and a frown settled over his face. Wonpil would never come here if this were Key’s home. It would be hard to get him to come here if it were a home to any of his friends. That part of Wonpil hadn’t changed. 

Still, it festered in his mind with each new room as he could easily see Jungkook and Yugyeom running through the living room and leaving a trail of toys. Namjoon and Jackson would be in the back yard with Namjoon trying to teach Jackson something and Jackson being distracted by absolutely everything. He could even see Mark, Hongbin and Yoongi sitting at a table in the dining room pouring over their homework. Youngjae...he didn’t really have an exact place but he would be heard singing from whatever are of the house he was in and Bambam would be carefully watched by… 

Jinyoung stopped suddenly, he breath catching as his son in his fantasy ran across the room and into the waiting arms of a man who smiled down at him. It was not the man Jinyoung expected it to be but if felt more right than when he tried to alter the fantasy. 

It was then that Jinyoung paused, realizing that none of that had happened recently. Yugyeom hadn’t stayed with Seokjin much since he’d quit working and Jackson was getting help from Mark on his homework now and wasn’t even going to Seokjin’s as much. Mark was still going to his tutoring on Sunday but even he seemed to be home a lot more. Youngjae, when had he last heard Youngjae singing loudly throughout his house? 

There was one house after that but Jinyoung couldn’t find anything that wowed him about it. It was a nice house, still too big for Key and Jonghyun, but nice all the same. He was pretty sure that the house would have looked better it weren’t for the fact that the other house had come before it or if he wasn’t stuck in a loop of analyzing the differences in his children. 

“Which was your favorite?” Key asked, his arm looping through Jinyoung’s as the two of them left the porch of the last house. Jinyoung nearly jumped when Key asked, his mind still far away. Jonghyun was falling behind, still talking to the woman presumably about the house. 

“Why does that matter?” Jinyoung asked. “This is supposed to be _your_ house.” 

“Yeah, but you’re my best friend. Your opinion matters to me and this is sort of a big, permanent sort of thing. If you had to choose one, which one would it be?”

“The fourth one,” Jinyoung answered, sighing because he knew it was easier to answer Key than it was to continue arguing. “Which one are you going with?” he asked, hoping Key wouldn’t ask him why. 

“Me?” Key answered? “Oh these are all too big for me.” Key answered. He pulled his cell phone out, making a call as they got to Jinyoung’s car. 

“We’re done. Yeah. Okay.” Key held his hand out for Jinyoung to take it. “It’s for you.” 

Jinyoung took the phone, the name of the contact confusing Jinyoung as he held it up to his ear. “Hello?” 

“Hello, Jinyoung. Did you have fun today?” 

Jinyoung froze, the voice coming through the phone far too chipper. “It was fine,” he answered, suddenly understanding why the contact was named ‘male entertainer’. 

“Fine? Jinyoung, you know how I hate that word. Now, which house did you like the best so I can make an offer on it?” 

“A what?” Jinyoung asked, his eyes wide as they turned towards Key. Key only smiled, a perfectly practiced pretend smile. 

“I guess it’s been a strange month and I didn’t give you my opinion on anything, so I’ll tell you now. I don’t really like that my boyfriend is living with his ex, so I thought maybe it would be a good plan to give him a place to go. My apartment is far too small for you and the boys permanently, so I’m acquiring a home. If you don’t like any of those...” 

“And what?” Jinyoung interrupted. “You think that I’m just going to up and move my kids out of the house they’ve always been in and into your house?” 

“No,” Jaebum answered. “I think I was going more for we would move _our_ boys into _our_ home.” 

“I’m not making Wonpil a part time father.” 

“Why not?” Jaebum asked. “It would be an improvement from the absent father he has been.” 

Jinyoung hung up the phone. “I’m going home.” Jinyoung answered, tossing the phone at Key and heading towards his car. He was so pissed at Jaebum and so angry with Key for going along with it! Jinyoung had no idea what to do but to go home to deal with that anger because he knew when they’d been walking houses earlier, the fantasy part of him had been imagining just that. His boys in that fourth house with his friends, their kids and Bambam running to Jaebum. 

~~~

“Thanks for meeting me,” Taehyung said as he sat down at the table in the restaurant. He was about thirty miles from home so he hadn’t needed to leave for a couple days like he’d been afraid. The meetings with the people he’d wanted to talk to had been close by. 

“It’s no big deal. I’d really like to help however I can. What exactly is it you’re investigating?” 

Taehyung opened the folder in front of him, pulling out the employee record that had Wonpil’s information on it. “The company is under investigation for several reasons. I’m just trying to eliminate as many people as possible from being involved in that lawsuit. It’s important that we don’t add people to the list that are completely innocent.” 

Taehyung smiled at the woman across from him. Kim Sera. She was just one of the former employees of the company Wonpil worked for that his investigation had come across. “Let’s just start at the beginning,” Taehyung said, sitting a recorder on the table. “State your name and your relationship to Kim Wonpil.” 

“Alright. My name is Kim Sera. As to my relationship to Wonpil, we worked together three years and I’m his ex-wife.” 

“What?” Taehyung asked, the question coming out before he could stop himself. He turned a pleasant smile on as he looked at her. “I don’t think you mentioned that.”

“Is it a problem?” she asked. “We originally met through work so I know a lot about that part of it.”

“When was that?” Taehyung asked, biting his lip to make it look like he was thinking about it. 

“About eight years ago initially. We began...well, a relationship about five years ago. Just whenever we were both in the same place. We didn’t really start to “date” until about four years ago. Then when Dowoon was born two years ago, we decided to get married. I know that’s not exactly the correct way…”

“I married someone who already had a child. You don’t have to worry about me judging your actions.” _His though…_ “So you have a son?” Sera smiled and reached for her phone and Taehyung realized they were getting way off course from his line of questioning, but it hardly mattered at this point. Wonpil had re-married and had a son growing up thirty miles from his other boys. Taehyung doubted Jinyoung had learned about that part. 

“Here he is,” she said, showing her phone to Taehyung. The picture was of a little boy covered in icing from a birthday cake. “I have about a hundred more in that folder if you swipe through it.” 

Taehyung took the phone and did so. He was torn between the dad part of himself that loved babies and the part of him that was disgusted with Wonpil. It made it difficult to fawn over this child, knowing Yugyeom’s birthdays had been without Wonpil. 

“Do you just have the one?” Sera asked. 

It took Taehyung a moment to realize she was asking about his boys. “We have five of them now,” he said. “All boys and that is the reason my husband is pushing me for another one.” 

“Wow! That must be crazy.”

“It’s definitely an adventure,” Taehyung agreed, genuinely smiling. He unlocked his own phone and opened a gallery of the boys for her to look through. “You said he was an ex-husband?” Taehyung continued, balancing what he came here to do with pictures of children. 

“About six months ago we got into a really huge argument where he revealed he just wasn’t interested in this life with me anymore. It had apparently been brewing since we got married so he moved out, I filed for divorce and he didn’t fight me for anything.” 

“Sounds like Wonpil,” Taehyung said, realizing he made an error. 

“You know him well, then.” It wasn’t a question and Taehyung picked up on that easily. “It’s was really strange for me though because I’ve seen how aggressive he can be at work. He pursued me for more but I guess the chase was more exciting than the catch.” 

Taehyung looked at the woman across from him. She was a pretty woman and probably would have been able to find someone genuine. Instead she’d found Wonpil. It was cruel the way the world worked. 

“Is that your husband?” She turned the phone towards him. She was on a picture of Seokjin shortly after Taehyung had woken him up. His hair was a mess and he was pouting because Taehyung had the camera out. It was one of the rare moments that Taehyung was the one to wake him up and not one of the boys. 

“Yeah,” Taehyung answered. “I suffered greatly after taking that.” 

“I bet,” Sera said, laughing. She sat the phone down after that. “What else is you need to know? You have a lot waiting on you so I shouldn’t take up too much more of your time.”

“Honestly, the questions I prepared seem sort of pointless now. I am curious about one thing though, does the name Park Jinyoung mean anything to you?”

A thoughtful expression crossed her face and she slowly shook her head. “Not that I can recall.”

“Wonpil never mentioned it? You never came across it in any papers or documents at home?” 

She shook her head again. “No. Wonpil really only complained about people at work and none of his friends were by that name. Should I even ask why?” 

Taehyung bit the inside of his lip. Part of him was telling him this woman was not at all his responsibility. The other part knew that if they succeeded in getting Wonpil out of Jinyoung’s life again, there was a very real possibility Wonpil would come back here. Shouldn’t she at least know the truth if that happened? Taehyung could spare her and her son from having to deal with Wonpil again. 

He sighed as he made his decision. “There’s something about Wonpil I think you should know.” 

~~~  
The doorbell rang and Jinyoung got up to answer it for reasons he didn’t understand since Youngjae and Bambam took off for the door. Yugyeom followed, his shoes once again in hand. Anymore, anytime the doorbell rang, he came out with his shoes. 

“Hello, Babies!”

Jinyoung looked up to see Hakyeon come in the door. “What are you doing here?” 

Hakyeon raised a brow at Jinyoung. “I’m supposed to take the kids so you can go to that thing Taekwoon reminded me about. A movie, maybe it was a concert? No! The musical! That’s what it was.” 

Hakyeon had bent down and was placing Yugyeom in the chair to put his shoes on him. “You’re not going like that, are you?” he asked, casting a glance in Jinyoung’s direction.

Jinyoung looked down at himself. He was in some lazy pants and an oversized t-shirt. He had no plans to leave his house today, especially for a musical that he was supposed to have gone to with Jaebum. They’d planned it, but then Jinyoung had broken up with him and even if Jaebum hadn’t quite understood that, it didn’t mean he still planned to go. 

“I appreciate that, but I’m not going,” Jinyoung said. 

“Well, I still have to take the kids. You know once they’re promised to Taekwoon you can’t take them back until the previously agreed ending time.” 

Jinyoung rolled his eyes. “I know, but it seems pointless if I’m going to be home all night.” 

“That’s very true,” Hakyeon mused. “Maybe you shouldn’t just be home all night?” Hakyeon suggested. “You could go have a peaceful dinner, see a movie. Or, you could just go to the musical?” he suggested. “It’s already paid for and it would be a waste of hard earned money to just not use the tickets.” 

 

“You seem to be missing the Jaebum element,” Jinyoung said, calling to light the reason he was unable to go. 

“Jinyoung, you were really excited about seeing that musical.” Hakyeon had lost the leading sound to his voice and was nearly speaking to Jinyoung in his dad voice. “You could probably go over to Jaebum’s house and he would hand you the tickets and you could go alone.”

“I don’t want to go to a musical alone…”

“Then what do you want Jinyoung? Don’t make excuses to me, I have four kids and I know them all. What do you want right now? Do you want to go to the musical?” 

It was definitely the dad voice and Jinyoung found himself falling into it as easily as all the kids did. He nodded because Hakyeon was right. Jinyoung had been excited about it. It even had a cast of singers that he already loved. He’d been thrilled when Jaebum had gotten tickets and had promised to repay him however Jaebum wanted. Instead, Wonpil had shown up and Jinyoung had broken up with him. Some repayment that was.

“Do you want to go with Jaebum?” 

“I do, I just…”

“No!” Hakyeon said, cutting him off. “You just said you do. You want to go to the musical, you want to go with Jaebum. End of story.’ 

“Hakyeon…” Jinyoung started, knowing he would be interrupted again.

“Go,” Hakyeon demanded, pointing towards the bedroom. He stood that way a moment until Jinyoung sighed. “Are Mark and Jackson coming with me, too?”

“I don’t know,” Jinyoung answered. “I’ll ask them as I go and change for a musical.” He found his boys and was not at all surprised when they got up from what they were doing and got ready to go with Hakyeon. 

~~

He shouldn’t have come. He shouldn’t have let Hakyeon use the dad voice on him. He should also stop walking towards the theatre and instead, turn around and head back home. But he wanted to see it. He wanted to see Jaebum, if he was allowing himself any sort of honestly. He had felt empty after Jaebum had left after dropping Youngjae off and Jaebum had left hurt and angry. He tried to deny it, but alone with his thoughts on the road, he knew it was there no matter how much he denied it. Plus, on the street, what difference would it make if he didn’t try to hide his own thoughts?

He thought he was prepared to see Jaebum by the time he got there, but he was so wrong. Jaebum was leaning against a poll, his hands in his pockets and he was watching people pass. Jinyoung stared at him as Jaebum stayed where he was, unaware that Jinyoung had gotten this close to him. He looked hopeful every time a new person appeared and disappointed every time it wasn’t Jinyoung. Jinyoung felt guilty and wanted to erase the frown in his brow so he started walking forward again before being aware of it. 

Jinyoung watched as Jaebum’s gaze turned to meet his. He saw the way his eyes lit up, he noticed the smile that crossed his face and Jinyoung felt his heartbeat pick up like it had when they’d first started dating. Jaebum was looking at him the way he had looked at Yugyeom just the other night and it warmed him to his core.

His feet only carried him so far before he stopped again and Jaebum came towards him. Jinyoung missed whatever it was that Jaebum had said to him, still lost in his own thoughts. “What am I doing?” he said aloud, a confused look crossing over Jaebum’s face. 

“Seeing a musical?” Jaebum offered. 

Jinyoung nodded but before he realized it, he was turning and walking back the direction he had come from. “What am I doing?” he repeated. He came to a stop when Jaebum ran to get in front of him, cutting off his escape route. 

“If you don’t want me to go with you, then I’ll leave,” Jaebum said, the smile gone and the crease returning. “At least go see it for yourself, Jinyoung.” 

Jinyoung was shaking his head already. “No, I want you to go. Let’s go.” Jinyoung turned back around sharply, heading towards the entrance to the theatre and his mind somehow managed to notice that Jaebum did follow. _What am I doing?_

~~~

Of the many reactions Jaebum had prepared for, this was not one of them. He’d expected Jinyoung to not show up. He’d expected Jinyoung to show up and ask him to leave. He’d hoped that maybe they would make it to this point where they could both sit and Jinyoung could watch the musical and Jaebum could just watch Jinyoung, but he wasn’t sure what Jinyoung’s original reaction had been about or why he kept repeating that question. 

Regardless, as the musical began, Jinyoung seemed to calm down as he got drawn into it. Jaebum only knew what was happening on the stage by the way Jinyoung’s face changed. He smiled, watching Jinyoung’s slight sway with the love song and a part of him jerked when Jinyoung cried over the death at the end. He handed Jinyoung a tissues and tried to pretend not to notice when their hands brushed, but his mind wanted to focus on that for the rest of forever. He was disappointed when it finally ended and they got up to leave. 

“That was so beautiful!” Jinyoung said as they stepped outside. He sighed heavily as they walked down the block and people around them dispersed. “I wish I could do this more often.” 

Jaebum resisted the urge to tell Jinyoung that he could because musical tickets were fairly cheap. “I’m glad you enjoyed it,” he said instead. 

“Didn’t you?” Jinyoung asked and it was then that he choose to turn and look at Jaebum.

Jaebum saw how quickly things changed on Jinyoung’s face after that. “It might actually have been my favorite musical,” Jaebum said honestly, despite the fact that he remembered nothing about it. “What was your favorite part?”

“Jaebum, I…” 

“No, Jinyoung, not tonight. Tonight we’re just two friends who went to see a musical together. None of that heavy stuff, okay?” Jaebum smiled, knowing that he could probably become an actor if he set his mind to it because of how hard he was pretending right now. Friend? Yeah, right. “So, your favorite part?” 

Jinyoung nodded and a small smile returned as the conversation returned to the musical. “Is it morbid if my favorite part was when he died at the end?” 

“Very,” Jaebum answered, a real laugh falling from his lips. “Perhaps if you tell me why, it won’t seem that way?”

“Because he could have lived and let the other guy die, but he knew she’d never love him the way she did the other guy. So he died and saved the man she loved. I don’t think I could die so someone else could be with the person I love.” 

“No?” Jaebum asked. “Imagine it from the other side though. Wouldn’t it be hard to live a life without guilt knowing someone died for you?”

“That happens a lot though. People risk their own lives to save other people all the time. Firefighters, for example. They just run in and save people all the time without thoughts of their own lives. Sometimes, the people they save have to live with the fact that the firefighter never came back out.” 

“This though, his reason for saving someone he didn’t even like, it just made it so beautiful. And, you know, he was beautiful and the singing was beautiful, so that might have helped.” 

“Might have?” Jaebum asked, not even sure which actor had met his end on the stage. All he really knew was that Jinyoung smiling and nodding was something he’d been downright starving for. “I think your reasoning makes it a little less morbid.” Jaebum told him. When Jinyoung turned and smiled at him this time, it took far more self control not to pull him against him than he’d ever had to use before. For that reason, he put his hands behind his back and locked them together.   
~~~  
They came to the road where their paths took them different directions and Jinyoung hesitated as he stopped and looked at Jaebum. “Thank you for tonight. I really enjoyed it.” 

Jaebum nodded and smiled at him. “I’m glad you had fun, Jinyoung. If I’d only been aware how much you like musicals before… Sorry,” he apologized. “Breaking my own rule.” 

“It’s fine,” Jinyoung said. “I guess we just never got around to discussing musicals.”

“Well it never has been easy to get you to tell me what you like.” 

“That’s because I didn’t want to make you go to something you didn’t enjoy,” Jinyoung said. “Not everyone likes musicals.” 

“But you do,” Jaebum pointed out. 

“Yes,” Jinyoung answered, a gentle smile returning. “I like musicals.” 

“What else do you like, Jinyoung?” Jaebum asked. 

“You know what I like! Jaebum, we dated for months.” Jinyoung’s brow furrowed as he realized there was still probably a lot he hadn’t revealed to Jaebum. “Maybe you don’t know everything but you know the important ones.” 

“Like milkshakes.” Jaebum answered. 

“Oh, I do love milkshakes! What have you done? Now I have to go get one and get it drank before I get home or the boys, no, Hakyeon has the boys! I get to enjoy an entire milkshake all to myself.” 

“Then you should probably hurry,” Jaebum said, glancing at his watch. “The place down the block closes in twenty minutes.” 

“It does?” Jinyoung asked, checking the time himself as if he didn’t believe Jaebum. “Let’s go,” he said reaching down to grab Jaebum’s hand. He pulled but stopped when he was met with resistance. Turning around, he raised a questioning brow at Jaebum. “What’s wrong?” 

“I have to go this way,” Jaebum said, despite the fact that Jinyoung’s hand stayed in his grip. 

“It’s just a couple blocks,” Jinyoung pointed out. He wondered if it sounded like whining to Jaebum as well or if it was just to his own ears. 

“I know, Jinyoung, but I can’t. I want to go with you and that’s the reason I shouldn’t.” 

“Oh,” Jinyoung said, looking down at the ground. “I guess, goodnight then. Thank you again.” 

“Goodnight, Jinyoung,” Jaebum said and Jinyoung waited to turn away until after Jaebum did. 

He didn’t know why he felt so heavy with disappointment now as they walked away from each other when before his mood had been so light. It had seemed almost normal the way the night had gone. He’d expected it to be difficult and awkward but it wasn’t. It had, aside from a couple of moments, been very much like he had actually gone to a musical with a friend. He’d forgotten, among many other things, just how easy it was to talk to Jaebum. 

Jinyoung paused, turning to look back at Jaebum as he walked away. His mouth opened to call him back before he squashed the impulse and turned his back again. He closed his eyes a minute as he stood there, trying to understand everything. Why had it been so easy to walk away from Jaebum when Wonpil had come back, but watching Jaebum walk away was leaving him panicked?

His eyes opened quickly as arms came around him from behind. He didn’t need the smell of Jaebum’s cologne to tell him who it was. He didn’t need to see those hands he knew so well. He would have known it was Jaebum simply because of the way his body relaxed and felt somehow safe. He would know because the panic lifted and the heaviness melted away. He knew, because the disappointment that had stopped his movement vanished. 

“I’m sorry,” Jaebum whispered. “I don’t think we can be friends, Jinyoung.” 

“That’s because we’ve never been friends,” Jinyoung said. He leaned his head into Jaebum’s, marveling in how nothing that was waiting for him at home seemed as burdensome in this protective embrace. Had Jaebum always felt this way? “We don’t know how to be.” 

“Is that it?” Jaebum asked him. “I thought it was because I don’t want to be just your friend.”

“What is it you want?” Jinyoung asked, knowing that it was a dumb thing to ask. He felt Jaebum take a breath. 

“I’ve told you what I want, Jinyoung.” Jaebum answered. “Not once in the last month have I been shy about telling you what that is. What is it you want?” 

Jinyoung stared ahead. “I want everyone to stop asking me that question.” They stood that way another full minute and Jinyoung’s hands came up to cover Jaebum’s. 

“Then maybe you should try answering it.” Jaebum said as he pulled away. 

Jinyoung stood there another minute before he turned around. His eyes searched for Jaebum but when they didn’t find him, a wetness formed there. “I want to go get a milkshake with you,” he said, a pout settling on his lips. It was so trivial and so dumb and so very insignificant, but all he wanted right now, was Jaebum and a milkshake. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 _Moonshine brings good fortune!_


	27. Smokey Quartz

“Jaebum? Why are you here?” 

Jinyoung was leaning against the door in a way that was very similar to the way he had that first day Jaebum had showed up when Wonpil had been back. It was easy to see that Jinyoung didn’t want him to come in, but Jaebum wasn’t going to let that be an option. Not today. 

“I think I left a shirt here that I need for an event at work,” Jaebum answered. It wasn’t untrue, he had left a shirt here. He probably had a few of them here because Jinyoung loved to wear them and Jaebum couldn’t tell him no. He didn’t need a specific one though. 

“Oh,” Jinyoung said, nodding and stepping back. “I think I saw it this morning.” 

Jaebum walked in and past him as Jinyoung closed the door and took a deep breath. He turned back to Jinyoung and removed his jacket, tossing it across the room without really caring if it landed on the floor or not. He started on the buttons of his shirt at the wrists as Jinyoung turned around. His eyes widened as he took in Jaebum undoing buttons and the jacket on the floor. 

“What are you doing?” 

“I’m taking my clothes off,” Jaebum answered and he wasn’t sure how, but Jinyoung’s eyes seemed to get even wider after that.

“The kids…”

“Are being picked up by Taehyung. Seokjin knows to keep Yugyeom.” Jaebum finished with the buttons and the shirt followed the directory of the jacket. His undershirt came off quickly and followed them. 

“Jaebum, you can’t…” 

“When I’m done,” Jaebum interrupted. “I’m going to take off your clothes, too.” Jaebum walked forward. “And then, I’m going to take you to your room and show you just how much I’ve missed you.” 

Jinyoung’s eyes closed. “You’re doing it again,” he said. 

“Doing what?” Jaebum asked, reaching for Jinyoung’s hand and putting it on his chest and moving it down his stomach in the exact same way he had the night they’d met. 

“Not…” Jinyoung’s eyes opened and his eyes followed their hands. Jaebum noticed him swallow uncomfortably and then he was pulling his hand away from Jaebum. “You’re doing things I don’t want you to do again!” he spat out, taking a visible step backwards. 

“I am,” Jaebum agreed, his hands moving towards his pants. He barely had his belt undone when Jinyoung rushed forward and covered Jaebum’s hands with his own to stop him. It was a frozen moment as Jaebum got caught up in being so close to Jinyoung and Jinyoung realized his need to stop Jaebum put him not only in close proximity, but in a very awkward way. His hands dropped and it broke the spell. 

Jaebum put his hand on Jinyoung’s face, cupping it as he had in the past and almost as if it were second nature, Jinyoung turned his head into it. “I love you, Jinyoung,” Jaebum said. The words sounded sad even to him but that part he couldn’t help. He was in love with Jinyoung and he was forced to do shit like this just to get to see him. “I love you so much.” 

It didn’t go without notice that another person was about to join them. Jaebum could see the face on the other side of the glass outside the door and it spurred him further even though he’d told himself he would only push Jinyoung so far. His eyes met those of the man on the other side of the door as he leaned down, pressing his lips to Jinyoung’s and wrapping his arms around him. It seemed to startle Jinyoung, but after only a second of hesitation, Jinyoung was wrapping his arms around Jaebum’s middle and returning the kiss. 

Jaebum forgot everything then. He forgot there was probably a man outside the window watching them. He forgot the hell he’d been going through for the last month. He forgot everything but Jinyoung in his arms. His heart was dancing, celebrating this small moment in which Jinyoung allowed him to hold him this closely. More importantly, Jinyoung wasn’t pushing him away and that fact was leaving him elated. 

When the kiss broke, his lips pressed against Jinyoung’s forehead and the door behind them no longer had a face. He didn’t know what Wonpil was doing, if he’d left, if he recognized Jaebum from the bar, but it didn’t matter. Jinyoung belonged to him and now, Wonpil had seen that. 

“You shouldn’t do this,” Jinyoung told him. 

“Which part?” Jaebum asked. “Showing up here and taking my clothes off? Kissing you? Telling you I love you?” 

“All of it,” Jinyoung answered quickly, his eyes opening wide as he realized what his answer meant. “I mean…” he sighed. “You shouldn’t have come here. You shouldn’t have told my friends to take my kids and you shouldn’t be taking your clothes off when Wonpil could be home any minute. You shouldn’t have done it this way...”

“So you still haven’t told him?” Jaebum asked. Even if he hadn’t, that didn’t really matter now. 

Silence hung heavily after that and Jaebum pondered which excuse was going to come out of Jinyoung’s mouth. It was still quiet as he picked his clothes up and moved past Jinyoung to the door. He stopped there with his hand on the door. “Jinyoung, I’m not capable of giving up, I tried. So that means I’m going to be here, doing dumb things like this. I also got the boys schedule from Seokjin, so I’m going to go to their stuff as well. They’re a part of me, Jinyoung, and not seeing them makes it difficult to breathe. I’m sorry if loving you and your boys is an inconvenience, but you’re just going to have to find a way to tolerate it. I already told you we can’t be friends and I don’t think that’s what you want either.” Jaebum waited, wondering if he was still pushing too far. He’d watched Jinyoung turn around on the street after the musical, he’d seen the longing there and he knew he hadn’t imagined it.

“Am I wrong?” Jaebum asked when Jinyoung still didn’t move. He waited another moment before he turned and stepped out the door. He climbed in his car, looking back at the house. “Please don’t let me be wrong,” he whispered.

~~~

“Jinyoung, it’s not like we did anything…

“You did!” Jinyoung interrupted Key on the phone. He was in Hakyeon’s shop and the week was building up into a stress bomb. His boys were acting up, Wonpil was especially moody and that was before the added element of Jaebum. “You knew why we went to look at those houses, you knew I never got to pick out a house with Wonpil and here you are, thrusting me into the world of Jaebum where I choose things!” 

“Oh damn, a relationship where you get to make decisions?” Seokjin piped in, his voice flat and sarcastic. 

 

“Seokjin,” Hakyeon criticized. 

“What? If he had actually made a decision this week I might be less sarcastic.” 

“I have made decisions,” Jinyoung said. 

“Since Wonpil came back, you’ve decided what? To quit your job. To end a very positive relationship with someone who loves you and your kids. To fight with Key and to pretty much cut the rest of us out?” Seokjin asked. 

“I’m not cutting you out,” Jinyoung sighed. 

“But you have done the rest of those things,” Key commented. “Jinyoung, when was the last time we fought? Before Wonpil came back?” 

“I don’t know.,” Jinyoung said, rubbing a hand over his face. “Sometimes you’re annoying but we don’t really fight.” 

“Exactly. Because even though I’m a handful, you love me. Since Wonpil has been back, though, we’ve done nothing but dig at each other in the most painful ways possible.”

“Along with all of you conniving behind my back to get me into a lot of uncomfortable situations,” Jinyoung added. 

Hakyeon sat down across from Jinyoung and put his own hands over Jinyoung’s. “What is it you want us to do?” Hakyeon asked, his voice gentle. “You’re hurting and we don’t have a manual on how to make it better.” 

“I’m fine,” Jinyoung said. 

“Yeah, no, that word right there says you’re not.” Seokjin added. 

Hakyeon sighed and reached over to hit the button on the phone to end the call with the other two. “What do you want, Jinyoung?” 

“I want my boys to know their father. I want them to be happy and healthy and I want…” 

“No, Jinyoung,” Hakyeon corrected. “Not what do you want for your kids, what do you want for you? In this little room with just you and I, be selfish. What do you want?” 

Jinyoung sighed. What did he want? He wanted...he didn’t really know. Hakyeon was asking for what felt like the hundredth time and Jaebum had asked him that question the other night and he still didn’t have it quite figured out. He’d been living a life dedicated to his boys and they were all that had mattered until... “Jaebum,” he answered, cursing the tears that appeared in his eyes. “I liked how things were with Jaebum and I wanted...I want to know where that was going. But Hakyeon, I messed that up.” 

Hakyeon smiled at him. “Did you? Go tell him, Jinyoung. Tell him you want that and see what he says because right now, he doesn’t know that. He thinks _you_ don’t want that anymore. So go tell him you do.” 

“But the boys…” Jinyoung wiped at his face. 

“Jinyoung, Mark and Hongbin studied at Jaebum’s twice this week. What is it you think he wants?”

“He did what?” Jinyoung asked, eyes widening as they looked at Hakyeon.

“We agreed he would say he was at our place to avoid upsetting you but he was really at Jaebum’s apartment.” Hakyeon shrugged as if it was no big deal and Jinyoung wanted to call the other two back to add to the list of things his friends were doing behind his back. “They needed a quiet place to study and his apartments the perfect spot. No littles running about.” Hakyeon finished explaining. 

Jinyoung stared ahead at Hakyeon. Mark was seeing Jaebum and not even telling him? “Is this whole the boys knowing Wonpil thing just my own prerogative?” Jinyoung asked Hakyeon as he thought over the last couple of weeks. It had gone worse than he ever could have predicted. 

“I think you went about it the wrong way. You put too much emphasis on the boys knowing their father. Jinyoung, Jaebum has been a father to them from the moment you introduced him to your boys. He’s there now, even when you’re asking him not to be. Don’t take this the wrong way, but the best thing Wonpil ever did for your boys, was leave so Jaebum could enter their lives. If only the fucker had stayed gone.” 

“You can’t sugar coat anything, can you?” Jinyoung asked, taking in a deep, shaky breath. 

“I can. I just don’t,” Hakyeon answered, smiling as he reached across to Jinyoung to wipe his face. “Now clean yourself up and go see Jaebum.” 

“I don’t even know what to say to him,” Jinyoung said. 

“It will come to you when you see him,” Hakyeon assured Jinyoung as they stood. “Call me later.” 

~~

Jinyoung did not follow Hakyeon’s advice this time. Instead, he replayed the conversation with his friends in his head over and over. Starting with Key’s point that they never really fought. They had occasional disagreements that ended with one of them buying ice cream and bringing it to the other one, but nothing major that had caused them not to speak for more than a day. At least, not when Wonpil wasn’t in the picture. 

It wasn’t as if Key had ever been a fan of Wonpil. He’d disapproved from the very beginning and Jinyoung had just been caught up in having someone actually interested in him, he couldn’t understand Key’s point of view. Jinyoung sighed and looked down at the sidewalk. That wasn’t right. He’d _refused_ to see Key’s point of view, even though Key had never been shy about explaining it in great detail.

It had been a strange time in his life. He’d gotten rejected from the college he’d wanted to attend and his backup plans hadn’t been that strong. He’d arranged to go to a college that would get him a degree, but not one that a lot of people had even heard of. He’d had to settle so when Wonpil had showed up, he had taken it as a ray of sunshine through the clouds. 

Jinyoung found himself in the park where Taekwoon had found him so long ago. It was cloudy and chilly today and he found that there was no better weather to match his mood. Looking out at the empty park, he sighed. “Don’t think about Wonpil and don’t think about your boys,” he repeated the words Hakyeon had used.

It was easier to not think about Wonpil. Easier because once Yugyeom had been born, there hadn’t been a lot of time for him to even do so. It had become something that had sort of faded into the past because his present had been so busy. So until recently, that wasn’t a hard thing to do. 

Not thinking about the boys? That was more than impossible. They were his world and had been since they had arrived. No matter what decisions he made in his life, they were such a big part of it. They had been a big part of his reason for not dating and their reaction to Jaebum had played so heavily in if that had continued or not. It had gone so smoothly though, almost as if the had all just been waiting for Jaebum to come into their lives. Hakyeon had been right about that part. 

Then Jinyoung had pushed him out and Jinyoung was sitting there pretending not to notice that it bothered them. “You’re such a fucking hypocrite, Park Jinyoung,” he said aloud to the wind. He’d been so afraid that letting Jaebum in would result in the boys loving him and being hurt, that he’d not paid attention enough to know how much they hurt when _he_ had pushed Jaebum away. “What am I doing?”   
~~~

Jinyoung sat at the table reading over something Joongki had sent him to check for errors. He was only doing it because Joongki had done so much for him, not because he missed actually going to work. He wasn’t surprised when Yugyeom came in, his shoes in hand. 

“Where are we going today?” Jinyoung asked, even though he knew the answer. 

“With Jaebum,” Yugyeom answered, climbing in the chair next to Jinyoung. His son had lost the enthusiasm he’d once has when he would trudge in with his shoes in the beginning. It was like he knew the answer before Jinyoung even had to say anything, but carried hope that his week would be different. 

“Sweetie, Jaebum isn’t coming.” Jinyoung watched Yugyeom’s face fall. For some reason, that reminded him of the way Yugyeom had struggled with the door and how happy he had been when he’d been able to escape and get to Jaebum. “Why don’t we go see him instead?” Even though Yugyeom seemed to bloom like a flower on a sunny day, Jinyoung was internally panicking. 

“Really!” Yugyeom asked and Jinyoung managed to nod and even put a smile on his face. 

“Let’s get your brothers and then put your shoes on, okay?” 

Yugyeom couldn’t have disappeared from the room faster and that left Jinyoung alone to deal with the mess he’d just created. He was going to take his boys over to Jaebum’s and while he might be able to have handled crushing the happiness of Yugyeom by backtracking, he could already hear Yugyeom yelling about going to Jaebum’s from the other room. Then came a herd of footsteps rushing in to confirm in. 

Jinyoung nodded, “Yes, we’re going. Now get your shoes on and get in the car.” He was rushed out the door five seconds later, Mark carrying Yugyeom who still had his shoes in hand and Jackson hopping as he tried to pull on his left shoe and leave the house at the same time. Jinyoung smiled as they moved ahead of him, laughing at their eagerness. He didn’t allow the thought to fester that they were only this eager because he had kept them apart because right now, they were going to see Jaebum and he needed to internally panic about that while also appearing like a cool, totally in control dad.

~~~

Jaebum wasn’t home when they got there, but Jinyoung let them in anyways. The boys spread out around the house and when Yugyeom disappeared this time, Jinyoung knew just where he was at. He went into the kitchen and opened the cabinets to try to figure out something to feed them. 

“Are you making dinner, Daddy?” Bambam asked, dragging one of Jaebum’s chairs into the room. 

“I am. Are you going to help me?” Jinyoung asked. 

“No,” Bambam answered. “I’m going to watch you.” 

“Well, I do need someone to watch me,” Jinyoung agreed.

“Should I text Jaebum?” Mark asked, leaning in from the other room.

“No,” Jinyoung answered as he took out his phone. “Come here,” he said, picking up Bambam and putting him on the counter next to the sink. Mark moved to stand next to them and Jinyoung angled enough so that Jaebum’s refrigerator was in the background. “Smile,” he said, snapping a few pictures of his boys. Selecting one, he sent it with the message ‘How soon until you’re home?’ Hopefully, Jaebum at least recognized his own refrigerator. 

~~~

How soon was exactly seventeen minutes and Jinyoung knew it only because of the noise that was coming from the living room. He felt the speed up of his heartbeat as he walked into the room to find Jaebum had somehow made it to the couch before his youngest three managed to surround him. Mark sat on the far arm of the couch opposite them and Jackson was parked as close to Jaebum as being on the other side of Bambam would allow him. 

“Are you making dinner?” Jaebum asked, looking at Mark. 

“No, Dad is.” Mark said, looking over at Jinyoung. 

“It smells like something’s burning,” Jaebum commented. 

Jinyoung spun around, hurrying back to the kitchen but still able to hear Bambam explain that he was supposed to be watching Jinyoung cook but he left him alone cause Jaebum was there and that was probably why Daddy was burning dinner. 

~~~  
Hours later, they were sitting on the couch with most of his children falling asleep. Jaebum had Bambam on his lap and Jackson asleep on his shoulder. Yugyeom had curled up on Jinyoung and Youngjae was against his shoulder. Mark had taken the floor, using the couch for a back rest but he’d been the first to fall asleep. 

“Are you taking them home?” Jaebum asked and Jinyoung watched as Bambam nuzzled into Jaebum. His eyes flipped up to Jaebum who was watching Bambam sleep. 

It had been awkward tonight, the two of them. The ease with which they used to exist wasn’t there and Jinyoung had stopped himself a couple times to keep himself from dwelling on it. “There isn’t really room for them to sleep…” Jinyoung started. 

“We can sleep on the floor,” Mark said, sitting up. 

Jinyoung looked at him, surprised he was actually not sleeping. He didn’t look awake though. It was almost like the question of them leaving had shocked him out of his sleep. His eyes were only slightly open but he was sitting straight up like a rod. 

It was decided that Mark and Jackson would sleep on the floor in the bedroom and the littles would sleep in the bed. Jaebum had carefully gotten up and moved Bambam while Jinyoung followed with Yugyeom. Youngjae woke up enough to walk but Jinyoung was pretty sure it was sleepwalking. Mark had dragged Jackson into the bedroom and the two of them laid down on the collection of blankets Jaebum put on the floor. Jinyoung didn’t miss the way Jaebum stood at the doorway, looking in on them longer than necessary. He almost wanted to tell Jaebum they weren’t going to disappear if he looked away, but he stayed quiet because that was exactly what had happened.

When they finally left the room, Jaebum turned towards Jinyoung. “What about you?” Jaebum asked. “Are you going to stay?” 

Jinyoung shook his head. “Where would I even sleep?” Jinyoung asked. 

“With me,” Jaebum answered. 

Jinyoung met his gaze and he realized it didn’t matter if the two of them had to sleep on the sidewalk, as long as Jaebum slept next to him, it would be alright. “I think we need to talk,” Jinyoung said, offering a small smile. He didn’t want Jaebum to get the wrong idea, but what exactly was the right idea? 

He didn’t say anything until they had both returned to the couch. The tv was still on but the volume was low. Still, he didn’t have an exact idea of what he wanted to say, only that he wanted Jaebum to know everything. He wanted Jaebum to understand why he’d pushed him away when Wonpil had come back. He wanted Jaebum to know that it wasn’t because of him and that it was just Jinyoung that had been making mistake after mistake. He wanted him to know that, but he was so unsure on how to say that. 

“You knew...you know...I…” Jinyoung sighed, frustrated with himself. 

“Start at the beginning, Jinyoung,” Jaebum suggested. 

“I don’t know what beginning to start at!” Jinyoung answered, aggravated with himself. “Do I start at the beginning of how I’ve never been really confident and that’s why I ended up with someone like Wonpil in the first place or do I start with that Tuesday when he showed up and I let my perfectly happy life fall apart?”

“What part do you want me to know?” Jaebum asked. 

“All of it,” Jinyoung answered, his hand reaching out for Jaebum’s. He found it and he held onto it, looking at Jaebum’s nails and the lines in his fingers. “I want you to know everything.” Jinyoung paused to swallow around the unexpected lump in his throat. “Do...do you want to know everything?” he asked, looking up at Jaebum. What if he said no? 

“Of course I do, Jinyoung. I’ve been right here, waiting for you to come tell me.” 

Jinyoung nodded but felt a tear escape anyways. Jaebum handed him a tissue and he took a deep breath. He let it out, deciding where he wanted to start. “I didn’t know what to do,” Jinyoung started. “When he came back, I froze and I had no idea how to handle it. So, I just let everything sort of...happen. I never knew what to say to you because I didn’t know what Wonpil was doing. I didn’t know what he expected of me and I didn’t even realize that I was going to do what he expected because that is just how it’s always been with him. It was that way before and it was just how it was again since he was here.” 

“When you were there, it made everything more complicated because I was waiting to do as he expected but you made me want things that I knew wouldn’t fall into that category. To avoid being disappointed, I just pushed you away. I even changed my number as if that would stop you, because I couldn’t make you go away and I couldn’t want you anymore either. I know that was all in my head and probably pretty irrational but that’s just how it was.” 

“I hurt you and I hurt the boys and I pretended that it wasn’t happening. I’m pretty good at pretending because Yugyeom made it clear that I was doing the wrong thing every week. I just kept pretending that it would get better and that it would just all fade away and they could be happy, but it wasn’t going that way.”

“I was also pretending it wasn’t bothering me that you weren’t there. I told myself that I was fine and because I was fine, everything else was fine, too. But no one ever believed me. Or maybe they didn’t want to so they didn’t. I don’t know. They just never let me be and have constantly made me aware that the way things were going was the wrong way. I’ve fought with them and rejected everything they said, but they just said it again. Or I’d hear from Key’s mouth something that Hakyeon had said and it made it sort of stick because if Key is listening to Hakyeon, then something is very wrong in the world.” 

“I never felt like I could really talk to them once Wonpil showed back up. They all had this opinion of him so how could they possibly understand? And talking to you wasn’t something that could happen because you were going to dislike him just on principle and I knew you wouldn’t understand. Plus, you know, all the stuff I just said where you were concerned.” 

“I had told you before that I thought Wonpil was smart, that he could teach the boys things and one of the first things that stuck in my head, was here was that opportunity for them. He was back and they could become smart like he is. Plus, they were so happy when he showed back up that if I made him go away, then what kind of dad was I? Except, I did that with you and I never should have done that. It wasn’t fair to the boys, it wasn’t fair to you and despite the way the last month has gone, it wasn’t even what I wanted. Wonpil coming back the way he did planted a seed in my head that I had been expected to just wait for his return.” 

Jinyoung stopped, wondering if any of that made any sense. It wasn’t as if it had made any sense while it was happening and it made less sense now that he had rambled about it. He’d just gotten so lost in what Wonpil had expected and what he had wanted from Wonpil for the boys, that everyone else had failed to matter. 

“Do you feel better?” Jaebum asked, handing Jinyoung another tissue. 

“Better?” Jinyoung asked, noticing the way his voice sort of squeaked. “How am I supposed to feel better? I’ve done nothing but toss a billion useless circled thoughts at you. I don’t have an answer now anymore than I did an hour ago.”

“Jinyoung, not everything has an answer and the ones that do don’t necessarily have an easy one, but don’t you think finding that answer is easier if you’re not the only one searching for it? You have this wonderful network of friends...”

“All my friends think I handled this badly,” Jinyoung shot at him. “They can’t understand and telling them most of that would not have helped. They would have just used that against me to get me to kick Wonpil out.” 

“Do you think you handled it badly?” 

“There is no possible worse way in the galaxy for me to have handled it,” Jinyoung answered. He stopped himself then, the realization of what he said taking him by surprise. He’d know they were right, but how right was just now hitting him. He’d refused to listen to them because he was convinced they were wrong and now, here he was telling Jaebum they’d been right this entire time. 

Why was everything so much easier to figure out when he discussed them with Jaebum? “How can you be so patient with me?” Jinyoung asked, knowing he was throwing the entire topic into a tailspin. “I have literally torn apart our entire relationship and you’re just…” Jinyoung looked down, a thought from long ago creeping back into his mind. It made tears form in his eyes again. “You’re just sitting here letting me figure it out. _Wanting_ me to figure it out.” 

Jaebum moved then, the first time since Jinyoung had began speaking and pulled Jinyoung into his arms. “It’s purely selfish,” Jaebum answered. “I hope that by figuring it out, you’ll decide to come back to me.”

“Don’t lie,” Jinyoung said. 

“How is that a lie?” Jaebum asked. 

“Because,” Jinyoung said, “you’d do this for me even if I never came back to you.” 

“You’re right,” Jaebum answered, his voice soft. “I would. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you, Jinyoung.” 

Jinyoung smiled and leaned into Jaebum. “You owe me a milkshake,” he said after a moment and Jaebum laughed softly. 

“Okay,” he agreed. “But only if we can take the boys.” 

“Sounds like a good plan,” Jinyoung said. 

It was a moment later when Jaebum spoke again. “Are you going to stay?” 

Jinyoung didn’t have a reason to argue about staying now so he just nodded and allowed himself to curl up on the couch with Jaebum. His back was against Jaebum’s chest and Jaebum’s hand settled on his stomach. It was like he’d never left and Jaebum’s hand snuck under the bottom of Jinyoung’s shirt, his fingers moved softly over Jinyoung’s stomach. Jinyoung bit his lip as the sob snuck up on him. 

“Jinyoung,” Jaebum whispered, “Come here,” he said, pulling on Jinyoung to get him to roll towards him. Jinyoung obliged and buried his face in Jaebum’s chest, his body rocking with sobs he didn’t fully understand. “Let it all out, Jinyoung.” Jaebum said, his hand moving up and down Jinyoung’s back. “Everything will be okay.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 _Smokey Quartz opens the path for perception._


	28. Amethyst

Youngjae sat in the corner, his knees pulled up to his chest and Jinyoung had no idea how to comfort the crying child. Jackson sat at the table with his older brother trying to teach him how to work the problems of his homework. Jackson was clearly getting on Mark’s nerves and it seemed to be happening far easier than usual. Bambam and Yugyeom were blissfully asleep on the couch in the living room and any minute now, Wonpil would walk through the door and Jinyoung hadn’t even started dinner. 

“Maybe you two should take a break,” Jinyoung suggested to the two oldest. It would be easier to handle Jackson having a late assignment than three of the five boys fighting when their father returned home. Especially when Jinyoung knew that he needed to have a conversation with Wonpil about the life they’d been living the last couple months; the life he didn’t want to live any longer. 

He’d been putting it off, he knew that, but Wonpil had been in such a foul mood when he came home over the course of the last few days and Jinyoung had no idea about how to approach the topic. He didn’t want the kids to hear fighting though, so he’d made an excuse and another day had passed. 

“No, I can’t!” The ever animated Jackson jumped up from his seat, breaking through Jinyoun’gs thoughts. “It’s due tomorrow!”

“Jackson, I just suggested a break...”

“We both know if I don’t do it now, I’m not going to.” How right his boy was to say that. “Can I call Jaebum? He knows…”

“No.” The word was far sharper than Jinyoung had intended and that realization was reflected in the way Jackson sat back down in his seat. He was literally the worst father in the world at this point but after staying at Jaebum’s a few nights before, Jinyoung was just easing things in again. As much as he wanted to just find a way to pick up where they’d left off, it wasn’t something that could happen until he spoke to Wonpil. “I’ll call Seokjin and see if Namjoon understands it. Then the two of you can go down there for a bit. Does that sound alright?” 

“I can’t ask Namjoon,” Jackson said.

“Why not?” Jinyoung asked and when he looked at Jackson again, he was just looking down at his lap. 

“He just won’t teach me anymore.” 

Jinyoung looked at Mark who shrugged at him. 

“How about a short walk?” Mark suggested. “We can go together and when we get back, I’ll sit back down and help you.” 

Jackson looked up like he was going to protest and Mark stopped him. “I’ll also make you sit down and do it. Okay?” 

Jackson smiled and nodded at his older brother. The two of them tidied up their stuff on the table and then found their shoes and headed out the door. Jackson was smiling again as they left, so Jinyoung could at least feel a bit better about that. 

“Youngjae, you have to tell me what’s the matter or I can’t fix it.” Sitting down on the floor, he opened his arms up to his son who lifted his head up high enough to look at him before putting his head back down. 

Dragging Youngjae onto his lap, he rocked him back and forth, humming softly until the sniffles at least stopped. Eventually, Youngjae uncurled enough and looked up at Jinyoung, his small hand reaching up to touch Jinyoung’s face. His hand was only there a moment before it dropped down. “The pirates are going to get you.” 

Jinyoung looked down at Youngjae. “What was that, Baby?” 

“The pirates,” Youngjae repeated. His expression was far too serious for a boy of seven and Jinyoung would even admit, a little creepy as he finished speaking. “They’re coming for you.”  
~  
Jinyoung fell back onto his bed, letting out a sigh as he did so. He’d somehow managed to get Bambam and Yugyeom to go back to sleep, Mark had successfully helped Jackson through his homework and Youngjae had gone to sleep only after they had turned his room into a mini fort to keep the pirates at bay. He should probably shower but he felt neither the energy nor the desire for it so instead, he just sat up, pulled his shirt over his head and went over the dresser to change into his night clothes. 

“Good god.” 

Jinyoung looked up sharply as Wonpil leaned into the room, his gaze taking in a familiar look on Wonpil’s face. 

 

“I thought Youngjae messed you up, but that second kid really left some marks. I’d forgotten they were even there. Perhaps you could keep from reminding me?” 

It wasn’t a question or even a suggestion, Jinyoung knew that. Jinyoung’s eyes fell as Wonpil disappeared, his hand falling to his stomach and tracing the lines there. He knew which ones Youngjae had caused, he knew the ones Yugyeom had left, and tears filled his eyes as he remembered Jaebum’s lips touching every single one of them. His mind pulled forward a memory of Jaebum, something he’d gotten good at over the last month but now failed miserably at.

“I see my beautiful boyfriend...”

Tears filled his eyes, remembering too well how he’d cried when Jaebum had actually said those words. It was their first fight, but standing where he was now, he knew that day ranked up there as one of the best moments of his life. Jaebum had accepted him. Jinyoung smiled. Yes, his boys had messed him up but in so many good ways that a few scars and stretch marks were more than worth it. 

~~~

Jinyoung heard the shouting the moment he stepped out of the car and that caused him to forget the groceries in the back seat. Shouting was not unusual in his house, not with five kids, but _Mark_ shouting meant something was seriously wrong. 

Rushing in the door, he moved to the living room. There was a suitcase beside Mark and Jinyoung recognized it as the one Wonpil had arrived with. 

“We don’t want you here so leave.” 

Jinyoung stepped into the room and Mark’s eyes widened. “Mark! What are you doing?” 

“I already texted Uncle Taehyung; either he leaves or I do!” 

“He’s being ridiculous,” Wonpil said, turning towards Jinyoung. “I’ve barely been home ten minutes myself.” 

Jinyoung returned his gaze to Mark. “No one is leaving…”

“Yes, they are!” Mark declared. “And if I go, I’m taking them with me.”

It was then Jinyoung noticed his other children. They were in the hall behind Mark, heads peeking out of doorways as they watched to see what it was they were supposed to do. They’d never been put between their brother and their dad before and it was easy to see the stress it was causing them. Bambam was clutching Youngjae’s hand and Yugyeom had his thumb stuck in his mouth, a habit that Jinyoung thought had been broken. 

~~~  
“How are things going with Jinyoung?” Yet another Wednesday and there were two dads on his couch with his best friend. Jaebum honestly couldn’t think of a better way to spend his evening, even if he had wanted to be alone for a little while before heading off to Jonghyun’s. 

“Not to sound too optimistic but I think my little elephant is starting to budge.” Jaebum answered with a smile. 

“That’s excellent,” Taehyung said. 

“Yeah,” Jaebum agreed. “He just has to talk to Wonpil so I’m still a little apprehensive.” 

“He’s always had a problem standing up to people, but Wonpil is another level altogether. Sometimes it’s like he just won’t but with him, it’s almost like he can’t.”

Jaebum nodded but didn’t feel nearly as bad about it as he might have before Jinyoung had shown up at his apartment with the boys. “I think he will, in time. He just has to figure out how. He’s aware of what he wants and now has to jump a big hurdle to get there.” 

“The big hurdle being one he’s never leaped before,” Taekwoon pointed out. “Is it weird that I’m still cautious?” 

“We had a long conversation the other night. I think he just…”

“Jaebum, we need to go.” 

“Go?” Jaebum asked, getting up. The other two rose as well and Taehyung nodded. “Mark sent a text, we need to go.”

“Should we go?” Jonghyun asked, looking first at Jaebum and then at Taehyung. 

“No, “ Taehyung answered, moving towards the door as he spoke. “Go to my house. It’s closer to Jinyoung’s and we’ll text you if we need you.” 

Once they were in the car and headed in the direction of Jinyoung’s house, Jaebum looked over at Taehyung. “Any idea what’s going on?” 

Taehyung shook his head and Jaebum noticed Taehyung’s hands were tight on the steering wheel and his lips were tight. “No. It’s just a phrase all the boys know to say or text and we’ll respond right away, no matter what we’re doing. He sent it and now we’re going.” 

Jaebum nodded, rather glad the boys had their uncles if they were ever in a bind. “What’s the message?” Jaebum asked. 

“I need you.” 

~~~

Taehyung didn’t knock when they arrived and Jaebum followed him in. Of the two of them, Taehyung had been the one Mark had contacted so he stayed behind him as they went into the living room. Mark was standing near the hall, Jinyoung near the couch and Wonpil by the chair. The three of them seemed to be in a standoff. Jaebum didn’t miss the eyes in the hallways. 

“What’s going on?” Taehyung asked and it was then Mark looked up. He looked determined and afraid, ready to take on his parents but unsure how to proceed. Seeing them, he moved away from the hallway and straight towards them. Jaebum expected Mark to go to Taehyung, but he moved around his uncle and crashed into Jaebum. His arms went around Mark immediately and Jaebum was met with the sound of Mark crying. 

“We’re fine, Taehyung,” Jinyoung said. “Mark shouldn’t have contacted you.” 

“Things aren’t fine, Jinyoung,” Taehyung said and Jaebum realized the fun, smiling man that he was used to seeing was long gone. Standing in front of him was the man he was sure Seokjin knew was underneath all of that. He stood with his back straight, not backing down and ready to protect Mark in a way that reminded Jaebum of bears. “Our boys don’t text _that_ message if things are _fine_. Tell me what’s going on.” 

“I think you should leave,” Jinyoung said. He was glaring at Taehyung now. 

Jaebum hadn’t moved, but he felt Mark’s arms tighten around him. “I’m going to take Mark outside until he calms down,” he said and it was only then that Jinyoung turned towards him, the glare being transferred from Taehyung to Jaebum. 

“You’re not…” 

“Jinyoung.” It was probably the soft way that he said his name that caused Jinyoung to pause. “We’re just going outside. You should take care of them.” He nodded his head forward at the other boys and didn’t wait for Jinyoung to try to object again before he turned and lead Mark out the door. 

He sat down with him on the bench that was there and continued to keep his arm around the crying teenager. 

“I don’t know what to do.”

It was a phrase that Mark repeated multiple times over the course of the next five minutes as Jaebum tried to get him to calm down. Taehyung hadn’t followed them out and Jaebum wondered if that was a good or bad thing. 

“We’re here, buddy. We’ll take care of it, okay?” Jaebum whispered. He didn’t know what the exact problem was, but he knew it had to be all the changes that had happened as of late. Jaebum also knew that whatever it was, it wasn’t something small. Mark was patient and calm but Jaebum had no doubt there was a switch that could be flipped and he’d lose that control. More accurately, there were four switches and they’d all been watching from the hallway.

Mark nodded against Jaebum’s chest and then pulled away from Jaebum. He wiped at his face but he was still crying as he took Jaebum’s hand. It was such a simple thing, but it seemed to calm Mark down just to have it. Jaebum never would have taken it away from him if it helped him even a little bit. 

“You can talk to me, Mark.” Jaebum reminded him. Mark didn’t say anything though as he leaned back into Jaebum. They were like that when Jinyoung came out the door. 

“What the hell is going on Mark?” Jinyoung started. It was easy to see that Jinyoung was angry at Mark, but he clearly wasn’t sure what had started this entire thing either. 

“Jinyoung, you should go inside,” Jaebum said, his arm going back around Mark. 

“Like hell…” 

“He’s right,” Mark said, his voice broken and low. “Go inside, Jinyoung.” 

Jinyoung’s eyes were wide and his mouth moved up and down as he tried to figure out what to say. In the end, he just turned and went inside. 

“That was probably uncalled for,” Jaebum said, his tone disapproving. 

“I know,” Mark answered, “but he needs to stay inside with them. Uncle Taehyung is angry and I don’t think the littles have ever seen that. They’re scared and Dad needs to stay inside.”

Jaebum waited for Mark to say something else but it seemed like he didn’t want to talk about it. He’d looked so brave when Jaebum had arrived, but now that he was here, it seemed that strength had vanished and he was once again just a teenage boy. “Jaebum, can I stay with you tonight?” 

Jaebum’s arm tightened around him and Jaebum sighed. “You know that’s up to your dad, Mark.” 

“I know. If he says no though, I’m just going to leave anyways. Maybe he’ll see it then.”  
~~~  
Jaebum walked back into the house, leaving Mark on the bench after making him promise he wouldn’t run off. He wasn’t sure how he was going to convince Jinyoung to let him take Mark home and really, he didn’t think Mark needed to be with him. Whatever was going on, he needed to cover it with Jinyoung. 

“Jinyoung, why don’t you take Mark to my apartment for the night?” He didn’t know what it was that they had been discussing when he came it, but he decided quickly it didn’t matter. The three of them were still in a fighting stance and he was pretty positive Taehyung was on the losing end. 

“What?” Jinyoung turned to look at him. “Why would I do that?” 

“Because your oldest son is clearly upset about something to the point that he doesn’t want to stay here.” 

“He can’t just run away from his problems.” 

Jaebum’s gaze came up to rest on Wonpil. “You’re right. Mark’s not like you.” 

“I didn’t run…”

 

“I don’t care,” Jaebum interrupted. 

“I should take the other four home,” Taehyung said. “Seeing Mark upset is hard on them and being here without him after that will probably only upset them more. Especially if you’re not here, Jinyoung.” 

“You’re not taking my boys.” Wonpil said, daggers glaring at Taehyung. 

“Your boys? Now that’s quite the amusing statement,” Taehyung shot back. 

“Enough,” Jinyoung said, his voice rising above all of them. “No one is going anywhere.” 

“Actually, Jinyoung, Mark plans to leave.” Jaebum’s voice had dropped, glad to see that the eyes from the hallway had disappeared. “He doesn’t want to stay here. I think it would be best if you just take him and go to my apartment for the night.” 

Jinyoung eyes widened at Jaebum. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” 

Jaebum stepped forward, placed his hands on Jinyoung’s shoulders and forced Jinyoung to meet his gaze. “I love them, Jinyoung,” he reminded him. “Taehyung loves them. I know you’re angry, but please just take Mark to my apartment and make him talk to you. Work this out before it becomes something worse and it does result in him just taking off. Okay?” 

Jinyoung’s gaze softened and he nodded. “Okay,” he gave in with a sigh. “I’ll take Mark.” 

“I guess we could just stay here,” Taehyung said, sitting down on the couch. “You and I haven’t really had much time to chat, Wonpil.”

“No, take them to your house,” Jinyoung said, his gaze turning to Taehyung. “You’re not wrong. They’ll be quite upset without Mark here.” He returned his gaze to Jaebum. “Is it asking too much if I ask you to stay with them, too?” 

Jaebum smiled. “As if I had any plan to leave them alone.”   
~~~  
The boys were all in Jackson’s room. Jackson had put his siblings in the two beds shortly after Mark had ran to Jaebum. He couldn’t deny that he wanted to do the same thing, especially since Mark was upset and it was mostly Jackson’s fault. So he’d pulled his brothers into his room and shut the door. 

He sat in his bed with Yugyeom tucked into it and for the first time in awhile, none of them seemed interested in getting up. None of them seemed to want to be a part of the conversation going on in the other room, but Jackson could hear some of it so he knew they could as well. He just hoped they didn’t understand it like he did. His uncle was mad. His dad was more so. He’d never heard them fight before. He’d never known that Uncle Taehyung was even capable of it. 

“Jackson, is Mark leaving?” Youngjae was looking at him like Jackson should have the answer because without Mark, Jackson was the oldest. 

Jackson offered a smile to Youngjae. “You know Mark won’t leave us.” 

“I wish we could leave,” Bambam said, pulling the blanket up over his shoulders. “I want to go stay with Jaebum.” 

Jackson didn’t know what to say to that, so he just straightened the blanket out over Yugyeom. Youngjae laid back down next to Bambam and they pretended not to hear the sounds in the other room. 

It was ten minutes later when the conversation stopped and the door to the bedroom opened. His brothers all sat up and Jackson knew they were all hoping it was Mark that came in. If Mark came in, then everything would be okay, but it wasn’t Mark and his brothers were trying to untangle themselves so they could run towards the door. 

Yugyeom made it first and he threw himself at Jaebum as if they’d been separated for years. Bambam and Youngjae followed but Jackson held back. 

“Are you guys okay?” Jaebum asked and even though they’d pretty much been hiding in their older brother’s room, they were instantly better with Jaebum there. 

Jaebum looked at him and Jackson forced a smile. He wondered if Mark had told him anything but if he did, Jaebum wasn’t saying anything. In fact, all he was doing was smiling at him. Jackson’s forced smile slipped away as he moved forward to get his hug from Jaebum and was replaced with one he actually felt. 

“How would you guys like to go stay with Uncle Taehyung tonight?” Jaebum asked them. 

“What about Mark?” Bambam asked. 

“He and your dad are going to go stay at my apartment for the night. They need to talk some things out.” 

“Where are you staying?” Youngjae asked. 

“Hm?” Jaebum said, pretending to think it over. “Do you think Uncle Taehyung would let me stay, too?” 

Youngjae nodded at him and Bambam clapped his hands excitedly. 

“Let’s get some clothes then, okay?” The boys ran out of the room to get their clothes and Jaebum turned his gaze onto Jackson. 

“Jaebum, did Mark say anything?” he asked, his gaze going to the floor. 

“No,” Jaebum answered. “He didn’t seem to want to talk about it. Is there something you need to say?” 

Jackson nodded and wrapped his arms around Jaebum again but didn’t say anything. Jaebum rubbed his hand over Jackson’s back. “How about we get to your uncles and get your brothers settle and then we’ll talk, okay?” 

Jackson nodded and pulled away, going over to his closet to get his bag and pack clothes for the night. Within ten minutes, Taehyung and Jaebum were leaving with four boys. 

~~~

It was awkward with Mark in the car and Jinyoung could honestly say he’d never felt that way before. He wasn’t even sure how it had come to this but Jaebum had come in from sitting with Mark to see the other boys. They had missed him, he knew that, just as he knew Jaebum was missing them, but it was late and they needed to be in bed. Instead, they were being packed up and taken to Seokjin’s and he was riding all the way to Jaebum’s apartment because the other option was his oldest son was going to run away. What was his life? 

Jaebum’s apartment was quiet compared to the last time they were all here. As he sat down on the couch with Mark, he did his best to not remember that. He needed to talk to his son and honestly, Mark looked like he would break down again if Jinyoung even blew on him. “I love you, Mark. You know that right? You and your brothers are the most important people in my life.” 

“I know,” Mark answered as he wiped at his eyes again. “I love you more than anyone in the world, that’s why I did it.” 

“Did what?” Jinyoung asked. 

“Everything,” Mark answered, his lip trembling. “It’s why I never said anything. It’s why I protected them. It’s why I tried to pretend it was fine when I wasn’t happy. Because if I just kept doing everything, then you would smile, but you haven’t smiled in a while. You never really smiled before, now that I think about it.”

“Mark, I don’t understand what you mean,” Jinyoung said, moving closer and taking his hand. 

“I know you don’t,” Mark said, finally looking over at Jinyoung, “because that’s part of it. That’s part of how I was trained as a child. ‘Keep in line, keep your brothers in line. Daddy knows so if you bring it up, it’s only going to upset him. You don’t want to upset Daddy, do you?’ That’s how it really was, not how I wanted to remember it.” 

Jinyoung watched as Mark took a deep breath. “I’m adopted. The thing I was afraid of most before that was that I would spend the rest of my life without a family. I remembered what it was like to have parents so I missed them and I knew what I didn’t have. When I was adopted, I thought for sure I would get that feeling back, but it only came from you.” Mark paused, clearing his throat and Jinyoung knew it would be only a matter of time before he was crying with his son. 

“I don’t know when exactly it started but after awhile, after I already felt so happy having a home, is when it began. He would tell me I had to be good or that you wouldn’t love me and you’d sent me back. He would tell me that children who were taken back never got adopted again. I had to follow the rules and be good and not upset you. I had to do well in school because if I got bad grades it meant I was a bad kid and I would be sent back. So I tried to be the best kid possible. I did my homework, I kept my room clean and I tried to help you any way I could so that you would see that you needed me.” 

“When Jackson was brought home, I was so mad at first. I let Jackson get into trouble because if he did, he would go away. He was adopted so he could go back, too. It changed quickly though because now, not only did I have to be a good kid, I had to make sure Jackson behaved, too. If Jackson got into trouble or did bad in school, then you would get rid of both of us.”

“Mark, I never would have…” 

“I know,” Mark said, offering Jinyoung a small smile. “I know now,” he corrected. “I didn’t know then, Dad. I was just a kid who had lost one home and didn’t want to lose another.” 

How...how had Jinyoung not known? His throat was tight and he couldn’t have stopped the tears from falling from his eyes if he’d tried. He reached for the tissues on Jaebum’s side table and took one out and set it on the table in front of them.

“Please don’t cry, Dad,” Mark said. 

“I should have known…” Jinyoung said, trying to stop crying like Mark asked. 

“You were never meant to know,” Mark said, squeezing his dad’s hand. “If you had, I know you would have changed it. I have a lot more though, Dad.” 

Jinyoung nodded and wiped at his eyes. Of course, there was a lot more. How much more had he allowed Wonpil to do to his boys? 

Mark took in another breath before he continued. “So after being told to take care of Jackson, I did.I don’t actually know if Jackson was ever told the things I was but because of how he reacted to Wonpil coming back, I think it is pretty impossible that he was never told something. I just did my best to make sure that he was a good kid and that was not easy.” 

“When Youngjae was born, Jackson and I spent a lot of time outside or in our room because if we woke him up the same rule applied; we would be sent back. It was hard watching him with Youngjae. He was much more interested in his own blood than he ever was in us. It was so obvious to me and Jackson but even that didn’t last. If Youngjae misbehaved or if I couldn’t take care of Youngjae, then he would send Jackson back. By that point, I was so attached to my brother that the idea of living without him was as miserable as living without you.” 

“It was so messy by the time Bambam was adopted that he wasn’t even looking at any of us. I didn’t understand why Bambam was adopted at all but his behavior was added to the list of things that Jackson and I could be sent back for. By then, it wasn’t even something I had to be told, I just knew.” 

“When he left, I thought a lot of it was because I was a terrible son and that I hadn’t done well enough. I also waited, knowing that if at any point you were going to get rid of me, it would have happened then. I can’t explain why I loved him when my childhood was a constant balance of making sure we were good kids, but I did and when he left, it hurt. He was my father, my parent and I had already lost two of those. I took that anger and hurt and even guilt out on you and I am so sorry for that. You didn’t leave though and you didn’t get rid of me and then when Yugyeom came along, I just wanted to do everything I could to help you.”

“He came back and I was happy. So happy that he’d come back, but it really didn’t take long for me to realized that he was the exact same person that had left us. He wasn’t any better, no matter that he was spending time with us, taking us out and smiling at us. He’s the same now as he was then. I wanted to believe he was different, but he’s not.”

“Mark, why didn’t you ever tell me?” Jinyoung felt low, so much lower than he ever had in his entire life. Hadn’t he told Mark when he was little that he could tell him anything? 

“Because I love you, Dad.” Mark answered, the tears returning to stream down his face. “There was nothing scarier to a kid than being told his parents didn’t want him.” 

“But even after he left, Mark,” Jinyoung continued. “Why haven’t you ever told me since then?” 

“Because it didn’t matter anymore,” Mark answered. “I honestly didn’t think it would ever matter again. And, as I grew up and it was just the six of us, I realized he wouldn’t have that power over me because we were yours. You made us a family and you would never break us up.”

Jinyoung smiled at Mark’s words. His son was far too mature for his age and even if he regretted that sometimes, it was nice that he knew the important things. 

There’s more though.” Mark said, looking away from Jinyoung. “Bambam knows he’s adopted. He was told he was adopted and Wonpil told him the same things he told me when I was his age.” Mark looked at Jinyoung. “He crawled into my bed one night to ask me if it was true that he was adopted.” 

Jinyoung knew his eyes were wide and he felt a rush of anger run hot through him. He’d wanted to tell Bambam when he was a little older, when he could understand it better. Now, his baby knew and Jinyoung hadn’t even been able to explain anything~ He couldn’t be mad now though, because Mark needed him. He would be mad later. “What did you tell him?” he asked, trying to swallow the anger down. It wasn’t an easy task. 

Mark grimaced. “I told him about me and Jackson. I also told him not to tell you he knew because you wanted to and it would upset you. I said the same things to Bambam that had been said to me before, just to keep you from knowing and being upset.” 

Jinyoung was angry but he knew this couldn’t be it. He knew that while that had upset Mark, this eruption that had occurred earlier in the night was about something else. “Tell me the rest,” Jinyoung said, squeezing his son’s hand again. “What happened tonight?” 

“Jackson and Namjoon had a fight. The other night when I was helping Jackson with his homework and he said Namjoon wouldn’t help him, it was because they had a bad fight and were no longer friends. When I asked Jackson why, he didn’t want to talk about it. He just smiled and said it would be alright. He’s always does that, pretends he’s fine when he really isn’t. I didn’t push him though because I know he got that from watching me.” 

“Tonight, he was in bed and reading a book but he practices all week when he has a competition the following weekend. He’s been practicing a lot lately to try to get better but he wasn’t so I asked about it and he said he didn’t have a competition this weekend. So I checked the calendar and there is a competition so I sort of...tied him to a tree in the backyard and told him I was going to leave him there until he told me everything.” Mark looked somewhat ashamed by admitting to the action. 

“We’ll discuss tying your brothers to things later,” Jinyoung said. “Keep going.” 

Mark paused again and Jinyoung could see that how little he had calmed down since he’d sat down and started talking was quickly disappearing. “Jackson’s making a C in math, so…” Mark wiped his eyes again. “Wonpil took Jackson out of fencing. Namjoon and Jackson fought because he wanted Jackson to tell me, but Jackson wouldn’t. He said he needed to study and he just smiled at me, Dad. Like it was all just fine and Jackson doesn’t absolutely love fencing.”

“I can handle being unhappy as long as they are happy,” Mark said, his voice was broken and defeated. “Dad, they haven’t been happy since he came back. I was but Jackson wasn’t. I think he remembers more than I realized. Youngjae doesn’t practice his singing inside anymore and I take Bambam and Yugyeom outside just so that they’re quiet. If that’s not bad enough, Yugyeom keeps looking for Jaebum and I can’t even begin to understand why he stopped coming around. I tried to get him to come back by sending Youngjae to him, but you two barely even spoke. He treats us well, Dad and we love him. Why isn’t he here instead?”

“I thought it would be different after we went and stayed over there, but it feels exactly the same. We go to school and come home and no Jaebum. Just the same routine with Wonpil there and you barely smile at all at home, Dad. Why am I trying to keep this peace with Wonpil if you’re not even smiling and my brothers are just getting more miserable?”

Jinyoung pulled Mark against him, crying while trying to calm down his son. “You shouldn’t, Mark. Not now and you never should have in the past. That was never supposed to be your responsibility.” He held onto Mark, no idea what he was supposed to say after that, but Mark was sobbing again, clutching tightly to Jinyoung to the point it was almost painful. He could ignore that though, because he was positive he was holding onto Mark just as tightly. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 _Amethyst helps overcome fears._


	29. Jasper

Jinyoung laid in bed next to Mark all night and watched him sleep. It was something he hadn’t done in a long time, not since Mark was just a child that had woken him up because of a nightmare. He’d had trouble sleeping those first few nights, so Jinyoung had stayed with him until he’d fallen asleep each night. Wonpil had stopped that, insisting that if Jinyoung continued to stay with him, he’d get too used to it and never sleep alone.

So Jinyoung had stopped and it was only a few days later that Mark had stopped coming to their door. _It was probably then_ , he realized. That was probably the first time Mark had been threatened with being returned. He might not even remember that far back. Jinyoung reached out, touching Mark’s cheek. This amazing boy was so brave and Jinyoung hated that it had been going on right under his nose. He already knew the answer to the question of how it had occurred without him even being aware of it. He’d been trying to be a good husband to Wonpil at the time and then took on trying to be a good father and he’d clearly failed at the more important one.

Now, he had started failing again because Mark was right, his boys were not happy, he was not happy and the reason for that was Wonpil. Maybe that wasn’t the complete answer because another big part of their unhappiness was also the absence of Jaebum. It was strange to be looking at things now with this new perspective that Mark had given him; a perspective of all the wrong steps that had been taken in the last few months to follow the wrong steps he’d taken in his past. Jinyoung had no idea what the right steps were, but he knew the first one was to remove Wonpil from their lives. He didn’t deserve this beautiful boy or his siblings. The second step was to let Jaebum fully back in and stop this tiptoe dance. After that, he wasn’t sure.

Putting his head down, he continued to watch Mark sleep until he finally dozed off himself. When he woke up, Mark was no longer there, but there was a note pinned to the pillow. Jaebum had brought him clothes and taken him to school. Jinyoung had slept through any noise they had made but the way Mark was, there probably hadn’t been much noise at all.

Getting up, he rolled over and looked at the time. It was ten. Wonpil would be at work, his boys at school and all his friends at work. “You have things to do, Jinyoung,” he said to the empty room. “Let’s see who isn’t busy.”

Jinyoung pulled out his phone and opened a group chat, adding all of his friends into it despite knowing that there was no way Seokjin would be able to leave work. Hakyeon probably would, Taehyung if he wasn’t busy and Taekwoon if he didn’t have court.

He didn’t have some elaborate way to type the message he needed to send, so he just typed the most direct sentence he could think of. 

Jinyoung: Who feels like helping me pack up my stuff and move out of Wonpil’s house?

Jinyoung sat the phone down and went into the restroom to shower. They probably wouldn’t be able to answer right away if they were busy. He was wrong, because as soon as he stepped out of the shower he could hear his phone going off. Jinyoung tied a towel around himself and ran back to his phone.

Key: I’ll head to the bar to get as many boxes as possible.

Taekwoon: I think we have totes in the attic that are just hanging out. I’ll grab them and head over.

Seokjin: I have fifteen hundred bookbags in a closet that hold toys perfectly.

Taehyung: I can be there shortly after eleven. With bookbags, apparently.

Hakyeon: I have some boxes here, too. I’ll bring them. Taekwoon, pick me up!

Taekwoon: Yes, dear.

Key: I enlisted Jonghyun. We’re gonna box hunt and then be over.

Seokjin: Try that little place on the corner across from the bar. I see boxes there all the time outside the back door.

Key: The basket place?

Seokjin: Is that what that is? I never knew.

Taehyung: I have some printer paper boxes here, will those work?

Hakyeon: Yes, as long as they aren’t the kind that rip out on the side.

Taehyung: They’re not. They’re solid.

Jinyoung read over the messages and felt a wetness form in his eyes. He didn’t need a plan, he just needed to open the door and those around him would take care of it. They would take care of him and his boys, just like they always had.

Jinyoung: I love you guys.

~~~

Jinyoung looked around the room that had been his for so long. It was nothing more now than a collection of boxes and broken apart furniture that was ready to be moved from here into a storage shed that Taekwoon had arranged for. It was temporary until Jinyoung figured out where he and his boys would go. For now, he and the littles would be staying with Hakyeon while his oldest two stayed with Seokjin. They would be separated but it was better than the way they’d been living.

“Jinyoung, are we packing anything in the kitchen?”

Jinyoung left his room and went in there, trying to decide if it was a good idea to take everything and leave Wonpil with nothing. After all, when Wonpil had left, he’d left Jinyoung everything. The boys, the house, everything in it. “I don’t know,” he answered, opening a cabinet and looking into it. Everything became real then and he felt more than a little overwhelmed. He hadn’t even told Wonpil he was leaving. Wonpil was going to come home to this house in disarray without even a heads up.

“Jinyoung,” Key said, coming up behind him and putting an arm around his shoulder and squeezing him. “We’re right here, okay? You’re not going through this alone.”

“I know,” Jinyoung said. “It just doesn’t seem right to do this like this and yet I don’t want to face him.”

“Jinyoung, why don’t we go for a walk,” Taehyung suggested. “There’s some things I’ve been meaning to tell you anyways.”

Jinyoung nodded and headed to follow Taehyung towards the door. To be honest, he felt a hundred times better just being out of the house. As they headed down the road and made a turn and it disappeared completely, he felt even better. He needed to do this, no, he _had_ to do this. Mark needed a place without the memories of living with Wonpil and Jinyoung had to give him that. He owed his baby that and so much more.

“What is it you needed to say?” Jinyoung asked, wondering if Taehyung had just said that to get him out of the house.

“Jinyoung, you shouldn’t feel guilty for moving out of the house like this. You shouldn’t feel bad about it at all.”

“I know,” Jinyoung answered. “It’s not in me to do things like this to a person though. Wonpil is…”

“He requested the transfer,” Taehyung said.

“What?” Jinyoung asked, confused at the direction the conversation had turned.

“When he left, it was because he requested a transfer, not because he was forced. I haven't asked him directly because the idea of spending too much time actually talking to him makes me want to vomit. I also spoke to a woman about what he’s been up to and she’s his ex wife. They have a son…”

“Stop,” Jinyoung interrupted. He didn’t want to know. “Just stop for now, Taehyung. I’m not holding myself together well and I realize you’re probably trying to reassure me that I’m doing the right thing, but I already know that. I may fall apart and I may walk away from helping you guys pack, but I know that despite that, everyone in that house is just going to keep packing. They’re going to make sure I don’t stay in that house any longer and they’re not going to let my boys do it either. I know that and for that reason, I know that it’s okay if I fall apart. Maybe later you can tell me everything you found out but not today, okay?”

Taehyung smiled at him and Jinyoung took a deep breath. “Alright. I’ll just hold onto what I know until you ask.” They walked in silence and Jinyoung thought that was the end of that. “I do wonder though, Jinyoung, why you didn’t add Jaebum to that chat. You know he’d help, too.”

“I needed to do this one on my own,” Jinyoung answered. “As strange as that may sound with all of you there.”

“No,” Taehyung said. “It doesn’t sound strange at all.”

~~~  
Jinyoung wasn’t there when Wonpil got home. Nothing was there when he got home. Taekwoon had left briefly and returned with a moving truck and they’d started packing as much into it as they could. Taehyung and Taekwoon moved the furniture while everyone else continued packing. Jonghyun moved boxes out the door while they took a load and then they refilled the truck and left again. Clothes for him and the boys went into the vehicles and everything else, Jinyoung just had packed away. He was sure he would hear about it when Bambam couldn’t find a particular toy, but he wasn’t worried about that for the moment.

Ushering everyone out, he’d put a piece of paper on the counter with a note. It said simply that the house was Wonpil’s and he could sell it, live in it, Jinyoung didn’t care, but the boys were his. He’d left the note there and pulled the door shut behind him for the last time.  
~  
Staying with Hakyeon was easy. It had always been comforting to be in his home and it was doubly so today. The boys were playing and being loud and after his conversation with Mark, Jinyoung was loving it. They had been quiet before and Jinyoung hadn’t even realized that he’d been missing that. 

“Have you called Joongki?” Hakyeon asked. They were sitting outside three days after Jinyoung had moved out. Hakyeon had closed the shop for the day and the boys were all in school. It was warm, but not too bad.

“Yeah. He said I can come back next week.”

“You don’t seem happy about that,” Hakyeon observed.

“I’m not,” Jinyoung answered. “I know I quit to begin with because it was all part of Wonpil’s way to get me to be reliant upon him again, but I really do wish I didn’t have to go back to work. I am missing time with the boys. I think I realize how precious that is now even more than I did before.”

“Then why don’t you look for something else,” Hakyeon suggested. “You could try to find something that fits better with their hours.”

Jinyoung shook his head. “Joongki agreed to changing my hours so I could be home when they are in the evening. I’m going to go back and work shorter hours, but that doesn’t make me any less bummed about not being able to stay home with Yugyeom. That’s life though.”

“Well, there is one other option,” Hakyeon said and Jinyoung looked at him and raised a brow. “You could always call that very rich businessman you dated and just let him take care of you.”

“Hakyeon,” Jinyoung said, disapproval in his voice.

“Jinyoung, let’s not pretend that next to him isn’t where you want to be.”

“I hurt him, Hakyeon. How can I just waltz up to him and everything just be okay? I mean, we’re working on it but…”

“Because he loves you, Jinyoung. That means it will be okay. Just because there were a few months of complication, doesn’t mean that it can’t be fixed.”

Jinyoung put his hand over his eyes and leaned against his hand. “How the hell did I allow myself to fall back into that, Hakyeon?” Jinyoung asked, aggravated with himself for the way he’d been the last two months. “It doesn’t even make sense.”

“Old habits die hard,” Hakyeon answered with a shrug. “Yours didn’t get the chance to die, they were just cut off. Wonpil messed with your head, both then and now. It would be strange if he’d showed up and you’d cast him out. Plus, he knew all he needed to do was pluck at the heartstrings that are attached to your boys and that you’d be putty. It won’t happen again because if he shows up, I’m just going to kill him, Jinyoung. Just a quick stab into the liver.”

“You’re morbid,” Jinyoung said.

“Yeah, I am. And you need to move onto step two. Get out of my house for the day, Jinyoung.” Hakyeon’s leg came up under the table and kicked Jinyoung playfully.

“Step two,” Jinyoung repeated, standing up. “Shouldn’t step two be finding a place to live.”

“No,” Hakyeon answered. “Go.”  
~~~  
Going to the building with the giant shark on it was the most terrifying moment of his life. He was positive of that as he walked inside and took the elevator up. Walking into Jaebum’s office, he found it empty. He let out a breath. Of course Jaebum was not at his desk. That would be too easy.

_Go find him,_ a voice from the back of his mind demanded. _If you don’t, you’ll just leave. Go. Now Park Jinyoung!_

So he turned around and left the office, heading down the hall to where he’d first had a meeting with Jaebum. He threw the door open, stopping in his tracks when several sets of eyes turned his way. None of them belonged to Jaebum. “Sorry,” Jinyoung said as he backed out, “wrong room.”

“Try room 208.”

Jinyoung looked over at the voice behind the words and saw a familiar face. “Thanks,” he said, closing the door behind him. He glanced at the number on the door before he turned and headed towards the elevator. In theory, 208 would be on the second floor, right?

When the door opened, he discovered his theory had been right. He received a few strange looks as he walked forward so he merely nodded and pretended he was supposed to be there in his jeans and t-shirt with food spots on it from the boys. No one stopped him, which was nice, because he had no idea how he would have handled that one.

At 208, he froze with his hand on the door. If Jaebum were in there, this was really it. He took a deep breath and pushed, the sound of voices stopping the second the door opened. It was like one of those moments in movies where everything seems just too fast and yet in slow motion. His eyes found Jaebum, he watched as Jaebum looked up and their eyes met. Someone was talking, asking him a question, but Jinyoung couldn’t have answered if he’d even heard the question.

“I love you.”

Who...who had said that? Was it him? Why? Why here of all places? These people would think he was crazy. And what would Jaebum have to deal with now? He should have figured out what to say and not rely on Hakyeon’s bad advice that he would just know the things to say. Maybe it wasn’t quite the wrong thing to say and he had meant to tell Jaebum today, but the setting...this setting was pretty terrible.

His mind was still asking a thousand questions but Jaebum was already on his feet, moving towards him and grabbing his hand to pull him out of the room. It was a blur after that, Jaebum not saying anything as he pulled Jinyoung towards the elevator and Jinyoung muttering apologies for whatever meeting he’d just interrupted.

There were people in the elevator when they got on, so they just stood there, Jaebum gripping his hand in his own. Jinyoung felt awkward at the glances people were giving them, but tugging on his hand was useless as Jaebum kept it in his death grip.

As soon as Jaebum’s office was shut, Jaebum’s control seemed to drop. His grip released from Jinyoung’s hand so he could place his hands on either side of Jinyoung’s face, his jaw relaxed and there was a wetness to his eyes that surprised Jinyoung.

“Say it again,” Jaebum whispered.

“Jaebum, I’m an idiot…”

“Say it again, Jinyoung,” Jaebum begged again as the wetness in his eyes fell down his face.

Jinyoung reached his own hand up, wiping at the tears. “I love you.”

Jaebum pulled Jinyoung against him and Jinyoung knew it would be pointless to try to fight against the arms that held him tightly to Jaebum. “I’m sorry I ever let you doubt that.”   
~~  
Jinyoung spent the next two hours catching Jaebum up on what all had occurred, from his conversation with Mark to his hasty leave from his house the following day to his planned return to work.

“Are you really okay with living away from Mark and Jackson, even temporarily?” Jaebum asked when he was through. They were sitting on the couch in Jaebum’s office and Jaebum hadn’t let go of him since they’d sat down. Jinyoung was pretty sure Jaebum was currently missing a meeting, but if that mattered to Jaebum, it wasn’t showing.

“I don’t like it,” Jinyoung admitted, “but the other option wasn’t one I wanted to go with. I wanted Mark out of that house where he can be free of the darkness he experienced living there. They’re with Seokjin and Taehyung, so I’m not worried about them. I see them every evening for dinner and they’re going to stay the weekend at Hakyeon’s, too.”

For the first time since they’d entered the office, Jaebum stood up and went to his desk and pulled something out of a drawer. Returning to Jinyoung, he sat down and took Jinyoung’s hand. “These are to the house you liked. I’ll text the address if you don’t remember it.”

Jinyoung stared at Jaebum as the keys were placed in his hand. “You bought it?” Jinyoung asked, shock evident as he looked at them.

“My Jinyoung liked something so I bought it before he could tell me no,” Jaebum answered. “It’s a place for you and the boys, Jinyoung.”

“I can’t…” Jinyoung said, looking up at Jaebum. “No. I won’t.”

“Am I going to have to have Hakyeon kick you out?” Jaebum asked, a gentle smile on his face.

“Even if he does, I’m not moving into that house. I can’t even imagine how much it cost…”

“Oh, did I not mention you’ll be making payments?” Jaebum asked. “I don’t have an exact amount in mind, but I’ll start by taking back my Tuesday dates. I’m also going to be picking you and the boys up and taking you out on Friday. You and I will be attending all possible games, competitions and performances for the boys. What else is there?”

“You’re not going to live there, too?” Jinyoung asked, a wall of hesitation hitting him the second the question was out.

Jaebum leaned forward and kissed Jinyoung briefly. “Every step we’ve taken in our relationship has been whenever you have been ready for it, Jinyoung. This is no different. Move the boys in, get them settled and we’ll see where we are by that time. Okay?”

“Okay,” Jinyoung answered, feeling the concern slip away. “I still can’t believe you bought it,” he said, looking back down at the keys. 

“I’m not going to deny there was a part of me that thought it was over there for a little bit, but one very drunken night and Jonghyun talking and making sense later, I remembered that you and the boys and my world. I never would have stopped trying again, Jinyoung. One day, I was going to need this house for all of you. So, I got it while it was available.”

“But what if I hadn’t liked any of the houses?” Jinyoung asked. “What if they were all so far from my taste that I hated them?”

“Then we would be leaving here with a real estate agent until we found you the house you liked.”

“I went on a date with a real estate agent once,” Jinyoung said.

Jaebum’s gaze narrowed at him. “Jinyoung, no more past relationships. My heart can’t handle it.”

“Oh, that’s too bad then,”Jinyoung said. “You see, I have this guy that I really want to be with but I don’t really know how to fix things with him.”

“I think I might know a way,” Jaebum said, leaning towards him. “Come here.”

Jinyoung leaned forward and Jaebum’s lips met his. “All better,” Jaebum said as he pulled away after the quick peck.

“It can’t be all better with just that,” Jinyoung argued.

“No, it really can’t, can it?” Jaebum asked. “But the thing is, Jinyoung, as long as you say you’re mine and promise me that Wonpil is not going to come between us again, then everything else we’ll work out through talking and spending time together. If you can promise that, then the important part really is all better. Are you mine, Jinyoung?”

Jinyoung nodded, feeling emotion clog his throat. “I am.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 _Jasper gives the courage to speak out and have personal independence._


	30. Lapis Lazuli

“Mark, have you seen Bambam?” Jinyoung’s heart was racing. Moving into a house with a pool was a bad, bad, bad idea. He’d been a nervous wreck since they had settled in nearly three weeks ago. The family that had helped him leave Wonpil’s house had returned to help him move in and unpack. It had all gone so much more smoothly than he expected but with the ease with which he’d moved out, he should have known it would go fine. 

They’d been moved in a week and at their first meal that Jinyoung had been able to cook at home when Jackson had looked at him and asked why Jaebum hadn’t moved in with them. He’d asked his boys if that was what they had wanted and that night, he’d called Jaebum. He’d expected to panic when telling him and for that panic to get worse when it was actually happening but that hadn’t happened. Jaebum had moved in and completed their family. All Jinyoung had felt was happy. 

Now, he was having one of those gatherings he’d imagined when he’d first been show the house, but he’d lost a son and that _was_ causing him to panic. 

“He’s out back,” Key said, coming in the back door. The look on his face must have said something because Key laughed. “Jaebum’s with him.” 

Jinyoung relaxed, heading in the direction of the back door and stepping out. Jaebum was standing there with Taekwoon, Bambam safe in his arms. Jinyoung relaxed as he moved forward and placed a kiss on the boys cheek. 

“Don’t worry,” Jaebum said, putting his free arm around Jinyoung. “Taekwoon and I are guarding the pool.”

Jinyoung looked up at him and smiled. “I wasn’t worried at all,” he lied, “but since we’re on the topic, do you think it would cost much to get it removed so I can stop having nightmares about my children drowning?” 

“It should cost less than installing it in the first place did,” Jaebum answered. “Is it really that concerning to you, Jinyoung?” 

“A lot of things are concerning to me,” Jinyoung answered. “This is just one of them.” A concerned look crossed Jaebum’s face then but Jinyoung just smiled. “Later,” he said. “It’s not important right now.”   
~  
“Did I tell you what it was that Jaebum asked of me? I mean, really Jinyoung went back to him, but Jaebum is too difficult to win an argument against.” Key and Jonghyun were sitting outside by the pool. Taekwoon had taken his kids and husband home and Taehyung had dragged Seokjin and his boys out. Key was going to stay to help clean up and he’d asked Jonghyun to stick around so they could have this talk. He’d put it off but he knew he couldn’t do that any longer. 

“No, but as we’re sitting here talking, I’m going to guess it isn’t what I expect,” Jonghyun answered. 

“What is it you expect?” Key asked, a curious look on his face. 

“Let’s just skip what I expect and go with what it is,” Jonghyun suggested. “If we get too far off topic you’ll get distracted and never finish this conversation.” 

Key smiled because Jonghyun wasn’t wrong. “He told me I hurt you. That I was constantly hurting you and he said I wasn’t allowed to do that anymore.” Exactly like that. Jaebum had said it just as if Key were a child.

Jonghyun groaned and let his head fall backwards against the chair. “And just what was his answer for how you were to not do that anymore?” 

“He didn’t tell me that. He said I had to figure that out on my own. The first thing I thought of was never seeing you again but I rationalized the difficulty in that because our best friends are together. I realized that was an excuse and by the time I got done thinking about it, it became that I didn’t want to not see you anymore because I already missed us. I always miss us.” Key closed his mouth as emotion clogged his throat. He’d never admitted to Jonghyun that he missed him. He’d always been too busy denying he felt anything by staying distracted to ever realize that he missed Jonghyun. 

“Should we date then?” Jonghyun asked and Key turned to meet his gaze. 

“No,” Key answered. “I think we’re a little past that part.” 

Jonghyun nodded and Key wondered which direction his mind had gone off in. “And where are we at then?” Jonghyun asked. 

Key looked at him, knowing that look that came onto his face so well. “Stop that,” Key said. “If Jaebum comes out here and sees you like that he’s going to get the wrong idea and he’s gonna...push me into the pool or something!” 

“How am I supposed to look, Key?” Jonghyun asked as he stood up. 

“Not like that!” Key answered, shooting up beside him. “I’m trying to have a conversation with you and I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t assume the worst out of everything!” 

“What else _can_ I assume. Key?” Jonghyun asked, his voice rising. “No conversation that we have ever have has lead to anything but the worst! We don’t talk, Key, we never have!”

“Would you just shut up then! I’m trying to tell you that I love you and…” Key’s voice cut out, his chest heaving as he took in deep breaths. 

“What?” 

Key spun away, his eyes wide and panicked. “I love you,” he repeated, the words a whisper while he kept his back to Jonghyun. He had just said that...twice. _Shit!_

They stood that way a moment as Key tried to recall all the things he’d practiced saying before this conversation. Maybe if he could get back on what he’d wanted to say then they could salvage this conversation. Hadn’t he wanted to mention something about how they were never…

“I love you, too.” 

Key turned back towards Jonghyun, his eyes still wide. “How?” he asked. 

“Because I’m fucking crazy, Key.” Jonghyun answered. “It’s apparently a common trait among our friends so I’m not as worried about it as I once was.” 

“Then...should we date?” Key asked, going back to Jonghyun’s question. 

“I thought you said we were past that,” Jonghyun reminded him, smiling as he moved towards Key.

“Right,” Key nodded. 

“How about we move in together?” Jonghyun suggested. 

“What? Why? I mean, yes. Let’s do that,” a smile touched his lips and Key quickly forced it away. “But maybe we shouldn’t? If we fight again-”

“ _When_ we fight again,” Jonghyun interrupted, “then we’ll have to work through it since we’ll live together. We won’t have anywhere else to go.” 

Key nodded and let the smile through. “We’ll move into your place then?” 

“Yes,” Jonghyun answered. “We’ll need some ground rules, Key.” 

“Yes,” Key agreed, biting his lip. “You have your own laundry basket for your greasy clothes,” he said, wondering why something so insignificant was the first thing to come out of his mouth. It didn’t matter though because Jonghyun smiled and nodded in agreement. 

“I don’t drink anymore so is it okay if we don’t keep it in the house?” Key asked. 

Jonghyun nodded again. “I only have one spare room. You’re going to have to downsize.” Jonghyun reminded him. 

“I can do that,” Key answered, smiling at Jonghyun. He wasn’t wrong to say that. Key did own a lot of clothes. “I only have to look good for you now so most of that can go away.” 

“You always look good to me, Key. Even right after waking up in my oversized t-shirt with a hangover.” 

Key leaned his forehead against Jonghyun’s shoulder. “It was one time!” 

“It was my favorite time,” Jonghyun answered, his arms going around Key. 

Key smiled as he inhaled the smell of Jonghyun’s cologne. He felt happy and that scared him because everytime he had felt even a little bit like this in the past, he’d pushed that happiness away. “Jonghyun?” he said, lifting his gaze to meet Jonghyun’s. “I’m terrified, so don’t let me run, okay?” Jonghyun pulled him back against him and Key felt him take a deep breath. 

“Kim Kibum. If you run from me now, I’m never going to stop chasing you.” He held him there a moment before he spoke again, humor in his tone. “I’m also going to cheat and use Taehyung to find you if you get too far away.”  
~~~  
“Have you made a decision?” Taekwoon asked Hakyeon as he shut the bathroom light off and moved over to the bed. 

“I think so,” Hakyeon answered as Taekwoon pulled the blankets over them and settled beside him. “I don’t think I’m cut out for diapers anymore.” 

“Then you want to adopt?” Taekwoon asked. They’d spoken of so many possibilities lately that he had just been waiting for Hakyeon to decide what he wanted. Taekwoon didn’t mind any of the things they have talked about, but he wanted the one that made Hakyeon happiest. 

“I do, but Taekwoon,” Hakyeon adjusted in the bed, rolling on his side and putting his elbow under his head so he could look at him clearly. “I don’t want to adopt babies. I want to take in kids who fall into that middle of too old for most to adopt and too young to be adults. I want to give them a chance. I want to teach them about the kind of jobs they can get, I want to send them to college, and I want to give them a quality of life. I want to keep siblings from being broken apart. I want the struggle of being told I’m not their father and the fighting that will all be worth it when they’re grown up and standing on their own as adults. Is that strange?” 

“You’re basically asking if it’s strange to want to add more preteens and teenagers to our family?” Taekwoon ran a hand lovingly down Hakyeon’s cheek. “No,” he answered with a smile. “I would find it strange if you wanted to adopt a baby.” 

Hakyeon smiled then and laid back down against his chest. “How do you think the boys will take it?” Hakyeon asked. 

Taekwoon took a deep breath. That was one area they still had to tackle. It wasn’t a secret that Hakyeon had wanted to add to their family and with the way their boys were used to Jinyoung and Seokjin’s boys, it probably wouldn’t feel that different to them. “I honestly don’t know,” Taekwoon answered finally. “The only one I think will be any sort of problem is Sanghyuk. He’s been our baby his whole life.” 

“He’s also a Daddy’s boy,” Hakyeon accused. Even without seeing him, Taekwoon knew there was a glare being sent his way. 

“Yes, that he is,” Taekwoon agreed, pressing his lips to Hakyeon’s forehead. “Let’s talk to them tomorrow about it. Then we’ll decide for sure what steps to take.” 

~~~

“You look happy,” Taehyung commented as he walked into the kitchen. He’d just settled Jungkook, again, and was now on his way to coax Seokjin into bed. The smile on Seokjin’s face disappeared as he looked up from the magazine in front of him and towards Taehyung. 

“Seokjin, do you really think I don’t know?” Taehyung asked, leaning across the table and putting his hands up to support his chin. “How far along are we?” 

The smile returned to Seokjin’s face. “I don’t really know. I have a doctor’s appointment on Tuesday. You’ll come, right?” 

“Like I have anything more important to do than be beside you.” 

“But, how did you know?” Seokjin asked, attempting to be angry and yet glowing with Taehyung’s words. “I was being really careful about not letting you find out yet. I wanted to be more sure.” 

“You hum,” Taehyung answered, smiling at Seokjin. “I don’t know the song and I never recall hearing you sing it to the boys, but every time you find out and before you tell me, you hum the same tune.” 

“Oh,” Seokjin said, his eyes dropping. “I don’t actually know the words. It’s just a tune I remember from when I was younger. I didn’t even realize I did that.” He looked back up at Taehyung, “are you upset?” Seokjin asked. 

Taehyung reached forward and grabbed Seokjin’s hand. “Not even a little bit,” he said. “I happen to know how children are born and what causes them to come into existence. If I had really wanted to stop this, I know what precautions could have been taken.”

“I would have sabotaged your precautions,” Seokjin admitted. “I don’t think you realize how badly I actually want another baby.” 

“I am very much aware, Seokjin,” Taehyung said, pulling on Seokjin’s hand to get him to stand up. “Which is why, despite my efforts to at least get you to hear reasoning, I knew I was wasting my breath. I knew I could hold out a little bit, but I also knew I was going to lose this one. I could give in or I could create a situation in which you’re not honest with me. I choose the first one because even if you got what you wanted in the end, you would have felt guilty for it later.” 

Seokjin looked down and nodded. “You’re not wrong.” 

“I know I’m not wrong,” Taehyung said. “I happen to recall how guilty you felt when you told me about Hoseok.” 

“We’d only been together four months. How was I supposed to feel!” Seokjin asked. 

“Happy,” Taehyung answered. “I was. It meant you were stuck with me for at least eighteen years. Every baby since has just taken the years you were stuck with me back up to eighteen. So here we are again, Seokjin. Eighteen more years of me annoying you,” he finished with a smile. 

“Taehyung, surely you know that even after the kids are grown, I want you here annoying me,” Seokjin said. “I wouldn’t know what to do without you.” 

Taehyung smiled as he pulled Seokjin towards their bedroom. “It’s good to know I’ve gotten to you,” he said. “Then that means that my only concern is how two little girls are going to survive with five older brothers.” 

“Two!” Seokjin asked, eyes wide as they looked at Taehyung. 

“I haven’t been wrong so far, have I?”   
~~~  
Jinyoung stepped out of the bathroom after brushing his teeth and stopped. Jaebum was sitting on the bed in a pair of pajama shorts, watching him. “What?” he asked. 

“You said there were things you were concerned about on Saturday,” Jaebum reminded him. 

Jinyoung laughed as he moved forward and put his hands on Jaebum’s shoulders. Of course Jaebum would still have that in his head. “Is that why you’re staring at me as I come out of the bathroom?” 

“No,” Jaebum answered. “I happen to just enjoy staring at you.” His arms moved around Jinyoung and Jinyoung lowered his lips to Jaebum’s briefly. “Out with it, Jinyoung,” Jaebum said. “I’ve waited three days for you to bring it up. You can’t let those things fester.” 

Jinyoung sighed and looked down at Jaebum. “I just worry about things that will probably never happen is all.” 

“Like what?” Jaebum asked, reaching up to cup Jinyoung’s face. Jinyoung still hesitated. “Take a deep breath and just let it out, Jinyoung. It’s just me.” 

Jinyoung smiled because it was Jaebum and so many times when he’d needed to talk, Jaebum had just listened to him ramble and then helped him figure it out. He took the deep breath and let it out fully before he started. “Like what happens if Wonpil doesn’t stay gone this time? What if he comes back and he wants to see the boys? How am I supposed to handle that? And then there are the pool nightmares and I know we’ve talked to the boys but they’re boys, Jaebum! They’re good boys in general but even good kids act up. Plus this house is so big and keeping it clean is a nightmare. I’m working shorter hours so I can see the boys but then all I can think about is how there is dust collecting in places that I don’t get to clean! It shouldn’t bother me, it’s never bothered me, but you’re apartment was always so clean and I dunno...I’m probably putting pressure on myself that doesn’t need to be there because you don’t care but it’s there. Then there’s the box-”

“Box?” Jaebum interrupted. 

“The one in your sock drawer,” Jinyoung explained. 

“Ah,” Jaebum responded. 

“I know what you want and that it seems like that’s the direction we’re going and I love you, I really do, but I’m not ready. I’m not sure I’m ever going to be ready to get married again. It’s terrifying to even think about right now.” 

“Did you open it?” Jaebum asked, sneaking the question in while Jinyoung took a breath. 

“What? No,” Jinyoung answered. “I saw it, got terrified and shoved your socks in the drawer and ran away.” 

Jaebum laughed as Jinyoung stared wide eyed at him. “Jinyoung, go open it.” 

“No,” Jinyoung answered and watched in horror as Jaebum pushed him a step back so he could stand up and go to the drawer. He took out the box and turned towards Jinyoung. Jinyoung shut his eyes, squeezing them shut as if by not seeing it, it wouldn’t be there. 

“Jinyoung,” Jaebum said and Jinyoung heard the tone that Jaebum used with Bambam clearly. “Open your eyes.” 

Jinyoung cracked one eye open just a smidge and looked, his eyes coming open when what he feared was in the box was not. 

“They’re cufflinks,” Jaebum said. “They belonged to my grandfather. They are one of two things I have that used to be his.” 

Jinyoung took the box from Jaebum and looked at them. They were well kept but Jinyoung could clearly see that they were old. He flushed with embarrassment as he realized the assumption that he’d made and realized that he had in fact, been worrying about something that wasn’t there. At least, one of his worries wasn’t warranted. Unfortunately, he’d created another one because he’d just told Jaebum he didn’t want to get married and probably never would.

“Jaebum, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…” Jinyoung bit his lip as his words trailed off because he had meant it. Every single word.

Jaebum took the box back from Jinyoung and returned it the drawer as Jinyoung sat down on the edge of the bed. Jaebum came back and sat beside him and took his hand. “I don’t have to marry you to call you mine. I’m going to do that every day for the rest of my life.”

Jinyoung looked over at him and was not at all surprised to find Jaebum was watching him. “But, you do want to, don’t you?” Jinyoung asked. 

“I want you, Jinyoung. I want our boys. Maybe there is a part of me that wants to declare to the world that you are mine but our friends and families already know. They’re the important part of the world anyways so if we don’t get married, oh well. As long as I get to keep coming home to you and get to raise these boys with you, everything about my life is wonderful. I’m not missing out on something because of a marriage contract.” 

Jinyoung smiled, annoyed with himself again for not just talking to Jaebum about this. He should have known that Jaebum would understand him. 

“However, while we are on the topic of boxes you find in my things,” Jaebum said, a smile on his face.. “There is a box in the bottom drawer in my study that does have the things you were terrified to find. The second item I have that belonged to my grandfather is actually my grandparents wedding rings. Don’t panic if you happen to find them.” 

Jinyoung leaned against Jaebum. “I actually really appreciate you telling me that,” he said. “Because I probably would have if I ever had any reason to be in there that wasn’t attacking dust.” 

“Speaking of that, I’m going to hire someone to help with that and if you want, I can get a nanny to help with the boys when you can’t be here. Or I can actually take out the pool?” 

“No,” Jinyoung said, standing up and looking at Jaebum. “After what you’ve paid for this house and what you’re paying in bills, no! We can’t afford it.” 

“Just attacking the dust, huh?” Jaebum asked, a knowing look on his face. 

“Okay, so maybe I wanted to know how much money was being spent on this place so I shuffled through a few papers.” 

“A few papers in a very organized filing cabinet?” Jaebum asked, amusement on his face. 

Jinyoung crossed his arms over his chest and looked away. “Maybe,” he answered. 

Jaebum stood up then, putting his hands on Jinyoung’s arms. “Jinyoung, I want you to know something. I’m going to spend so much more money than I already have on this house, on you, and on those boys. Something is going to break in the house and need to be fixed. The boys have a lot of years of growing and are going to need clothes and if Mark is anything to guess from, a supermarket worth of food every week. They’re going to go to the doctor and they’ll have costs for school. That’s not even taking into consideration college. All that, plus I really want to spoil you and how much money I spend when I do that doesn’t even cross my mind.” 

“I have spent so much of the last few years with nothing but Jonghyun to spend my money on and now I have you and five wonderful boys. I’m going to be working and earning money long after they’re all grown. Just let me spend that on you, okay?” 

“Okay,” Jinyoung said on a sigh. “But I don’t want a nanny! You can hire one of your magic fairies but no nanny,” Jinyoung paused a second. “And, since you’re wanting to spend money on the boys so much, I want all of them to take swimming lessons. And CPR training for all of us. So you need to be prepared to put your lips on some gross doll!”

Jaebum laughed as he pulled Jinyoung to sit back down on the bed. “I will save that doll better than anyone who has come before me.” 

“You better,” Jinyoung said, a glare on his face. It drained away, however, when he realized they had one thing left to cover. “I guess that leaves us with Wonpil,” Jinyoung answered, falling back on the bed. 

“I don’t really foresee him coming back, Jinyoung. You left him this time and that makes quite the difference.” Jaebum said as he laid back beside him. 

“I know and I’ve tried to tell myself that I’ll just shut the door. I don’t want him around the boys, especially knowing they were miserable when he was in the picture. I’m just afraid I won’t shut the door and things will somehow repeat.”

“Well,” Jaebum said, sighing. “Three of your boys are adopted and he hasn’t been in the picture. Plus, when he left, he gave you parental rights. With that, I’m sure you could legally get him removed from their lives. It shouldn’t be anything but paperwork at this point. Maybe knowing that he has no legal ties to them at all would help you worry less? That does leave the other two, though.” 

“No, just Youngaje,” Jinyoung said. “According to the law, thanks to Hakyeon while I was still very loopy after birthing my child, Taekwoon is listed as Yugyeom’s father.” 

“Seriously?” Jaebum asked, a short laugh following. 

Jinyoung nodded confirmation and a grim line set on his lips. “Yep and I was so mad when he did that. Irrationally but I had just had a baby and I was allowed to be. Looking back,” Jinyoung shrugged and a smile emerged. “Hakyeon knows best.” 

“Then that would leave Youngjae as the only one with any sort of connection to him that he could even legally claim. Would it give you more confidence if we do that?”

“I shouldn’t _need_ that for reassurance! I should just be so sure of myself that I would shut that door and that I would remember that he treated my children terribly and that they’re happy right now here with you and…” Jinyoung let out an aggravated growl. “Why am I like this! And why are you always just so patient?”

Jaebum leaned forward, a smile spreading across his face. “One of us has to be,” he said and Jinyoung felt the need to throat punch him. 

“Well, don’t be! Complain about something. Anything! Go!” 

“You keep the house too cold,” Jaebum said. 

“Really?” Jinyoung asked, his brow raising. “Do you actually feel that way or did you make that up just to have something to complain about?” 

“Totally made it up,” Jaebum answered.

Jinyoung took a deep breath and let it out. “I hate you so much right now. Go sleep on the couch.”

“Okay,” Jaebum said, getting up and taking a pillow with him. 

Jinyoung sat up, looked at the empty bed and pouted. “Jaebum!” he called, forgetting he had sleeping children. A face appeared immediately and Jinyoung rolled his eyes as Jaebum came back in. Jaebum came to him and pressed his lips to Jinyoung’s, both hands cupping his face. Jinyoung expected it to be a short kiss, but Jaebum didn’t pull away immediately. When his lips moved away, his eyes opened and held Jinyoung’s. 

“I’m going to be right here,” Jaebum said. 

“What?” Jinyoung asked, his mind still foggy from Jaebum’s kiss. 

“Whatever does happen, whatever doesn’t happen, everything you worry about, Jinyoung. I’ll be right next to you for all of it.” 

Jinyoung smiled as he realized what Jaebum meant and a moment later, Jaebum’s lips were back on his. The last logical thought Jinyoung had was that he hoped Jaebum had locked their door when he came back in.   
~~~  
Jinyoung stood nervously in the living room. His boys were being their normal loud selves and it was echoing through the house. Jaebum sat on the couch, some document in his hand that he had been reading for nearly fifteen minutes now. However, Jinyoung knew Jaebum wasn’t reading it. Jaebum was watching Jinyoung go from flipping through a magazine to channel surfing to the pacing he was doing now. 

He didn’t even understand why it was he was so nervous. He’d spoken to the woman dozens of times on the phone over the last month. Perhaps it was because as long as she was a faceless woman, then the things he’d learned in the last month were still at a distance and he could almost pretend like they were just some strangers story that had nothing to do with him. Really, it did have very little to do with him. However, his boys had a little brother. 

Jinyoung had finally allowed Taehyung to tell him what he knew and the first thing Jinyoung felt compelled to do was let his boys meet their little brother. He’d started by telling Mark and before the week was even out, Jinyoung had contacted Sera. Jaebum had taken Mark the forty miles to meet Dowoon that week and now, Jinyoung was ready for the rest of the boys to meet him. They were more than a little ready and quite annoyed that Jinyoung had put it off at all. 

He had just sat down when he saw headlights and he shot off the couch. His expression must have said something because Jaebum put his paper down and stood up, coming over to take his hand and give it a squeeze before he went to the stairs and shouted up to the boys. They came immediately and Jinyoung wondered, not for the first time, how they managed to not fall down the stairs with how quickly they moved. 

Jaebum answered the door and when Sera came in, she immediately sat Dowoon down. “Give him a little bit of room, boys,” Jinyoung said, taking a step back himself. He wasn’t sure what he expected. Maybe for Dowoon to cower or hide from Bambam and Youngjae as they curiously got close. Mark held back and Yugyeom was currently hiding behind his older brother. Jackson stood in between where Mark was and where the boys were. 

“He’s so little,” Bambam said, putting his hand on the top of his head. Dowoon looked up at and his small hand came up to grab Bambam’s. There was a childish smile there as Bambam pulled his hand way and the put it back again. 

“Well he is our _little_ brother,” Youngjae pointed out. “You were little like this when Daddy brought you home.” 

“No, I wasn’t,” Bambam argued. 

“We have pictures to prove it,” Jackson said. 

“Guys, why don’t we sit down on the floor so he can move around,” Mark suggested, taking Yugyeom by the hand and finding a place on the floor. Jinyoung was not surprised in the least when Yugyeom climbed onto Mark’s lap the second Mark was seated. The other boys actually listened and sat down, allowing Dowoon a little room to move. 

Jinyoung sat next to Jaebum on the couch and Sera sat in the chair. For a little bit, they just wanted the boys, figuring out how they were meshing and then Jaebum started the conversation among the adults. Jinyoung nodded as Sera and Jaebum spoke, some of what they were talking about he already knew from the phone calls they’d had but for some reason, actually being a part of a conversation with this woman in front of him was proving difficult. 

Jinyoung smiled as Jaebum asked Sera another question, suddenly incredibly thankful that Jaebum had suggested this over meeting somewhere out in public. The boys could play and get to know their brother and Jinyoung had Jaebum to get him and Sera through the awkward first meeting with his well practiced ability to get everyone to like him. Jinyoung felt almost guilty as he compared Jaebum now to how Jaebum was when he worked. Except in this moment, Jaebum wasn’t trying to get Sera to work with him on a project. This time, he was getting Jinyoung and Sera to invest in the relationship they both wanted their boys to create. Which meant Jinyoung was going to have to learn how to talk face to face. 

“Did you have any trouble finding that cafe I told you about?” Jinyoung finally managed to ask when the conversation fell a bit. 

“Oh, yes!” Sera said. “Well, no, but I found where it had been. They actually closed the branch of the franchise closest to me. I was able to find another one but it's about fifteen miles away. I haven’t tried it yet, though. Single mom life with a two year old,” she explained. 

“Maybe we should go sometime,” Jinyoung said. “There’s one just a couple blocks away. Dowoon can stay with the boys...” Jinyoung’s voice trailed off, wondering if maybe that was something that they just weren’t up to yet. 

“I’ll be home with them as well,” Jaebum said, his hand moving gently up and down Jinyoung’s back.

Sera turned to look over at Dowoon before she answered. He was currently slapping his hands against Jackson’s as the boys taught him how to do a high five. “That would be wonderful,” she said and Jinyoung got the distinct feeling she wasn’t talking about the cafe.

~~~~~~  
“Dad!” Jinyoung groaned as he turned the shower off before he’d even gotten the chance to get in. He’d been hoping to get that taken care of before the boys were up so that he could get them ready and drop them off with Hakyeon before Jaebum even woke up. Today was Jaebum’s birthday and Jinyoung had plans to spoil his boyfriend. If it happened to end the same way it had last year, well, that was just fine by him. And that was also the reason the boys were going to stay with Hakyeon today. Clearly, Yugyeom had other plans. 

“Dad!” 

“In here, Baby,” Jinyoung called, cracking the door before he yelled and pulling his pajama shorts back on. Yugyeom didn’t yell again but he heard the distinct oof that often accompanied someone when a child jumped on them and knocked the wind out of them. 

Opening the door, sure enough, Yugyeom had planted himself on top of Jaebum. “Dad! Can we go to the park?”

Jinyoung stood frozen as he looked at Yugyeom, his small body laying flat on Jaebum’s chest, his fingers poking into Jaebum cheek as he tried to wake him. “Dad. Dad. Daaaad!” It was one of those loud whispers children used when they were trying to be quiet but were in no way actually quiet. Even if he were being quite, Yugyeom would have sounded loud to him right now. When had this started? 

“Dad!” Yugyeom lost the whisper and a second later was being rolled over onto the bed, the blanket wrapping around him like a burrito and Jaebum’s arms encircling the boy. 

“Why don’t we just take a nap?” Jaebum suggested, the sound of sleep clear in his voice. 

“No! Park!” Yugyeom corrected, trying to find his way out of the embrace and the blanket he was now wrapped in. “C’mon, Dad! You said we could!” There was a whine in his voice now and Jinyoung found himself smiling. 

“Did Yugyeomie say park?” 

Jinyoung looked over, Youngjae standing in the doorway with a bear in one hand and rubbing at his eyes with the other. 

“I wanna go,” he said as he moved towards the bed and climbed onto it. “Can I go, too, Dad?”

Jaebum’s eyes met Jinyoung’s briefly before they settled on Youngjae. “You don’t really think we’d leave you, do you Youngjae?” Youngjae shook his head and smiled as Yugyeom finally made his escape. 

“We’re going!” he cried. 

“I guess I should go start on breakfast,” Jinyoung said, getting the attention of his boys. 

“Mark’s making breakfast,” Youngjae said. “Jackson’s helping.” 

“Youngjae!” Yugyeom shouted, his eyes wide as he looked at Youngjae. “You not s’posed to tell them!” 

Jinyoung looked at his boys. “And just why aren’t you supposed to tell us?” he demanded, his eyes on Youngjae. 

“Cause,” Youngjae answered his gaze down. 

“Because why?” Jinyoung pushed. 

“Because it was supposed to be a surprise for Dad’s birthday,” Jackson said, a disgruntled sound to his voice. 

Jinyoung turned around. There was two glasses of milk in Jackson’s hands. Beside him, Bambam was holding a card and a small gift wrapped box and behind them, Mark held a tray with two plates on it. 

“It’s still a surprise,” Jaebum said, sitting up in the bed as the three made their way into the room. Mark sat the tray down on the dresser while Jackson placed a glass of milk on each end table. 

“You have to open this first!” Bambam said, handing the box and card out to Jaebum. 

Jinyoung crossed the room and picked up Youngjae to sit on the bed next to Yugyeom who was still next to Jaebum. Mark and Jackson climbed on the end of the bed and Bambam remained standing next to Jaebum. Jaebum tore the the envelope and pulled the card out. The card was in the shape of a cat. 

“It’s cause you can’t have a real one,” Youngjae said. 

Jaebum smiled at Youngjae as he opened the card. “I get you so I don’t need a cat,” he answered. Jinyoung was sure from the way Jaebum smiled that there was some lame poem or something inside. 

“Do you see my name?” Yugyeom asked, pointing into the card. “I wrote it myself!” 

“Wow!” Jaebum said, “You’ve gotten so much better!” 

“Mine’s in there, too, Dad! I wrote it in green!” Bambam piped up, pointing from his side of Jaebum. 

“I see that,” Jaebum said. “And Youngjae, Jackson, and Mark, too!” 

“Open the box now!” Jackson said, clearly more interested in what the box contained that the card itself. 

“Okay,” Jaebum answered, setting the card down on the table next to him. He took the box then, tearing at the corners and removing the wrapping paper to reveal a simple box. He pulled off the lid, moved back the tissue paper and was met with a photo album. It was blue and there was place on the front to put a picture. Picking it up, the front image was a picture of the five boys standing in Hakyeon’s back yard. All of them looking forward and all of them smiling. 

“Wow,” Jaebum said. It was a simple word but Jinyoung could feel it. 

“Open it!” Youngjae said. 

Jaebum opened the cover and was met with more pictures of the boys. The first picture was of Mark pushing Yugyeom on the swings at the park. The next, a picture of Jackson at one of this competitions. Youngjae’s chorus performance, Yugyeom and Bambam fighting imaginary creatures in the hallway, a picture from behind of Jackson holding Bambam’s hand as they walked. Various other pictures filled the pages and the last one, was of Jaebum and Jinyoung. As he had turned each page, the boys had given him commentary of where they were, what they had been doing and which picture they had chosen for the book. Apparently, there had been a lot more taken. 

Jinyoung bit his lip as he watched his boys with Jaebum and he marveled at how they had all managed to put this together without him or Jaebum finding out. He knew that it was probably a lot of bribing and warning from Mark, but his boys were never really good with secrets. 

“Bean’s getting really good with his photography. We didn’t get to fill it up on time but he said he’d keep taking them until it is,” Mark explained. “He has more on a disk if you want to see some that aren’t in the book.” 

“When did he take this one?” Jaebum asked, looking down at the last picture. 

“Actually, Uncle Taehyung took that one. It was last week when you guys went out,” Mark answered. “I wanted to get at least one good one of the two of you but every one that Bean could get turned out blurry or cut off.” 

“So you sent your uncle after us?” Jinyoung questioned. 

“Pretty much,” Mark answered. “C’mon guys. Let’s go eat,” he said, turning his attention to his brothers. Without a bit of hesitation, they all filtered out of the room. When they were out, he picked the tray with the plates off of the dresser and sat it with Jaebum. “Happy Birthday, Dad.” Mark said. 

“Thank you, Mark,” Jaebum answered. They held gazes a moment and then Mark was following the path his brothers had taken out of the room. 

Jinyoung carefully moved closer and laid his head on Jaebum’s shoulder. “That’s quite the son we’ve we got,” he said as he picked up a piece of fruit from the plate and popped it into his mouth. 

“You’re not going to freak out about them calling me dad?” Jaebum asked, turning the pages of the photo album again. 

Being this close to Jaebum, Jinyoung could see now the wetness that had touched Jaebum’s eyes. He could better see the smile that was on his face and he wondered if it was ever going to leave his face. Mark had done something so amazing for Jaebum today. “I was prepared to when Yugyeom came in,” Jinyoung answered. “It surprised me but, what can I really do? Tell them no? You’ve met my boys. They know what’s better for me than I do.” Jinyoung picked up another piece of fruit and reached over and flipped to the last page. “Do you see that?” Jinyoung asked. 

“Yes,” Jaebum answered. 

“You love me.” Jinyoung said, lifting his head up so he could look at Jaebum. 

“I didn’t think that was a question. I tell you everyday.” Jaebum said, looking over at Jinyoung. 

“Yeah, but I’ve never been able to see you look at me that way before.”

“It’s no different than how I always look at you,” Jaebum said, confusion knitting his brows. 

“I know,” Jinyoung said, a wide smile crossing his face as he put his head back on Jaebum’s shoulder. “I’ll be right back,” Jinyoung decided, climbing out of the bed. He moved carefully so as not to disrupt the tray. 

Moving down the stairs, he swung through to check on the boys. They were all in the living room seated on the floor with plates in front of them. He passed through the kitchen, Mark half eating half cleaning up the mess from breakfast. 

“You’re not mad, are you?” Mark asked. 

Jinyoung paused, seeing real concern there and for the life of him, not understanding what it was Mark was asking about. “About what?” he asked. 

“About calling Jaebum Dad?” Mark asked. 

Jinyoung laughed, seeing how sheepish Mark looked. “No,” he said, “I really should have realized it was your fault, though. They follow your lead, after all.” 

“Actually, Yugyeom wanted to call Jaebum but he kept saying Dad so that’s why I called you yesterday and after we hung up, he asked if we could call Dad now. I sort of put it together after that. I think even Yugyeom knows that Wonpil sort of ruined Father and Papa so he chose Dad. I know it will probably get a bit confusing calling both of you dad-” 

“It’s fine,” Jinyoung said, reaching out and touching Mark’s face. “The littles still call me Daddy and now I can tell Jaebum that Jackson is calling for him.” 

“Good,” Mark said, biting his lip. “Jaebum doesn’t mind, does he?”

“Why would he?” Jinyoung asked. 

Mark shrugged. “I don’t know.” 

“Something must have caused the thought,” Jinyoung said. “What is it, Mark?” Mark hesitated but Jinyoung waited. 

“Do you remember when I told you about remembering my birth parents?” When Jinyoung nodded, Mark continued. “Well, I said I remember what it was like to have a family and to feel loved by both parents. Since Jaebum moved in, I’ve felt like that again. He feels like our dad. I guess I’m just worried that Jaebum might not think of us as his kids-”

“Mark, that’s ridiculous,” Jinyoung interrupted, staring at him to try to drive his point home. “Beyond ridiculous. In fact, it’s probably the most ridiculous thing ever said. From you or your brothers, Hakyeon and Seokjin’s boys, probably all the people in the world! Of everything ever said since the dawn of time, that, my wonderful son, is the most ridiculous phrase ever spoken.”

Jinyoung smiled at Mark and he was relieved when Mark smiled, too. “That man upstairs is your dad. He’s the dad I wish I could have given you the first time around. I can’t undo that mistake, Mark, but I am going to keep him forever so at the very least, he’ll be your dad for the rest of your life. Okay?” 

“Okay,” Mark said, accepting the explanation. “Why are you down here, anyways? I dragged them down here so I could feed them and then sneak them out of the house.” 

“I just have something to grab,” Jinyoung said. “Strange how I was going to force all of you to Hakyeon’s today anyway.” 

“I know. Bean called. I was trying to save you some trouble but I wanted to make sure he got the photo album before we left since I figured we were going to be kicked out all day.” 

“Not kicked out,” Jinyoung answered. “Just temporarily relocated,” he said as he left the room. 

 

“Same difference,” Mark called. 

Jinyoung smiled as he entered the study and moved to the desk. Did he really want to do this? Hadn’t he just panicked about it a few months ago? Opening the drawer, he reached in the back to find the little blue box. Opening it, he saw the simple rings in the slit of the velvet for the first time. Despite his curiosity when Jaebum had told him they were there, he hadn’t come down here to look at them. 

He ran his finger over one of them and the image of it on Jaebum’s hand flashed into his mind. It didn’t cause him panic, it didn’t freak him out and he felt warmth flood him. He loved that man and that man loved him. He’d been able to see that in the last picture of the photo album in a way he hadn’t until now and he actually felt foolish for his panic about the other box. 

Shutting the drawer, he left the room and made his way back to his bedroom. Jaebum was still there, the photo album open on his lap and a few items missing from the plate on the tray. “You ate all the grapes,” Jinyoung accused as he made his way carefully back onto the bed. 

“They’re easy to eat,” Jaebum explained, glancing up from the album to look at Jinyoung. “What did you go get?” he asked, turning the page of the album. 

Jinyoung leaned over, putting the box on top the photo album. “I think we should use those,” he said, realizing there was quite a bit of tension in his stomach. He knew, however, that the tension that was there had more to do with if Jaebum told him no. 

“Four months ago you panicked at the idea,” Jaebum said, picking up the box. He looked at it a moment before he turned his gaze fully to Jinyoung. “It’s not that I don’t want to it’s just...what’s changed in such a short amount of time?”

“Perspective, I guess. And maybe discovering who I am and who my kids are. Mostly realized what you and I are.” Jaebum was still gazing at him skeptically. “You’re their dad,” Jinyoung answered with a shrug. “I love you.” Jinyoung smiled at Jaebum and he knew that even if Jaebum asked him a thousand question to make sure Jinyoung was actually sure about this, Jinyoung’s mind was not going to change. “I want the world to know how incredibly perfect my life is. Let’s get married, Jaebum.” 

~~~  
 _Lapis Lazuli promotes critical thinking; making it useful for intellectual analysis, problem solving, and generating new ideas._


End file.
